Category: journal

The One I turn 36 (Thoughts on Growing Older)

Thursday evening, the 12th of May, 2022.

The second Eurovision semifinal is playing in the background, whilst I lie on my hotel bed, trying to gather my thoughts and feelings. I still couldn’t believe how these series of coincidences brought me back to Southampton, after three years, since I left. It feels like a lifetime ago and at the same time, like yesterday.

I had finished my work meeting a bit early and after a bit of wander into the city I spent 10 years of my life, probably the most transformative years of my life, my 20s, exhausted from the travel the night before, came back to the hotel, had a shower and decided to just rest.

It’s been months since the last time I decided to ‘just rest’, it’s been so long I can’t even remember when the last time that happened was.

The following day I just wandered in town, at my favourite bookshop, walking across the park and for the first time in a while I felt I didn’t have to rush. I just enjoyed doing things I love. I felt I could breathe again.

I’ve realised that for a while now, I have been running around like a headless chicken for so long, I neglected my mental health, which of course has affected my physical health. Headaches, sleepiness, confusion, memory lapses, loss of appetite.

I really don’t understand how being busy became an achievement and something everyone loves to complain about. It’s not an achievement, it’s a sign of no life balance (Trust me, it’s OK to relax and rest for a day or too, rather than feel you have to do something, just because others do. FOMO is an artificial need created by humans, like many others).

And I feel I lost that balance ever since I left this city. I spent Saturday just catching up with friends, and enjoying living in the moment. Moments with old colleagues and loved ones. I instantly felt how much I missed them. How not to, with all the wonderful humans I know. I wish I had more time to see more of my friends.

Lately all I can think of is what the point of life is. Every now and then I get this horrific anxiety and fear about living and dying and the in-between.

What is the meaning of life? What is my purpose? Why do I exist?

I read a few books and had countless discussions with friends trying to figure out the answers to these questions, just to calm my brain down and the irrational (or rational? I haven’t decided yet) fear of dying.

As Derren Brown, eloquently argues in his book about happiness , if we were to live for ever, we would have eventually be bored of everything, and life would have no meaning. So, what is the purpose of life?

Happiness is amazing. It’s so amazing it doesn’t matter if it’s yours or not. There’s that lovely thing: “A society grows great when old men plant trees the shade of which they know they will never sit in”. Good people do things for other people. That’s it. The end. Anne told Tony on Ricky Gervais’ brilliant series After Life, which is about a man triyng to deal with the death of his wife whom he absolutely adored.

Maybe that’s the meaning of life? Do good things for other people, make the world a better place. It’s all about finding purpose in life. That’s what i remember from a little witty book I read on philosophical theories about life meaning (https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/24612009-every-time-i-find-the-meaning-of-life-they-change-it).

But even when you find your purpose, and to do that you inevitably need to work on your emotional intelligence, your self-awareness, realising who you are, loving yourself, self management and above else empathy, growing up it’s scary as hell.

My parents are now in their late 50s and 60s and I’m terrified for them, watching them grow older. I want them to live forever. It tears me apart. I’m thinking that maybe is better to stick around now they are growing older and they may need me more, but on the other hand what if I finally find my purpose and that takes me elsewhere, away from them?

It makes me sad thinking that they may find themselves feeling lonely and helpless. And I certainly want to try and enjoy being around them as much as I can before they start forgetting and get that lost look in their eyes (I only recently watched the latest episode of This Is Us and the scene where Rebecca doesn’t recognise her children broke my heart).

So on my birthday, a week after I came back from Southampton, I spent the day with my family and loved ones and I cherished every moment.

When thinking about life, mortality and growing old stresses me out, I just focus in the moment, taking one day at a time, spending time with loved ones and I try to make the world a better place, little by little. When my time comes to go, at least I’ll go happy and not anxious and horrified.

The reason I’m sharing all these thoughts, it’s that I know they are not unique and actually expressing them out loud, or in this case in words, somehow makes them more bearable. And perhaps you can relate, and feel a bit of a relief that these terrifying thoughts haunt not just you but a lot of other people.

Namaste

Eleni

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Lessons I learned after I turned 30

Back in February 2016, on the 25th of February, I started a blog, this very blog.

I wanted to for a while but my then boyfriend kept discouraging me, arguing that I had nothing to say.

So, just after our break-up and a series of other unfortunate events (which I wrote about at the time), I started “What I learned before I turned 30”, a personal journal sharing what I learned so far in life, a few months just before I turned 30, which actually has helped me (and it still does) to make sense of what was happening at the time and helpfully reassure others that they are not alone, we all struggle in life.

A few years later, I decided to change the name of the blog, since I had already turned 30 and it didn’t make sense anymore. At the time I thought it was a good idea to name it ‘Eleni’s world’ since it was more autobiographical and a mix of different things, and honestly I couldn’t think of a better name.

A few days ago, whilst pondering how to make more time for myself and things I enjoy doing, before I turn completely crazy and exhausted from life, running around like a headless chicken, I had an epiphany.

Why don’t I name my blog ‘Lessons I learned after I turned 30’?

I haven’t been posting as often lately, though I really want to and I’m planning to, and giving the blog a revamp and a more specific identity can movitate me to do that.

So here it is. The new name of my blog.

Lessons I Learned after I turned 30, let it be English or Life lessons, lessons from my travels, personal and work life.

Namaste

Eleni

My 2021 New Year wish (also food poisoning, Yoga and other events of my NY’s day)

There’s a Greek saying (which may originate from other countries) that loosely translates to

” Whatever you do on New Year’s Day, you’ll do all year around”.


I’m not superstitious at all but after the year the whole planet has endured and considering I spent the last few days of the year and New Year’s Day lying down weak and in pain , I certainly hope this one never comes true.

Last days of 2020…

A couple of days before the end of the year I got food poisoning. It only happened to me once before a few years ago but it wasn’t nearly as bad as this time. I threw up all night and the following day I just couldn’t move because even the tiniest movement made me nauseous.

On Day 2, New Year’s eve the nausea went but my stomach still hurt and I had almost no energy left in me, just enough to move from the bed to the sofa. It took me 10 mins to go for a pee and make it back to the sofa. During these difficult times, Oscar, the family’s guardian angel just laid on my feet, looking after me.

It was still a fun day, the whole family together (most of us struggling to stay awake after the tiresome couple of days each of us had) watching Christmas films, playing board games and having a laugh together. We made it to 12am and cut our vasilopita (New Year’s cake traditionally made in Greece and Cyprus, which contains a hidden lucky coin. Whoever finds it would be lucky all year, apparently.) but none of us found the lucky coin yet.

First day of 2021

On New Year’s Day I felt better and my stomach only hurt a little but I was still weak to move further than the living room. I just watched Yoga with Adriene’s first day of the 30 Day January Yoga Revolution, watched a few more films and had a little bit more food than the day before (dad turned on the foukou/Cypriot BBQ).

Yesterday I finally felt I could move and get out of the house, but after my morning walk with Oscar, I realised I wasn’t well enough to venture further than that.

I did however the Day One 48 min yoga session and it just felt amazing. Honestly, it’s humbling and moving to know that thousands of people across the world devote the time to themselves to do the session and at the same time I’m doing it, the chance is my friends as well as strangers are doing the same. I’ve written about Yoga with Adriene, a lot, if you want to find out more, you can do so here.

My 2021 New Year’s Wish

I decided a few years ago that making resolutions for the new year doesn’t and has never really worked for me. It only leads to unnecessary disappointment, plus I firmly believe you can make a new start at any time in the year. So since then I just make a wish for the New Year. (2019 Wish, 2020 Wish).

2020 has been challenging (to say the least) for the whole planet. Never have I ever in a millions years thought that the entire world would be locked inside for months, queuing at the supermarkets wearing masks, people dying off a global pandemic and all that during my first year of teaching English and living abroad.

After a pretty tough couple of months, teaching full time and a short break visiting my best friend in Barcelona, I had to (as well as thousands of other teachers across the world) learn how to teach online in three days and continued to teach online for months. For a first year, newly qualified teacher, it was a hell of a task, but I managed. I made a series of vlogs on how I dealt with the pandemic, I read, I drew, I even spoke to BBC World and BBC Solent about it. Being in Italy in March 2020 was just surreal.

After a heavenly few days exploring the South of Italy and two horrible days of travel amidst the pandemic I made it back home to Cyprus and enjoyed the summer, for a while, travelled across the island, started my Kopiaste vlog and blog until the nightmare of having to find a job and survive for now until the bloody virus goes away kicked in.

All that happened whilst I was and I am still trying to adapt to living in Cyprus for the foreseeable future, dearly missing life in the UK, travelling and trying new things.

I’m lucky though I have great friends and family who have always supported me either nearby or from a distance and I’m sure it will all work out in the end, it has to.

So my wish for 2021? Beside health, physical and mental, which for all of us has been a great challenge in 2020 in one way or another, I hope you feel and give love, do what you love and love what you do (being stuck in a horrible job is miserable enough as it is, let alone during a pandemic, but if you can’t quit for financial reasons, I hope you find ways to survive it, that’s what I did a few years back), I hope you don’t compromise and fight for what’s right and noble (that’s often the hardest road to take), let your creativity juices flow and above all enjoy life, enjoy the little things, that’s what life is after all, little moments.

PS I also hope we soon get to travel again. Life is just not the same without it.

Namaste

Eleni

December of 2020

December, normally a month full of baked goods, chocolates and treats at work, beautiful magical lights, Christmas markets, mulled wine, catching up with friends, streets buzzing with people shopping, having a laugh.

Not this December… The streets are empty, the cafes and restaurants are closed, there are no markets, no laughter, just some pretty lights and everyone in masks rushing to get home before curfew time.

I was going to name this post December at Corona times but it’s much more than that for me, it’s impossible for me to find a more appropriate name.

After three years I broke one of my traditions and didn’t do Blogmas. I just couldn’t find the time with my new job, looking for places to rent, getting used to living in Cyprus for now and still adapting to my new reality. Can you believe I haven’t sat down to play my guitar for weeks (minus a day I wanted to prepare something for my sister’s nameday)?

I guess adjusting takes time, even more so during a bloody pandemic and I just have to trust that all my irrational subconscious and conscious fears and worries will die off eventually.

On a happier note, after 12 years, I’m spending December in Cyprus which means, even during these bizarre and horrifying times we live in, that I decorated the Christmas tree with my sisters (we do it online every year) and we baked traditional Cypriot/Greek treats, kourampiedes (almond cookies covered in icing sugar) and my all time favourite melomakarona (honey syrup dipped cookies).

(Video and recipes coming soon on Kopiaste)

So I guess what life taught me once more it’s that it is never black and white, all good or all bad. It’s both all the time. And that of course it’s unpredictable. Who would have thought that I’d be back in Cyprus for the foreseeable future?

All I can do is enjoy whatever life brings me every day. I hope we all manage to have a homely, heart-warming Christmas with our loved ones, that’s what Christmas it’s all about after all.

Namaste

Eleni

5 minute mindfulness activity

Wow.

What a week. One of the most stressful of being a teacher. New classes with a small business group, formal observation, trying a dogme lesson, my birthday I couldn’t even celebrate because of work, a conversation club on Friday evening.

I also managed to book a flight back to Cyprus for July, but whether it will materialise it’s anyone’s guess.

To cope with all the stress I’m trying to focus a day at a time and try and enjoy the present as much as possible (sometimes it’s not that possible).

So I thought for my weekly post and video to put this little activity I wrote about a while ago into a little video.

The rest of the details is on the video. Skip to 3:04 for the activity if you wan’t to go straight in.

Eleni

The Lockdown Diaries- The Last One

Well here we are. Most of the lockdown measures have now been lifted in Italy and it makes this the last video in the lockdown series.


It starts with a song, it includes tears and decisions, the whole lot.

It hasn’t been an easy decision, but I decided not to stay in Italy after my contract. It’s been an incredible experience but way too stressful and exhausting, mentally and physically.

I’m not quitting teaching, I will give it a go again at some point but I need time to figure out what I want to do next.

I’ll finally take the break I meant to have last year but got too scared. I’m terrified but also excited!


PS- I will still try and post a video every week 🙂


PS two- I don’t own the copyrights of the gorgeous Kodaline song I attempted to sing.

Eleni

Finally out- the Lockdown Diaries

What at week.

I’m not sure if anyone other than fellow teachers would understand just how exhausted I feel today, on a Sunday after a week of 6 new courses (on top of my existing ones), using a platform that doesn’t allow pairwork or groupwork, 6 hours of pure pain, mainly just talking for the majority of the time, soul-destroying, plus invigilating and marking and lesson planning and anything else that comes up on a normal week.

But at least we are now allowed outside and I managed to go for a walk by the beach on Friday, which was awesome.

So this week’s video is mostly footage of the outside world that I almost forgot it existed! I can’t wait to go home, enjoy my summer and seriously consider if teaching is for me. 40 days to go.

Enjoy!

Eleni

Last week of full lockdown- the Lockdown Diaries

After 8 long weeks, Italy is finally entering phase 2 of the lockdown, gradually relaxing its strict measures, so from today we are allowed outside for a walk, individual sports or exercise.

The irony is that from today, I’ve got so much work I won’t have a lot of free time to enjoy being outside, but at least the end is near and I can’t wait until all this is finally over.

So here’s this week’s vlog, much happier and more positive than last week.

And here’s the Protaras video I mentioned:

Enjoy!

Eleni

Ups and Downs, Downs, Downs- week 7, the Lockdown Diaries

Inevitably, 7 weeks under lockdown took its toll on me, I found the last few days pretty hard.

I haven’t been that productive, I felt low, sad and stressed. But that’s life. I learned to accept and go through the lows and I feel much better now.

The only reason I’m posting this, getting paranoid about getting ill, feeling low, anxious and sad is to encourage others to do share as well, mental health is as important if not more important than physical health, so there you go. This is one of my lowest moments of the last 7 weeks. 

PS. The gorgeous song I tried but failed to sing well is Lost by The Wind and The Wave

Easter in lockdown- the lockdown series

This week’s vlog was a bit late due to our little Easter break, so here’s how I spent it. Not in Vienna or Budapest or Bratislava as I originally planned but it wasn’t as bad as I thought I’d be I guess.

Catch ups with friends, lots of chocolate, pancakes, Netflix, reading, blogging, so all in all it wasn’t too bad.

Hope you enjoy it! 

Namaste

Eleni