I never make New Year resolutions, I’ve written about it many times before, for me it’s just an additional source of anxiety and we all know that most of us don’t really stick to them. Instead I make a wishlist, and try to make some of those wishes come true. Some will and some won’t. That’s OK. As long as I try and as long as I’m well and as active and creative I want to be, that’s all that matters.
In the last few years I started a tradition with an annual wish I make at the end of each year. This is for 2023.
I want to wish everyone health, love, a year full of beautiful memories and above all, remember to look after and love yourself, stand for what you believe, don’t sacrifice your time for anything that’s not worth it, and chase your dreams whatever those maybe. Life is too short to wait or put up with anything that tortures your mind and soul.
Since most of us struggle with January blues, inspired by a mindfulness advent calendar, and after a discussion I had with one of my best friends, I decided to put together a ‘Surviving January’ advent calendar, where I share an activity you can do each day to cheer you up and keep you going. Thank you to all my friends on social media who shared their ideas, I used almost all of them in one way or another!
The second Eurovision semifinal is playing in the background, whilst I lie on my hotel bed, trying to gather my thoughts and feelings. I still couldn’t believe how these series of coincidences brought me back to Southampton, after three years, since I left. It feels like a lifetime ago and at the same time, like yesterday.
I had finished my work meeting a bit early and after a bit of wander into the city I spent 10 years of my life, probably the most transformative years of my life, my 20s, exhausted from the travel the night before, came back to the hotel, had a shower and decided to just rest.
It’s been months since the last time I decided to ‘just rest’, it’s been so long I can’t even remember when the last time that happened was.
The following day I just wandered in town, at my favourite bookshop, walking across the park and for the first time in a while I felt I didn’t have to rush. I just enjoyed doing things I love. I felt I could breathe again.
I’ve realised that for a while now, I have been running around like a headless chicken for so long, I neglected my mental health, which of course has affected my physical health. Headaches, sleepiness, confusion, memory lapses, loss of appetite.
I really don’t understand how being busy became an achievement and something everyone loves to complain about. It’s not an achievement, it’s a sign of no life balance (Trust me, it’s OK to relax and rest for a day or too, rather than feel you have to do something, just because others do. FOMO is an artificial need created by humans, like many others).
And I feel I lost that balance ever since I left this city. I spent Saturday just catching up with friends, and enjoying living in the moment. Moments with old colleagues and loved ones. I instantly felt how much I missed them. How not to, with all the wonderful humans I know. I wish I had more time to see more of my friends.
Lately all I can think of is what the point of life is. Every now and then I get this horrific anxiety and fear about living and dying and the in-between.
What is the meaning of life? What is my purpose? Why do I exist?
I read a few books and had countless discussions with friends trying to figure out the answers to these questions, just to calm my brain down and the irrational (or rational? I haven’t decided yet) fear of dying.
As Derren Brown, eloquently argues in his book about happiness , if we were to live for ever, we would have eventually be bored of everything, and life would have no meaning. So, what is the purpose of life?
Happiness is amazing. It’s so amazing it doesn’t matter if it’s yours or not. There’s that lovely thing: “A society grows great when old men plant trees the shade of which they know they will never sit in”. Good people do things for other people. That’s it. The end. Anne told Tony on Ricky Gervais’ brilliant series After Life, which is about a man triyng to deal with the death of his wife whom he absolutely adored.
But even when you find your purpose, and to do that you inevitably need to work on your emotional intelligence, your self-awareness, realising who you are, loving yourself, self management and above else empathy, growing up it’s scary as hell.
My parents are now in their late 50s and 60s and I’m terrified for them, watching them grow older. I want them to live forever. It tears me apart. I’m thinking that maybe is better to stick around now they are growing older and they may need me more, but on the other hand what if I finally find my purpose and that takes me elsewhere, away from them?
It makes me sad thinking that they may find themselves feeling lonely and helpless. And I certainly want to try and enjoy being around them as much as I can before they start forgetting and get that lost look in their eyes (I only recently watched the latest episode of This Is Us and the scene where Rebecca doesn’t recognise her children broke my heart).
So on my birthday, a week after I came back from Southampton, I spent the day with my family and loved ones and I cherished every moment.
When thinking about life, mortality and growing old stresses me out, I just focus in the moment, taking one day at a time, spending time with loved ones and I try to make the world a better place, little by little. When my time comes to go, at least I’ll go happy and not anxious and horrified.
The reason I’m sharing all these thoughts, it’s that I know they are not unique and actually expressing them out loud, or in this case in words, somehow makes them more bearable. And perhaps you can relate, and feel a bit of a relief that these terrifying thoughts haunt not just you but a lot of other people.
Wrapped up in a blanket on my sofa, Friends playing in the background, the Christmas tree lights warming up the place, I’m re-reading my New Year wish for 2021 and I can’t help but think how lucky I truly am to be surrounded by people I love at home and at work, proud of what I achieved over the last 12 months and the fact that my friends, family and I we are healthy and safe.
Most of us found 2020 challenging (to say the least) but not many thought 2021 was going to be equally bad if not worse than 2020.
The year didn’t quite start off on the right foot. Locked inside again, like a caged animal, I knew, as the majority of the planet did, what to expect, which somehow made it less tolerable than the first time I experienced a lockdown. This time nobody tried a lot of new things, nobody aspired to become a home chef, we were all sick and tired of this situation.
I felt restless, eager to get out and I still carried the weight of the previous lockdown (s), as most of us did and I turned into healthy eating and exercising. I feel as humans we desperately needed it.
Yoga with Adriene 30 day revolution definitely helped to keep me mentally stable in January and somehow after that the year just flew by.
Although I spent almost half of the year in lockdown, looking back I feel I achieved a lot and grew workwise and personally.
On a personal level, although I admit I didn’t manage my work-life balance well and didn’t have much free time for myself, I rediscovered my love for running, I met the ambassador of Austria, I started dating again after years of avoiding it, I met amazing humans, I caught up with friends I hadn’t seen for years and I made new friends I already love, I took part in a week long sustainability challenge which helped me realise how much more I can do to protect the planet, after years of thinking about it and wanting it I finally got braces so I can fix my smile, I had a great summer and Christmas with friends and loved ones and lastly, I flew again, this time to beautiful Leuven with my best friends and sisters. God I felt so alive and happy to be able to travel again!
On a professional level, well I spent most of my time working and though exhausting at times, I learned A LOT, way more than I expected in a year. I ran focus groups, designed surveys, interviewed people, wrote and published articles and reports, organised an (online) event, I closed off a project, produced a serious board game, created 2 modules, hosted a transnational project meeting and almost met the Pope, amongst other things. I love my job and my colleagues, despite the heavy workload!
At some point in the year I went through a major anxiety crisis, during which I almost stopped eating completely and I was in pain because of it for a month. After that, I promised myself I’ll never let it go that far.
I don’t regret anything but I do wish I savoured and enjoyed everyday life more than I did and stressed less. Because it doesn’t really matter what you or I or anyone else achieved.
I feel everyone needs to hear though that if the only thing you did in 2021 was trying to survive, that’s an achievement in itself and you should be proud of it.
I’ve been reading Derren Brown’s Happy again, which I’ve recommended to all my friends already and it reminded me that as humans we don’t need much to be happy if you ignore the artificial needs marketing firms have been creating for years. We just need health, love and to keep growing.
My New Year wish is, consequently, similar to last year.
Keep growing and learning as a human, try new things, keep moving on but above all enjoy moments, love and be loved, and make memories with special people. And travel every now and then.
And I hope I make it back to my second home I miss more and more as time goes by, the UK and give all my friend there a tight hug.
It’s taken about a month to finally find the time to write about my 7 day challenge but better late than never!
It was a wonderfully productive, educational, exciting week, during which I learned a lot about little and not so little things I can do (well everyone of us can) to make our planet a bit better and hopefully extend it’s life span.
I won’t list everything I did (you can have a look at a selection of photos below and my Instagram posts on each day about it) but the biggest lesson I’ve learnt is, as cheesy as it sounds, that every little helps.
Reducing the use of plastic and cars as much as possible, reducing water, electricity and meat consumption, recycling, picking up litter, we can all do them to a lesser or greater degree. I promise you, it’s not as hard as you think it might be.
I personally found it much easier than I thought not to eat meat for a week and I love the reusable glass straws I bought to replace the paper ones, they have a better feel and no need to throw anything away! One of the people on the group commuted to work by bus which wasn’t as inconvenient as he initialy thought it would be, another installed a water filter to avoid buying plastic bottles, some discovered eco-friendly cosmetics, whereas others now take their water bottle and reuseable straws with them everywhere they go and the list goes on. Check out the Embassy of Sweden in Cyprus Facebook page, where you can read more about the group’s challenges
We can’t be using the excuse of ‘Unless the industry/government/etc does something about it, there’s no point of me trying’ anymore. If we all adopt more sustainable habits, we can not only help save the planet and live a healthier life, but we can also inspire others and all these small changes will add up and create a huge impact.
We have now truly ran out of time. We need to act now and restore as much damage we made to our beautiful planet as possible.
What this 7-day challenge proved to myself and the rest of the group is that living a more sustainable life is certainly possible and the way forward is not by adopting habits that would make our everyday life impossible and we eventually cease doing them, but by making a lot of smaller, easier to adopt changes.
On my way to work a few days ago I noticed a guy enjoying a bite of his sandwich. He looked so content, truly happy he had his breakfast whilst walking down town and I felt a bit jealous. I wish I was that happy.
Last November I wrote about this disturbingly confusing state of mind, not feeling myself (you can read about it here). I never would have thought that almost 8 months later, I’d still feel lost and not that happy.
I’ve been meaning to write about it for a while, hoping it will help my brain to at least attempt to make some sense out of it but all I could produce were interjections of confusion and desperation (e.g. AAAAHHHHH), but I’m now at a place I can better articulate my thoughts.
Have you ever experienced heavy turbulence on a plane? Holding on tight, scared to death but not able to do anything, that feeling of having no control?
That’s how I’ve felt for a while, intensified by the recent pandemic. I feel I can’t plan anything, I have no free time for myself, hell sometimes I feel I have no time to think. I’m stuck and I’m not sure what’s the best way out because I just don’t feel I’m in control and my confidence also went down a notch.
Don’t get me wrong. I’m grateful for what I have, a job, a place to live, my friends and family, my loved ones. I’m happy for these.
But I know I can and want to do more and the lack of me-time and inability to make any firm plans or big changes at the moment are feeding my misery.
So what can I do? Well, focus on what I can control for now and work on improving myself on all fronts in order to make moving forward in a turmoil easier. So here’s one of the things I did.
I recently got braces.
‘How come you decided to do that at this (*late) age?’ a colleague asked.
I was taken aback. I didn’t expect such a question. I guess because I wouldn’t ask something like that and I wouldnt expect someone as open-minded and liberal as him ask such an old-fashioned in a sense question. Do only kids get braces? Does getting braces have an age limit? Does anything really have or should have an age limit?
‘It’s not just for aesthetic reasons, it will also help my bite, it was needed to be done’, I said. I didn’t want to point out the obvious, that the question was not appropriate, or share my deepest insecurities with a stranger, that I always hated my crooked tooth and the side gap I had and I’ve been wanting to fix it for years but couldn’t afford it or the timing wasn’t right.
It’s been almost two months now and I don’t enjoy wearing braces, they are not the prettiest and are QUITE uncomfortable, they need constant cleaning and looking after. I can’t wait to take them out. Weirdly, though I hate them I also like them, because at least I have something to look forward to and that helps.
Getting braces isn’t the only change I made or going to make, but it’s just an example of how doing something with an ‘end date’ , (especially in time like this when uncertainty is part of our life and noone knows when this horrid situation will end), can help you move forward or feel a bit less stuck at least.
PS. Here it’s me with braces, in case you were wondering.
A couple of weeks ago Eva, my favourite partner in crime at the office, shared a post from the Embassy of Sweden in Cyprus, (in collaboration with Let’s Make Cyprus Green, an amazing organisation doing great work on saving the planet) asking for participants to take part in a challenge living sustainably for a week.
I do my bit to protect the environment, but I feel there’s still more I can do and A LOT more to learn, so I decided to sign up, as Eva also did so we could take up the challenge together.
Last Friday, the 16th of July, we got together at Home For Cooperation to be given more information about the challenge, an unexpectedly informative and inspiring evening.
Let’s Make Cyprus Green gave a short and also shocking presentation with some horrific statistics that shook us all up.
Did you know that only 9% of plastic does get recycled and that after the first time it gets recycled the quality drops so it doesn’t really get recycled again?
Did you know that traces of microplastic have been found not just inside us but also in embryos?
Did you know that not all paper drinking cups are 100% recyclable?
Did you know that is predicted that by 2050 there will be more trash than fish in the ocean? That trash has been found in the deapest of the oceans already?
These are just some of the terrifying facts about our planet and why we have to act now. We may recycle as much as we can but that is not the solution. We need to do more than that. We need to work more on prevention. Let’s Make Cyprus Green has already started a few great initiatives, such as water refill stations installation and organising regular beach cleanups but it’s everyone’s responsibility to save the planet, we are the ones who have been destroying it after all.
After the presentation we all brainstormed ideas on what we should include in our challenge and ways we can eat, move and live more sustainably. The point of this exercise is not to torture ourselves or cut all plastic from our lives and anything else harmful all at once, that’s not feasible or sustainable (although how we wish it was!).
The point is to gradually adopt more sustainable, green habits and this challenge is an opportunity to try some of these habits when it comes to eating, moving and living sustainably. Every little we do helps.
So what I’ll learn/try/attempt this week?
EAT
No meat (should be easy considering I don’t eat much meat)
Reduction of my cow milk consumption, I’ll replace it with oat milk (almond milk leaves a large ecological footprint).
Eating locally produced vegetables and fruit (I personally love using RescuedBox, who save perfectly fine but ‘too ugly for supermarkets’ vegetables and fruit and sells them to customers across the island).
MOVE
Use my car as less as possible (e.g. walk to the supermarket or kiosk).
Car share (if possible)
Use public transport (not that easy/convenient when carrying three bags)
LIVE
No takaway food or coffee
Buy and use reusable, refillable water bottles until I find out more about water filters and whether is possible to install one at my flat.
Use of glass straws
Use of dish washing water to water the plants
Park clean up during exercise/walks which is called plogging, Swedish for plocka upp (pick up) and jogga (jog)
Find out more about composting in Nicosia
In a week’s time we’ll all meet again to discuss our experience and get our diploma for participating.
If you decide to participate pick up a few ideas or come up with your own and join us!
I first opened my eyes at 6am. My head still hurt from the day before and the feeling of exhaustion still lingered.
No, I didn’t have a wild night out drinking and dancing. That’s not my cup of tea, though I wish I did for once (I actually missed one of my dearest friends’ birthday party, which I feel devastated about) but instead I suffered one of my occasional migraines, which blurs my vision and keeps me paralysed in pain, lying down in a dark spot until it goes away.
I’m not surprised this God Almighty migraine happened when it did though. When my mind and body are working overtime for a while as soon as I get a minute to relax, my body doesn’t miss the opportunity to let me know I overdid it and I need to slow down. And it does that in the worst, most painful way possible, quite often a migraine.
Lately I had close to zero time to myself (other than my morning running and/or yoga), I haven’t made a Love to Learn English mini-lesson for a few weeks, I haven’t played the guitar for a while, I had to cancel some of the my English lessons and some days I hadn’t even had time to think, especially this last week. By the way congratulations to my little sister for getting her Maths degree. I’m glad I made it to her graduation!
Why am I writing about a migraine? Because ever since I moved back I often forget that I shouldn’t succumb to social pressure and I feel it A LOT back in Cyprus. It’s as if people don’t know how to be by themselves and there is always something to do. I’m still not used to being back, let alone adapting to this life, particularly now that lock-down is over (for the foreseeable future anyway) and what really helps me in busy and stressful periods is having time to myself, rest and have time to figure things out.
I just need to remember I don’t need to go out or do something every day and I not just want, I NEED to remember to make time for myself, otherwise I will keep losing myself and damage my physical and mental health.
So today’s advice from a struggling-with-stress-still-figuring-life-out-but-also-already-learned-a-lot 35 year old is ALWAYS remember to make time for yourself, there’s nothing wrong with declining an invite or postponing a lesson and having an evening to yourself.You need to look after yourself and devote time on your wellbeing, in whatever way it works for you, a relaxing pampering afternoon, reading a book, a walk in nature, anything that gives you peace of mind . And don’t worry about your friends, if they love you, they will understand.
Have you ever owned an inexpensive item of negligible monetary value that you absolutely love? And you recognise you love it purely because of its sentimental value?
I’m one of the least materialistic people I know. I’d rather spend the little income I make on experiences, travel, time with friends and family, not on things. So I never spend a huge amount of money on clothes or accessories.
I often though associate my modest belongings with precious memories or people and when I lose or break one of these precious to me pieces I grieve. I, of course, understand that it’s just ‘a thing’ and losing it shouldn’t matter, but it does. Because, for me, this ‘thing’ is a memory nugget, reminding me of a special friend, a loved one, an awesome day, a significant period of my life, and I’m terrified I’d forget whatever I associate it with, if I lose one of these memory nuggets.
I’ve lost or broken a few of these memory nuggets over the years, a set of earrings my sister got me, a memory card with photos from the UK and my most recent travels to Sicily, Rhodes and Belgium, a bracelet a dear friend got me, a pair of shoes I wore absolutely everywhere, and most recently, my blue denim jacket.
‘Come on, it’s just a jacket, get another one, the same even’ one might say. But it will never be the same.
I’ve got this jacket in June, 2019. I remember that because it was one of the last purchases I made before I left the UK. And as with the majority of my decisions, I browsed for hours, painstakingly looking for the perfect jacket. Why do I find it so excruciatingly difficult, even choosing a denim jacket? But, when I came across it on the Mango website, I knew that was THE one, at least what I had in mind.
I wore it the last time I’ve hugged goodbye my UK friends in Southampton in July.
I wore it a month later, during my CELTA course, one of the most challenging, painful but rewarding months of my entire life. I wore it during our lessons, I wore it when Jonny hugged me after I told him with tears in my eyes that my grandpa had died the day before and I wore it when I hugged my classmates goodbye.
I wore it on my way back to Cyprus after 11 weird and wonderful years in the UK and on my way to Italy a few months later.
I wore it during my first year teaching at Reggio, an experience I’ll never forget and on my way back to Cyprus after going through the first wave of the global pandemic outbreak in Italy, one of the worst-hit countries.
So today I grieve the loss of my blue denim jacket and with it the friends and places I miss.
As part of the International Women’s Day celebrations in Cyprus, women across the island could enter a competition and the prize was to spend a day with a female ambassador in Cyprus and learn more about their work.
All you had to do was send a short video (up to two minutes) with a brief introduction about yourself, why you’d like to be an ambassador for a day and why International Women’s Day is important.
Truth be told I didn’t know much about an ambassador’s life and I was really happy that there was no age limit to enter (I felt a bit frustrated lately with the amount of events or initiatives only for people under 30 years old) so I thought I’d send a video. I had nothing to lose and I love making little videos.
Unsurprisingly, two minutes were not enough to express all my thoughts but I tried. This was the video I sent.
I didn’t really expect to win. I’m older than probably most of the participants and ,well for those you’ve known me for a while, I’m infamous for my bad luck (don’t forget, during the first of what was supposed to be a few years of travelling and teaching English, I spent it in Italy, half of it locked inside due the global Covid pandemic).
Against all odds though I did win and I was matched with the Austrian ambassador in Cyprus, Dr Eva Maria Ziegler.
We had a little chat on the phone beforehand during which she explained that due to the current lockdown situation in Cyprus there weren’t many events planned this period so there was no point spending a whole day with her just in the office. I was pleasantly surprised with her honesty and openness from the get go, even over the phone.
So the plan was to meet her a few days later at the Austrian Embassy and have a chat. But she first invited me to the (virtual) Press Conference on Francophonie (the annual international celebration of the French language) and the celebrations planned by embassies across Cyprus as well as the Ministry of Education and Culture. I couldn’t believe I was part of a Press Conference which consisted of various ambassadors in Cyprus as well as the Minister of Education and Culture. What a surreal experience that was!
I knew about Francophonie as I happened to be in Brussels two years ago on that day, during which there was live music next to Manneken Pis, but I didn’t realise that was also celebrated in Cyprus with events planned and all.
A few days later I went to her office and we had a long chat. What an amazing experience it was to visit an embassy!
I can’t remember the last time I learned so much in such short space of time. I can’t possibly document all I’ve learned but I’ll share the highlights.
Dr Ziegler’s father was a diplomat, so she was familiar with that way of life since she was a child. Although she originally studied music management (and law) she found it hard to get into it and decided to follow in her father’s footsteps. She had an incredible career. She worked for the Austrian Federal Ministry of Foreign Affairs and she worked as an Austrian ambassador in Milan and in Lebanon amongst other countries.
We talked about politics, travel and she shared amazing stories from her ambassador life including the story of the extraordinary life of a 103 year old Jewish lady who ended up living in the Buffer Zone in Nicosia (and sadly recently died).
What she loved most of the ambassador life is the variety as embassy work is not just about visas and passports but also organising cultural events and initiatives as the embassy is given a cultural budget, as well as meeting a diversity of people from all walks of life. And of course an Ambassador gets to travel as every 4 years postings end and you get to apply for a different country. I would love to live the ambassador life!
The worst part of her job that she doesn’t enjoy as much is writing reports and long meetings. I don’t blame her!
After our chat I got to meet her PA, Mr Antonopoulos, A Greek-Austrian who’s been working as a PA in embassies for a few years. Similar to the ambassador, he loves the variety and travel that comes with the job. What he doesn’t enjoy is moving.
All in all it was a great experience, it’s not every day you get to meet an ambassador, let alone an honest, fun, easy to chat to one, as Dr Ziegler. I’ve learned a lot and it gave me a few ideas on what I’d like to do in the future.
Lessons I learned after I turned 30 