Category: lifestyle

Surviving January

I never make New Year resolutions, I’ve written about it many times before, for me it’s just an additional source of anxiety and we all know that most of us don’t really stick to them. Instead I make a wishlist, and try to make some of those wishes come true. Some will and some won’t. That’s OK. As long as I try and as long as I’m well and as active and creative I want to be, that’s all that matters.

In the last few years I started a tradition with an annual wish I make at the end of each year. This is for 2023.

I want to wish everyone health, love, a year full of beautiful memories and above all, remember to look after and love yourself, stand for what you believe, don’t sacrifice your time for anything that’s not worth it, and chase your dreams whatever those maybe. Life is too short to wait or put up with anything that tortures your mind and soul.

Since most of us struggle with January blues, inspired by a mindfulness advent calendar, and after a discussion I had with one of my best friends, I decided to put together a ‘Surviving January’ advent calendar, where I share an activity you can do each day to cheer you up and keep you going. Thank you to all my friends on social media who shared their ideas, I used almost all of them in one way or another!

You can find the calendar here in Greek and in English: https://calendar.myadvent.net/?id=uq1xh7nx9l735wibvj6zuqqihfehpdcx

If you don’t want to wait each day to open the relevant box, you can have a look at all the activities here and decide when to do what.

Let me know what you think and if you need the calendar in another form.

Happy New Year!

Eleni

Advertisement

The One I turn 36 (Thoughts on Growing Older)

Thursday evening, the 12th of May, 2022.

The second Eurovision semifinal is playing in the background, whilst I lie on my hotel bed, trying to gather my thoughts and feelings. I still couldn’t believe how these series of coincidences brought me back to Southampton, after three years, since I left. It feels like a lifetime ago and at the same time, like yesterday.

I had finished my work meeting a bit early and after a bit of wander into the city I spent 10 years of my life, probably the most transformative years of my life, my 20s, exhausted from the travel the night before, came back to the hotel, had a shower and decided to just rest.

It’s been months since the last time I decided to ‘just rest’, it’s been so long I can’t even remember when the last time that happened was.

The following day I just wandered in town, at my favourite bookshop, walking across the park and for the first time in a while I felt I didn’t have to rush. I just enjoyed doing things I love. I felt I could breathe again.

I’ve realised that for a while now, I have been running around like a headless chicken for so long, I neglected my mental health, which of course has affected my physical health. Headaches, sleepiness, confusion, memory lapses, loss of appetite.

I really don’t understand how being busy became an achievement and something everyone loves to complain about. It’s not an achievement, it’s a sign of no life balance (Trust me, it’s OK to relax and rest for a day or too, rather than feel you have to do something, just because others do. FOMO is an artificial need created by humans, like many others).

And I feel I lost that balance ever since I left this city. I spent Saturday just catching up with friends, and enjoying living in the moment. Moments with old colleagues and loved ones. I instantly felt how much I missed them. How not to, with all the wonderful humans I know. I wish I had more time to see more of my friends.

Lately all I can think of is what the point of life is. Every now and then I get this horrific anxiety and fear about living and dying and the in-between.

What is the meaning of life? What is my purpose? Why do I exist?

I read a few books and had countless discussions with friends trying to figure out the answers to these questions, just to calm my brain down and the irrational (or rational? I haven’t decided yet) fear of dying.

As Derren Brown, eloquently argues in his book about happiness , if we were to live for ever, we would have eventually be bored of everything, and life would have no meaning. So, what is the purpose of life?

Happiness is amazing. It’s so amazing it doesn’t matter if it’s yours or not. There’s that lovely thing: “A society grows great when old men plant trees the shade of which they know they will never sit in”. Good people do things for other people. That’s it. The end. Anne told Tony on Ricky Gervais’ brilliant series After Life, which is about a man triyng to deal with the death of his wife whom he absolutely adored.

Maybe that’s the meaning of life? Do good things for other people, make the world a better place. It’s all about finding purpose in life. That’s what i remember from a little witty book I read on philosophical theories about life meaning (https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/24612009-every-time-i-find-the-meaning-of-life-they-change-it).

But even when you find your purpose, and to do that you inevitably need to work on your emotional intelligence, your self-awareness, realising who you are, loving yourself, self management and above else empathy, growing up it’s scary as hell.

My parents are now in their late 50s and 60s and I’m terrified for them, watching them grow older. I want them to live forever. It tears me apart. I’m thinking that maybe is better to stick around now they are growing older and they may need me more, but on the other hand what if I finally find my purpose and that takes me elsewhere, away from them?

It makes me sad thinking that they may find themselves feeling lonely and helpless. And I certainly want to try and enjoy being around them as much as I can before they start forgetting and get that lost look in their eyes (I only recently watched the latest episode of This Is Us and the scene where Rebecca doesn’t recognise her children broke my heart).

So on my birthday, a week after I came back from Southampton, I spent the day with my family and loved ones and I cherished every moment.

When thinking about life, mortality and growing old stresses me out, I just focus in the moment, taking one day at a time, spending time with loved ones and I try to make the world a better place, little by little. When my time comes to go, at least I’ll go happy and not anxious and horrified.

The reason I’m sharing all these thoughts, it’s that I know they are not unique and actually expressing them out loud, or in this case in words, somehow makes them more bearable. And perhaps you can relate, and feel a bit of a relief that these terrifying thoughts haunt not just you but a lot of other people.

Namaste

Eleni

Lessons I learned after I turned 30

Back in February 2016, on the 25th of February, I started a blog, this very blog.

I wanted to for a while but my then boyfriend kept discouraging me, arguing that I had nothing to say.

So, just after our break-up and a series of other unfortunate events (which I wrote about at the time), I started “What I learned before I turned 30”, a personal journal sharing what I learned so far in life, a few months just before I turned 30, which actually has helped me (and it still does) to make sense of what was happening at the time and helpfully reassure others that they are not alone, we all struggle in life.

A few years later, I decided to change the name of the blog, since I had already turned 30 and it didn’t make sense anymore. At the time I thought it was a good idea to name it ‘Eleni’s world’ since it was more autobiographical and a mix of different things, and honestly I couldn’t think of a better name.

A few days ago, whilst pondering how to make more time for myself and things I enjoy doing, before I turn completely crazy and exhausted from life, running around like a headless chicken, I had an epiphany.

Why don’t I name my blog ‘Lessons I learned after I turned 30’?

I haven’t been posting as often lately, though I really want to and I’m planning to, and giving the blog a revamp and a more specific identity can movitate me to do that.

So here it is. The new name of my blog.

Lessons I Learned after I turned 30, let it be English or Life lessons, lessons from my travels, personal and work life.

Namaste

Eleni

The One with the New Year (2022) wish

Monday, 3rd of January, 2022

Wrapped up in a blanket on my sofa, Friends playing in the background, the Christmas tree lights warming up the place, I’m re-reading my New Year wish for 2021 and I can’t help but think how lucky I truly am to be surrounded by people I love at home and at work, proud of what I achieved over the last 12 months and the fact that my friends, family and I we are healthy and safe.

Most of us found 2020 challenging (to say the least) but not many thought 2021 was going to be equally bad if not worse than 2020.

The year didn’t quite start off on the right foot. Locked inside again, like a caged animal, I knew, as the majority of the planet did, what to expect, which somehow made it less tolerable than the first time I experienced a lockdown. This time nobody tried a lot of new things, nobody aspired to become a home chef, we were all sick and tired of this situation.

I felt restless, eager to get out and I still carried the weight of the previous lockdown (s), as most of us did and I turned into healthy eating and exercising. I feel as humans we desperately needed it.

Yoga with Adriene 30 day revolution definitely helped to keep me mentally stable in January and somehow after that the year just flew by.

Although I spent almost half of the year in lockdown, looking back I feel I achieved a lot and grew workwise and personally.

On a personal level, although I admit I didn’t manage my work-life balance well and didn’t have much free time for myself, I rediscovered my love for running, I met the ambassador of Austria, I started dating again after years of avoiding it, I met amazing humans, I caught up with friends I hadn’t seen for years and I made new friends I already love, I took part in a week long sustainability challenge which helped me realise how much more I can do to protect the planet, after years of thinking about it and wanting it I finally got braces so I can fix my smile, I had a great summer and Christmas with friends and loved ones and lastly, I flew again, this time to beautiful Leuven with my best friends and sisters. God I felt so alive and happy to be able to travel again!

On a professional level, well I spent most of my time working and though exhausting at times, I learned A LOT, way more than I expected in a year. I ran focus groups, designed surveys, interviewed people, wrote and published articles and reports, organised an (online) event, I closed off a project, produced a serious board game, created 2 modules, hosted a transnational project meeting and almost met the Pope, amongst other things. I love my job and my colleagues, despite the heavy workload!

At some point in the year I went through a major anxiety crisis, during which I almost stopped eating completely and I was in pain because of it for a month. After that, I promised myself I’ll never let it go that far.

I don’t regret anything but I do wish I savoured and enjoyed everyday life more than I did and stressed less. Because it doesn’t really matter what you or I or anyone else achieved.

I feel everyone needs to hear though that if the only thing you did in 2021 was trying to survive, that’s an achievement in itself and you should be proud of it.

I’ve been reading Derren Brown’s Happy again, which I’ve recommended to all my friends already and it reminded me that as humans we don’t need much to be happy if you ignore the artificial needs marketing firms have been creating for years. We just need health, love and to keep growing.

My New Year wish is, consequently, similar to last year.

Keep growing and learning as a human, try new things, keep moving on but above all enjoy moments, love and be loved, and make memories with special people. And travel every now and then.

And I hope I make it back to my second home I miss more and more as time goes by, the UK and give all my friend there a tight hug.

Namaste

Eleni

Em-braces (or how to feel a bit less stuck)

On my way to work a few days ago I noticed a guy enjoying a bite of his sandwich. He looked so content, truly happy he had his breakfast whilst walking down town and I felt a bit jealous. I wish I was that happy.

Last November I wrote about this disturbingly confusing state of mind, not feeling myself (you can read about it here). I never would have thought that almost 8 months later, I’d still feel lost and not that happy.

I’ve been meaning to write about it for a while, hoping it will help my brain to at least attempt to make some sense out of it but all I could produce were interjections of confusion and desperation (e.g. AAAAHHHHH), but I’m now at a place I can better articulate my thoughts.

Have you ever experienced heavy turbulence on a plane? Holding on tight, scared to death but not able to do anything, that feeling of having no control?

That’s how I’ve felt for a while, intensified by the recent pandemic. I feel I can’t plan anything, I have no free time for myself, hell sometimes I feel I have no time to think. I’m stuck and I’m not sure what’s the best way out because I just don’t feel I’m in control and my confidence also went down a notch.

Don’t get me wrong. I’m grateful for what I have, a job, a place to live, my friends and family, my loved ones. I’m happy for these.

But I know I can and want to do more and the lack of me-time and inability to make any firm plans or big changes at the moment are feeding my misery.

So what can I do? Well, focus on what I can control for now and work on improving myself on all fronts in order to make moving forward in a turmoil easier. So here’s one of the things I did.

I recently got braces.

‘How come you decided to do that at this (*late) age?’ a colleague asked.

I was taken aback. I didn’t expect such a question. I guess because I wouldn’t ask something like that and I wouldnt expect someone as open-minded and liberal as him ask such an old-fashioned in a sense question. Do only kids get braces? Does getting braces have an age limit? Does anything really have or should have an age limit?

‘It’s not just for aesthetic reasons, it will also help my bite, it was needed to be done’, I said. I didn’t want to point out the obvious, that the question was not appropriate, or share my deepest insecurities with a stranger, that I always hated my crooked tooth and the side gap I had and I’ve been wanting to fix it for years but couldn’t afford it or the timing wasn’t right.

It’s been almost two months now and I don’t enjoy wearing braces, they are not the prettiest and are QUITE uncomfortable, they need constant cleaning and looking after. I can’t wait to take them out. Weirdly, though I hate them I also like them, because at least I have something to look forward to and that helps.

Getting braces isn’t the only change I made or going to make, but it’s just an example of how doing something with an ‘end date’ , (especially in time like this when uncertainty is part of our life and noone knows when this horrid situation will end), can help you move forward or feel a bit less stuck at least.

PS. Here it’s me with braces, in case you were wondering.

Namaste

Eleni

A deep breath of (self ) air

Saturday, 26th of June, 2021

I first opened my eyes at 6am. My head still hurt from the day before and the feeling of exhaustion still lingered.

No, I didn’t have a wild night out drinking and dancing. That’s not my cup of tea, though I wish I did for once (I actually missed one of my dearest friends’ birthday party, which I feel devastated about) but instead I suffered one of my occasional migraines, which blurs my vision and keeps me paralysed in pain, lying down in a dark spot until it goes away.

I’m not surprised this God Almighty migraine happened when it did though. When my mind and body are working overtime for a while as soon as I get a minute to relax, my body doesn’t miss the opportunity to let me know I overdid it and I need to slow down. And it does that in the worst, most painful way possible, quite often a migraine.

Lately I had close to zero time to myself (other than my morning running and/or yoga), I haven’t made a Love to Learn English mini-lesson for a few weeks, I haven’t played the guitar for a while, I had to cancel some of the my English lessons and some days I hadn’t even had time to think, especially this last week. By the way congratulations to my little sister for getting her Maths degree. I’m glad I made it to her graduation!

Why am I writing about a migraine? Because ever since I moved back I often forget that I shouldn’t succumb to social pressure and I feel it A LOT back in Cyprus. It’s as if people don’t know how to be by themselves and there is always something to do. I’m still not used to being back, let alone adapting to this life, particularly now that lock-down is over (for the foreseeable future anyway) and what really helps me in busy and stressful periods is having time to myself, rest and have time to figure things out.

I just need to remember I don’t need to go out or do something every day and I not just want, I NEED to remember to make time for myself, otherwise I will keep losing myself and damage my physical and mental health.

So today’s advice from a struggling-with-stress-still-figuring-life-out-but-also-already-learned-a-lot 35 year old is ALWAYS remember to make time for yourself, there’s nothing wrong with declining an invite or postponing a lesson and having an evening to yourself. You need to look after yourself and devote time on your wellbeing, in whatever way it works for you, a relaxing pampering afternoon, reading a book, a walk in nature, anything that gives you peace of mind . And don’t worry about your friends, if they love you, they will understand.

Namaste

Eleni

Those 40 minutes… (An ode to Running)

I’m not the best or the fastest runner.

But those 40 minutes of running alongside trees,

the smell of the soil and the greenery around,

listening to music,

people watching, imagining what they are running from or to,

those stress, worry-free minutes when my body just feels alive and my mind can only hear my heart beat.

Breathing in the morning air, starting the day with a clear head.

A truly special level of mindfulness.

Pure bliss.

Namaste.

Eleni

Lockdown fever (why lockdown needs to end asap)

Two days ago…

I woke up early, earlier than my usual ‘get out of bed’ time and I was trying for a few minutes to remember what day it was. Lately, everything in my brain is messed up, turned into a huge tangled up ball of information, dates, worries, anxieties and at times throughout the day I get tiny panic attacks thinking about three million different things at once.

Will I finish everything on time?

Will I meet all my deadlines?

Will I be able to book a holiday soon? Will I be able to travel this year at all?

Is this how life going to be from now on?

Will we ever go back to normal?

What is normal?

Do I like living back in Cyprus? When will I adjust and how amidst the pandemic chaos?

I miss the UK a lot, should I move back in a few years?

What do I even want to do with my life?

This is just a small sample that goes through my head, all day, every day.

I can’t switch off, my eyes often hurt from the amount of time I spend in front of a screen, let it be phone, laptop or TV and I feel so tired I have no energy to do much after work.

I have very little free time for myself, and even when I do, I’m most of the time too emotionally and mentally drained to do anything else other than read a couple of pages of a book, watch an episode of a series, or the Cypriot version of Chase. I still do my Yoga and started running again, the park near my new flat is gorgeous, so at least I have that.

I rarely see my friends, we mostly chat online and I visit my family once a week. Other than my flatmate-sister I don’t have any other significant social interactions.

I haven’t travelled in months, I haven’t even travelled within my island for a while.

My emotions are all over the place and I get teary quite easily, well, easier than before.

I haven’t slept well for a while, I put on weight because I snack a lot, being home all day my only breaks are to snack and most of the time I spend the day in loungewear.

Social media and message notifications never stop, day and night, an inevitable side effect of the lockdown. It’s hard to keep up and sadly, I admit I can’t really keep up. I can’t possibly read and reply to everything or stay on top of news, videos, articles etc I’m sent or come across (after watching the Social Dilemma on Netflix, I’m even more aware how algorithms work, so I try not to feed the monster that often, but it’s proven rather difficult, considering it’s virtually impossible to survive without technology, the internet, social media.).

On top of that, I’ve only been back to Cyprus for a few months and I have spent most of that time under unique conditions, I haven’t had the chance to find my feet and adapt to my new life. The daily horrific news, the archaic legal system, sexism, racism and a number of other social issues I hadn’t realised beforehand, haven’t made it easy, I must admit.

Lest we forget the inability to plan in advance, organise a holiday, make plans for the future, is just devastating to even think about.

It’s like we are stuck in Groundhog Day over and over and over.

In any other circumstances, dealing with each problem or situation individually it would have been easy to cope with, but dealing with all of them, anxiety, social isolation, social media overload, exhaustion and the list goes on, is unbearable. I feel I’m drowning, I can’t see light at the end of the tunnel, it’s as if the sun is forever hiding behind huge grey clouds.

And this is not just me. The majority of my friends, colleagues and other people I talked to feel the same, and I’m guessing they are not the only ones.

I’m lucky I have a job and I live with my sister, but for others, the second lockdown effects are much much worse. They live on their own with no support network, a lot of people are sadly unemployed and it’s incredibly hard for them to find a job, even a temporary one now under these circumstances and let’s not forget all the businesses and freelancers who went bust or are dangerously near bankruptcy.

I fear the repercussions and impact of this second lockdown (the first one was a completely new experience to all, noone knew what to do what was happening, now life is supposed to continue, despite the lockdown) will be long and painful.

Do the benefits of lockdown outweigh the horrible effects on mental health? Is it worth damaging our mental health permanently? There are children who were born and only experienced life in lockdown, there are children who went to primary school for a month before spending the rest of their first ever school experience at home, there are teenagers who started university online, there are young adults who entered the world of work for the first time straight working from home. Suicide rates have gone up, psychologist appointments are high on demand and many fellow humans suffer in silence.

I personally think that we’ve all had enough of the lockdown. It’s time to get out, let the sun shine again, live like human beings, hug and kiss each other again and just be careful and responsible so there isn’t another outbreak.

Amen.

Eleni

PS To cheer us all up a few poems I wrote and some travel articles I posted on my other blog are coming super soon (well, maybe not so much the poems, they are rather melancholic).

December of 2020

December, normally a month full of baked goods, chocolates and treats at work, beautiful magical lights, Christmas markets, mulled wine, catching up with friends, streets buzzing with people shopping, having a laugh.

Not this December… The streets are empty, the cafes and restaurants are closed, there are no markets, no laughter, just some pretty lights and everyone in masks rushing to get home before curfew time.

I was going to name this post December at Corona times but it’s much more than that for me, it’s impossible for me to find a more appropriate name.

After three years I broke one of my traditions and didn’t do Blogmas. I just couldn’t find the time with my new job, looking for places to rent, getting used to living in Cyprus for now and still adapting to my new reality. Can you believe I haven’t sat down to play my guitar for weeks (minus a day I wanted to prepare something for my sister’s nameday)?

I guess adjusting takes time, even more so during a bloody pandemic and I just have to trust that all my irrational subconscious and conscious fears and worries will die off eventually.

On a happier note, after 12 years, I’m spending December in Cyprus which means, even during these bizarre and horrifying times we live in, that I decorated the Christmas tree with my sisters (we do it online every year) and we baked traditional Cypriot/Greek treats, kourampiedes (almond cookies covered in icing sugar) and my all time favourite melomakarona (honey syrup dipped cookies).

(Video and recipes coming soon on Kopiaste)

So I guess what life taught me once more it’s that it is never black and white, all good or all bad. It’s both all the time. And that of course it’s unpredictable. Who would have thought that I’d be back in Cyprus for the foreseeable future?

All I can do is enjoy whatever life brings me every day. I hope we all manage to have a homely, heart-warming Christmas with our loved ones, that’s what Christmas it’s all about after all.

Namaste

Eleni

World Mental Health Day (the pandemic version)

This year I won’t write much about how important is World Mental Health Day. We all know that every day is Mental Health Day, we can’t look after our mental health once a year, we need to tend to it as much as we do our physical health, if not more and asking for help if needed is nothing to be ashamed of, it only shows you are human with feelings.

And if you are one of those people who goes around boasting you never had a mental health problem and telling others they should ‘man up’, then you are in deep denial. One person every 40 seconds commits suicide. Take a minute to let that sink in before you devalue others’ mental health struggles.

I won’t talk about my personal experience either, I’ve done it plenty of times, you can read more here, I just want to say, after everything the whole planet has been and still going through, especially these last few months, the constant fear of contracting the virus, worrying about our loved ones who are more vulnerable than others, the prolonged lockdown, struggling to cope with being inside for so long, the effects on our financial situation and worrying about employment and money, the psychological effects of self isolation, after all these and unfortunately much more, please just remember:

It’s OK. It’s OK to struggle, it’s OK to be angry, sad, frustrated, disappointed, worried.

We are all different and we all deal with our issues in our own way. Do what you need to do for yourself, look after yourself and remember to devote time on your mental wellbeing, in whatever form helps you, it could be anything. For me is yoga, writing, music and travelling, wandering around (though I can’t do much travelling right now but I try as much as I can on my little island). For others could be drawing, dancing, anything. Please don’t feel guilty if you haven’t been ‘productive’ or had a sofa day. 

And if you can, speak about it. Let’s get rid of the stigma once and for all. Why is it fine to talk about heart disease, cancer, little pains, big pains, express our worries, pain and fear when it comes to physical health but we still can’t openly talk about  it when we feel down or sad, or are diagnosed with depression, anxiety, schizophrenia, borderline personality?

So that’s my message for today. Look after yourself and talk about mental health.

Eleni