I haven’t made a video or written a blog or even just sat down with my own thoughts for a while and I’ve really missed it. So I started devoting time to myself again, in an effort to feel in charge and do things I love and not only work (although I do love my job!).
I made a short video and details and you can find details of what I mentioned below.
2. I’ll create a short series of videos with useful expressions in the Cypriot dialect, as requested in a comment. In the meantime, if you need to learn Greek fast, you can use freely available material here: https://www.volutoring.eu/EN/
This post is for everyone who might be finding looking for a job amidst the pandemic even more painful, demotivating and soul destroying than it normally is.
Rejection after rejection can make you question yourself, your abilities, your self worth and that’s when you need to remind yourself of all your achievements and what you’ve done so far. I’m quite confident myself especially when it comes to my professional experience and knowledge and I still doubt myself when I can’t find a job. So…
This is me
I speak English and Greek fluently, I guess you can say I’m bilingual as after 11 years speaking mostly in English has caused my brain to think in English first. I also speak a bit of Italian and Spanish.
I have a LOT of qualifications (BA in Psychology, MSc Research Methods in Psychology, Qualification in Occupational Psychology, Occupational Testing, PRINCE2 Foundation and Practitioner, Online marketing fundamentals, CELTA) and during my 12 year work experience so far I accumulated a number of skills and knowledge in varied areas e.g. data analysis, reporting, event planning, research, promotional campaigns, teaching English etc.
I also volunteered for charities and in my free time I write (on this very blog as well as my travel blog I recently started kopiastekopiaste.wordpress.com), I love photography, making videos and I know a bit about digital marketing.
It helps to remind myself how far I’ve come and noone and nothing can take away my skills, knowledge and achievements from me.Comparing myself to others can only make me feel worse, we don’t all have the same opportunities, financial support and flexibility. I did the best I could with what I had and I continue to do so.
I’d also like to think that the right job will come at the right time and everything will just work out. Whatever I end up doing next, it might not be what I’m looking for, but I’m sure I’ll learn from it as much as possible. I may have to wait a little longer than I thought though and that’s OK.
I’m still the same capable, confident, knowledgeable individual.
If anyone’s interested in hiring me I can conduct research, occupational testing, create content, write articles, translate, manage social media accounts, teach English and above all help others. I’d love to work for the UN one day!
If this post helps even one person who’s in a similar position, I’ll be over the moon. Feel free to share your ‘This is me’ story, I’d love to watch it.
I made a video with the longer version of the blog. If you make a video too, tag me in so I can watch and share 🙂
Stay safe and well, wear your mask and remember, it’s okay not to be okay.
A hot (45 degrees Celsious), September, Thursday afternoon somewhere in Nicosia, Cyprus.
I’m at the offices of a huge commercial organisation to have an interview for their digital sales executive position, a job I didn’t apply for. But I’m here so I can get some experience in job interviews in Cyprus, speaking in Greek. I never had a job interview in Greek for a professional role and I’m feeling a bit nervous.
How did I end up here?
I had applied for a simple office admin job at a radio station which is part of the same organisation but that position had been filled and the woman I sent my application to gave me a call to inform me that though they had already hired someone for that job, she forwarded my CV to another department for a position they had available. A day later I received a call from another lady to set up an interview. She just told me the title of the job I’d be interviewing for, Digital Sales Executive, and we arranged date and time.
I knew nothing else. She didn’t give me any details and there was no job description on their website, only a couple of lines and by looking at those, I wasn’t sure why I was invited for an interview. Here’s the translated ad (and the original ad underneath it):
The x organisation are looking for a full-time digital sales executive, someone with a pleasant personality and a degree in Marketing, Communication, Mass Media, PR or other relevant fields (I do have a pleasant personality, if I say so myself, no idea how they would know that though, but I have no degree in any of those fields, only a Google digital marketing certificate anyone could obtain online).
Experience required in:
Back Office (organisation)
Digital Marketing
Sales
(I have no experience in any. I worked in an office in the UK but I’m not quite sure what back office entails.)
After a 20 minute wait (I had a chat about anything and everything with the receptionist, she was really sweet), I met my interviewer, a 34 year old man, who by the end of the interview I’m not sure if I was angry with or felt sorry for.
So why was the most ridiculous interview ever? Well, maybe it wouldn’t be if you lived in Cyprus I guess, but for someone who only had interviews in the UK, I’ve never experienced anything like it.
Too many and too personal questions. Not only I was asked how I old I was, whether I was married/single/had children but also WHY I was single. Why would an employer should know why I’m not seeing anyone? I politely explained to him that I had no need to be with someone to be happy, I was happy on my own. I wish I had told him that it was none of his business instead.
He clearly had not read my CV. He wasn’t aware of most of the information that was on my resume. He had no idea I spent last year in Italy teaching English or that I worked as a data analyst for years, or that I had a range of different qualifications, or even that I had a digital marketing certificate, the only relevant diploma to that job. These are just some examples of his ignorance.
‘Where do you see yourself in 10 years?’ Emm, hopefully not dead from Coronavirus, I should have said. I think this question is pointless anyway, but it’s usually ‘Where do you see yourself in 5 years?’ not 10 years. After he saw the shock on my face and me explicitly expressing it as the first words I managed to utter was ’10 years??? I honestly have no idea’, he followed up with ‘What about 5 years?’. I couldn’t but just be honest. ‘I’m honestly not sure, I just came back to Cyprus and I’m exploring my options, who knows where I’ll be in 5 years’. I couldn’t lie and pretend I imagined myself as a Digital Sales Executive, a job I only knew very few things about I found out myself through Google and during the interview.
Arrogance. I’m all up for being confident and loving myself, I’m a huge advocate of that but I detest arrogance and boasting. Any opportunity he had, he demonstrated how amazing he was at his job, how he interviewed over 300 candidates just to find the right one (how on earth he found time to interview 300 people I have no idea, I suspect he might have exaggerated). He also claimed after I told him I’d be honest with him and was not really sure what I’d like to do next that he’d knew if I lied. He is THAT good, he can detect lies (ironically it seems I spotted his lies instead). When I asked him what the benefits of the job was, he just narrated his work history and of course how he was so talented at everything, that’s where he ended up where he is now.
Pointless questions. ‘What salary would you be happy with ?’ I replied with asking the average salary for a digital sales executive, but apparently there isn’t one, maybe I should have asked for 2 grand a month. ‘Persuade me, do some sales, sell yourself, why should I hire you?’ How can I sell something I know little about, how can I try to convince someone who came across so arrogant and unprofessional to hire me for a job I didn’t apply for? I can’t really remember what I answered, I was just thinking how ridiculous the whole interview was and I couldn’t wait for it to end.
From what I understood he was going to ask me for a second interview but he wasn’t sure I really wanted to be a Digital Sales Executive and I’d stay in that job for long. The truth is I didn’t know whether I wanted to be one, but I knew if I worked for this man, we would argue all the time. I have 11 year long work experience. I’m a responsible professional adult. I wasn’t treated like one at the interview and I doubt I would have been if I had been hired.
I received no follow up phone call. It seems that they don’t let you know if you were successful after an interview in Cyprus. It happened on one more occasion since this interview. I personally find it incredibly rude, as in any other job I went for an interview I was notified either by phone or email of the outcome.
So here it is. That’s the most ridiculous job interview I ever had. I had a couple of interviews since and they were OK, with no awkwardness and silly questions, which reassured me that interviews like that won’t happen that often (I hope).
Did you have any similar experience? Any inappropriate or irrelevant questions you were asked, you’d like to share? I’d love to hear.
‘What do you want to be when you grow up?’ everyone would ask when I was a child, a teenager, a young adult.
The answer differed as I grew up. A doctor, a singer, an actress, a teacher, a psychologist, a travel writer.
And when I grew up, I became none of these. I’m not even sure what I became.
A year ago I quit my office job, I left the UK, got a CELTA, taught English in Italy for a year and now I’m back home to Cyprus after 10 years and I have no clue what to do next. It’s exciting, in theory I can do anything but I’m mostly terrified and worried I’m too old, I’ll run out of money and end up nowhere.
We were brought up to believe that by the time we hit 30 we would have tried a few different jobs and settled on a career and be happy with that one dream job, or at least be happy enough to stay in a job indefinitely.
But a single career path is not for everyone and not always the case. A lot of successful people in pretty much every field changed careers when they were older and wiser or kept changing careers or juggled more than one jobs until they died.
What do I want to be now I grew up?
I’m one of those people. Not a successful one, not yet anyway but there’s so many paths I’d like to follow but it’s impossible to try them all and even harder to stick to one or two.
Some are technically, and by technically I mean financially, not possible. One of the occupations I always wanted to go into was counselling. But I can’t afford another qualification. I can’t even ask for a loan as I’m now back to Cyprus and all the excellent credit score I built up for years in the UK won’t help me much here. Do I even want to have a debt?
Should I continue with EFL teaching? I could but my first year though rewarding, was exhausting and had zero time for myself, my friends or to travel. And should I risk going to another country and end up locked inside teaching online because of this pandemic’s unpredictable course?
I could become a writer. The idea of writing a fantasy/crime novel always excited me or a raw honest non-fiction on how society, social status and let’s face it wealth (or perhaps lack of) can and has for generations embedded a deep fear of failure especially in women. It’s always tougher for a woman, let alone one with no savings or family money to have ambitions and not let disappointment take over.
I sadly not only realised that for myself (after years of deep self-exploration) but I see it in dear friends and family who are better in what they do than others who might have become famous or run their own business but they are too shy or lack the confidence to ask or go for more.
That’s why the majority of politicians, business owners, celebrities and so on come from wealthy or at least upper-middle class families with connections and financial support making it easier to succeed.
I should believe in myself more, but at the moment I am crippled by my own insecurities and fears.
So what do I know about myself when it comes to my next career step now that I’m on those crossroads?
I don’t want to be stuck in an office 9-5, I’d love to travel and most importantly I’d be over the moon if what I do for a living helps others in any way.
Unfortunately volunteering doesn’t pay and living with my parents after 10 years living on my own is tough. I need my own space to keep growing and figure out what to do next.
For now, I’ll keep pushing myself to do more, trust myself and try not to stress about money and work and in the meantime if you have any personal inspirational stories or any piece of advice, please do share!
One of the best decisions I ever made, at an unknowingly *pivotal moment in my life was to join the Lunchtime Glee club, a group of colleagues coming together once a week for an hour of laughter and singing, the best remedy to uplift us, especially after a long, busy day at work.
Five year later and since then Lunchtime Glee has grown and became Singforce, and our SSU choir is part of a huge staff choir network all around Hampshire, I’ve made wonderful friends and though we are only doing this for fun we got to perform not only at events across the University including the Staff Awards and the Graduation flashmob but also at events all over Southampton, at the Mayflower Gala, the Annual One Sound choir collab shows (Turner Sims was probably my favourite) and John Lewis to name a few.
Our last 2018 performance was today, at the VC Christmas reception at the Spark. We couldn’t hear the music well so it wasn’t our best, but it was the perfect end to a wonderful year for our SSU staff choir. Thank you to my lovely Helen for the snap.
Thank you Dan for all you do for us, I love our choir family.
Eleni
*(Pivotal moment in my life: Lunchtime Glee through Dan led me to Sing Now, a community choir I was part for almost two years, which brought my bestie, Sheba in my life and many many other amazing friends and memories and helped me realise and get out of a dead end relationship, that’s the short story version)
I usually dread Mondays. It takes me a day or two after the weekend to get used to my 9 to 5, desk based job after a couple of days doing only what I enjoy, draw, play my guitar, write, read, go out, stay in, watch a film, enjoy delicious food at local restaurants.
But not today. I was only at work until noon, we made our first HESES successful submission and in the afternoon I joined the wonderful Touch team for their away day.
It was by far the best Away Day I’ve ever taken part in. Fun, creative, positive with a great mixture of different people, experts and ideas, from interns, fresh out of university with innovative ideas, Sam an experienced digital marketing expert, Hannah and Rachel who work for Touch and have inside knowledge and are both insightful and creative and Debs, the Touch founder, creative, thoughtful who has a clear vision on how she’d like to develop Touch.
By the end of the day, everyone contributed and we had a clear, detailed plan on how to expand our events across the country so as many people as possible can share their story and inspire each other.
What made a difference for me was that we all felt comfortable sharing our ideas and knowing that everyone’s ideas were valued. I guess there were no corporate limitations or culture or disappointment that usually occurs on away days in large organisations.
On this away day I felt that no matter how it all pans out is that we’ll try our best and what’s on paper will be materialised (with a lot of trial and error as with everything) because we all care.
We did all this whilst enjoying lunch at the White Star on Oxford street. I haven’t been there for a while but I was delighted the quality of food had not changed since. I enjoyed their roast pumpkin, spinach and walnut gnocchi so much I actually finished it. I rarely manage to do so, but it was too scrumptious to resist.
A creative, positive, fun, exciting Away Day with great food we all looked forward to. That rarely happens.
No idea what tomorrow will bring but only two weeks to Christmas Eve!
About three years ago, after I passed my British Psychological Society (BPS) Occupational Psychology qualification exams, I naively thought I’d somehow manage to get a job as an Occupational Psychologist trainee (very few and rare opportunities in Southampton and at the time I so desperately tried to save my already failing relationship I rarely looked for jobs outside the city) so to increase my chances I decided to take the now called Assistant Test User and Test User qualifications which would enable me to administer and interpret Ability and Personality/Motivation tests in an Occupational setting.
I found a consultancy in Brighton, KCP that offered a distance learning option (there were no local consultancies offering this which still baffles me) and they were recognised by the BPS and to cut a long story short after a month, some people take longer but I didn’t want to drag it out, I completed and got both qualifications. I was over the moon as I got great feedback from my trainers Andy and Cathy especially when I went through the Occupational Personality results with my two volunteers. That was a little confidence boost that I needed more than I knew at the time.
Fast forward to today. My priorities changed, my life changed and unfortunately I haven’t yet given the chance to put my qualifications to good use. But every year around September I have to decide whether to pay to keep my name on the Register of Qualifications in Test Use (RQTU) and every time after contemplating for a month or so, I do. I guess I still hope one day I may get to do something with it.
This year I decided to go a step further and refresh my knowledge and skills on Personality and Motivation/ Ability Occupational Testing so I posted on LinkedIn for recommendations of any free but high on reliability and validity tests I can administer to a couple of friends and then feed back the results to them. It’s not easy to find a good, robust, reliable, especially personality and motivation questionnaire that is readily available for free. Most of the free resources are generic and their validity and/or reliability is quite low.
Luckily my trainer Andy saw my post and as the sweet, lovely human he is he offered me a free MAPP questionnaire (the online version) the test I used for my qualification. I actually asked for a second one to administer to another friend with completely different ways of working compared to the first friend who filled it in, just to see how different the results and the feedback session may end up to be, and Cathy and Andy agreed.
I was at the time inspired by the Help me book I had recently read. For one of the self-help books, Marianne the author and protagonist, had to attempt to get rejected as much as possible and notion behind it was to get used to the vulnerability and embarrassment which may come with rejection and that it is actually not as scary as you thought it may be. So I thought I’d ask, I had nothing to lose and what was the worst it could happen? I wish I followed my own advice more often.
MAPP (Managerial and Professional Profiler) is a personality and motivation questionnaire designed specifically for professionals. It’s a great test as it measures a wide range of personality dimensions clustered in three broader categories, People, Task and Feelings and also motivational and values dimensions and what makes it even greater is that the results are compared to a large group of professionals/managers, which contributes to its validity and reliability. If you’d like to know more, you can find all details here.
MAPP can be used for assessment, as a part of the recruitment process but also for development. And that’s how I chose to use it for my two lovely friends who completed it.
What I love most about giving feedback on any test but particularly MAPP is interpreting the results with the ‘assessees’, exploring how self-aware they are of their own work preferences, leadership style, how they work in a team, on a task and my favourite part, making associations between their work style to their motivation and values and discussing these with them. For example both of my friends seem to enjoy working with others than competing and they care about the well-being of their team, which makes perfect sense as they highly value altruism.
I can go further deeper on the many, many connections between personality traits, values and motivation using examples but this post will end up more like a book instead.
Both my friends enjoyed their feedback sessions and they both gave me great feedback, similar to Andy and Cathy’s a couple of years ago. Which made me really happy. I was concerned they may treat this as a right/wrong exercise, but of course it isn’t. There’s no right or wrong when it comes to personality and motivation and values. But it all went well.
They found it useful and quite interesting. And it is. It makes you think and consider things you may haven’t thought about before.
Before anyone else suggests it, as I have been asked before, I tried my workplace’s HR but no luck. Sometimes, after multiple rejections, although of course I know I shouldn’t take it personally and keep trying, one cannot but feel demoralised and question their own abilities. That’s why feedback is incredibly important.
I have tried to offer this as a freelance service but as I work full-time in a completely different job, I don’t have the time or resources to promote it.
If anyone would like to take MAPP or any other questionnaire and would like me to give them some feedback, you can purchase the test from Andy and I’d more than happy to do that for you.
Special thanks to Andy and Cathy for offering me the test for free and my lovely friends Sophie and Chris who completed it for me.
Ooh ooh, ooh You are not alone Ooh ooh For the last time I am sure…
Graduation week at Solent. My favourite working week of the year, by-a-mile. A celebration of our students’ achievements, a special moment in their life, one they share with their loved ones, one they will always remember when they get old and wrinkly and I get to be part of it, helping out, ushering them, cheering them on just before they nervously walk on stage to get their certificate. Steve, a colleague told me a month later when I bumped into him how nice it was to see a friendly face down the stairs, smiling and chatting to the students before their big moment. See that’s why I love volunteering. The joy you get from it doesn’t compare to anything else.
This year was even more special, one I will remember. Why you ask.
Wednesday, 11th of July
I woke up in horrible pain. It’s not those days of the month yet, not just yet but all the anxiety took its toll. I sometimes worry the effect of stress on my body may have permanently damaged it…
I slowly got ready and went in the office early to scan and send some paperwork to the letting agent and put my gown on before I head to Guildhall for graduation.
I found out yesterday that if my references go through on time, I’ll have a place to move to on Monday. What else can go wrong you say…
Emails went through to a contact I had at the agency I rent my current flat from and my manager last night. But neither reference forms have been filled in yet.
The heat, the thick gown and the anxiety levels fast rising caused me to break into nervous sweat. I could feel it dripping down my back. I won’t have much time to check my phone as soon as the first ceremony starts until lunchtime…What if? What if?
Just before I finish my morning coffee I give Dan, my current landlord referee a call but there’s no answer…
I go back in, I can’t let this distract me from what I’m here to do. A year later I’m once again behind the bar at the Guildhall and some of my favourite colleagues are there. We have a chat and prepare for the morning ceremony. One of my favourite moments, the calmness and quiet before the first guests walk through the door. God I love everything about Graduation.
I check my phone every now and then, no news, neither reference has gone through yet.
At lunchtime I call the Radian main office and ask for Dan but I found out Dan had left the company so they give me another number to call. Nadine who is now managing our property was out and she was off for the rest of the week. I send an urgent email to a generic address and pray for the best.
The morning ceremony was just beautiful. There was an in house student band this year and they were in-cre-di-ble. Pete Wilson, the Popular Music and Performance course leader who organised the whole thing, did an amazing job once again.
I still remember their cover of Swim by Fickle Friends. By the end of the week we all have danced to it. Another little moment I saved in my memories box, watching everyone swinging along sometimes without realising.
Ooh ooh, ooh You are not alone Ooh ooh For the last time I am sure…
After lunch I get an email from the agent, my landlord reference has gone through but not the one by my manager.
I go back in the office after we wrapped up for the day. It seems Suzanne never got that second email. Seriously? Sometimes I wonder how unlucky I can be.
I call Homelet, (the referencing company that the lettings agency is using, £75 references cost by the way, £75 for me to do all the hard work and for them to just send a reference form through email and they can’t even get that right) but they closed early that day. Come on!
I still need to book a removal company but I can’t really until I know for sure I’m moving on Monday.
It will all be VERY last minute…
Thursday 12th of July
I go straight to the Guildhall today. I want all the flat related problems to be over with so I can enjoy Graduation to the full. And soon they are.
I call Homelet first thing in the morning, apparently there was a glitch on the system but they re-send the email to Suzanne there and then, she fills in my reference soon after and then the lettings agency emails me to say that everything is OK and to go on Monday at 12pm to sign the contract, pay my deposit and get the keys. AMEN!
I can finally relax. I still have to arrange the actual move and do most of the packing before Saturday, since I’ll spend it in London but that’s something completely under my control, so I don’t have to worry about that.
The rest of the day was brilliant. I loved chatting to all my lovely colleagues, especially Gillian. What a woman. So caring, motherly and offered to help with anything. I hope she knows how lovely she is.
I loved ushering the students on stage especially Paul Maple, a talented colleague I remember since I met him when I first started working at Solent, 7 years ago, and I finally managed to sit on the big deck chair and have an ice-cream with Dext, enjoying the sunshine.
It was the best ice cream I ever had. Not because of the taste. It was a common vanilla ice cream. But that moment. The sun shining in my face, blessed I had a great day and finally a stress-free relaxing moment, after all the drama of the last four days.
When I got home, I booked the removal company through AnyVan, the website I used six months ago when I moved again, I had no time to do any research and call for quote. It seems a local company accepted my quote but they didn’t send me any details straight away. Maybe I should start thinking of Plan B in case I end up with no-one to help me move? My contract ends on Monday so I HAVE to leave my old place by then…
Friday, 13th of July
If you love somebody, let them know whilst they are here ’cause they just might run away from you…
On Top of the World was playing on speakers and Lou, Sarah, Helen and I smiled at each other and hummed along…
I looked forward to this day for months. The last day of Graduation week 2018 and I would be part of the surprise Sarah, SingForce, the Solent choir and I were planning since Sarah came up with the idea months ago.
The morning ceremony went unexpectedly fast (in the meantime I got an email with my Removal company details, finally all ready for Monday) and with it a great surprise.
Whilst ushering students on stage, a familiar face… Steve Carter!!! Steve worked at Solent for years as the Head of Finance but I only got to know him better the last couple of years. He worked at Greece in the past so he knew Greek. Every now and then I’ll hear ‘Καλημέρα’ (Good morning) when wandering at work and it’ll make me smile, I knew it was Steve. A sweet, caring manager and incredibly awesome at what he does.
As soon as I saw him I couldn’t help but smile. He gave me a hug and whispered in my ear how much he loved my blog. I teared up watching him go up on stage. What an honour to usher Steve on stage to get his Masters.
After a quick break for lunch, it was time for the last ceremony of 2018. Dan has just arrived, looking handsome in his black suit and Jack came along to film.
All the volunteers, exhausted but happy that we got to the end of this year’s Graduation ceremonies danced along to Swim whilst the procession came over from the Spark for the last time. Familiar faces were in the Procession who wouldn’t be under normal circumstances. Suzanne asked me if I knew why but I pretended I didn’t.
When everyone went in, just before I were to go in with Sarah and Donald to get in place for ushering, two trolleys full with gowns arrived from the Spark for the 80 special guests we were about to sneak into the Guildhall.
After ushering I didn’t get out as I normally do. I stood at the side and waited. The plan was for Dan to go on stage, start singing the first verse of On Top of the World and after that we join him, the Solent choir (some of were in the Procession) and Singforce members who came along to help us make this flashmob bigger. And we made it! What a beautiful end to an amazing week.
After wrapping up for the last time, we went out for a well-deserved drink. Sarah has done an incredible job again. Superwoman I call her. She really is. Thank you for trusting me again with such a great responsibility.
I’ll always remember Graduation week 2018. The drama and stress of moving but more so for the laughs, the chats, ushering our graduates on stage, watching Paul and Steve getting their degrees and of course the Flashmob.
Words cannot describe how happy I am it’s finally the weekend.
March has probably been the busiest month so far in 2018 personally, socially and professionally.
Staying late at work planning the AS Away morning, putting together the programme for the day, ensuring the catering arrived on time and other event related issues you can imagine whilst trying to stay on top of everything else, urgent requests, ongoing projects and the list goes on was fun, I love a challenge, but exhausting.
In the evenings and the weekends I caught up with friends and had one of the best nights out leaving me with no time to actually catch up with myself, do my yoga, spend time on my guitar or even write on my blog.
Now I have a week off to catch up with everything, do the things I love and try new things.
Last week I went on an interview at a job at the University. I wasn’t sure whether to apply, it was a much more interesting job compared to what I do (though most of the peeps working in that team applied for it, meaning my chances were slim) but most importantly, although I still don’t know what my dream job is, I know what it isn’t. And this wasn’t.
I was surprised I was invited for an interview but I did my best to prepare in the little free time I had and I made new friends along the way across the University. Thank you Dan for all your help and our chats, it was a pleasure meeting you. And thank you Meredith, Caroline and Phil for giving me the opportunity, I’ve learned something new about a great University service, I didn’t know before.
I didn’t get the job in the end. I wasn’t surprised I didn’t get it, but I was surprised I was not disappointed. I felt relieved. I may not love my current job, although I always do my best, but it allows me mentally, physically and practically to do more of the things I love outside work. And although I don’t believe in ‘meant to be’ I have a feeling that something bigger and better is coming my way.
Since a couple of bad experiences I had recently (a job I really wanted I applied for and didn’t get it, went on a date after two years and it went terribly bad) without consciously realising my life attitude has dramatically changed. I give things a go and if not working, I move on and after a day or two, I’m back enjoying life to the full. Because it is too damn short.
My friend Chris told me recently ‘If someone a year ago had said that you would be smashing PBs for leg presses you ‘d have never believe them. Odd how life changes!’
Of course I wouldn’t. Who would have thought! A year ago I was struggling with depression. I didn’t want to leave the house. I felt lost and alone.
Life changes because I changed it.
A year later, I’m stronger and healthier, I’ve met incredible humans who I now call my friends, I’ve made beautiful memories, I tried new things and I’m now going on my first ever solo trip in two days!
And I couldn’t be more excited, albeit a bit scared. Which makes me feel even more excited.
On Thursday I had the chance to visit the beautiful, colourful, vibrant Below Bar studios again as a BA (Hons) Fine art student invited me for a chat and a browse around the Fine Art studio. A post on that coming soon but what inspired me most about Andy was his love of Art and what he does. It may have taken him 30 odd years, since life is never easy and he had to work from a young age providing for his family, but he is finally now chasing his dream of becoming an artist.
A shining, bright example that is never late to chase your dreams. Just remember to live life to the full and enjoy every moment you can in the meantime…
I may not know what I really want to do with my life yet, since I love more than one things, writing, food, mental health, events management, staff development, marketing, drawing, anything to do with people, music although If I could make a living writing about food whilst travelling I’d go right now, but I know it will never be late to chase my dreams.
I weirdly can’t remember much of it. It’s all a blur. I remember walking home after my hairdresser’s appointment on Monday evening, only to find out the next day that a girl was raped at the very same park I walked through, roughly at the same time I passed by.
I didn’t hear a thing. It was only 6:30pm in the evening. It shouldn’t be dangerous walking through a park with so many people around early in the evening.
I no longer walk through the park at night, most days. Some days I’m angry that women in this day and age are advised not to walk through a park in the afternoon, just to be on the safe side, so I walk through it and I’m ready to fight whoever tries to even touch me.
I remember Mike’s birthday lunch and the fire at Waterstone’s whilst we were at Turtle Bay. How sad to see all the books, all the beautiful books with amazing stories on their pages, all the philosophy, science, literature, fiction books that open up our minds and teach us valuable lessons burnt.
And I remember having delicious pies for lunch on Thursday. This is it. The rest is nonsensical in my brain.
What I vividly remember is waking up one day during the week in tears. I was terrified, panicking. Panicking this year is going so fast, too fast. I cannot believe it’s already March.
I went through a whirlwind of emotions, thoughts. I’ve been contemplating about life a lot this week.
‘Am I good enough?’
‘What should I do next?’
‘What do I really want to do next?’
‘What if I die right now?’
‘What have I achieved in my life so far?’
‘I am running out of time. I’m almost 32, what should I do?’
Excruciatingly painful questions with no simple answers.
A simple, minute and a half long video going through examples on how people achieve different things at different times. One might have become a CEO when they were 22 and then died a year later whereas someone else became a CEO when they were 50 and lived until their 90. Just an example to show that we all work on our own time zones, some might seem ahead and some might seem behind you, we shouldn’t mock them or envy them. Because we are all running our own race, in our own time, our own time zone.
So simple, yet so powerful. I’m in my own time zone, as you are in yours.
It’s incredibly tough to not compare yourself to others. Society norms dictate and often measure your success on others. But that’s not the case.
I recently finished reading one of the best books I’ve ever read and I would recommend it to anyone and everyone, Emotional Intelligence, why it can matter more than IQ by Daniel Goleman.
I’ve learned a lot from this one book, from the neuroscience behind it to what Emotional Intelligence is to how developing it can benefit yourself, others, the society, the world, but I won’t go into much detail, one must read it to get the full picture.
Emotional Intelligence, recognising your own emotions and managing them effectively, motivating yourself, recognising emotions in others and handling relationships is what can make or break you. Emotional Intelligence in contrast to the highly regarded by many IQ can be cultivated and improved at any age. And it should. It’s vital and essential. It all starts from a very young age. The way your parents raise you up even since you are a toddler affects your whole life but you have the power to change it. It should be taught at school, it should be taught from a young age.
Why? Because when we finally become adults we can cope better in life. We learned how to be good, loving caring humans. We are aware when and why we are happy, upset, angry. We recognise how others behaviours affect us and how to change that, we know how to treat people truly respectfully without letting prejudices affect us. We are more resilient to social pressure and all of the social rules dictating our lives. We won’t feel the need to measure our success by comparing our lives to others, because we have the emotional intelligence to recognise that’s just emotions and feelings imposed by others.
What is success anyway? Money, fame, reaching the top of your career ladder?
No, not really. Many have done that and if you ask them years later they all say the same thing. They’d rather have spent more time doing things they love, with the people they love, making memories.
Of course it’s important to love what you do. And I respect people who love their work. But work is not everything and it shouldn’t define us. And not all of us are lucky to be doing what we love for a living.
In one of the first Derren Brown books I read, Derren whilst explaining how he memorises and recalls people’s names, mentions that when he meets people he never asks them what most would ask, what they do for a living, because some might hate their job and what they do doesn’t define who they are, but he instead asks them what they do in their spare time, what their hobbies are, what they love doing, and then associates their name with some of their favourite things. What a great way to remember people’s names!
I’ve met many ‘successful’ people in my life. Most could only talk about their job and their career, understandably because they love it but they couldn’t discuss about anything else. They rarely read any book, they rarely had time, or made time, to go on a holiday or explore another culture, they haven’t listened to music or went to the theatre for months. They couldn’t remember the last time they’ve seen a film, they had no knowledge or experience in anything else other than their work.
If that’s success, then I do not want it.
What I loved about my lunch with Charlie yesterday is that we could chat about films, life, society, Higher Education, music to travelling and life. Because we both love learning, trying new things and our life doesn’t revolve around work. What we do for a living does not define us and it shouldn’t.
What the world needs is more well-rounded people like Charlie. Well-rounded, emotionally intelligent, loving, caring humans. People who have what the Japanese called Ikigai, ‘a reason for being’.
Some of them might have reached success in the conventional sense, some might not. But it doesn’t matter.
I don’t know if anyone in years to come would even remember who I was, I don’t know if I leave a big mark on this crazy world, but we all leave our mark, big or small.
What I’ll leave for others is what I learned from my life through my blog, I’ll leave thousands of photos of delicious food and beautiful places and stories of amazing humans.
The feature image I used for this post today is an example of what I’ll leave for others. A gorgeous moment I captured whilst walking to work. I stopped walking for a second because I wanted to take in the beauty of this world. The sun coming out of the clouds, shining gloriously, brightening the beautiful park. Every time I stare at the sun I think of all my friends and family who live far away but at that moment standing there, the same sun is shining where they are. At that moment they don’t feel that far.
We are on our own time zones, literally and metaphorically but we are part of each other’s life, we are part of each other’s time line, in the most beautiful way. Because we love and care about each other. And I smile.
It’s all about the little things, it’s all about enjoying every single moment, trying new things and for me right now, doing more things I want to but I’m scared of. And everything will fall into place. Just like that.
There is no better way to end this post with a poignant quote by my favourite lady, Leslie Knope.
Lessons I learned after I turned 30 