Welcome October

Happy Sunday! And hello October.

Time for reflection and winter preparation (Christmas is coming!).

Last winter was horrible, just horrible for me. I sank into depression, I didn’t want to go anywhere or do anything. I gave up trying and allowed myself to be miserable and sad for months on end.

Fortunately I still managed to get out of bed in the morning and go to work but that was literally the only thing I did, just surviving. I rarely blogged, I abandoned my guitar, I lost friends because I didn’t want to leave the house and the more I sank into this black hole, the less confident I felt to do anything.

‘Why would anyone want to be friends with me?’

‘I’m ugly, I’m worthless, I’m 30 and still stuck here’

‘I haven’t achieved anything, others at my age have done so much more’

‘What the f*** is wrong with me?’

‘Nobody really loves me’

If you ever suffered from depression or went through a rough patch you might recognise these thoughts.

Not having much money left by the end of the month made everything much worse and gave me more excuses not to do anything.

I won’t say more today, I’m saving that for my end of the year reflection. If you want to read more on how deep I sank I’ve written about it a while ago, the most honest post I’ve ever written.

But I miraculously recovered with the help of my family, going home every couple of months keeps me sane, my friends, my colleagues and above all myself. I’m incredibly proud of how I drag myself out of this vicious circle.

And now I feel better than ever.

A year later, I have a feeling this winter will be different. I spend as much time home as I want to because I mastered how to enjoy me time so well I sometimes prefer it to other options and I only go to things I really want to. And I’m now used to going to places and events alone. A year ago just the idea terrified me.

Up until about 2 years ago I was always with someone, my friends and family when I lived back home and my ex boyfriend since I moved to Southampton, so when we broke up I was scared to do anything on my own. I felt I needed to have someone with me all the time and it took me a year to realise that is actually dead easy and pretty awesome to do things on your own.

Depression still creeps in every now and then, it actually did about a week ago, but I now know how to deal with it. I know how to crawl back out that hole.

Yoga is now part of my daily life (this month’s Yoga with Adriene FWFG theme is Begin again, which couldn’t be more fitting), my guitar is my best friend, my inspiration is back and I blog often, I’m meeting lovely new people again, my confidence is at its highest and I’m trying hard to move on to a more rewarding career. Which is tough. Really tough. But patience is a virtue and I’m prepared to wait, no matter how frustrated I feel and how much I crave for change right now.

Yesterday I had an awesome day. I went to Lou Lou’s vintage fair to browse pretty vintage clothes, jewellery and more and got myself lovely earrings and an autumn checked scarf and then had a girlie night in with friends, chit-chatting, snacks and rom-com. My favourite!


I’m still dreading work tomorrow but is going to be a good week with friends’ birthday celebrations, catch up with friends I haven’t seen for a while and I’m also meeting two lovely ladies who just started their own company for the first time, I can’t wait to share more on that!

It helps reminding myself that it doesn’t matter how old I am and where I am right now. You don’t have to wait for the new year to start again. Is not always easy so don’t forget to enjoy the little moments.

So here’s to October, here’s to new beginnings, here’s to you and me.




Sofa, blankets and delicious food Friday

Happy September!

First day of September, first day of autumn. I can feel the cold already.

Since it was payday yesterday, Sheba and I carried on the celebrations with lunch at Rogues cafe. I wanted to visit for a while, since it has amazing reviews and today we finally made it.

And it didn’t disappoint.

It was quiet when we went, it was just us, which was awesome, we had the whole place for ourselves.

We grabbed some blankets they had in wooden crate at the entrance and sat at the largest, comfiest sofa of the cafe.

The staff were lovely, friendly and chatty. The waitress enjoyed the music as much as we did and we all hummed along to most songs. She’s one of us!

Sheba had the veggie breakfast and I had avocado, hummus with chilli flakes and a poached egg on sourdough bread.

It was delicious! The avocado was nice and soft, hummus was tasty, perfect amount of salt and lemon juice and the bread was probably the best bread I’ve tried in Southampton, fresh, warm and soft, so soft it melt in my mouth.

The quote written in chalk on the wall just opposite us definitely touched a chord.

‘Without deviation from the norm, progress is not possible‘ by Frank Zappa

We had a great time. Sofa, blankets, delicious food and fun conversations with one of my favourite people. What else could I ask for.

Needless to say I definitely recommend Rogues Cafe. If you love homely vibes, delicious food and want to support the community and local independent shops, give it a go!

After I came back from lunch I saw a colleague who’s been battling cancer for a while. She’s been off sick for weeks and only popped in to grab something from her office. She looked weak and fragile. She reminded me of the last time I saw my aunt. Well the last time I saw her alive. Back in March, 2015. She had just finished a round of chemo and lost most of her hair. But at that point doctors were optimistic that she would get through it, but she didn’t believe it. I can’t stop thinking that she knew. She knew months before. God I miss her. I’ll always miss her. It’s sad and painful but I’m glad I remembered her. As long as we remember her, she lives through us.

After work I had my hairdressers appointment with the lovely Vicky at Haringtons. I love this place. I always look forward to it. Massage chair, a nice cup of tea, chatting and pampering. What else does a girl need!

And just finished the Love Vinyasa Flow session with Adriene. Day 1 of the  Self Love themed month. Just what I needed! It might take me a bit longer to finish since I can’t follow the sessions on holiday but I’m confident it will be another amazing journey.

Now Pizza and Friends. Perfect end to the day.

September started well. I have high hopes! Every time I think of it Kodaline’s song comes to mind and I start singing

High hopes,  it takes me back to when we started
High hopes, When you let it go go out and start again
High hopes, when it all comes to an end butt the world keeps spinning around…

I’ll try and post during the weekend  before I sign off for a week or so for my holidays if I have something to share and if I get the time, so much to do!

Here’s to the weekend! Happy weekend beautiful people!