I cannot quite believe it’s only been a week I’ve been back from Cyprus. The Christmas holidays feel a long long time ago… so to reminisce and to make myself regret even more I decided to cut my break to Cyprus short here’s a little vlog I put together from my Boxing Day walk to the picturesque village of Kato Drys featuring a huge, great restaurant with delicious food and surprisingly affordable prices, O Platanos, and a little traditional shop called ‘To madratzin tis yiayias‘ (grandma’s rolling pin’)
I hope I’ll spend more time putting together little videos like this, I missed it so much, I hope you enjoy it!
I came across a post yesterday on ‘Things that help with anxiety’ (or depression). I can’t remember exactly what it said -and I spent hours looking for it to no avail- other than one of the suggestions:
‘Every day write down how you feel…’
I suddenly had a light bulb moment. That’s what I need to do. I don’t really feel like writing or doing anything for that matter but maybe it will help, since my usual coping techniques haven’t been as effective lately.
I haven’t been feeling that well the last few days. Tired, drained, sad, numb, but also angry, easily irritated (I never felt so angry about the shitty weather, people being loud and other trivial, little things), anxious. A wonderfully disastrous cocktail of emotions. Hormones may have played a part (that week of the month, yes I’m talking about my period) but there’s more to that.
I didn’t do much at the weekend. I was so tired and drained I felt I couldn’t leave the house. And I didn’t. I felt horrible I didn’t go to see Kathy but I had no energy, I wouldn’t have been able to take her out for a walk.
I spent most of my time doing laundry (lots of laundry), watching TV, reading, a bit of singing on my guitar, some yoga. I felt better but my brain still worked overtime. I felt paralysed, as if the sofa and I were firmly bolted together, (though I managed to clean and make dinner) and at the same time the guilt of not doing much and obsessing on meaningless things for hours e.g. who was the actress in that film?Who DID we fight at World War I? was unbearable.
I put the first episode of After Life, Ricky Gervais’s new Netflix series on, about a man whose wife dies and he is in so much pain he decides to punish the world, and I was hooked instantly.
It was funny, sad, depressing, raw, unfiltered, saying out loud some of the horrible thoughts we all sometimes have but not dare say (I’ve read on the Guardian that some may be put off by the first episode because of Tony’s, the main character, apparent rudeness but I thought quite the opposite, that’s what makes it relatable, that’s what happens when you are in pain, it’s not nice but it happens) , and so very real. Anyone who has lost someone or who’s been depressed would relate. Also, great soundtrack.
I won’t reveal any spoilers but one of the messages coming out of the show was something I often torture my brain with. What is the point of living? Why do we try? Why live if we can’t think of a reason to stay alive?
Happiness is amazing. It’s so amazing it doesn’t matter if it’s yours or not. There’s that lovely thing: “A society grows great when old men plant trees the shade of which they know they will never sit in”. Good people do things for other people. That’s it. The end. Anne told Tony. Maybe that’s all there is. Live to make this world a better place. Do it for others if you can’t do it for yourself. Maybe.
It’s only 6 episodes and it’s meant to be a comedy, so it doesn’t go too deep but it’s definitely worth a watch.
Whilst talking to the little sis earlier today, I realised I go through a similar phase around this time of the year. A bout of sadness and numbness I can’t easily get out of, even with my best remedies in place. I normally go back to Cyprus for a week to restart, soak in the sunshine and the warmth, sit by the sea watching the waves…
… but this year it’s different. Ι don’t know when I’m going home yet but the little sister is visiting in three days. I can’t wait though I’m sad the other sis can’t join us. We planned an awesome week and it’s exactly what I need right now.
So how do I feel today? I feel better, though still sad, tired and incredibly anxious. I wish I was in the warmth and the sunshine by the sea but I’m also excited for the week ahead, dinner with friends, the little sister’s arrival, Linda’s leaving lunch, New Forest, London, Wicked, Brussels, Bruges. It’s gonna be a great one!
There won’t be a post this week but I’ll be back in a couple of weeks recharged and refreshed with plenty of stories and pictures.
Happy Monday and happy Green Monday to everyone celebrating Green Monday. Some of my most precious memories are sitting at the back of my uncle’s truck with my cousins, spending the day in the field trying to fly a kite, loving the strictly ‘lenten’ food, no meat or dairy but starving by the afternoon and my mum caving and let us eat whatever we fancied.
Anyway, time to finish work, go home and prepare for making more great memories later on this week.
PS if you are not at your best, try writing down how you feel. It works wonders.
December is almost here and it’s going to be a busy one until the big day. I’m considering doing Blogmas, my version, although I haven’t done it before and I have no idea how it will go, but I’ll give it a shot.
I love everything about Christmas. I know it’s heavily commercialised and exploited by many, but for me Christmas is celebrating with people I love, it’s all about giving and sharing and getting together, accompanied by delicious food and treats, seeing friends and family I don’t get to see often, reminding myself how grateful and blessed I am.
And of course I love Christmas songs, Christmas movies, Christmas decorations, the lights, the festivities. It always feels magical, even in the worst of times. And yes I’m one of those annoying people who feels Christmassy from November and the Christmas tree stays up until the 6th of January, the Epiphany, like in most Cypriot homes.
There is so much going in Southampton, I thought it will be nice to share where I’ll be going to and maybe others can comment on other events they discovered and are going. Unfortunately I can’t go to too many as it will be Christmas lunch/dinner/party season as well as catching up with friends and nights in with a cuppa, blankets, Christmas movies and snacks, one of my favourite things to do, before I fly home for the holidays. But these are the ones I picked and hopefully will make it to.
-Next Sunday, 3rd of December, the first ever Etsy Made Local Festive Market will take place at Mettricks Guildhall and I can’t wait! Local Etsy sellers, Christmas workshops and many more. If you decide to pop by make sure you try the coffee or the hot chocolate at Mettricks, one of the best in Southampton.
-On the 7th of December, Love Bedford Place is putting together a Christmas Spectacular with mulled wine and mince pies, Christmas carols and Christmas raffle amongst others. I live in the heart of Bedford Place so I’m not missing this!
Loving the little Christmas trees above every shop’s doors this year.
-On the 16th (depending on the Christmas party hangover) I’ll be joining my old friends from Sing Now choir at Guildhall Square who will be singing Christmas Songs and raising money for the Rose Road Association. Singing in the Square!
Finally, this is not an event as such but the lovely Molly is collecting Christmas care packages for the homeless in town until the 17th of December as she will distribute them on the 18th. All details here.
I’ll never get used to the cold but I love Christmas and I can’t wait for December!
What an amazing 10 days it’s been! Summer in Cyprus is always fun, although there is never enough time to see everyone and do everything I want, time just flies by so fast but I manage to fly there more than once a year, so I’ll catch up with the rest of my favourite people next time 🙂
Some of the highlights were my sisters and I driving to the vet at 9pm on a Sunday after we got back from Ayia Napa, to get our dog back hours earlier, as we couldn’t wait until the morning (they probably thought we were crazy but home wasn’t the same without Oscar trying to steal our food or sitting next to us until we cuddle him), days at the beach, the whole flat tyre mayhem on our way to Paphos to catch up with one of my bestest friends I hadn’t seen in ages (we spent an hour waiting for Rescue Line on the side of the motorway in the summer noon heat and then had to find a tyre place to fix it but we made it in the end!), our crazy family weekend break, our afternoon at the dog shelter, Friday’s gig, Tuesday’s live music, late coffee with one of my best friends, seeing friends and relatives, especially pappou Costas, catching up with my cousin at Gatwick, after we found out a couple of days earlier that we were to fly home on the same flight, and the precious time I spent with my little Prince, my godson and his parents and siblings.
If you want to see more Cyprus snaps from my recent trip check my FB and Insta.
I cannot not mention the Elections again. Hung Parliament? DUP, who the hell are they? What is going to happen with Brexit and the NHS now? If anyone can enlighten me, please do!
So from today, back to routine. First day at work was exhausting and the heatwave didn’t really help, I’m still melting.
But I feel much better, my anxiety and depression have almost disappeared, maybe because I figured out what was causing them.
I need change. I need to do something meaningful. I can’t spend the rest of my life in Southampton in a job I don’t mind but not particularly enjoy. I need to do everything I wish before I hopefully settle down and have a family and I can’t do or at least see a way to do all this here.
So I need to come up with a plan. Not sure what and how yet- I can’t decide what job I want to do next and where to move- but I feel much better knowing is up to me to make the changes I want.
Changing career gets incredibly harder the older you get, the more bills and debts you got, but is not impossible.
Any advice will be greatly appreciated!
For now, my next big thing is our Snowdonia climb THIS Saturday! Needless to say I didn’t get time to prepare and my fear of heights is REAL so it will definitely be a challenge for me, but is more than worth it. The money we are raising is going to an incredible cause, Tempo Wellbeing (http://www.tempowellbeing.co.uk/) a charity that runs singing workshops to improve mental wellbeing. Watch this to get an idea, it brings a tear to my eye every single time. https://www.facebook.com/tempowellbeing/videos/1447519988603175/
We will leave Southampton around 6 in the morning, drive to Snowdonia National Park (it takes around 5 hours) and then climb Mount Snowdon. Apparently the weather will be considerably cooler and it will probably rain, which will make it even more challenging, but I’m very excited and look forward to it! I’ll try and film parts of it and make a video for all of you to see and if the signal is good up there I will try and do a FB live link. So if you want to get a glimpse, check my FB around 2pm on Saturday.
If you want to find more and donate for this amazing cause you can do it here https://www.gofundme.com/Snowdonia-Superstars-for-Tempo-Wellbeing
I know I’ve been talking/sharing/mentioning this a lot lately but I’m well excited and it will mean the world to me if we reach our £1000 target before Saturday. Only 5 days left!