new beginnings – Lessons I learned after I turned 30

My 2020 New Year Wish

I’m holding a coin wrapped in tin foil and everyone is cheering me. Surreal.

It had just turned 2019 and I was the ‘lucky’ one, the ‘lucky charm’ was in my slice of Vasilopita, the traditional New Year’s cake. Who knows, maybe luck would be on my side this year. That will be a first!

That’s how 2019 started and what a year it’s been!

I regularly self-reflect, that’s how this blog started afterall, but inevitably this is a great time to look back on the year that’s ending and remind myself of all the lessons I learned from my mistakes, my achievements and more importantly everything I’m thankful for.

This year has been, literally and with no exaggeration life changing. I left Southampton and the UK after 10 years which felt like a huge, unimaginable task at the time, I spent a month in Cambridge studying for something brand new, the CELTA and somehow managed to get an A, I moved back to Cyprus for about a month and on another, unexpected turn of events I ended up teaching English in Southern Italy.

Whilst going through all these changes I had great adventures with loved ones, climbing up and down hills on our Jurassic Coast Macmillan Mighty Hike, exploring Bruges and Brussels with my little sister, an awesome holiday at Rhodes with my middle sister, I made great memories with friends and family, who I wouldn’t survive with at times, and for that I feel blessed and happy.

It’s also been a challenging year at times. I struggled with severe anxiety especially during those life changing moments and I’m still dealing with grief as my mind still can’t process how in just over a period of three months we lost my beloved pappou, grandpa Costa and my dearest uncle Spyro.

It’s not only the end of the year but the end of the decade and well, where to start from?

I can’t possibly reflect in detail and I’m not sure it will help in anything but tο sum up (take a deep breath):

I left Cyprus to do my Masters, I had my first long term relationship of 7 years that left me with emotional scars but taught me a lot and made me who I am, I ended up staying in the UK for 10 years, I had my first ‘proper’ job at Solent Uni where I worked for almost 8 years and lived in Southampton where I met some of my greatest, life-long friends, volunteered, lost myself, found myself again and learned to live on my own and with depression and anxiety, struggled with grief after losing grandma Frosou and aunt Anna, learned how to love myself, tried new things and discovered how to be happy on my own, doing what I like, singing, volunteering, theatre and musical trips, blogging, vlogging, hiking, reading, yoga (with Adriene). And that’s just a summary (breathe again).

I guess that’s life. It’s never a smooth ride. It’s full of surprises, ups and downs, easy and tough. Each of us follows their own path and are on their own timezone, so you can’t and shouldn’t compare your life to others but we all go through the same motions. So what matters at the end of the day?

I don’t do New Year resolutions, I find them pointless, I just make a small bucket list with things I’d like to do hopefully in 2020 but that’s another story I’ll post about later.

So what I learned in the last ten years and is my 2020 year and decade wish to everyone other than health, physical and mental (which is THE most important), is be happy, and never let it just depend on others, love, yourself and each other, and enjoy the little things, we truly live in a beautiful world and we often don’t appreciate life’s precious moments.

I hope you all do whatever makes you happy (don’t compromise that for no reason), quit your job if you hate it, devote time on what you love doing whatever that might be, make great memories with loved ones, enjoy every moment with them, you never know when it’s the last time you’ll see them (such a cliche but true), always be kind and try to make the world a better place. If we all do a little, as much as we can, who knows, we might make a huge difference.

Happy New Year! Here’s to a new year and a new decade. Here’s to 2020!

Namaste

Eleni

My 2019 New Year Wish

I’m holding a coin wrapped in tin foil and everyone is cheering me. Surreal.

It just turned 2019 and I was the ‘lucky’ one this year, the ‘lucky charm’ was in my slice of Vasilopita, the traditional New Year’s cake. Who knows, maybe luck would be on my side this year. That will be a first!

I don’t do New Year resolutions. Instead since last year I make a wish.

https://elenisworld.org/2018/01/01/my-2018-new-year-wish/

(And the family and I started a New Year Day tradition from 2019, baked Camembert and fresh bread for brunch!)

I read somewhere a few days ago, a post reminding me and all of us not to believe the ‘perfect lives’ and ‘reflecting on another amazing year‘ social media portray and oh my God is so true.

I regularly reflect back on my life but inevitably it also happens once a year.

It hasn’t been an ‘amazing’,’incredible’ year. There’s been highs and lows. I’ve climbed Ben Nevis (if you want to find out more on Ben Nevis you can do so here) but on other days my anxiety was so bad I was paralysed, I travelled on my own for the first time but also lived with a flatmate I didn’t get along for six months, I sang at the Mayflower with my Solent Choir gang and made great memories with family and friends, I felt loved and at the same time I experienced rejection. I signed up to volunteer for two great charities but I’m still stuck at a meaningless job.

No matter what happened I had wonderful moments with my nearest and dearest who I wouldn’t survive with at times, and for that I feel blessed and happy.

That’s life. Good and bad. Easy and tough. Each of us follows their own path and are on their own timezone, so you can’t and shouldn’t compare your life to others but we all go through the same motions.

So I won’t say much this year, the only thing I’ll wish to everyone other than health, physical and mental, which is major, is happiness and love. I hope you all do whatever makes you happy and make great memories with loved ones.

Happy New Year! Here’s to 2019!

Eleni

A milestone. The end of an era. A new beginning.

It’s June. It’s finally June.

For some is insignificant. Another day, another month.

For others, a milestone. The end of an era. A new beginning.

It’s not just another day or just another month. A moment I’ve been waiting for a year and a half. A moment I thought may never come.

Today I repaid my loan. A weight I’ve been carrying for a year and a half, a weight that’s been pulling me down, forcefully keeping me firmly on the ground against my will since I decided that I have to get rid of my credit card and turn it into a loan if I’ll ever be debt free.

And the reason I’ve had to sacrifice living on my own, which I dearly, painfully miss every single day for the last 5 months. But not for long.

Earlier today…

I just woke up and I’m acutely aware I have to get out of bed and get ready for work. But I’m struggling.

Weird dreams, night sweats, stomach aching (God damn you Malbec, I love you but the next day is never fun), lack of sleep. No wonder I can’t move. No wonder I’m still in bed.

‘That I won’t know where I’m going, if I don’t know where I am, but I feel more, I feel more… lost’ The Wind and the Wave lyric that’s been haunting me for a while now… and I can’t stop repeating it… over and over.

7:45am and I’m still in bed…

Was I really in Cyprus a month ago? Was I in London two weeks ago? It can’t be. It’s blurry in my head. Distant, beautiful, loving memories. As if they happened months ago.

I can’t get used to it. The new office, the new responsibilities. I’m still helping out, still doing some of the things I used to do. Some people want it all. There and then. They can’t handle it. Some people don’t appreciate how well and efficiently you do your job, because you make it look easy. My fault?

I miss A101. I miss Donna and Linda and Sati and Sophie and Andy and Sarah and Dave, our kitchen chats, our laughs, our daily fun.

Dave, the best boss and one of the sweetest, friendliest, creative, inspiring humans I’ve ever met is leaving.

Syed, lovely, always polite, considerate, kind- hearted Syed is leaving.

Everyone’s leaving.

Sheba left, came back and she will be going again soon.

Now I’ll be debt-free I can go anywhere I want. Why am I still here? Should I go? Do I want to go? Where to? Why am I still here?

Ray died. I saw him a month ago at One Sound. But now I’ll never see him again. I’ll never see his smiley face.

What if my grandpa dies? He is the same age as Ray. Oh my God. I will not cope. I won’t be able to fly home on my own to face this. Why am I thinking this?

Ray died.

Change on top of change, on top of change. I love change. But how do you manage all this change?

I tried to make a new friend. And I failed. I failed. Is it me? Is there is something wrong with me? Am I too loud, too chatty, too annoying? Am I boring?

Is it them? Can you help someone who doesn’t want to be helped? Should you try harder or give up and let go?

I miss living on my own. I miss it so much it hurts. I miss it all the time.

13 reasons why. 13 reasons why an intelligent, strong, talented 17 year old decided to take her own life. If only one, just one of her friends had done something differently, she would have still been with them. What if any of my friends are struggling and I don’t know about it? How will I know? How can I know? I hope they know they can always come to me. They need to know they can come to me for help.

Bullying in your teens, a trauma you carry with you your whole life. Bullying as an adult, different, but equally painful. Bullying, any form can crush your very soul.

I get why you did it Hannah Baker. Sometimes you feel is the only solution, the only thing that will make the pain stop. I wish you knew you were never alone…

Will I die alone? Maybe I will. It’s very likely. ‘You are too fussy’. I don’t want to die alone.

Why am I thinking all of this?

And why am I thinking all of this in English? Why can’t I do it in Greek?

STOP!!!

I promise you, you’ll be OK. You got this.

You are doing awesome. You are better than ever.

I know you feel you were stuck all this time but you’ve been moving. You just didn’t realise my darling. You are now debt-free, you are volunteering for a charity, you are making new friends every day. You’ve been moving all along my dear.

Now get out of bed and call the bank. Repay your loan, get ready for work and go!

Overthinking. My best friend. And worst enemy. Thank God for yoga and my friends, especially Chris, keeping me sane, although I just realised if you are reading this you may think I’m insane.

I’m not. One thing I’m still sure of.

As of today I’m debt free. As of today I’m free to do anything I want. I just need to figure out what it is that I want. Liberating… and terrifying. It makes me smile though…

Namaste

Eleni

New beginnings-week 1: My first ever housemate.

I’ve never lived with complete strangers. I lived in student halls at Warwick Uni when I was 22 but that doesn’t really count. It was more of a communal, safe environment and I was not an ‘adult’ back then. I was still fearless and naive with ambitions and unrealistic dreams, like most youngsters fresh out of university.

I moved from living with my family, to student halls, to living with my ex-partner of seven years to living on my own for the last two years.

I may be biased because that’s my most recent experience, but I loved living on my own. Not from day one, but definitely over the last year. So moving in a shared flat was not because I wanted to, but purely for financial reasons.

I spent last week packing, a little bit every day and last Friday I moved out from my cute, cosy studio flat to a year old, bright, modern 2-bed flat, which came with a 32 year old guy.

This year the move was smooth and uneventful (last year was a nightmare, alarms going off, lost my car keys, bruised knees for months, it was a disaster!) since I learned from my mistakes and saved money for a removal company. I’ll post more on that and what else I discovered over the last 10 days later this week.

It’s only been a couple of days and there is a lot to get used to. I don’t live on my own anymore so I can’t play the guitar at silly o’clock or put music really loud and I don’t know what the ‘social rules’ are when sharing a flat. Should I offer my ever so polite flatmate a cup of tea every time I make tea and he is around? Are we to cook on different times? Are we to become friends or keep stricter boundaries? I don’t really know the answer to these questions and I’m not sure he does either but I guess it will all fall into place. I’ve been talking to my brother in London and he is going through a similar situation right now. I’m glad it’s not just me trying to figure this out.

I still wonder whether I made the right decision, should I waited until a gal was looking for a flatmate instead of living with a guy? Should I went for more viewings, should picked a different area? At the end of the day, I made a decision and I won’t know if it was the right one until later, so I’m trying not to torture my mind.

It will take a while to have a good night’s sleep and feel like home, I still feel I’m a guest here and I will soon go back to my old home but we humans are incredible when it comes to adjusting to change. I’m sure it will soon feel as I’ve been here for years.

I love what I’ve done with my new room in just three days and with minimum spending. It makes a difference when I walk into my room every day and admire how beautiful it looks. I could have spent more money on getting a new bed and furniture and so on but it will all worth it in six months time when I finally repay my loan.

Although today is apparently Blue Monday, the most depressing day of the year (which is a marketing campaign by Sky Holidays based on a nonsensical, pseudo-scientific equation they made up), I don’t feel sad or depressed. I did briefly on Saturday, my first day at the new place where I felt lost and overwhelmed with all the changes but today I’m excited and terrified in equal measure of all the things yet to come.

Great things coming up I can’t wait to share them with you.

So here’s to new beginnings!

Eleni

Endings and beginnings (and Spa day)

After a long, eventful day of travelling (crying baby for the whole 4:40hr long flight, train delays and a windy and rainy ‘welcome back’, God I didn’t miss the UK weather) I made it back in Southampton last Tuesday. It was tough to say goodbye to my family and friends but I was ready to start the new year. I have a good feeling about 2018.

It’s been a non-typical first week of January. It’s been busy at work since day one, but exciting new opportunities, my best friend staying with me for her last week in Southampton, catching up with friends and colleagues and a wonderful leaving lunch at Mango and after work drinks at Tapas Barcelona more than made up for it.

Endings…

The day I looked forward the least has arrived. My best friend, my third sister, my partner in crime is leaving Southampton for good today. I will miss seeing her every day, having lunch together at random places, sitting at the park chatting about nothing and everything. I’ll miss our adventures, our laughs, our cries but I’m excited and so proud of her.

She is following her dreams to travel, explore the beautiful world we live in and then have the career she always wanted. She is the kindest, bravest, sweetest, most intelligent, sensitive person I’ve ever met. It is rare to meet humans like her and I’m lucky and blessed to be her friend.

I’m already excited for our first catch-up who knows where!

Next week I’ll be leaving my cosy, little flat. It’s been an incredible year and this studio felt like home more than all the other places I lived in Southampton, maybe because it’s been my shelter and safe place when I was anxious and depressed but also my creative hub. This is where I started my yoga journey, where I played my guitar until my fingers hurt and sang at the top of my lungs, where I read my favourite books, wrote my blogs, where I was re-born.

Beginnings…

But now it’s time for new beginnings! I’m terrified and excited in equal measure.

I wake up at the middle of the night wondering whether I made the right decision, ‘Should I check more places before I decide where to move?’, ‘What if I don’t get along with my new flatmate?’, ‘what do I do next?’ and million other thoughts.

Change can be overwhelmingly scary. It really is. But I can’t wait.

For the first time in a while I have a plan. It may not work out exactly as I thought it will. I’ll finally move on though, no matter what.

and Spa day!

For Christmas, Shebz got me something I wanted us to do for a while, have a Spa day together. And it couldn’t happen at a better time.

We had a wonderful time at the Grand Harbour hotel, enjoyed a much-needed massage, relaxed in the Jacuzzi and sauna and finally had a delicious cream tea.

The day ended like we wanted to, a take-away and a movie. I don’t know how I haven’t watched the Breakfast Club before, I now understand why is considered one of the greatest high school films of all time.

Now, time to get organised for a busy week ahead. Thank you to all my lovely friends who offered to help but I got it this time. I think…

Time for new beginnings, eek!

Namaste

Eleni

Blogmas day 10- Once there was a way to get back homeward…

Sunday evening already. The weekend gone in the blink of an eye.

I’m exhausted. Mentally and physically. But all worth it.

It’s been a great two days.

Last night was amazing. I haven’t laughed so much in a long long time. From Agnes the cuddly loving surprise guest dog, Geraldine’s ‘Polar Espresso’, Jaba’s 45 second effort to come up with a single word to Cyprus modern history and Russian politics conversations.

I consider myself lucky to have such beautiful, fun, caring humans as friends. Oh and Chris loved his gift. How could he not! Thank you Chris for a lovely evening, definitely one to remember.

Today, at 12pm the gorgeous, sweet Dan walked in the middle of John Lewis in Southampton, holding his shopping bag and a Moz cuddly toy and started singing Elbow’s cover of Golden Slumbers, the soundtrack of the John Lewis advert. And 150 of SingForce and SingNow singers joined in.

I got goosebumps all over my body, I almost cried whilst singing. I can’t wait to share some footage when is out. To see so many of my colleagues and old friends from SingNow come together to sing such a beautiful song was just wonderful. Cuddles and catch ups afterwards made my day. My heart melt.

After a cup of tea with my favourite it was time for another viewing.

This time it went brilliant. It’s not in the best area but the flat and the room itself were stunning. And I’ll have the bathroom just for myself. I doubt I can find somewhere that nice. The potential new flatmate was great. Nice, polite, honest, open, happy to share his Peruvian coffee although he just met me.

It’s incredibly hard for me to make any decision and I know if I don’t push myself I’ll end up stuck again so I decided to go for it! What’s the worst it can happen.

Change will always be scary but unbelievably exciting.

Shout out to my best friend again for coming along with me. I don’t want to think how much I’ll miss you, I really don’t.

It’s been overwhelmingly emotional today.

Here’s to the last full week of work before Christmas. It may not be easy but it will definitely end well with our annual Solent staff Christmas bash. It will be my last one and I have a feeling it will be the best so far!

Namaste

Eleni