southampton – Lessons I learned after I turned 30

The One I turn 36 (Thoughts on Growing Older)

Thursday evening, the 12th of May, 2022.

The second Eurovision semifinal is playing in the background, whilst I lie on my hotel bed, trying to gather my thoughts and feelings. I still couldn’t believe how these series of coincidences brought me back to Southampton, after three years, since I left. It feels like a lifetime ago and at the same time, like yesterday.

I had finished my work meeting a bit early and after a bit of wander into the city I spent 10 years of my life, probably the most transformative years of my life, my 20s, exhausted from the travel the night before, came back to the hotel, had a shower and decided to just rest.

It’s been months since the last time I decided to ‘just rest’, it’s been so long I can’t even remember when the last time that happened was.

The following day I just wandered in town, at my favourite bookshop, walking across the park and for the first time in a while I felt I didn’t have to rush. I just enjoyed doing things I love. I felt I could breathe again.

I’ve realised that for a while now, I have been running around like a headless chicken for so long, I neglected my mental health, which of course has affected my physical health. Headaches, sleepiness, confusion, memory lapses, loss of appetite.

I really don’t understand how being busy became an achievement and something everyone loves to complain about. It’s not an achievement, it’s a sign of no life balance (Trust me, it’s OK to relax and rest for a day or too, rather than feel you have to do something, just because others do. FOMO is an artificial need created by humans, like many others).

And I feel I lost that balance ever since I left this city. I spent Saturday just catching up with friends, and enjoying living in the moment. Moments with old colleagues and loved ones. I instantly felt how much I missed them. How not to, with all the wonderful humans I know. I wish I had more time to see more of my friends.

Lately all I can think of is what the point of life is. Every now and then I get this horrific anxiety and fear about living and dying and the in-between.

What is the meaning of life? What is my purpose? Why do I exist?

I read a few books and had countless discussions with friends trying to figure out the answers to these questions, just to calm my brain down and the irrational (or rational? I haven’t decided yet) fear of dying.

As Derren Brown, eloquently argues in his book about happiness , if we were to live for ever, we would have eventually be bored of everything, and life would have no meaning. So, what is the purpose of life?

Happiness is amazing. It’s so amazing it doesn’t matter if it’s yours or not. There’s that lovely thing: “A society grows great when old men plant trees the shade of which they know they will never sit in”. Good people do things for other people. That’s it. The end. Anne told Tony on Ricky Gervais’ brilliant series After Life, which is about a man triyng to deal with the death of his wife whom he absolutely adored.

Maybe that’s the meaning of life? Do good things for other people, make the world a better place. It’s all about finding purpose in life. That’s what i remember from a little witty book I read on philosophical theories about life meaning (https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/24612009-every-time-i-find-the-meaning-of-life-they-change-it).

But even when you find your purpose, and to do that you inevitably need to work on your emotional intelligence, your self-awareness, realising who you are, loving yourself, self management and above else empathy, growing up it’s scary as hell.

My parents are now in their late 50s and 60s and I’m terrified for them, watching them grow older. I want them to live forever. It tears me apart. I’m thinking that maybe is better to stick around now they are growing older and they may need me more, but on the other hand what if I finally find my purpose and that takes me elsewhere, away from them?

It makes me sad thinking that they may find themselves feeling lonely and helpless. And I certainly want to try and enjoy being around them as much as I can before they start forgetting and get that lost look in their eyes (I only recently watched the latest episode of This Is Us and the scene where Rebecca doesn’t recognise her children broke my heart).

So on my birthday, a week after I came back from Southampton, I spent the day with my family and loved ones and I cherished every moment.

When thinking about life, mortality and growing old stresses me out, I just focus in the moment, taking one day at a time, spending time with loved ones and I try to make the world a better place, little by little. When my time comes to go, at least I’ll go happy and not anxious and horrified.

The reason I’m sharing all these thoughts, it’s that I know they are not unique and actually expressing them out loud, or in this case in words, somehow makes them more bearable. And perhaps you can relate, and feel a bit of a relief that these terrifying thoughts haunt not just you but a lot of other people.

Namaste

Eleni

The Guilty Feminist

Also, wondering if you’d like to go to this with me…https://www.facebook.com/events/1643765342395990/ I listen to the podcast and it’s really good and I thought it might be up your street. Lucy messaged.

I had a quick look and I was intrigued. I didn’t look it up beforehand. I wanted to see whether I’d enjoy it without knowing much about it.

A couple of months later, 22nd of May, 2019

After delicious dinner at Soleto’s, which was mainly occupied (except our friend Dan and the chef) by women who were about to watch the show, we headed to the theatre, again mainly women. It felt surprisingly, unexpectedly empowering to be amongst so many women.

Three hours later, we left the theatre with a smile on our face, happy, re-enacting some of the funny moments whilst pondering on what true feminism is and how still to the day there’s so much discrimination, even in small, little things we barely notice.

Deborah Frances-White, comedian and hostess of the show and her guests for the evening Bridget Christie, Desiree Burch, Sophie Duker and Grace Petrie were amazing. I couldn’t stop laughing with Bridget, Desiree and Sophie’s comedy on dating in your 40s, bi-sexuality, racism and many other hot topics that women get grief on.

I loved Grace Petrie’s political folk songs and what an excellent idea of Deborah’s to introduce two local charities who spoke to us about the incredible work they do, Yellowdoor supporting and preventing domestic and sexual abuse and Chrysalis supporting transgender people and their significant others.

I’m now already a big fan of Deborah. Funny, witty, intelligent, charismatic (someone I met recently called me charismatic and I burst out laughing, I never thought of myself as charismatic). The following day I watched her Tedx talk from a few years ago and that blew my mind.

I already started listening to her podcast (you can listen here or look up Guilty Feminist on Spotify, it’s Deborah with guests discussing feminism in the modern world and of course it’s thought-provoking, inspiring and hilarious) and bought her book.

If only there were more women like Deborah. No wait, there are. Everywhere. You and me and many others say no to what (mainly male dominated) society dictates every day by not getting married or having children just for the sake of it, we refuse to get into an unhappy, unfulfilling relationship because if you are single it means ‘something is wrong with you’, we follow our dreams even if that means being the only female colleague in that engineering company, we do what we think is right for us, we have sex for fun and not just to please someone else, we don’t need make up and toned bodies to make us feel good about ourselves but we wear or not wear make up and exercise or not for ourselves.

Feminism is not about not shaving (unless that’s what you genuinely like) or being a lesbian or not letting a man help you put together a coffee table or feeling guilty you love face creams and rom-coms. It’s about all of the things I mentioned above, not conforming to man-made society norms, be whoever you want to be without stupid gender restrictions and many more, like not letting an unwanted dick pic or a wolf whistle or groping become socially acceptable.

Start your own business, do what you love for a living without feeling guilty for not just being a parent or wife or partner or daughter or sister . You can be all of these but above all you need to be yourself, love yourself, look after you.

A Facebook friend, ex- colleague who I rarely chat with (we all have a few of those on our friends list) recently messaged me to say that he loves my feminist social media. I thanked him, though I never considered my opinions as feminist, until I went to Deborah’s show. Then I understood what he meant.

So here’s to all inspiring women, our mums, sisters, friends, strangers who we admire, ourselves and those in the limelight, all of the feminist advocates.

Thank you Lucy for introducing me to this great community. I’ll miss you!

Eleni

Sisters on Tour- Southampton and the Forest

There are very few people I enjoy having a holiday with as much as my sisters. We don’t do too much planning, we get into the most unlikely situations end every single time my tummy hurts from laughing. So when the little one found and booked a cheap ticket to the UK, I couldn’t wait.

I was gutted my other sister Stella couldn’t make it, but I’m glad the little one did. I desperately needed this break and it did not disappoint. I tried filming as much as possible so I can practice my video editing skills as mentioned before. My skills are getting better but any advice is welcome!

So voila! Here’s my first ever travel, holiday vlog. Hope you laugh as much as we did on our little adventure.

And here’s all the places we’ve been or I mentioned (in order of appearance) in case you fancy checking any of them out. All highly recommended!

Popsis. A little, local, independent pizza place, at Bedford Place in Southampton. I’ve been a few times and their pizza is always delicious, fresh ingredients, nice and crispy.

John Hansard GalleryThe new-ish local gallery. The exhibition they had on when we went on was incredible.

Paperchase. My favourite chain stationery shop. One of my happy places when I need some cheering up.

Halladays. My all-time favourite cafe in Southampton. The best breakfast/brunch/lunch in town. And ever so pretty.

Rhinefield Ornamental Drive, New Forest. One of the many beautiful paths in the Forest.

Avon Beach, Christchurch. Right below the impressive Highcliffe Castle, lies the gorgeous, sandy Avon beach. Now I finally understand why this is Chris’s favourite place in the UK.

The Noisy Lobster Cafe, Avon Beach. A cute, nautical themed cafe by the water. The fish burger I had was superb!

That was it! Next vlog will be about our day in London (it’s mostly food, lots of food).

Eleni

The Accessible Art Show

I didn’t know much about the Accessible Art Show other than it was an art exhibition at the Solent University’s Spark, where I work. The term ‘Accessible’ sparked my curiosity though. I initially thought it referred to the accessibility of the building it was held at but no.

It was Accessible because there was something for everyone. Paintings, digital art, pottery, sculptures and many of the artists were there to have a chat with. There were people drawing, painting, creating there and then, incredible atmosphere and all for free (there was also an online auction going on at the same time where anyone could bid to buy the artwork on display, which has now closed). Local art, accessible to all. A great selection of incredible art by superbly talented local artists.

I bumped into Richard, the That’s TV journalist I was chatting to half an hour earlier at the Communicare Fair. He put together a little video on the exhibition, published yesterday. You might spot a familiar face!

I’m glad I decided to pop by, despite my tiredness. I absolutely loved it. I had a wander, taking snaps of the pieces that caught my eye and coming up with my own stories about them. That’s what art is all about.

One of my favourite was Evelyn Bartlett’s ‘Perfect Day‘. That’s how I, often, when I need to go to my happy place and calm my mind, imagine my Perfect Day to be. Sometimes a warm early morning watching the sunrise and other times a warm afternoon watching the sunset, always by the beach, listening to the gorgeous sound of waves.

But there were many many more. Here’s the rest of my favourites from Pip Webb’s Jazz Tree-O (I hear Jazz in my head every time I look at it), Mick Dixon’s Pottery to David Mc Diarmid’s Harry Potter-esque Griffin sculpture. Have a look yourself. Make up your own stories. Enjoy.

Thank you to all the organisers. What a great event at the centre of our city.

Eleni

Chat with a 91 year old

‘My dad used to say ‘always keep moving’, that’s the secret of still feeling young when you grow old’ Kathy told me after I complimented her for looking way younger than 91. That’s something I’ll always remember.

Saturday morning

I got up early, had breakfast, got ready quickly and I was out of the house in half an hour. I put my headphones on but I was distracted with the sea of people in town, so I took them off. One of the cruise ships must have stopped at the port, as I picked out strong American accents from a large group wearing cowboy hats and further down another gang dressed up fancy.

Back to my mission. I was on my way to visit my new, 91 year old friend Kathy. I met Kathy a week ago, on Valentine’s day actually and I couldn’t wait to see her again.

I’ve always wanted to sign up for befriending at one of the charities I help with events, Communicare and as soon as I came back home after Christmas that’s one of the first things I did.

After a DBS background check and filling in a couple of forms I met Kathy, a 91 year old lovely lady who absolutely loves having company, at lunchtime last week with Bryony, the volunteer co-ordinator. After our visit I messaged Bryony to let her know I thought Kathy and I were a great match and that was it.

I will now once a week (or more often if I have time) spend some time chatting with Kathy.

I was a bit nervous on my way there, it will be the first time we’ll be alone together…

‘Will she be happy to see me?’

‘What if we ran out of things to say?’

But after 5 minutes talking to her, nerves disappeared.

Kathy is remarkable. Intelligent, creative, funny and despite her dementia she can perfectly hold a conversation and oh my what wonderful conversations we had so far. I’ve learned so much from her already and we only hang out twice.

‘My dad used to say ‘always keep moving’, that’s the secret of still feeling young when you grow old’ Kathy told me after I complimented her for looking way younger than 91. That’s something I’ll always remember.

I left her flat, walking in the sunshine, with a big grin on my face, thinking about the incredible life she had and feeling blessed I met her.

That’s why I love what Communicare and other similar charities do. I volunteer some of my time which people always find impressive but I get so much more out of it than I give. Older people have wisdom, incredible stories and knowledge in abundance and I can’t believe that a lot end up alone with no one to speak to. It makes my heart hurt.

I’ll tell you her story after I ask her, if she agrees, because it truly is amazing, but my message for today is however busy your life may be, making time for others, especially others who might not have anyone to talk to it won’t only feel amazing, because you will be doing something for someone else, you will help pass on the knowledge and wisdom of the elderly to younger generations.

Eleni

The Pig-in the Wall

Are there any places in the city you live you’ve been meaning to check out but never got around to it?

I do. I still haven’t made it to the Isle of Wight (Whaaat!) and I’ve never been to the other Cypriot restaurant in Southampton, George’s, -I know, shocking-, or Ennios or the Pig In the Wall.

Last Sunday I made it to one of them. The Pig In the Wall. I’ve always wanted to visit but I lived at the other end of town and it just never happened.

I’ve seen snaps before but it looks even prettier and cosier in real life.

The fireplace was on and we were sat in a cosy corner right next to it.

I didn’t notice that this was on the Wall and took me by surprise (it took me a day to realise that was actually the Pig in the Wall). Can I just say this was not my initial reaction but my friend wanted me to re-enact my original reaction. As you can probably tell my acting skills need some work.

I wasn’t too hungry, so I went for a light option, ricotta cheese with chives, walnuts and honey on sourdough bread and it was delicious.

It took me back to my childhood when this lady in a van would come around the neighbourhood every Saturday morning selling all sorts of homemade goodies including halloumi and the least known Cypriot cheese anari, which is very similar to ricotta, a fresh mild whey cheese that depending on what you are craving, you can have it savoury or sweet. It’s very underrated but one of the best types of cheese out there.

I now love this place so much, I can’t believe I hadn’t been before. The cosy vibes, the food, the service.

If you haven’t had the chance to go before, I definitely recommend it for a relaxed Sunday brunch.

Eleni

Glorious food, laughter and spontaneous singing

It was the night of the 10th of January. A mundane, ordinary day that ended with delectable food and plenty of laughter, celebrating friends’ birthdays.

I love going out with the Solent gang. You know that feeling, that you can be yourself and enjoy the evening without having to pretend? I always get it with these wonderful, fun, creative, loving people and I always look forward to our nights out.

The dining choice this time was Simon’s at Oxfords. I’ve been many a times in the past for drinks and the ever so fun Sunday jams nights, I used to love those, but never had dinner there before.

The food was just lovely. Beautifully, picture perfect presented which makes a difference for me and very flavoursome.

We went for their set menu and I opted for starter and main (cutting down on sugar is NOT easy).

Prawns is one of my favourite flavours so I had tempura prawns with a sprinkle of fresh lime served with sweet chilli sauce for a starter…

followed by roasted chicken breast served on a creamy potato mash and wild mushroom & smoked pancetta cream. De-li-cious.

The rest of the group had a mixture of starters/mains/desserts but everyone enjoyed their meal, especially Helen who claimed that was the ‘best pork’ she ever had!

The service was great and quick, and fun, especially the lady at the end who, because of our impromptu singing sang back to us when going around for everyone to pay.

We paid £24 for a two course meal which was worth it, in my opinion. My drink was a bit expensive (I paid £7 for a 175ml glass of wine) but I must admit the glass of Malbec I had was divine. I can’t believe I only discovered Malbec less than a year ago.

All in all a great experience (minus the paintings on the walls some of the people in the group did not like, Chris: ‘They are scary, they have no eyes!’ but I actually thought were quite unique!)

What a great first dinner out in 2019. Here’s to more to come!

Eleni

Blogmas day 13- Magical Christmas at Beaulieu

You can’t not believe in magic after experiencing Christmas at Beaulieu. Beautiful lights, Christmas music, the alluring, familiar smell of roasted chestnuts and marshmallows whilst walking through the gorgeous Abbey and Palace House gardens and the Forest.

Two weeks ago my friend Helena sent me this and asked me if I’d like to join her and a couple of friends. I couldn’t say no after I watched the video and last night was the night. Let me give you a little taste.

I felt festive as soon as I walked into the entrance as the most magnificent Christmas tree stood proudly looking all pretty. The biggest real Christmas tree I’ve ever seen in the flesh.

And off we go to follow the Christmas illuminated trail. The first decorations we came across before we even made it to the beginning was only a tiny sample of what it was about to come. It was freezing cold but we almost forgot about it when we started looking around in awe.

After a short stop to have some delicious roasted chestnuts we stepped through the gorgeous illuminated archway which signalled the beginning of the trail. I haven’t had any for years, the smell and taste instantly took me back to my childhood.

We then walked in the Abbey gardens illuminated by a magnificent fire display accompanied by ‘Silent Night’.

Fire display Download

After watching a short Panto and singing Jingle Bells we wandered into the next part, the ‘Twelve Days of Christmas’, where twelve signs were illuminated in order following the song.

Twelve Days of Christmas Download

We made another stop to enjoy a huge, handmade gourmet marshmallow and since this place is magic, of course there was a fire pit where we could roast it. A little piece of heaven!

Next up, we came across the Alice in Wonderland Mad Hatter Party gorgeous set and a wishing tree where you can write away your wishes. I didn’t have to write any as some of my favourites were already there.

‘Health and happiness’

‘I wish I was a princess in a castle’

I wish for a dog’.

We then walked through another gorgeous archway to make it to the Palace House, illuminated with more dancing lights.

The Palace House Download

After a wander through the Forest… where we saw an Elf sitting on the tree…

we reached the end of the trail to see an enormous lit tree…

the Christmas tree Download

The Christmas Tree Download

A truly wonderful magical evening which ended with a scenic drive through the Forest, we even saw a deer!

Eleni

Blogmas day 9- The Christmas Tree

Oh the Christmas tree…

How much prettier and cosier it transforms the living room into, in an instant. I wish I could keep it up all year around.

I love the Christmas tree and everything that comes with it. The decorations, the lights, the unique ornaments, the gifts under it.

After I moved on my own, for the last three years I’ve decorated the tree with my bestie, Shebs who unfortunately is not around this time so my lovely friend Sukes offered to come and help.

I couldn’t wait since the tree arrived on Friday. Since I now live in a much larger flat I couldn’t not get a bigger and more grandiose tree.

So today as soon as I woke up I put one of my Christmas jumpers on -Olaf!- ,my favourite luxurious Santa hat and put on a Spotify Christmas list.

We decorated, sang along to Christmas music and had tea and chocolate, a wonderful Sunday afternoon.

We did a brilliant job, the tree looks amazing! I need a few more decorations and a fluffy rug (which I just ordered) and then I won’t want to leave my living room ever again.

I’d love to get a real one at some point, I’m sure it will happen one day. But I’m pretty happy with this gorgeous one for now.

Eleni

Blogmas Day 6- The Christmas market

What a day.

Work has been super busy (damn you HESES return), I had to cancel lunch plans I looked forward to -sorry Ryan!- I met a friend straight after work and I just sat on my sofa to take a breather before I have a shower and relax for tonight. Phew.

Unfortunately the Christmas tree has not arrived so I can’t decorate just yet but it’s not been all bad. I got and ordered most of my Christmas presents including a couple of goodies for myself and I had a lovely afternoon with Suki at the market.

I love the market this year, the selection of beautiful, handmade crafts it’s just wonderful. My favourite by far were the cute little houses with delicious smelling incense burning and smoke coming out of their chimney.

Helen I have not forgotten the halloumi fries, I’ll get some next chance I get!

Right, time to relax before another crazy day tomorrow.

Happy name day to all Nikos, Nikolas, Niki!

Eleni