life – Page 9 – Lessons I learned after I turned 30

Friends, Food and F**ed up life- the true First Day of Spring

Saturday, 9:30am.

My alarm went off. I don’t usually set an alarm at the weekend but I was meeting Nish and Taylor, two lovely ladies I met a couple of months ago.

First thing I did, I checked my phone. A habit I’m trying to break, but I find impossible.

I check the news. President Trump with the support of the UK and the US bombed Syria overnight. My heart sank. The civil war in Syria has been going on for years now, how will more bombing solve anything? I remembered what Donna said yesterday, something I didn’t think of. ‘Are you worried about Cyprus? The RAF that’ll hit Syria will leave from Akrotiri in Cyprus’.

I was worried. I am worried. I hope my little island will be safe. I later read my lovely colleague Osama’s post, worrying about his sister who works for the UN and is based in Syria. Terrifying.

Half an hour later I’m still in bed, snoozing and I get a phone call from my sister. She never calls out of the blue. I made a joke about her making a habit of calling me in the morning lately. She replied with ‘What do you say to a friend whose their 9-month old baby died suddenly overnight?’

My heart froze. I had no idea what to say. I managed to mumble ‘What?’ ‘How?’ ‘Why?’ I had no real advice to offer. All I could think of was to let her friend know she was there for her, for whatever she may need. Anything else she would have said, it wouldn’t have helped. I can’t imagine, nobody can imagine the excruciating pain the parents and the family are going through.

My mind is travelling million miles away, thinking how life sucks sometimes, how horrible I feel I can’t do anything right now to help. Help the situation in Syria, help my sister’s friend. What I can do is get up, get ready and make the most of my day. Enjoy every little moment, be grateful for what I have.

I open the curtains. It’s sunny! I sit on my bed, soaking the rays of sunshine touching my skin whilst listening and singing along to James Bay’s Us, ‘Tell me how to be in this world, tell me how to breathe in and feel no hurt..”

I get ready and off I go to meet Nish for a coffee and a chat. I love Nish, she is my age and we get each other, although we only met once before. And we start chatting as soon as we meet. It’s so easy, so natural.

We met at Nousha Lounge. I haven’t been there before. A cute little cafe tucked away on East Street. We met Melodie there. I’ve never met her before, but I love Ten Minute Sketch, her Instagram account. She is beautiful, inside, out. She is fun, creative but at the same time, mature and calm. She works for Communicare, a charity close to my heart, a charity I sang for with my old friends at Sing Now.

We end up staying at Nousha’s for hours chatting away about anything and everything, whilst enjoying a hot Americano and a delicious Reese’s brownie Melodie recommended. If you are ever at Nousha’s you MUST try it. Sweet, chocolatey with a hint of the Reese’s peanut butter pleasantly breaking the sweetness every now and then. Heaven on earth.

On our way to meet Taylor, it feels very summery in town. Bands playing music on the street, people shopping.

We first pop into the Solent Showcase gallery. Melodie reminded me it was the closing party of the #StandTogether exhibition. I loved everything about it and to be there on their last day, to see how it grew since I first had a look months ago was just beautiful.

Reading the messages on the wall restored my faith to humanity for a little. Surely if there are so many incredibly loving humans in the world, we can make it better? My favourite messages of the few I got to read:

We finally meet Taylor at Scarpini’s shoes. They invited everyone to have a peek at their SS18 Collection. I’m no fashion icon and I spend most of my money on experiences rather than clothes or shoes but I’m always up for supporting local, independent shops. Their shoes and bags are gorgeous and the owners are sweet and welcoming. Their scrummy cupcakes they offered to everyone was a great touch.

I miss living at Bedford Place. The livelihood, the shops, the busy vibes. I think I know where I’ll move in July.

The afternoon ended with lunch with Nish and Taylor at my all time favourite Halladays.

I came home buzzing from the gorgeous day in the sun with lovely humans I had and after some cleaning and tidying up it was ME time.

I spent hours on my guitar and at night I watched the Good Karma Hospital. I love this show for more than one reasons, the gorgeous summery Indian setting (although filmed in Sri Lanka), Dr Walker’s bravery moving to another country, Dr Fonseka’s strong but deep down soft, sensitive soul. And whilst consuming an unhealthy amount of Sweet n’ Salt popcorn, that’s when I decided. I really want to book to go to a yoga retreat in South Asia. Wake up to the bird sounds, feel the heat on every single bone in my body, meditate, do yoga and relax under a tree, reading a book. I need to make it happen.

Just before I go to bed I message my sister, to find out how her friend was. As you’d expect not that well. The funeral is to take place the following day. It may be happening as we speak.

Sunday, 11am. I’m awake since 8ish but I stay in bed. I remember something a friend recently told me. Getting out of bed late for them was 11am. ‘For me it’s still morning, late is after noon’, I replied and giggled.

I listen to Sheba’s message and hopelessly try to fall asleep again. No luck. My brain is not letting me.

After my morning coffee my cousin messages. They are at my grandpa’s and they want to Facetime me. I smile to myself. I’m never alone, I’ll never feel alone, not with all the love from my friends and my family.

I talk to her lovely seven children, my godson, my prince, my uncles, my aunts, my grandpa. They took him to a nursing home last Tuesday. They couldn’t leave him there though, they loved him too much and took him back home by noon. He starts crying. I love him so deeply I can’t even describe. In his 80s strong as a rock but not afraid to show his sensitive side. A true gentleman.

We hang up and I can’t decide what to do next. I know, I’ll write about it.

I really don’t know how to feel and what to think about life anymore. So many ups and downs, so cruel and sweet, so heartwarming and painful, the blinding contrast.

I feel blessed for all the love and sad for all the pain, cruelty and suffering.

I just watched a video of children describing what they think love is. ‘It’s pretty simple’ one of them say. Love is good, we need more love in the world’ says another.

Namaste

Eleni

Hanging… and reset

A dirty plate on the dressing table stool, an empty mug on the bedside table…

It’s almost 2pm, Saturday afternoon, I just had some toast and coffee and I’m back in bed.

What a bittersweet but wonderful day Friday was.

Lunch saying goodbye to Charlotte, one of the craziest, funniest, sweet, adorable ladies I’ve ever met (who introduced me to Yoga with Adriene, without a question the best thing that happened to me in 2017), followed by a big group of us at Tapas taking over two of their central tables, chatting, laughing, on a sunny Friday afternoon after work. I missed all of us going for drinks after work… It felt like a reunion, I loved looking around seeing everyone having a good time.

Sad to see friends and colleagues leaving but happy I got to know new people I’ve haven’t had the chance before, and end the evening with a cider and heart to heart conversations with my brother. I miss seeing him every day, having a laugh in the office, walking home together after work…

Today I’m struggling though.

I didn’t drink much but a busy week at work, lack of sleep and not sticking to the same drink last night took its toll on me. I feel exhausted.

I can’t get out of bed, my body aches, my back is killing me. That’s what happens when I don’t do my yoga for a couple of days. My mind and body complain.

And the emotional hangover: at its worst. Scientists still cannot fully explain why anxiety and depression symptoms hit you in the face after drinking, imbalance of chemicals and nutrients in your body apparently. “At the cellular level, your brain is mad, agitated. And you just feel bad.” Susan Scholl, a health and wellness professor once stated. No shitting.

The thoughts were there I guess, the alcohol then decides to bring them up, exaggerate, go crazy and f**k you up.

The weather doesn’t help either. It feels like the longest winter of my time on earth… I miss the sun, the warmth, summer dresses and sandals, the feel of hot sand on my feet whilst running into the crystal clear cool water, red, sunburn face, beers and a cig at the beach at night, I miss summer…

I just got a voice message from Sheba, telling me about her day, chatting about everything and anything as we do every day. I love listening to her messages.

Today she is emotional. I’m emotional.

A lot to think about, a lot to do, but not today. Today I just want to stay in bed and not see anyone. The people I really want to see today and hug and have a laugh with are miles away.

That’s what I did, most of the day. A nice long shower, clean bedsheet and back to bed.

In the afternoon I message Artemis. She is coming to London in May, a mini break with one of my favourite people, at my birthday weekend. So, very excited. It’s been years since we did this. A holiday, just the two of us, wandering in London.

A couple of hours later… the little sister wants to Skype me. It’s almost time. It’s Easter weekend back home. The family is at the midnight Easter Service, they’ve just lit their candles with the Holy Light and the priest is about to sing the The Paschal troparion or Christos anesti, the Easter hymn every single person born and raised in Greece and Cyprus knows by heart. I just remembered, I posted a blog on Greek Orthodox Easter two years ago.

Χριστὸς ἀνέστη ἐκ νεκρῶν,
θανάτῳ θάνατον πατήσας,
καὶ τοῖς ἐν τοῖς μνήμασι,
ζωὴν χαρισάμενος.

Christ is risen from the dead,
Trampling down death by death,
And upon those in the tombs
Bestowing life.

I hum along. I wish them Christos Anesti (Jesus has risen) and we hang up. I’m emotional again. I can’t put in words how much I love them. I was telling Sheba about it on my message earlier. But I know if I start crying in front of them, they will. So I hold it in. For a moment I feel proud of myself for learning to control my feelings.

11pm. I just finished watching the Crown. I’ve learned a lot from this show, although today I didn’t pay attention, it was more of a background noise.

I want this day to end. I know I’ll be OK tomorrow, the emotional hangover will be over. Bedtime. I’ll finish this post tomorrow, I wonder how… I don’t even have a title. Inspiration has abandoned me today.

Sunday

I wake up and go back to sleep, wake up and go back to sleep.

Is my bedroom door open? Terrified. No, it can’t be. Is it? I turn the light on, it’s closed. It was a dream, a really bad dream, I get them a lot lately. Brain overloaded.

9:30am. I’m awake and can’t fall asleep again. I check my phone. Easter messages from friends and my family and a voice message from Shebs. Then my phone rings. Is my star sister, Stella. She usually calls without warning when she had an accident. But today she just wanted to wish me Happy Easter. We have a laugh, I can’t wait to see her in a couple of weeks.

Today I feel better. I’m not as emotional.

I put my Spotify on, Hunny is This What Adults Do, Lauran Hibberd…

I don’t want a stroll on a Sunday and I’m a sucker for unhappy Birthday… But all my darling friends, I don’t feel OK, ’cause they are all having bunnies or babies and I don’t want the same… (or I think that’s what she sings)…

I giggle.

I message Shebs back, I book a hotel for Artemis and myself and after I finish this post, it’s me time. How much I need it I can’t say.

I loved my week off, three amazing days in Bordeaux and a lovely weekend in London. I loved being on the go, packing, unpacking, exploring, wandering, catching up with loved ones.

I find it hard to adjust to ‘normal’ life but I need to. I need to reset, that’s exactly what I’ll do. I need Yoga with Adriene, hours on my guitar, read a book, catch up with friends, write more, I missed writing, I already feel better writing this. What a cathartic, therapeutic experience it is for me.

But I also need adrenaline… make new friends, sing at the top of my lungs, run until I can’t breathe, dance until my feet hurt, try new things…

I think I may have come up with a title…

I’m ready. Whatever this week brings.

Χριστός Ανέστη to all my Cypriot friends and family.

Namaste

Eleni

First day of holiday- deliciosa cena a la Regata

2:30pm. I’m sitting on my bed listening to Oldies songs, daydreaming. Don’t Stop Believing just came on, reminding me of all the laughs we had learning to sing it at the Staff Choir with Dan years ago, it goes on and on and on and on…

Tomorrow this time I’ll be arriving in Bordeaux. The excitement will probably keep me awake most of the night but all worth it and my week off work wouldn’t have kicked off better.

Day one started with a lazy morning, delicious dinner at La Regata, and drinks with great company.

I was meeting a friend for dinner and I really fancied Spanish Tapas. My Spanish friend Santi as a fellow Mediterranean food lover recommended La Regata down at Town Quay, ‘If you want authentic Spanish food, that’s the place to go’.

I’m now in love with this place. Colourful, traditional and warm decor, the friendliest, most attentive service probably in Southampton, the waiters came over to check on us a couple of times as well as the manager, the lady at the reception even remembered my name (it’s all about the personal touch) and the food was delicious!

I struggle with choice, so deciding which tapas to have was not an easy task. But my food partner for the night and one of the lovely waitresses made it very easy.

We went for six tapas: Queso de Cabra (Grilled goats cheese on toast, topped with caramelized onions and balsamic dressing), Pollo al Chorizo (Chicken cooked with chorizo in a light tomato sauce), Cerdo Crujiente ( Slices of grilled crackling pork belly, served with a spiced apple sauce), Arroz Espanola (Saffron rice with meat and seafood), Gambas Regata (King prawns cooked with chorizo in garlic oil) and Albondigas (Beef meatballs in a tomato sauce).

And I tried their Sangria (my beer lover friend had a classic San Miguel, I think, don’t take my word for it).

All the tapas, not surprisingly were delicious. Flavoursome with just plenty of herbs and spices, as it should be, freshly prepared and very filling. And my sangria was just perfect.

We struggled to finish them, but that’s maybe because we both chatted too much.

I can’t believe I’d never been to La Regata before until yesterday. I genuinely can’t wait to visit again and try more of their scrumptious dishes. Needless to say, I’d definitely recommend it. Local, independent, authentic Spanish restaurant, friendly service and great atmosphere.

Now time to pack for my French mini adventure!

Namaste

Eleni

It’s never too late to chase your dreams…

Words cannot describe how happy I am it’s finally the weekend.

March has probably been the busiest month so far in 2018 personally, socially and professionally.

Staying late at work planning the AS Away morning, putting together the programme for the day, ensuring the catering arrived on time and other event related issues you can imagine whilst trying to stay on top of everything else, urgent requests, ongoing projects and the list goes on was fun, I love a challenge, but exhausting.

In the evenings and the weekends I caught up with friends and had one of the best nights out leaving me with no time to actually catch up with myself, do my yoga, spend time on my guitar or even write on my blog.

Now I have a week off to catch up with everything, do the things I love and try new things.

Last week I went on an interview at a job at the University. I wasn’t sure whether to apply, it was a much more interesting job compared to what I do (though most of the peeps working in that team applied for it, meaning my chances were slim) but most importantly, although I still don’t know what my dream job is, I know what it isn’t. And this wasn’t.

I was surprised I was invited for an interview but I did my best to prepare in the little free time I had and I made new friends along the way across the University. Thank you Dan for all your help and our chats, it was a pleasure meeting you. And thank you Meredith, Caroline and Phil for giving me the opportunity, I’ve learned something new about a great University service, I didn’t know before.

I didn’t get the job in the end. I wasn’t surprised I didn’t get it, but I was surprised I was not disappointed. I felt relieved. I may not love my current job, although I always do my best, but it allows me mentally, physically and practically to do more of the things I love outside work. And although I don’t believe in ‘meant to be’ I have a feeling that something bigger and better is coming my way.

Since a couple of bad experiences I had recently (a job I really wanted I applied for and didn’t get it, went on a date after two years and it went terribly bad) without consciously realising my life attitude has dramatically changed. I give things a go and if not working, I move on and after a day or two, I’m back enjoying life to the full. Because it is too damn short.

My friend Chris told me recently ‘If someone a year ago had said that you would be smashing PBs for leg presses you ‘d have never believe them. Odd how life changes!’

Of course I wouldn’t. Who would have thought! A year ago I was struggling with depression. I didn’t want to leave the house. I felt lost and alone.

Life changes because I changed it.

A year later, I’m stronger and healthier, I’ve met incredible humans who I now call my friends, I’ve made beautiful memories, I tried new things and I’m now going on my first ever solo trip in two days!

And I couldn’t be more excited, albeit a bit scared. Which makes me feel even more excited.

On Thursday I had the chance to visit the beautiful, colourful, vibrant Below Bar studios again as a BA (Hons) Fine art student invited me for a chat and a browse around the Fine Art studio. A post on that coming soon but what inspired me most about Andy was his love of Art and what he does. It may have taken him 30 odd years, since life is never easy and he had to work from a young age providing for his family, but he is finally now chasing his dream of becoming an artist.

A shining, bright example that is never late to chase your dreams. Just remember to live life to the full and enjoy every moment you can in the meantime…

I may not know what I really want to do with my life yet, since I love more than one things, writing, food, mental health, events management, staff development, marketing, drawing, anything to do with people, music although If I could make a living writing about food whilst travelling I’d go right now, but I know it will never be late to chase my dreams.

Namaste

Eleni

Probably the best night of 2018

Friday, 16th of March. The last day of a busy, eventful but rewarding week.

And it was as busy as the rest of the week.

But I had a great evening planned I looked forward to all day, starting with dinner, cocktails and seeing Jonathan Pie at the O2 Guildhall with my cool manager Suzanne and joining the Solent gang afterwards for the music karaoke and quiz.

My Friday night turned better than I thought, probably the best night I had in 2018 so far.

Dinner at Mango’s was incredible. Food at Mango’s is always delish and Suzanne and I decided to go for tapas, the Thai version of Greek meze, and a Long Island Ice Tea bucket to share. Dim Sums, butterfly prawns, crispy beef, spring rolls, the whole lot. The food was once again exceptional. Freshly cooked, perfectly seasoned, delicious Thai food and great, friendly, quick service.

After dinner what I really fancied was a Hugo, my favourite cocktail at Tapas Barcelona.

On our way there we bumped into two guys in banana suits with a sign hanging on their neck, ‘travelling for charity’. I couldn’t not stop and have a chat. Kaber and Karim are two lovely Exeter University students taking part in RAG Jailbreak 2018 to raise money for charity. Their aim was to get as far away as possible from Exeter in 36 hours using no money for travel and instead rely on strangers’ generosity.

They left Exeter earlier that morning and somehow ended up in Southampton in the afternoon.

Their challenge is now over but if you want to donate or just find out more about them all details are here.

After our chat, wishing good luck and hugging goodbye our new friends, it was time for Hugo.

The disappointment when I had a look at the cocktails on the menu and Hugo was no longer on there, I can’t even describe. I was devastated. I really fancied a Hugo for days.

Luckily the lovely restaurant manager stood next to me whilst I was talking about it with Suzanne, wondering why it was taken off the menu and he explained to us how the price of Prosecco went up and it was not affordable to offer anymore but he also asked the barman to make us two Hugos, since I loved it so much. A great example of brilliant customer service. Thank you dear, it made my evening.

After bumping into Denise, one of my favourite Solent people and her husband Mike it was time for Jonathan Pie.

Jonathan Pie is a fictional news reporter created by Tom Walker and I love him. The first time I’ve watched one of his YouTube videos I genuinely thought he was a real reporter caught off air ranting about Brexit.

He satirises politics, society, anything that’s wrong in this crazy world in an honest, raw manner that gets me every time. He doesn’t just make me laugh, he makes me think. And that’s what he did on Friday. He made me laugh, he taught me new words and he made me think.

His warm-up act on the night Zoe Lyons was also amazing, I couldn’t stop laughing, I think I probably laughed at each punchline.

The evening ended with some of my favourite people, my Solent family singing, dancing, laughing. I couldn’t think of a better end to a great night.

It really is about the little things and the moment you decide to be open to what life throws at you, opportunities and challenges, and not worry about the consequences and the future so much, you’ll wake up one day and realise how much richer, vibrant, colourful, beautiful life can be. Just by living in the moment and giving everything a go.

I have a feeling there will be many more probably the best nights of 2018...

Namaste

Eleni

The sweet smell of memories

I put the bread in the toaster, put the saucepan on the hob and whilst stirring I was instantly distracted… thinking of the day I had, the great people I met, friends I’m seeing this week after a long time, worrying about things, how fast time goes, life and then suddenly, the smell of the forgotten, almost burnt toast…

And just like that I was back, back in my great grandma Annou’s home. I must have been around 6 or 7 years old, I had just started school and I loved it. I loved my teacher, who had the same name as me, Mrs Eleni Iakovou, my uniform, my new friends, I loved learning, I loved everything about it. But what I loved most was my afternoons with my favourite cousins Georgia and Andreas and my dear dear grandma Stella who never hid the fact that I was her favourite grandchild.

Every day, before going to giagia Stella we’d pop to giagia Annou first who permanently lived on the first floor of her house. She was, in her nineties, too old for those old creaking stairs to be going up and down, so she stayed in this big room, full of her favourite things. She had a little old toaster right next to her and what I remember most of her was offering us toast every time we went to see her. And the toast, almost always slightly burnt, but not quite. That’s how I like my toast to the day.

My mind then wandered to my grandma Stella. I spent most of my time with her until she died when I was 9. I remember her making me chunky, delicious, greasy fries when I didn’t want to have the healthier lunch my parents prepared for me.

I remember the smell of roses. The smell of the rose water she often asked me to sprinkle her hair and face with on those hot, summer days, back when air conditioning was not common in every house. I remember how I loved to smell my hands afterwards, the delicious, sweet smell of roses, that I love so much I can’t use any other smell for my perfume, because it will always remind me my time with my grandma.

I only have an old, half-ruined from a flood picture of us together, still in my school uniform, happily, proudly kneeling next to her, smiling.

I smiled. And then I cried. I cried tears of nostalgia but also joy, gratefulness, love.

Blessed I was so dearly, unconditionally loved by my great grandma, my grandma, my cousins. Blessed I had an amazingly, crazy childhood full of smells, food, love, adventures, bruised knees, dirty clothes from playing outside, people, beautiful, pure, kind-hearted people.

I finished dinner and sat on my guitar for hours. Playing the same song, again and again.

Let these fools be loud, let alarms ring out, ’cause you cut through all the noise…Bring me some hope, by wandering into my mind, something to hold on to, morning, noon, day or night. You are the light that is blinding me, you’re the anchor that I tie to my brain, ’cause when it feels, like I’m lost at sea, you’re the song I sing again and again, all the time, all the time, I think of you all the time…

And that’s how I put all the worrying, stressful, painful thoughts aside for a night.

Whatever the future holds for me, I’ll always have the memories and I’ll always have my loved ones, the light blinding me, the anchor that I tie to my brain.

Namaste

Eleni

You are very much on time

Today I’m not reflecting back on last week.

I weirdly can’t remember much of it. It’s all a blur. I remember walking home after my hairdresser’s appointment on Monday evening, only to find out the next day that a girl was raped at the very same park I walked through, roughly at the same time I passed by.

I didn’t hear a thing. It was only 6:30pm in the evening. It shouldn’t be dangerous walking through a park with so many people around early in the evening.

I no longer walk through the park at night, most days. Some days I’m angry that women in this day and age are advised not to walk through a park in the afternoon, just to be on the safe side, so I walk through it and I’m ready to fight whoever tries to even touch me.

I remember Mike’s birthday lunch and the fire at Waterstone’s whilst we were at Turtle Bay. How sad to see all the books, all the beautiful books with amazing stories on their pages, all the philosophy, science, literature, fiction books that open up our minds and teach us valuable lessons burnt.

And I remember having delicious pies for lunch on Thursday. This is it. The rest is nonsensical in my brain.

What I vividly remember is waking up one day during the week in tears. I was terrified, panicking. Panicking this year is going so fast, too fast. I cannot believe it’s already March.

I went through a whirlwind of emotions, thoughts. I’ve been contemplating about life a lot this week.

‘Am I good enough?’

‘What should I do next?’

‘What do I really want to do next?’

‘What if I die right now?’

‘What have I achieved in my life so far?’

‘I am running out of time. I’m almost 32, what should I do?’

Excruciatingly painful questions with no simple answers.

And then I remembered. I remembered a video my lovely Lou sent me.

A simple, minute and a half long video going through examples on how people achieve different things at different times. One might have become a CEO when they were 22 and then died a year later whereas someone else became a CEO when they were 50 and lived until their 90. Just an example to show that we all work on our own time zones, some might seem ahead and some might seem behind you, we shouldn’t mock them or envy them. Because we are all running our own race, in our own time, our own time zone.

So simple, yet so powerful. I’m in my own time zone, as you are in yours.

It’s incredibly tough to not compare yourself to others. Society norms dictate and often measure your success on others. But that’s not the case.

I recently finished reading one of the best books I’ve ever read and I would recommend it to anyone and everyone, Emotional Intelligence, why it can matter more than IQ by Daniel Goleman.

I’ve learned a lot from this one book, from the neuroscience behind it to what Emotional Intelligence is to how developing it can benefit yourself, others, the society, the world, but I won’t go into much detail, one must read it to get the full picture.

Emotional Intelligence, recognising your own emotions and managing them effectively, motivating yourself, recognising emotions in others and handling relationships is what can make or break you. Emotional Intelligence in contrast to the highly regarded by many IQ can be cultivated and improved at any age. And it should. It’s vital and essential. It all starts from a very young age. The way your parents raise you up even since you are a toddler affects your whole life but you have the power to change it. It should be taught at school, it should be taught from a young age.

Why? Because when we finally become adults we can cope better in life. We learned how to be good, loving caring humans. We are aware when and why we are happy, upset, angry. We recognise how others behaviours affect us and how to change that, we know how to treat people truly respectfully without letting prejudices affect us. We are more resilient to social pressure and all of the social rules dictating our lives. We won’t feel the need to measure our success by comparing our lives to others, because we have the emotional intelligence to recognise that’s just emotions and feelings imposed by others.

What is success anyway? Money, fame, reaching the top of your career ladder?

No, not really. Many have done that and if you ask them years later they all say the same thing. They’d rather have spent more time doing things they love, with the people they love, making memories.

Of course it’s important to love what you do. And I respect people who love their work. But work is not everything and it shouldn’t define us. And not all of us are lucky to be doing what we love for a living.

In one of the first Derren Brown books I read, Derren whilst explaining how he memorises and recalls people’s names, mentions that when he meets people he never asks them what most would ask, what they do for a living, because some might hate their job and what they do doesn’t define who they are, but he instead asks them what they do in their spare time, what their hobbies are, what they love doing, and then associates their name with some of their favourite things. What a great way to remember people’s names!

I’ve met many ‘successful’ people in my life. Most could only talk about their job and their career, understandably because they love it but they couldn’t discuss about anything else. They rarely read any book, they rarely had time, or made time, to go on a holiday or explore another culture, they haven’t listened to music or went to the theatre for months. They couldn’t remember the last time they’ve seen a film, they had no knowledge or experience in anything else other than their work.

If that’s success, then I do not want it.

What I loved about my lunch with Charlie yesterday is that we could chat about films, life, society, Higher Education, music to travelling and life. Because we both love learning, trying new things and our life doesn’t revolve around work. What we do for a living does not define us and it shouldn’t.

What the world needs is more well-rounded people like Charlie. Well-rounded, emotionally intelligent, loving, caring humans. People who have what the Japanese called Ikigai, ‘a reason for being’.

Some of them might have reached success in the conventional sense, some might not. But it doesn’t matter.

I don’t know if anyone in years to come would even remember who I was, I don’t know if I leave a big mark on this crazy world, but we all leave our mark, big or small.

What I’ll leave for others is what I learned from my life through my blog, I’ll leave thousands of photos of delicious food and beautiful places and stories of amazing humans.

The feature image I used for this post today is an example of what I’ll leave for others. A gorgeous moment I captured whilst walking to work. I stopped walking for a second because I wanted to take in the beauty of this world. The sun coming out of the clouds, shining gloriously, brightening the beautiful park. Every time I stare at the sun I think of all my friends and family who live far away but at that moment standing there, the same sun is shining where they are. At that moment they don’t feel that far.

We are on our own time zones, literally and metaphorically but we are part of each other’s life, we are part of each other’s time line, in the most beautiful way. Because we love and care about each other. And I smile.

It’s all about the little things, it’s all about enjoying every single moment, trying new things and for me right now, doing more things I want to but I’m scared of. And everything will fall into place. Just like that.

There is no better way to end this post with a poignant quote by my favourite lady, Leslie Knope.

Namaste

Eleni

Life, Death and Everything in Between

One of the very few things I vividly remember from my first year studying Psychology at the Uni back home was something my lecturer said that shocked me at the time.

‘You are the only one responsible for your mental wellbeing, you are the only one responsible for your feelings and actions, no matter what life throws at you, no matter how others treat you. Feeling sad or angry or happy is your fault, your responsibility.’

I could not understand why. How? If someone treated my badly, if a loved one died, why is it my fault I’m sad?

It took me years and years to fully comprehend it. It took me years to realise, as Lisa Fieldman Barret, a neuroscientist and psychologist beautifully stated in a TED Talk I recently watched ‘Your emotions are built, not built in‘, meaning you, or your brain to be more precise is the one controlling them, although it may feels impossible.

I co-incidentally watched a Youtube video of Will Smith explaining how what happens in your life and how others treat you it is not your fault, but how you respond is your responsibility. And that’s exactly it.

When you stop blaming others and get out of the ‘victim’ mentality everything suddenly changes. You are in charge, you are responsible. Scary, tough but liberating.

My week

I say that every week since the beginning of the year but last week felt like the longest week of the year so far.

It’s been incredibly busy at work, which I actually enjoy. I’ve learned a lot over the last couple of weeks, I met different people across the University, from students to lecturers to HR experts such as Geoff Glover whose experience is impressive to say the least.

I’m incredibly grateful and honoured he agreed to meet with me and chat over coffee. I’ve learned more in an hour that I learned in a month. I truly admire humble, talented humans who love sharing their knowledge and experience with everyone and don’t let arrogance and success blind them. Geoff is definitely one of them.

But not everyone is nice and getting into arguments it’s inevitable sometimes. I had some of those too this week.

After work I spent most of my evenings writing or catching up with messages and other things I needed to do with the exception of my magical evening at the John Hansard Gallery.

By the end of the week I was shuttered.

On Friday sad news of a friend friend’s death, our age, and one of my best friend’s dad’s death added to my mental and physical exhaustion.

I went to bed at 11pm on Friday. That rarely happens but I was so tired I couldn’t keep my eyes open.

I woke up early the next morning but I couldn’t get up. I messaged my best friend, my soul sister, my soulmate Happy Birthday telling her how I wished I was there to celebrate with her. And then I went back to sleep.

I stayed in bed until 2pm. I needed it. That meant I had to spend the rest of the weekend cleaning, tidying up, shopping, washing but I needed the break. I need a holiday and I can’t wait for my week off in March but for now that’s the best I could do.

It sucks when people lie to you, underestimate you or undervalue you. It sucks when your near and dear ones are ill, it sucks when they die. And it’s not your fault. Don’t you ever blame yourself. But you are the only one who can change things, you are the only one who can fix it. You are the only one who controls your feelings, your emotions, your actions.

Over the last three years I learned to take responsibility for my emotions and my mental wellbeing and even more importantly, I learned to control them. Not all the time but well enough not to beat myself up and fall back to depression.

Mrs Polikseni I get it now, it took me years but I get it.

Here’s to another week. No idea what it will bring, life is full of surprises lately, but whatever happens, enjoy every moment. Forget about dos and dont’s. Forget about anything that makes you unhappy, worried or anxious. Just live.

Every weekend I facetime my little sis and we chat and laugh for hours, catching up, talking about our week. Something so simple makes me so happy. It’s all about the little things.

I often ask myself…

‘If I die right now, how I want others to remember me?’ I want to be remembered as kind, caring, creative, always singing, a tad crazy, obsessed with food and Yoga With Adriene who made others smile and laugh.

‘If I die right now, what I want my last thoughts to be?’ I’m happy and blessed to have amazing, loving friends and family, I have a roof above my head and delicious food on my plate. I do my best to enjoy every single moment. I’m happy.

If I die right now, what would my biggest regrets be? This I struggle to answer but…

What most people dying, the single moment when the clarity of mind reaches extraordinary levels and you cannot but be honest to yourself wished for was that they worked less and spent more time making memories with their loved ones, enjoyed life more, expressed their feelings more and were happier and true to themselves.

Life is really too damn short. I’ve been reminded of it so many times I started to wonder if the universe is trying to tell me something…

Or maybe not…

Namaste

Eleni

PS Happy birthday to my little Prince. I promise I’ll teach you all I learned about life, death and everything in between.

“And now here is my secret, a very simple secret: It is only with the heart that one can see rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye.”

A week of Arts, Lights, Fireworks, Magic and Harsh Reality

A week ago on my Insta stories I was wishing all a great week and actually said out loud “Whatever happens, even if it’s a bad week, we are humans, we got this, we can do it”.

Some weeks as a dear friend said, the best thing you can do is just survive and that was one of those weeks.

It wasn’t all bad, but the horrible news of my friend’s dad passing away just before her 30th and the effect of it on me cast a shadow of sadness to the rest of the week.

The highlights

Pancakes!

I celebrated one of my favourite non Christian orthodox religious days, Shrove Tuesday or as most famously known Pancake day with my new favourite ladies, Charlie and Di and Charlie’s lovely friends who I got to meet on the day. Delicious Nutella pancakes, interesting conversations and lots of laughter, a great great evening. Thank you Charlie for the invite!

Meeting the cadets

On Wednesday morning I found out about my friend’s dad’s death, more on that later, and I was emotional throughout the whole day. I spend every Wednesday with the Student Achievement team, the highlight of my work week and they distracted me from my sorrow for most of the day. At lunchtime little Miss Sunshine, Miss Holiday, my lovely Linda invited me to join her on a campaign raising awareness and supporting students with a little quiz and snacks, at the Warsash Campus in St Marys, the home of our cadet students.

It’s a whole different world down there and I loved every minute of it. What took me by surprise was the maturity of the students, compared to any other students I’ve met. They have to learn to be responsible from a very young age and most of them spend time at sea, often in dangerous areas like Somalia by the time they are 19, they are forced to grow up fast. I wish I was that mature when I was their age.

Some of the conversations I had with these 20 year olds were more mature, deeper and more meaningful than ones I had with 35 year olds. I can’t wait for my next visit.

Happy Girls Are The Prettiest

In our effort to bring back the magic back on Valentine’s day, we decided to set a love box in our department and send each other kind messages anonymously, as it used to happen back in the day. Thank you to whoever sent me the sweet message below. It was just what I needed on Wednesday. Our work may not be exciting sometimes, so a little bit of fun is necessary to keep us going. I may not be happy all the time, but I promise you, we’ll always have a laugh, even at the toughest of times, and you can always always rely on me.

Let there be light

On Thursday I finally made it to the Festival of Light at Westquay and the lovely Chloe and Taylor joined me. I’ve been meaning to visit from the moment I first heard about it, it sounded magical, like a fairy tale, and it really was. No need to say more, just look!

The Stand Together exhibition

On Friday lunchtime, I popped to the Solent Showcase Gallery in the hope to catch the dancers rehearsing a dance portraying Brexit, something that really affected me especially on the day of the referendum and I really wanted to see how they channelled this through dancing but unfortunately they were on their lunch break. Instead I had a wander around the rest of the Stand Together exhibition and I had the pleasure to meet the artist himself Kev Munday.

Kev is a Solent graduate and now a famous artist! I was shocked when the first thing he told me was that he recognised me because he just drew me!

I saw an ad on Portal, our internal Solent page a while ago, asking for a selfie and a little blurb about me, so I sent a photo of me and a short message on me living in Southampton for 8 years now and how it’s not always easy living on my own in another country, but I wouldn’t change it. I thought I was too late sending my photo in, but it seems not!

I didn’t want to disturb him but he kindly let me film him whilst drawing and had a chat about his inspiration behind the exhibition.

Fireworks!

After work I was meeting Charlie and Di for a drink and then off to watch the opening of the brand new Arts Complex (The New Nuffield Theatre, City Eye and the John Hansard Gallery) in the heart of the city!

On my way there I was unexpectedly joined by Chris and Helen, what a lovely surprise. I love it when my old friends meet my new friends and get along and have a laugh from the first moment. That’s something we often do back home but rarely happens here.

After a couple of drinks it was time! After a beautiful, fun and sweet dance performance, fireworks went off from the roof of the new Nuffield Theatre. I can’t tell you how excited I am there is now a new theatre, gallery and studio, just opposite work, in the heart of Southampton. I can’t wait to check them all out and indulge myself in more art and culture. I may be going to my first ever event there tomorrow. Excited much!

My little duckling’s birthday

On Saturday my little sister, my mini-me turned 20 years old and we spent most of the night before and the day face-timing. I am incredibly proud of the amazing, ridiculously talented, humble and caring human being she turned out to be. For me it will always be my little one. It’s hard living abroad but it’s even harder when I can’t be there for special family moments like this one. I love you to the moon and back.

Chinese New Year celebrations

On Sunday, co-incidentally after posting about my recent visit to Shanghai 1814 restaurant I heard drums noise coming from the same very restaurant on my way into town, I walked in and for the first time witnessed Chinese New Year celebrations. Whilst the drums went on, a dragon danced across the restaurant and then welcomed by a man with a traditional Chinese face mask on who offered it clementines and lettuce. The dragon then threw the fruits and the lettuce (after shredding it) in the crowd whilst confetti flew around. On my way to the bookshop there were more celebrations at West Quay with children and students singing Chinese songs.

The harsh reality

On Tuesday night, whilst I was at Charlie’s I got a message from my friend’s other half. I didn’t read it until the following day, in the morning.

As you may know by now, that’s when I found out one of my favourite friend’s (who her birthday was on that day) dad died earlier in the week.

I burst into tears and I cried most of the day. I felt incredibly sad for my friend but I also for the first time I empathised with someone to a point I could feel her pain in every cell of my body and mind. As if it was my dad who died. The fact that she is an expat like myself and her family lives back home, like mine, made it extremely easy for me to put myself in her place.

The first thing I did was to message my friend and then Sheba. I cried. She messaged back crying. We are always in sync.

As soon as I walked to work I told Donna so she knew why I was upset and then went to meet the Student Achievement Team. Thank you Lou for the warm hug and Sarah, Lee and Ashley for all the laughs.

I’m still sad about my friend but I’m OK. It was a harsh reminder that life is too damn short and being sad, angry and dwelling on things it’s a complete waste of time.

It’s funny isn’t it? Every time death hits close to home we get upset and devastated, we remember how vulnerable we are, that we are mortals and then after a while we completely forget. I’ll try my best not to forget this time.

After two weeks with ups and downs, laughter, fireworks, lights, eating out, drinks, meeting incredible people, old friends, new friends but also sadness, disappointment, anger and frustration, I need some me-time to find my feet again and get out there.

Namaste

Eleni

Dating in my thirties

I didn’t know if I wanted to go ahead and post this today. The news of my friend’s dad’s death (whose 30th birthday is actually today, how horrible to lose your dad just before your 30th) shook me to the core. She is an expat as I am and her dad lived miles away, as mine does. It’s the first time I empathised so much with someone, I could feel her pain in every cell of my body and my brain. I can still feel it. As if it was my dad. If it was my dad, I would be lying on the floor, in the dark, crying my eyes out. I hope she is OK and coping as best as she can.

I’m still upset, but life goes on. The best thing to do after the death of a loved one is to remind ourselves how damn short life is and keep going. Here it goes…

I was never really a big fan of Valentine’s day. Love should be celebrated every day. Not just romantic love, but all kinds of love.

Instead I decided to write how dating is for me, with all my quirks, at my age.

And it is different when you are in your thirties.

The era of online dating

I’m not actively trying to date. And one of the main reasons is because I heavily dislike online dating. I know I shouldn’t, I know that’s the most common way people meet nowadays, especially at my age, but there are so many weirdos online (not sure if there are more weirdos online than in real life, that’s debatable), after a couple of attempts I gave up. And messaging five guys at the same time to decide who I want to go out with, whilst they do the same, doesn’t appeal to me. I want to feel special, not just another person they chat up. I’m old school, I love the feeling when you first meet someone and your heart is pounding so loud you can hear it, the nervousness and excitement. That’s why I probably never find anyone I really fancy.

Can he be the one?

You still want to have fun but in the back of your head you think ‘Will this work long-term? Can I imagine being with this person longer than a couple of months?’, ‘Is he my lobster?‘ If like me starting a family and having a couple of little ones running around is one of the things on your bucket list then dating the wrong person in your thirties can be a waste of time, although you still want to have fun and enjoy life.

How do you know then? I’m not sure myself but in my head it’s something like this:

You just ‘click’ from the moment you first meet. You talk to each other all the time, you can’t wait to see each other, you get butterflies just thinking about each other, you have a lot in common, you laugh with the same things, the conversation is open and honest from day one and everything it’s just easy. You make each other feel special and somehow it doesn’t fade away after a week or two. You surprise each other, turn at each other’s door, and every day is fun and different. And he would somehow know I love pink roses (Ok that bit is too far stretched to ever happen). Sounds amazing. A rom-com plot. Well, it rarely happens and even if it does, sometimes it happens at the wrong time in your life.

The older, the wiser, the fussier

The older you get the fussier you become. I know myself very well, and that doesn’t always come with age, I worked hard on self-awareness and I know what I’d absolutely dislike in a partner, from simple things like long fingernails to coldness, emotionally unavailable, lying and arrogance. And I know what I’d want, being as open and honest as I am, having a laugh (probably the most important), feel challenged intellectually, like the same films, impeccable music taste, talented (music, writing, cooking, anything creative always gets me), creative, expressive, incredibly well smelling, loves good food and the list goes on. If I were to choose my dream man he would probably be a hybrid of Dan Smith’s (Bastille) voice and quirky looks, Derren Brown’s intelligence, Louis Theroux’s charisma and Cedric Grolet’s baking skills. Not asking for much.

Just the right amount of craziness

I was never attracted to normal, conventional people. Which comes with risks. And it almost never works out, with the exception of my seven year long relationship. See, people with temperamental personalities are so unpredictable, they end up messing you up. It makes me wonder if I’ll ever find someone with just the right amount of craziness. Maybe one day I’ll find the James to my Alyssa.

Can I trust you?

That’s probably the hardest part of dating. I’m pretty smart, if I say so myself, which is one of my downfalls because I tend to overthink EVERYTHING, but intelligence doesn’t help when it comes to matters of the heart. I’m open and honest and I unfortunately sometimes trust people too easily and I believe everything they say. Being open makes you vulnerable. On one hand if you don’t let your guard down and trust the other person they’ll probably give up eventually, and that happened to me in the past, that’s why I learned to let people in, on the other hand you may trust and believe them but turns out they were lying all along to get you into bed.

I have a story to tell you on that, a recent experience that disturbed my mental wellbeing, for a while. I’ll post just about that soon, when I’m completely over it and I can share what I learned without any hard feelings.

What about sex?

Chemistry is essential. No matter how incredibly well you may get along with someone, if you don’t want to rip each other’s clothes off and the sex is consistently bad, there is no point. You may as well just be friends.

I’m one of those people that hates one-night stands, they are awkward and never enjoyable, for me anyway. I’m still surprised that some people are so bad at it, even ‘players’. Sex is one of the greatest joys in life and if it doesn’t make your toes curl, walk away. And word of advice, always always use condom.

Too good at goodbyes?

Being single and living on my own for two years now, I’ve reached a point I absolutely love my me time and my life as it is right now. And with everything else that comes with age, mainly being fussier, it gets harder and harder to meet someone I’d gladly give up my own precious time to make an effort to date them. I’ve met people over the last two years who I didn’t even bother getting to know and just let them go. It is much easier to move on rather than try, especially if you are not attracted to them instantly or it’s too much effort. Sad but true.

So what do I do?

Dating should be fun no matter your age. It is tougher when you are in your thirties, there is a lot to think about and there will always be f***boys around, you ‘ll get your heart broken many a times but that’s life. You have to walk through the mud and dog shit to reach the meadow. And God there is a lot of shit out there. But unless you want to spend your life in a cave, hiding from the world (trust me sometimes I desperately want to do that), you have to take the leap, get out and give people a chance.

And one day you’ll find that one person who is perfect for you. The one who’ll love you for who you are and will never get tired to show that to you. The one who will make everything easy. As my favourite professor Marios Adonis would say ‘Relationships are not a walk in the park but if it’s too much work, walk out. Love should be easy’.

I don’t really believe the ‘one’ exists, that’s just a myth. But it’s amazing when you meet someone you get along with from day one. I hope one day that’ll happen to me.

I’m so happy I’m more mature now and although rejection and being taken advantage is never easy to take, I don’t try to make sense and ask for answers anymore. I just learn and move on. I love myself too much to let anyone make me doubt myself. And I have a lovingly, amazingly support network, friends and family.

I’m not avoiding dating but I’m not desperate to date anyone either. I am getting older and I’d like to have a family by the time I’m 40 but if it doesn’t happen it’s not the end of the world. It’s not worth the compromise. I’d rather be single rather be with someone just because I want family.

Two years ago, around this time, when I reflected on what I learned from my relationships and my mistakes, I made a promise to myself.

I promised I’ll never lose myself in a relationship ever again, but next time I’ll be with someone, I’ll forget all the dos and don’ts, (‘is it too soon? is it too fast? is it too slow?’). I’ll be honest and open and I’ll just be myself, with all my flaws from the beginning, I’ll trust and love with all my heart, it will be fun and crazy, a big adventure. But I’ll only do that if I meet someone who inspires me and makes me feel that way.

If I meet that someone, I’ll go for it. If not, I’m happy with my life as it is. Everything is as it should be as my gal Adriene would say.

Namaste

Eleni

PS. Thank you to the lovely Lou for the warmest hug she gave me first thing in the morning, just what I needed, to Lee and Sarah for all the laughs and to Linda and Donna for taking care of me today.