Category: mental health

Teaching English abroad- Step 2: Full time CELTA

‘You won’t have any other life for a month.’

Jonny did warn me at the interview, as I assume all CELTA tutors do with their potential students (full details of the interview process here), but no amount of explaining and warning can prepare you for doing a full-time, intensive, month long CELTA course. A level 5 qualification (equivalent to HNC/HND) which normally takes between 6 months/ 1 year full time and 2 years part time squeezed in one month!

Lead in, TPs, Gist Task, Detailed task, Guided Discovery, Monitoring, you pick up the CELTA language from week 1, that’s how intensive it is.

I’ll talk about my experience at Cambridge Regional College but I’m certain the format and the content are similar across the world, as they all follow the Cambridge English syllabus, though not everyone might have been lucky enough to have had such great tutors, classmates and students.

A. format

We started the course on a Friday, to give us time to get to know each other and our surroundings and on the following Monday we taught for the first time, just an introductory, non-assessed class. The following day we had to teach our first assessed Teaching Practice (TP), extremely stressful for someone who struggles with anxiety like me, but it helped we got to know the students the day before first. With most education providers you are required to teach your first assessed lesson on day two. Yes, it’s pretty intense from the start.

-Input sessions

Every morning we had input sessions, where Jonny and Fiona in turns covered the main topics of EFL teaching: learners and teachers, and the teaching and learning context, language analysis and awareness, language skills: reading, listening, speaking and writing, planning and resources for different teaching contexts and developing teaching skills and professionalism. For more details you can check the Cambridge English CELTA syllabus here.

Input sessions with those two were never dull, they were always fun, engaging and creative, even with typically boring, dreadful subjects like teaching grammar. Jonny’s colour- coordinated flashcards and phonetics jokes were superb and Fiona’s energy, honesty and saying things as they were were refreshing. I won’t go into much detail, I wouldn’t like others to steal Jonny and Fiona’s hard work but I’m not sure many CELTA students got to mime, dance and laugh as much as we did whilst learning.

-Teaching

In the afternoons we were split into two groups. Half of us taught the pre-intermediate group and the other half the upper intermediate (and we switched half way, every teacher has to teach two levels). When we were not teaching we observed and gave feedback to each other. Jonny or Fiona (in turns) were always there assessing and providing us with feedback after each session. We taught six 40 min and two 1hr long sessions (8 sessions and 6 hours in total).

Don’t worry if you’ve never taught before, I hadn’t before this. We were provided with lesson frameworks to use from day one and every morning the day before we were to teach we met with our tutor to help us with the lesson planning, except for the last two sessions where assistance with planning was also assessed and varied depending on what grade you were aiming for (more on that on a separate post).

-Observing

You are also required 6 hours of observing experienced teachers. We observed summer school teachers in the classroom, a video-taped session and our tutors who both were AMAZING at their teaching and way better than the rest we observed. Engaging, building rapport almost instantly, monitoring effectively and making the class fun and interesting. That’s how I aspire to teach.

-Assignments

As if lesson planning, input sessions, teaching and observing are not enough you also have to prepare and hand in 4 assignments, around 1000 words each covering the main topics mentioned above. It’s hard work this course!

-Grades

Possible outcomes are:

-Pass A (about 5% of successful candidates).

-Pass B (about 25% of successful candidates)

-Pass (about 70% of successful candidates)

-Fail

Fiona told us from day one she won’t let anyone fail and nobody did.

B. Day to day work

You may assume you go home around 5pm and you only need an hour or two preparing for the next day but that’s not the case. Lesson planning takes, especially to begin with, at least 4-5 hours- ‘Double the time you think it will take’ Fiona used to say and she was right- and the more you progress through the course the more exhausted, sleep deprived and stressed you become, which slows everything down significantly.

C. How to make it

  • Classmates

All ten of us used to go in as early as possible so we can finish our lesson plans, print our handouts and/or help each other with assignments. Honestly we wouldn’t have made it without each other. I certainly wouldn’t.

We all reached our limit and were about to quit, particularly towards the end of week two. We were warned that would happen, though nobody told us it would happen more than once. If you really want this qualification, persevere. You will feel like quitting at least once, but the sense of achievement will more than make up for it in the end.

Most of us were not from Cambridge, we had no family or friends around, we lived and breathed CELTA for a month and that takes its toll. We kept each other going, read and corrected each other’s assignments, lesson plans, hand outs. We cried together, we laughed together. We bonded a lot, very fast. It’s inevitable when you spend every day with the same people, trying your best for the same thing.

Having a WhatsApp group helped a lot not just with homework but also mentally. Sharing our frustrations and worries was therapeutic.

This may not be the case with everyone who does the CELTA. I think I was lucky I had such sweet, caring, brilliant, funny, all round awesome classmates I now call friends. I miss you all!

  • Tutors

I’ve touched a bit on this already but I feel we were lucky we had such great tutors. It’s obvious they love what they do and they are incredibly amazing at it. They passed on their enthusiasm, skills and knowledge to us, so when we get out there and teach we care and we do it right.

They were there before us in the morning and left after us most days. Whilst they had to train us, they also had to deal with the rest of their day to day job in between as well as read and mark our assignments.

Both Fiona and Jonny supported us as much as they possibly could, me personally, when I was going through my grief having lost my grandpa on week one. I cried in front of them on my first week and they were both understanding, they offered me a break and checked up on me.

Also I wouldn’t have been able to manage my stress and teach so effectively if it wasn’t for Fiona. She helped me more than she realised. She is awesome.

  • Students

I got to teach two lovely groups of students. Before my first teaching session I was terrified of what I was about to face but by the end of the course I loved everyone in both classes. People from all over the world, Italy, Spain, Brazil, Colombia, Lithuania, you name it, who happened to now live in Cambridge and just wanted to improve their English all came together and I was blessed with teaching them. I got to know and chat to every single one of them outside the class, have a laugh with them and hopefully taught them a thing or two.

  • Accommodation

Most of my classmates were not from Cambridge or the UK, so we all lived in a brand new environment dealing with all sorts of situations whilst studying hard every day.

I lived with a host ‘family’, it was only the landlady, Mary in my case, who also provided breakfast and dinner every day and did my laundry every week. It was challenging at times, especially when all the rooms were occupied, noise, queue for the bathroom (though they were three!) but all in all it was brilliant. Mary looked after me and I made great friends, not just Mary but also my Russian flatmates! If you have the option I definitely recommend it, you won’t have time to cook or do anything else for a month, it helps to have dinner prepared for you and a clean room to your disposal.

Overall thoughts

The 4 week CELTA course was one of the most mentally and physically challenging things I ever had to do, it tested my sanity, my health, my limits in more than one way and my anxiety flared up bad, I didn’t sleep more than three/four hours a day, I didn’t get to see much of Cambridge but it was also incredibly rewarding and fulfilling, at least for me. I learnt a lot, I fell in love with teaching and I made friends in Cambridge and all over the world, from Peru to Italy and Azerbaijan. Once in a lifetime experience I’ll never forget.

If I had to do it again I’d may opt for the part-time option, though that has its challenges too if you work full-time, and it may take longer to learn as you don’t apply what you learn immediately, but I don’t regret a single moment.

If you decide to do it full time, I’d with no second thought recommend Cambridge Regional College.

If you do it in Cambridge, go a few days early or stay a few days after to enjoy what this gorgeous city has to offer. I’d love to go back some time and go punting, visit the Wren Library, have afternoon tea at Grantchester and do yoga in the park by the river. Who knows, maybe I will one day.

After thoughts

Despite no previous teaching experience I managed to get the highest grade (Grade A), so it is possible, but I will write about that on a separate post.

I just started a part-time job teaching A1 Movers and A2 Key young learners, the CELTA can’t prepare you for that I’m afraid. I’ll write about that soon too but any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Eleni

What I learned from my Macmillan Jurassic Coast Mighty hike experience

Wow. I realised I haven’t written for 20 days. I can’t believe it.

It’s been busy and stressful, trying to sort everything out before I leave Southampton and it took me about a week to fully recover from the Macmillan Jurassic Coast Mighty Hike challenge, mainly mentally.

Although I’ve done my best I still feel terrible for only reaching mile 20 and not finishing it and I’d love to go back and try again.

I won’t get into details on what happened on the day, you can get a taste below (the whole story in the description) but I thought I’d share what I learnt to help future hikers who decide to take the challenge.

I wish I prepared better. Physically I was OK, the first half was tough but I managed, I’m not too unfit, I could have finished it but I wish I had done a walk as long as the hike just to test my shoes. Had I known my hiking boots would burn my feet when I hit the road and I’d been in pain for over two hours I would have either worn another pair or brought an extra pair of comfy trainers for the second half. I’ve changed socks once but didn’t seem to help.

I wish I’d had a look of the route beforehand. No need to explain much, but I had no idea how scary the first half would be with those steep hills.

I could have taken fewer snacks with me to reduce the weight of my backpack. It feels heavier and heavier the longer you walk.

I should have put blister pads on from the beginning and not wait until half way when me feet were already sore.

I wouldn’t have made it to 20 miles without my waterproof and walking poles. Especially the walking poles. I’d still be on the top of those hills, paralysed in fear.

Maybe if I stuck with others I would have gone further. Staying on my own, alone with my thoughts and in pain was probably the wrong decision. The only thought in my mind for those two hours I was in unbearable pain was how disappointed I was in myself I couldn’t take up this pain, when thousands of people suffering or who died from cancer, like my aunt, experience pain ten times worse every single day for months or years. ‘How lame, you are so weak, you can’t even walk 26 miles. You are quitting??Pathetic.’

As I’m writing this a lady going through chemo wearing a cold cap to save her hair comes up on the ITV news. She looks tired but so positive. I remember reading about this infamous cap and how horrible it is, giving you headaches, as if the chemo side effects are not bad enough and half of the time it doesn’t even work. My shame for not finishing it’s still there.

Finally I wish was prepared for the mental, emotional challenge, which was at times more overwhelming than the physical. I had no idea that everything would trigger me crying for three days after the hike.

Two days later on the Monday, my feet were still a bit sore and I got my period three days early, which didn’t help with the pain but I could have gone to work. I would have been sore but I could have gone. Mentally though, I wouldn’t manage.

Partially, it is a natural reaction, your body is not used to such a physical challenge and although self induced, you are exposing your self to trauma. You are in pain but is self-inflicted. The brain does not know how to handle it.

If you are struggling with anxiety and depression and you can feel everything more intense than the average person, after such a challenge, the intensity reaches new heights.

I wish I was honest about it, I wish I’d admitted the main reason I couldn’t go to work was that I couldn’t control my feelings. Instead I let people tease me I couldn’t handle the soreness. I’m ashamed I did not ticked ‘mental health’ when I filled in my sickness absence form.

So be prepared and take a day or two off afterwards.

But what it’s done, it’s done. I can’t change what happened. All I can do is learn from it and as Mark who is fighting cancer for the second time and did the hike said:

“…don’t feel ashamed, take it from me, this happens to us all the time, you hit a barrier and you fall down. You get back up and crack on, that’s what you must do.” 

Despite my disappointment, it’s been an amazing experience I shared with lovely friends, I met incredible humans and I feel blessed I was part of the Jurassic Coast Mighty Hike 2019 raising money for such an incredible cause, Macmillan Cancer Support, a day I’ll never forget.

If I’m around next September, I’ll definitely give it another go.

Eleni

Adulting (-ish) at 33

Have you been doing much reflecting lately, now that’s your birthday? Donna asked.

No, not this year. I said and I smiled. I have done my reflecting earlier this year, when I was about to make huge life-changing decisions .

Though I have a vague plan and it just feels right, I’m still terrified, anxious and sometimes stay up at night, wondering whether I should do sometime more ‘sensible’. But let’s not talk about that right now. (*takes deep breath).

So hm hm (*clears throat) my thoughts on turning 33: I don’t feel any older than a year ago. I actually feel younger and I don’t feel I’m a ‘proper’ adult, or at least what the most imagine being an adult means.

Not that I care. I can’t wait to get out of the office and try and make living doing things I enjoy, with people I love. Because, really, that’s what life is about and honestly, every day passes by is one day less until I’m dead.

As my favourite Fleabag once said:

–What did Jesus do by the time he was 33?

–He died. That’s all he did.

So my Jesus year as I call it will be an adventure to say the least! Even if I die at the end of it, I’ll die happy.

I’m still non the wiser and most of the time I pretend I know how to navigate through life…

but for now, I’m spending most of my time having fun (and panicking) with my friends in Southampton I will dearly miss when I leave…

and indulging in delicious food.

If there’s anything I learnt from 33 years on this planet is that life is too short to spend in an office or worry about what others think or succumb to social pressures to be something you don’t wan’t to be or with someone you don’t want to be with. You don’t have to be an ‘adult’ the way society dictates, you can adult your own, special way.

Just be you, love and laugh, laugh until it hurts.

Eleni

My last Touch evening

Never would I ever imagined when I signed up to volunteer as an events assistant at Touch in April 2018 that a year later I’d be hosting a story telling evening, my last one in front of a buzzing, packed Coffeelab.

I still remember, vividly, the first ever Touch event I went to, at Talking Heads before it closed down. I remember I left feeling emotional and touched. What a great idea to inspire one another, by sharing our own stories about ill mental health, struggles we overcame and how we cope in this mad world. What a great shrine of hope in this sometimes dark world. https://elenisworld.org/2018/04/24/a-beautiful-evening-of-real-life-stories/

Since then every single event has been incredible.

From A foster carer, a former priest and other super humans…
https://elenisworld.org/2018/06/18/a-foster-carer-a-former-priest-and-other-super-humans-a-night-to-remember/

to an afternoon of songs and stories https://elenisworld.org/2018/09/11/an-afternoon-of-songs-and-stories/

a small, intimate evening in the cosy Jenny’s cafe in Hamble https://elenisworld.org/2018/11/01/tea-cake-and-life-stories-in-hamble/

to laughter and cry in Hythe https://elenisworld.org/2018/12/04/blogmas-day-3-tea-laughter-and-cry-in-hythe/

and one of the most amazing, magical evenings I had in my entire life:
https://elenisworld.org/2018/11/19/twas-the-night-of-superhumans/

I met incredible humans, standing in front of strangers sharing their most intimate, personal stories. It made me realise not only how many extraordinary people, everyday heroes live amongst us, but also how similar we all are, how we worry and struggle with the same things. We are not alone.

The founder, lovely Debs, the amazing Hannah and all the volunteers who joined since, are the nicest, kindest people I’ve ever met and they made my last storytelling event even more special.

Since I nervously stood in front of that crowd in BySea Cafe almost a year ago, the first event I ever hosted, I hosted many since, I absolutely love it, so when Debs asked me to host my last one, I said yes straight away (she also asked me to share one of my stories but I didn’t have time to prepare, I will do one day!).

It was another unforgettable evening with inspiring stories from Saire and Laura’s wonderful friendship, supporting each other throughout their ill mental health ups and downs, Claire’s epic journey with October Books, Chris’s incredible life story to Trago Lounge’s Matt and Reuben, two lovely men who run Trago Lounge as well as fundraising for Touch.

At the end of the evening Debs and Rachel surprised me with a gorgeous bouquet of tulips and roses, my favourite.

Thank you to everyone at Touch for all the amazing memories, stories and inspiration, especially to Debs and Hannah, for all your love and support.

I’d encourage anyone to volunteer for Touch, they do amazing work on raising awareness and encouraging people to talk about mental health and if you ever come across a Touch poster, go in. You’ll come out refreshed and for a while believe in humanity again.

I learned a lot from volunteering for Touch but the biggest lesson was to never stop sharing and talking about mental health.

PS Debs, I’ll definitely try starting something similar in Cyprus if I have enough time before I leave again.

Eleni

My last One Sound

Last Saturday…

The curtains open. I’m ready to sing and dance my heart out. I feel rough but I couldn’t miss this even if I was dying. I’m standing next to the lovely Marie who’s wearing a beautiful bright yellow dress and gorgeous colourful earrings. It’s her first ever One Sound, I can’t stop thinking about my first One Sound and how excited I was and I’m so happy I can see her excitement too, I can only imagine how she must feel. I see Mike on the side of the stage, smile to him and I get into position.

I catch a glimpse of Dan, standing in the middle, ready to guide and keep us in tune and in time, reminding us to smile sometimes just by smiling himself. I can’t believe this is the last time I will perform at this amazing show, last time I’ll look for Dan’s smiling face every time I unsuccessfully try to remember the next line.

I can’t believe how something so simple like joining a workplace choir would lead to singing at the Mayflower, shopping centres, fairs, Christmas events to flashmobs at West Quay and Graduation, to sold out choir collaboration shows and making friends for life.

An ordinary Tuesday, November 2013

My colleague Lilian invited me to join her on the new ‘Lunchtime Glee’ sessions, an initiative to improve staff wellbeing. I thought why not. I wasn’t feeling my best at the time. I was in an unhappy relationship, I hated myself and work started to become a not so pleasant place to be. I desperately needed even just a little ray of sunshine in my dark, depressing life.

I walk in, I see Dan’s smiling face for the first time ever and after an hour of singing Mama Mia and having a laugh with colleagues, for the first time in years I felt happy, pure happiness. I completely forgot about anything else.

That was the best decision I ever made.

About a year and a half later we had our first performance, at the Hanger Farm Art Centre. I still remember the nerves, the excitement, we were buzzing for days after that. It’s hard to understand how from singing to a small audience we now perform on a huge stage with hundreds of other singers in front of a sold out Guildhall.

Since I joined Lunchtime Glee, my confidence slowly improved and I met my best friend, one of my soulmates, Sheba who was there for me since then, through all the changes, the dramas and together we made some of the most amazing memories I’ll never forget.

Because of Lunchtime Glee and Dan, I met Jack, Claire, Helena, Pat, Ray, Julie, Jo, Amy, Ann, Lucy, Christina, Sandi, Lesley, Rachel and so many others who for two years let me be part of the most loving, caring, singing family, Sing Now choir. That was exactly what I needed in my life at that point and I wouldn’t be where I am today without their love, support and encouragement.

Though I left Sing Now almost two years ago, every time I see these wonderful humans is like nothing changed. They always welcome me with a warm hug.

I’d recommend to every single one of you to join a choir. Don’t worry if you can’t sing, that’s not what is all about. Singing and having a laugh with other lovely humans, forgetting about your troubles for an hour or two and just enjoying yourself and feeling happy, that’s the best remedy for most of life’s problems.

I’ve written about it many times before… these are just some of the highlights:

https://elenisworld.org/2016/03/19/my-choir-family/

https://elenisworld.org/2016/04/11/what-a-week/

https://elenisworld.org/2017/04/30/one-sound-one-year-later/

https://elenisworld.org/2018/12/18/blogmas-day-18-the-last-2018-ssu-staff-choir-performance/

so I won’t go into all the amazing days I had with my choir families in more detail, I just want to thank Dan and Jack for their love, creativity and passion for what they do, their kindness and professionalism and genuine care about their choir members’ wellbeing. I’d recommend Singforce, Sing Now or any projects these two wonderful humans are involved with to anyone, with no hesitation.

A big thank you to all my wonderful choir friends for all the incredible memories I’ll cherish for ever. I love you all and I will miss you dearly. I will always think of you every Tuesday lunchtime and every time I see a choir.

Eleni

My News!

I’ve been meaning to accompany the video I posted two days ago with a blog, but life got in the way. The last couple of weeks have been surreal…

For those of you who’ve been following my blog for a while, the first half of the vlog is just a few words about me (that you probably already know) but on the other half I reveal my news and briefly explain how all came together.

There are some things that didn’t make it into the vlog as I tried to keep it as short as possible. The original recording was 40 minutes long, so I thought it’d be better to give you some background info here.

As you probably know, I have been for the last three years trying to get out of my desk, number-based, not for me job. I’ve coped relatively well, considering my mental health struggles (anxiety, depression) and a million other things that got in the way (e.g. living with a flatmate for a while in order to repay my loan), the set of coping techniques I came up with worked great for a while (and my post on that was one of the most read ones), but I’ve reached a point that I feel I’m wasting 8 hours of my day in front of the PC that I would utilise much better, the money and comfortable life are not enough, so now the time has come.

I’m finally in a position (or at least as close to as I can ever be) I can quit my job and try different things.

Initially the idea of completely abandoning my efforts for another 9 to 5 job, leaving security and certainty behind was terrifying but the more I thought about it the more it felt like the best time to take the risk.

After I came back from Cyprus in January I was actively and intensely looking for another job, more meaningful, more creative more of everything, but the ones I was interested in I either didn’t have the experience or didn’t pay enough. Then I had an idea for a YouTube channel which will hopefully now come to life in September, if all goes well.

That kept me going and fed my creativity cravings. I was going to work on it whilst in my full-time job but that would have given me zero free time, with the volunteering and other things I do outside work. It got me thinking…

How can I make it out of a full time, 9-5 job completely?

Co-incidentally a couple of friends whilst talking about what else I can do mentioned teaching and how they’d thought I’d make a great teacher and that could put my creativity to great use, but the problem is, every single teacher I know is overworked, underpaid and have no social life. That’s not a compromise I was willing to take.

Then Donna, in a chat we had a couple of weeks later, mentioned TEFL (Teaching English as a Foreign Language). And it all came together. I can teach English aboard, to enable me to travel like I always wanted and give me the freedom to visit Cyprus more often to see my family and start work on my Youtube channel project idea.

I wanted to visit home longer than a few weeks for a years. And now it’s my chance. And a TEFL qualification would be the perfect way to ensure I don’t get stuck in Cyprus, otherwise all this would be for nothing.

So after some research on Teaching English abroad (I’ll write a separate post on that with lots of useful information) I decided to apply for a full-time, month long CELTA course, just after the rental agreement expires for my flat, in a city I’ve never been before, Cambridge. I applied, I had my interview and I got a place. I even got an Advanced Learner Loan to cover the fees for now until I can afford to repay it.

Next step was to book my one way ticket to Cyprus. And I now have a date, 25th of August. I’m spending four months back home, finally catching up with all my friends, SUNSHINE, quality time and Christmas with family, exploring my little island whilst I work part-time and kick off my Youtube project.

Then if all goes as desired, in January I’ll secure my first TEFL job in a country ideally outside Europe, as I’ve never been.

I’m absolutely terrified and excited in equal measure.

Worried my course will get cancelled or something might happen and ruin my plans. Petrified that the little money I’m saving won’t be enough to keep me going, horrified I may get trapped in Cyprus, terrified I will struggle with living with others after three years living on my own, in a country other than the UK, that’s been home for the last 10 years.

But so excited I will finally at least attempt to chase my dreams. Try different things, travel, use my creativity every single day.

Needless to say my anxiety levels are reaching dangerous highs almost daily but the thrill and absolute joy of what is about to come makes it all worth it.

A few friends and family still hope that I’ll ‘find the love of my life’ and either stay in Southampton or Cyprus. Even in 2019 it’s tough for some to comprehend that being in relationship is not a priority. Of course I still would like to have family, but not now and not ever if it’s not with the right person. That’s another compromise I am not willing to make.

I sometimes feel guilty I feel this way, that a boring but OK job, with lovely colleagues and a comfortable, conventional life is not enough. I am aware that others would love to be in my position. But I am not. It’s just doesn’t fit my personality, as hard as I try. And I’ve tried hard the last three years. I have to at least give myself the chance to be who I am full time. There’s so much I can do and so much I can help with.

I feel I need to talk about the B-word. Though it wasn’t the main reason, Brexit and the current political situation definitely helped my decision. I truly can’t believe what is happening right now. Moving outside the UK was something I wouldn’t even consider a year or two ago but right now, it probably is for the best. It will always feel like home and I will come back, I think. That’s a whole other post though.

Despite the anxiety, doubts and everything else, this just feels right. Maybe I’m wrong but I have a good feeling about this.

So that’s my news. I’m leaving my job in July, moving to Cambridge for a month to study CELTA, moving to Cyprus for four months to draw, film, take pictures, try random jobs like I always wanted to e.g. work in a farm, waitressing and other odd ones I have in mind and then travel teaching English.

Wish me luck!

Eleni

A day of Communicare, Art and Crafts

Saturday morning

My alarm went off at 8am but I could barely move. I’ve only been back from my holiday for a day and went straight to work, on a Friday. After a week of wandering and exploring the Forest, London and Brussels (I will be attempting to put together vlogs to accompany my blogs, coming soon hopefully, if I manage to learn the basics of video editing, wish me luck!), I was in high spirits but oh my I was tired.

I was so close to not doing anything at all and have a rest day but my heart wouldn’t let me. I haven’t seen Kathy for a while and I promised to take her out for tea and cake next time I visit. She loves going out and about but after a recent fall she is not very mobile. If I were to hold her arm though and with the aid of her walking stick we could make it.

The Communicare Vintage and Craft fair was also on today, in Portswood. I thought maybe I’d skip that and go straight to Kathy’s but I haven’t seen the lovely Communicare people since I signed up to befriending and Bryony and I went to meet Kathy for the first time.

To make things worse, after a week of holiday and a week before payday I was pretty broke.

After arguing with my self, twirling and whirling in bed for a good half an hour I came up with a plan, sort of. I’d get up and get ready quickly, Uber it to the Fair and walk back home to save money. I could then head to Kathy’s. There were a lot of events in town on the day but I was too tired to attempt more.

I made it to the Fair when it had just started, at 11am. I was stationed at the entrance to welcome people in and ask them to guess the adorable Communibear’s favourite food to initiate conversation and it was fun as well.

I had the most fun and also bizarre couple of hours.

I got to talk to a lot of people and I’ve bumped into colleagues and lovely ladies from SingNow Choir I hadn’t seen for a while.

I watched Annie, Communicare’s manager interviewed by That’s TV Solent, a local TV channel and had a chat with the cameraman and interviewer about video editing.

A random man (who smelled of alcohol) thought I was Polish and came straight to me and asked for toilet paper. I don’t speak Polish but I managed to figure that out. Just before he left he asked for a selfie (!). That never happened to me before and I didn’t know what to do but agreed. I wondered whether that’s how famous people feel when strangers ask them for photos.

I had a slice of coffee and walnut cake and a quick wander in before I left. So many beautiful stalls including Sue’s wonderful flower arrangements.

It wasn’t too busy inside unfortunately as there were 4-5 major events running on the same day in the city, as I mentioned before but it looked great.

On my way back I decided to pop at the Spark and check out the Accessible Art Show. Amazing. Blog coming soon but here’s a flavour.

I then passed by Guildhall Square to listen to the live music (So: Music City Festival was on) but there were in between acts and setting up for the next performance. The Square wasn’t busy either.

After about an hour I made it to Kathy’s. I was a bit anxious whether she’d be OK getting out of the flat but as soon as I walked in her coat was by her side (though she didn’t know I was going today) and when I asked her if she felt well enough to go out she was so happy, her face lit I couldn’t possibly not at least try. Though her memory is not doing well she remembers the Shopping Mall and every time I ask her where she’d like to go, she mentions it first (she would love a cruise too, and a trip to Italy, her travelling spirit never goes away).

I helped her get her shoes on and slowly started moving. There are a few steps within the flat who she struggled with and she needed a minute or two to rest before we headed out. We stopped a couple of times for her to catch her breath but she loved it.

I got her some tea and cake and had a wander around West Quay. She finished all her cake and tea (It’s the first time I’ve seen someone enjoy their cake so much, taking her time to eat every single piece, mindfulness at its best, though I’m sure she never heard the term before but she definitely mastered it) watched people come and go, she had a chat with a random lady who sat next to her at a bench and smiled at everyone. I’ve never seen her so happy.

On our little walk we came across the ShopCreative fair but my attention was on Kathy I didn’t spend much time looking. It looked lovely though. It’s on all weekend if you fancy. The lovely Sarah is there with her gorgeous ceramic and glass creations.

I was worried on our way back as she got extremely tired and I held her whilst she leaned on a phone box to rest. But all good. We made it back home safe and she couldn’t wait until we go out again.

I hope she gets a wheelchair so I can take her further out. I wish I still had my car.

I came home feeling exhausted but happy. What a wonderful day it’s been. I treated myself to pizza and Netflix (the Maddeleine McCann Documentary is fascinating).

Now time to tackle my long to-do-list.

Happy Sunday!

Eleni

Today I feel…

I came across a post yesterday on ‘Things that help with anxiety’ (or depression). I can’t remember exactly what it said -and I spent hours looking for it to no avail- other than one of the suggestions:

‘Every day write down how you feel…’

I suddenly had a light bulb moment. That’s what I need to do. I don’t really feel like writing or doing anything for that matter but maybe it will help, since my usual coping techniques haven’t been as effective lately.

I haven’t been feeling that well the last few days. Tired, drained, sad, numb, but also angry, easily irritated (I never felt so angry about the shitty weather, people being loud and other trivial, little things), anxious. A wonderfully disastrous cocktail of emotions. Hormones may have played a part (that week of the month, yes I’m talking about my period) but there’s more to that.

I didn’t do much at the weekend. I was so tired and drained I felt I couldn’t leave the house. And I didn’t. I felt horrible I didn’t go to see Kathy but I had no energy, I wouldn’t have been able to take her out for a walk.

I spent most of my time doing laundry (lots of laundry), watching TV, reading, a bit of singing on my guitar, some yoga. I felt better but my brain still worked overtime. I felt paralysed, as if the sofa and I were firmly bolted together, (though I managed to clean and make dinner) and at the same time the guilt of not doing much and obsessing on meaningless things for hours e.g. who was the actress in that film?Who DID we fight at World War I? was unbearable.

I put the first episode of After Life, Ricky Gervais’s new Netflix series on, about a man whose wife dies and he is in so much pain he decides to punish the world, and I was hooked instantly.

It was funny, sad, depressing, raw, unfiltered, saying out loud some of the horrible thoughts we all sometimes have but not dare say (I’ve read on the Guardian that some may be put off by the first episode because of Tony’s, the main character, apparent rudeness but I thought quite the opposite, that’s what makes it relatable, that’s what happens when you are in pain, it’s not nice but it happens) , and so very real. Anyone who has lost someone or who’s been depressed would relate. Also, great soundtrack.

I won’t reveal any spoilers but one of the messages coming out of the show was something I often torture my brain with. What is the point of living? Why do we try? Why live if we can’t think of a reason to stay alive?

Happiness is amazing. It’s so amazing it doesn’t matter if it’s yours or not. There’s that lovely thing: “A society grows great when old men plant trees the shade of which they know they will never sit in”. Good people do things for other people. That’s it. The end. Anne told Tony. Maybe that’s all there is. Live to make this world a better place. Do it for others if you can’t do it for yourself. Maybe.

It’s only 6 episodes and it’s meant to be a comedy, so it doesn’t go too deep but it’s definitely worth a watch.

https://www.netflix.com/title/80998491

Whilst talking to the little sis earlier today, I realised I go through a similar phase around this time of the year. A bout of sadness and numbness I can’t easily get out of, even with my best remedies in place. I normally go back to Cyprus for a week to restart, soak in the sunshine and the warmth, sit by the sea watching the waves…

… but this year it’s different. Ι don’t know when I’m going home yet but the little sister is visiting in three days. I can’t wait though I’m sad the other sis can’t join us. We planned an awesome week and it’s exactly what I need right now.

So how do I feel today? I feel better, though still sad, tired and incredibly anxious. I wish I was in the warmth and the sunshine by the sea but I’m also excited for the week ahead, dinner with friends, the little sister’s arrival, Linda’s leaving lunch, New Forest, London, Wicked, Brussels, Bruges. It’s gonna be a great one!

There won’t be a post this week but I’ll be back in a couple of weeks recharged and refreshed with plenty of stories and pictures.

Happy Monday and happy Green Monday to everyone celebrating Green Monday. Some of my most precious memories are sitting at the back of my uncle’s truck with my cousins, spending the day in the field trying to fly a kite, loving the strictly ‘lenten’ food, no meat or dairy but starving by the afternoon and my mum caving and let us eat whatever we fancied.

Anyway, time to finish work, go home and prepare for making more great memories later on this week.

PS if you are not at your best, try writing down how you feel. It works wonders.

Namaste

Eleni

When life gives you aubergines…

Saturday morning

I’m getting ready to go see Kathy, my 91 year old friend and thinking of what to cook for dinner when I’m back. I only have a few things in the fridge: feta, green beans, some mushrooms, a courgette and an aubergine.

What a wonderful, random selection. I thought I’d make a tomato-y casserole with the mushrooms, the green beans and the courgette and that one aubergine can turn into my favourite Greek dip, melitzanosalata (aubergine dip), which I haven’t had for years.

Ever since I came up with a.. pla about a month ago, making decisions somehow became easier. Now I’m not going to tease for much longer, as it seems Plan A might actually happen, which I truly cannot believe, so in a few weeks time I’ll tell you all about it. A few of you already know what I’m thinking of doing but I don’t want to make any big announcements before everything is as final as it can be.

Back to Saturday morning. I popped to the shop to get Kathy fruit cake, her favourite as she excitedly revealed to me a week ago, and got some garlic and a lemon for my melitzanosalata.

A few hours later I was in my kitchen cooking. I only cook for longer than half an hour when I feel inspired and creative and the great news I received the day before did the trick.

Why a simple aubergine dip is such a big deal for you? One may wonder.

It’s not about the dish, is what the dish represents. See my life right now is like the content of my fridge, a beautiful but random selection and I need to put everything together but also choose one to focus on and make something beautiful and different out of it so I can get out of my current situation and completely change the way I live.

So, when life gives you aubergines, make melitzanosalata! I’d soon be telling you what my melitzanosalata stands for but for now I’ll enjoy on the real one I made yesterday.

Eleni

Chat with a 91 year old

‘My dad used to say ‘always keep moving’, that’s the secret of still feeling young when you grow old’ Kathy told me after I complimented her for looking way younger than 91. That’s something I’ll always remember.

Saturday morning

I got up early, had breakfast, got ready quickly and I was out of the house in half an hour. I put my headphones on but I was distracted with the sea of people in town, so I took them off. One of the cruise ships must have stopped at the port, as I picked out strong American accents from a large group wearing cowboy hats and further down another gang dressed up fancy.

Back to my mission. I was on my way to visit my new, 91 year old friend Kathy. I met Kathy a week ago, on Valentine’s day actually and I couldn’t wait to see her again.

I’ve always wanted to sign up for befriending at one of the charities I help with events, Communicare and as soon as I came back home after Christmas that’s one of the first things I did.

After a DBS background check and filling in a couple of forms I met Kathy, a 91 year old lovely lady who absolutely loves having company, at lunchtime last week with Bryony, the volunteer co-ordinator. After our visit I messaged Bryony to let her know I thought Kathy and I were a great match and that was it.

I will now once a week (or more often if I have time) spend some time chatting with Kathy.

I was a bit nervous on my way there, it will be the first time we’ll be alone together…

‘Will she be happy to see me?’

‘What if we ran out of things to say?’

But after 5 minutes talking to her, nerves disappeared.

Kathy is remarkable. Intelligent, creative, funny and despite her dementia she can perfectly hold a conversation and oh my what wonderful conversations we had so far. I’ve learned so much from her already and we only hang out twice.

‘My dad used to say ‘always keep moving’, that’s the secret of still feeling young when you grow old’ Kathy told me after I complimented her for looking way younger than 91. That’s something I’ll always remember.

I left her flat, walking in the sunshine, with a big grin on my face, thinking about the incredible life she had and feeling blessed I met her.

That’s why I love what Communicare and other similar charities do. I volunteer some of my time which people always find impressive but I get so much more out of it than I give. Older people have wisdom, incredible stories and knowledge in abundance and I can’t believe that a lot end up alone with no one to speak to. It makes my heart hurt.

I’ll tell you her story after I ask her, if she agrees, because it truly is amazing, but my message for today is however busy your life may be, making time for others, especially others who might not have anyone to talk to it won’t only feel amazing, because you will be doing something for someone else, you will help pass on the knowledge and wisdom of the elderly to younger generations.

Eleni