This week’s vlog was a bit late due to our little Easter break, so here’s how I spent it. Not in Vienna or Budapest or Bratislava as I originally planned but it wasn’t as bad as I thought I’d be I guess.
Catch ups with friends, lots of chocolate, pancakes, Netflix, reading, blogging, so all in all it wasn’t too bad.
Hope you enjoy it!
Namaste
Eleni
One of the things that help me with coping under lockdown is having a routine, a rough schedule for the day, as I mentioned on my last post and video, so life feels a bit normal and also to make it easier to adjust when back in ‘normal’ life however that might be.
Now, I’m not the biggest fan of routines and I don’t always stick to it, but it helps a lot when under lockdown, when there’s no clear structure and I can waste a whole day doing nothing if I let my overthinking brain take over. So here it goes, hope you enjoy it, and please share your thoughts and what you are doing to keep you going every day!
Namaste
Eleni
For those of you who know me or have been reading my blog for a while, you probably know I struggle with anxiety (severe at times) and bouts of depression, so when hell broke loose a few weeks ago, I was extremely stressed to the point I couldn’t think clearly.
Luckily over the years I’ve developed a bit of resilience and a set of coping mechanisms to help me manage my anxiety and quickly get back in control when my stress levels reach dangerous highs.
So, after the initial shock and panic my survival instincts kicked in and I thought I’d put together a video with what’s been helping me stay sane under lockdown (can’t believe it’s been three weeks already!).
These are the the 10 activities I do most frequently to help me and a few links of books, Ted talks, TV programs etc I mention in the video (more details on each in the video):
If you’ve been doing something that has been helping you, please share, it may help someone else, that’s the reason I’m doing it.
I’m also trying to put together a video with hopeful/funny/inspiring messages of friends, family and strangers to spread some joy and positivity, so if you like to be part of me, just email me a short 10-15 sec video with your message (elenizenonos@gmail.com). It can be in any language, just provide me with the transcript and I’ll translate and put subtitles in English 🙂
Hope you are all well and safe.
Namaste
Eleni
Wednesday afternoon, 5pm…
It’s been a long day, it’s been a long week, incredibly busy at work… writing most of the time when I get home, I didn’t even get the chance to get back on my guitar since Sunday and I didn’t get much sleep the last couple of days.
I’m shuttered. But I’m not going home just yet. I got a ticket for a poetry event at the new John Hansard Gallery.
“Should I go home and have a relaxing evening instead?”
“But you really wanted to visit the Gallery since it first opened.”
“Yeah but I’m soo tired. And I can visit another time, maybe lunchtime tomorrow, oh wait I have a meeting at lunchtime tomorrow, what about Friday, oh wait…”
“See? Just go. You love poetry, it’s a free event, now SOLD OUT, and you get to walk around the gallery and finally meet the Transformer you’ve seen the pictures of for days…”
“But I’m exhausted…”
“Remember what you talked about with Shebz earlier…”
“OK OK I’ll go”
Sometimes these internal conversations go for hours. No wonder why I feel so tired all the time.
I’m glad I decided to go.
I went about an hour early so I can check out all the exhibitions currently at the Gallery.
First thing I went to see was of course Hetain Patel’s Fiesta Transformer. I was weirdly fascinated with Transformers since I was a child, cars turned into robots, so futuristic and brilliantly surreal. I never thought I’d ever see a Transformer up close. I stood there staring at it, standing next to it, admiring Guildhall Square alongside it. I decided I was going back at the interval, after the sun set, when it all looks more magical.
I went back and this time it was just me in the room, not for long but that was a moment I’d never forget. Its shadows on the wall whilst the Transformer itself admiring the views. For some it may have seemed scary, for me it felt like a friend, a familiar face in a weird sense. I stood next to window, glanced at the beautifully lit sister building, the Nuffield theatre, which I can’t wait to visit, staring at what looked like an old man in a white shirt and black trousers, he reminded me of a photo of my dad grilling fish in the kitchen of the restaurant he worked… and then I couldn’t stop staring at Guildhall Square and started humming a song I’ve been humming all week, Jorja Smith’s Don’t Watch Me Cry. Are you aware when you set me free? All I can do is let my heart bleed…
It was like the Transformer and I were two old pals standing there admiring the views with my humming echoing in the room. Someone walked in, I left the room, still humming. The moment was over but what a moment it was.
I then walked next door, in a dark room with two benches opposite two large screens. I sat down to watch Don’t Look at the Finger, a short film created by Hetain. Oh my. No words to describe it can do it justice. An African wedding ceremony, I assumed an arranged marriage. The couple getting dressed then stood in front of the priest. I expected her to speak but she started signing. They were all deaf.
The wedding ceremony was a touching, emotive blend of body movement, gestures, signing. After their hands briefly touched the couple burst into a powerful martial arts dance, ending with them smiling at each other holding hands. Incredible costumes, imposing background as the ceremony took place in an old church and the music accompanying the film was equally mesmerising, powerful and touching, all at once. Absolutely incredible.
I was about to walk out but Hetain’s The Jump screening started. And it captivated me so much I could not leave, I stood there watching until it was over. Spiderman jumping in slow motion on the colourful, patterned floor looking directly at me at the end.
I now love Hetain Patel. I don’t know if his work has the same effect on everyone, but everything I’ve seen that night immediately got me. I can’t wait to see more.
I didn’t have much time left before the poetry event run by Entropics was about to start so I had a quick look around Sam Laughlin’s Untitled exhibition, a series of black and white photographs documenting the construction of Studio 144, the building I was standing in. Fascinating.
After a quick look into the City Eye area, I stepped into Rob Crosse’s Prime Time Gallery. A bench and a couple of bean bags opposite a screen showing a short film of a group of older gay men whilst they travel the Caribbean on a cruise ship. I didn’t have time to watch the whole film, I need to go back for that, but I stood there for a moment staring at the deep blue sea and the bright blue sky before I picked up a poem written by Chantal Faust, written in response of the film title Something Along the Lines of Desire. So magnificently real, I felt every word.
I didn’t have time to explore Rhona Byrne’s Huddlehood interactive artwork or Stair/Slide/Space Conversation station, so I’m already planning another visit next week.
After my little tour it was time for the event to begin.
I love poetry. I fondly remember some of the first poems I ever read by big Greek Poets, Seferis, Elytis, Kavafy. How they made me think, transferred me elsewhere, took me on trips through imagination. I don’t read poetry as often as I’d like and any opportunity I get to enjoy and learn more I take it. That how I ended up at the Gallery on Wednesday.
First, Holly Pester. I didn’t know much about her other than what was on the Gallery’s website. I’m glad I didn’t, it’s better not to have any preconceptions. I was captivated from the first poem. Holly’s poetry is so real and raw, weirdly beautifully playing with words, inspired by every day life and her performing style is as equally captivating. She read poems on Gossip, an alternative view of it, how it could actually be helpful in some circumstances and then moved on to lullabies. Not lullabies you’d expect. Real, surreal, sad but beautiful. But my favourite poem of hers by far was the one on abortivity. The pain, the constant pain whilst getting on with life pretending everything it’s OK…
Next on Iain Morrison, the Gallery’s Writer in Residence. Iain wrote a series of poems based on his notes on meetings and other events leading to the Gallery’s opening. Funny, imaginative, beautiful. I loved his playful writing and his accent (I love accents). I couldn’t stop thinking what if I wrote what’s going in my head when I’m sat at meetings at work, all the random thoughts, my imagination going wild, my mind drifting away to places, people…
The evening ended with insightful conversations kicked off by the QnA. Did you know that the word gossip actually originates from the bedroom at the time of childbirth, as giving birth used to be a social ladies only event?
Most of the audience knew each other and most came from a creative background. At first I thought “Should I be here? I don’t know half the things these people do. Do I really fit in? I’m not a poet, I’m not an artist, what am I?”
A colleague earlier that day randomly said after I expressed my admiration for Paul Maple, one of the most creative people at Solent “Of course you love him, you love everyone and everything creative”.
It’s undeniably true.
I learned so much in one evening and I enjoyed every moment. Even if I didn’t fit in.
I’m incredibly happy John Hansard Gallery is now literally steps away and I can indulge myself in more culture, art and creativity.
Thank you to everyone who made Wednesday evening happen. A night to remember.
Namaste
Eleni
It’s Sunday afternoon-ish and I’m sat at Mettricks, a local cafe. On my own. Enjoying a scrummy smoothie.
I sat at a cafe on my own before, but is the first time I’ve done it in a while. And for some reason I felt nervous on my way here. I don’t really know why. But as soon as I sat down I forgot all about it. I spend a lot of time on my own lately, mostly by choice. I can’t believe a year ago I struggled to get used to living on my own and now I can’t imagine my life any other way. We humans are incredible. It always amazes me how we can adapt and change through time.
Anyway, I thought instead of writing my posts at home, I’ll start going to local, independent cafes (not chains, soz fans of Starbucks and Costa’s, they already earn HUGE money, better to support your community instead).
So today, I’m at Mettricks. I like it here. I come here often as is close to work and home. Great food and drinks, probably the best coffee in town, lovely service (just been served my smoothie by this cute waiter who thought I was knitting-I was unravelling the lead of my headphones-, little did he know I have all the knitting equipment- a birthday gift by my lovely colleagues as I always wanted to learn how to make my own hairbands- I just didn’t get around to it, although it would have been hilarious if I brought everything at the cafe and started knitting) and most of the time is not crazy busy. Although right now there are some loud Greeks sitting opposite me (Greeks and Cypriots are probably the loudest, being a Cypriot myself I can spot them from a distance), which is annoying as I can’t hear my own thoughts, but hey, that’s what headphones are for.
So… back to the theme of this post. Awakenings!
A couple of months ago I went to the Uni’s library to grab some books on CBT. I couldn’t find the ones I wanted but I was drawn to a book with the eye catching title ‘The Man Who Mistook His Wife For a Hat’ by the famous British Neurologist Oliver Sacks. Gutted I haven’t discovered him earlier, I’d have loved to meet him if possible or at least email him, but unfortunately he died two years ago.
In the book Dr Sack describes his weirdest, most unique cases, including autistic twins who could quickly calculate what day any date in the future would be but couldn’t do simple maths, extreme cases of amnesia (the Lost Mariner was one of my favourite), music epilepsy (one lady could hear music in her head ALL the time and it turns out the song she could hear was of a childhood memory she could not remember before) and the one which inspired the title of the book. I won’t go into more detail otherwise the post will only be about this book but I’ll briefly tell you about the story behind the title.
This highly intelligent, music lover, incredible man, who mistook his wife for a hat was suffering from visual agnosia, which meant although his vision was intact, he couldn’t recognise objects or faces, and at one of his visits at the doctor’s, whilst trying to find his hat he grabbed his wife’s head by accident instead.
It’s fascinating to read and highly recommended. You’ll learn a lot about the brain and how a small brain dysfunction can severely disrupt someone’s life but also how people learn how to cope and come up with ingenious ways to learn to help them live with their illness.
I finished that book in three days and I was so impressed by Dr Sacks I bought, probably his most famous book, Awakenings (which has now adapted to theatre plays, podcasts and the infamous Awakenings movie with Robert De Niro and Robin Williams, more on the movie below).
It took me a while to finish it, as I was on holiday and I finally read the last page a week ago.
Awakenings, if you haven’t heard of it or watched the movie, is about a group of Dr Sacks’ patients at a hospital in New York who suffered from the 1920’s encephalitis lethargica epidemic. This horrible disease attacks the brain and leaves most victims speechless, motionless, trapped in their own body, never asleep but never fully awake.
Dr Sacks came across the ‘miracle’ drug L-Dopa that used to treat his patients in the hope they ‘ll come back to life. And something amazing happened. They all ‘woke up’. They could now move, talk, feed themselves. Some went on to live a relatively normal life but for a lot of them it didn’t last long.
Administering chemicals to the brain has unpredictable consequences and the majority of his patients had horrible side effects, some of which never went away.
Every single case he describes is sad, emotional and inspiring all at once.
But I haven’t only learned that any drug that affects the brain cannot be expected to behave as any other drugs. The amount of chemicals in the brain and the complex interactions between the different parts of it will never allow a simple reaction to any drug.
I learnt how amazing human interaction and affection can be and how it can really do miracles. The majority, if not all patients would react better to the drug if they felt loved and if others, their doctors and nurses, their loved ones, cared about them. How magnificent that is. Even when suffering from one of the most debilitating, complicating brain illnesses, other humans can make or break you.
When the hospital was briefly under a different direction, it became more ‘institutionalised’ and less ‘human’. During that short time, all patients’ side effects became dramatically worse.
Treatment is not just about dealing with the physical symptoms, is not just ‘mechanical’ but should take into consideration the human, emotional, psychological element, the individual, something Dr Sacks was very passionate about, and at the time was not common practice (unfortunately it still happens nowadays, we’ve all came across a doctor who would not pay too much attention to what we are saying and how an illness can affects us and will just prescribe us some drugs and that’s it).
I was impressed on how well or equally bad patients reacted to ‘waking up’. Some could not handle at all how they came back to life 30 years later, they were older and the world as they knew it ceased to exist. Others never felt bitter or regret but were grateful they were given another chance in life.
And finally what shines through the book is Dr Sacks’ love for his patients. For him they were never ‘just patients’. He deeply cared about every single one of them until he died.
As I mentioned earlier, the book has been adapted into films, podcasts and so on but the most famous adaptation was the 1990 Oscar-nominated film ‘Awakenings’.
On one of the last chapters, Dr Sacks talks about all the book adaptations at the time, especially the ones he found closest to reality.
I didn’t watch the film before finishing the book (although I might have watched it years ago but I could remember very little), and I’m glad I didn’t. As vividly described in the book, the whole movie cast visited the hospital and watched the patients to try and portray their behavior as accurately as possible. Robin Williams (one of my favourite actors of all time) who played Dr Sacks spent hours and days with him, studying his mannerisms, the way he spoke, the way he talked and Dr Sacks himself was impressed on how well he played him in the film.
Most amazingly Robert De Niro not only spent days with patients, he even visited some of Dr Sacks’ patients in the UK. He would stay in role even when they were not filming. At one occasion he would walk as if he was still Leonard (the patient he portrays in the film) with his feet twisted and he wouldn’t even realise.
If you happen to watch the movie, pay attention to all his tics, the scene were he has a major oculogyric crisis, the way he walks and talks. Based on Dr Sacks’ observations, you wouldn’t know that he was acting. That’s how a encephalitis lethargica patient behaved in real life.
Leonard was one of Dr Sacks’ favourite patients. He was extremely intelligent, loved reading (he graduated from Harvard and almost finished his PhD before his illness became too severe) and although he couldn’t speak at all he could spell on his little board. After his miracle awakening, his reaction to L-Dopa was horrendous and he asked to be taken off it. He died years later from infection, just after the drug started working for him again. How sad but what an amazing man he was.
There is a 1973 documentary with the original patients and Dr Sacks himself which I just found online and can’t wait to watch. It wasn’t easy to find. If you are interested let me know and I’ll send you a link.
The film differs to the movie as you’d expect with any film adaptation but is one of the very few if not the only book-to-film adaptation I actually liked. It’s sad, emotional and inspirational all at once, just like the book.
I’ve learned more than I’d expect from Awakenings and that’s why I love reading.
So, that’s it for today! I hope you enjoyed it.
It’s much easier to concentrate and write a post here rather than home. I think that’s my new thing. I might try Mettricks again maybe when it’s a bit quieter but any recommendations of local cafes in the city will be appreciated 🙂
Until next time… take care.
Eleni x
‘We do not need to fear the world, or treat it with suspicion. Any monsters that dwell there are our own’
I just finished reading Happy- Why more or less everything is absolutely fine by Derren Brown.
And I could not recommend it highly enough.
I started composing an Instagram post but it was becoming too long so I thought I’d write about it here instead.
Most people know Derren Brown as a magician, showman, painter or even photographer but he is an incredibly intelligent, knowledgeable, modern day philosopher who writes amazingly beautifully.
I’ve read all of his books, but this is definitely my favourite.
Funny, informative, wise, beautifully written (I had to google a lot of words, you might not need to if English is your first language), emotional.
He starts with a brief history of how happiness has been defined through time, from the ancient Greeks, who if you haven’t read any of their work, I’d urge you to (I studied ancient Greek at school (which I didn’t enjoy much) but when you are a 16 year old going through the teenage years, with not many experiences in life, you cannot fully comprehend the value of it), to religion and how it changed the way humans viewed happiness (i.e that is OK to suffer in this life because you will be rewarded and be happy after you die) to today’s sheer optimism and beliefs that if you really want something it will happen- spoiler alert- it won’t.
He follows that with how to apply stoic methods in your life, how to deal with anger, hurt and fame and then with my favourite part of the whole book, ‘happy endings’ in which he discusses about a fear we all have, the fear of death, how to die well and how to live now.
There is too much in the book I can possibly share in a post but what I kept:
So what is the best way to live? Although your past has taught you a lot, is in the past. You should learn to recognise how it affected and affects you but leave it in the past. It does not define you. Remember you control your thoughts so you can change the way your past is affecting you.
Find the right balance between living in the moment and the future. A year ago I used to believe that living in the moment and not make any plans for the future or even think about the future was the way forward but a couple of months before I read this book, I realised that living in the moment is still important but without having something to look forward to, without a future, it feels pointless. And after reading this book, it all makes sense.
And finally, ‘good enough’ is good enough. There is nothing wrong with living a ‘good enough’ life.
Love you all x
Eleni
Last night I went to see my favourite ‘celebrity’s new show, Miracle. Everyone who knows me probably knows how much I love him as a person and a showman.
Derren is not your typical celebrity, but I am not really a big fan of celebrities (I mostly admire incredibly talented and smart people, famous and not so famous or not famous at all).
The only time I got ‘starstruck’ was when I met the incredible, amazing Chris Hadfield (if you don’t happen to know him, he is a Canadian astronaut who shared amazing photos of our planet, incredible videos on how astronauts live and also filmed Space Oddity, 400km above earth, amongst other incredible things he did).
I don’t really know where to start from. I’ll try and keep the post as short as possible but I will start from the beginning.
I was first introduced to Derren Brown 7 years ago, about this time, by my incredibly intelligent and knowledgeable ex boyfriend. On one of our first dates, we watched one of his live shows on Youtube and since then I have watched all of his TV and live shows, read his books and was lucky enough to go and watch live 3 of his shows!!! I’ve read a lot of his interviews and I do know a lot about him because I admire him.
So guys, if you want to impress a girl, Derren Brown is definitely a good way!!! It definitely got me!
I know that all of it is trickery. The main man admits that himself. But he puts on an amazing show, he is super intelligent, knowledgeable (not many will refer to Epictetus, many people don’t even know who he is!!), quirky, always smartly dressed (it makes a difference) and has an impeccable and sometimes disturbing sense of humour (very similar to mine), to sum up my dream man (a girl can dream!)!
“Freedom is the only worthy goal in life. It is won by disregarding things that lie beyond our control.”(Epictetus)
So, I can’t reveal much about his new show Miracle, because I wouldn’t like to spoil anything for anyone who hasn’t watched it yet but it was AMAZING. Even some who were sceptical about it, were left wondering how on earth he does it!
Derren often uses hypnosis and sometimes hypnotherapy techniques at his shows and I have to admit that it definitely had an effect on me last night.
It made me realise that I am ready now. I am ready right now, I don’t need to wait for anything anymore! I am ready for anything that comes along! I don’t want to wake up one day when I am 60 years old and think ‘What have I done with my life? I spent most of my life working for what? I got a lot of money to do what with it?’
I did a lot of thinking the last couple of months, I did my grieving, I realised and accepted my mistakes and the fact that I messed up A LOT and I’ve been terrible to some people (especially my last two relationships), because I lost myself but I am good now! I am finally myself after a long long time and what a better time to come to this realisation! At my favourite man’s show!
I decided to have a month of celebrations for my 30th birthday starting next weekend!
So thank you Derren Brown!
Love you all! x
Lessons I learned after I turned 30 