Category: writing

I have a pla…

I’ve taken hundreds of pictures, maybe thousands. There’s so much beauty in every and not so everyday moments, the best way to remember that is capture these little nuggets of life into a photograph.

I’ve been going through my enormous collection lately as I feel I should share them with the rest of the world and I pick a couple a week to post on my social media.

Last Sunday I came across this and all the excitement I felt when I took it came rushing back. I could somehow relive the exact moment. The magic of photography.

And I thought to myself ‘What the hell am I still doing here?’ I can wait a few years, save some money first but I’m tired of waiting and something has to change.

I struggle with plans, they scare me. Life is so weirdly, wonderfully unpredictable I don’t like making long term plans but now I need one. I need to lift this fog that’s been around me for months now. The cover photo couldn’t be more poignant.

And I think I have one. Maybe not a plan. I’m terrified to call it that. I have my magic beans and I have a pla, almost a plan.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UyILENqGHNQ

I have my magic beans, wonderful, loving, supportive friends and family in Cyprus and the UK and I have a few things I’m working on to get me out of a 9 to 5 job and get some time to travel a bit and do all the creative ideas I’ve come up with over the years but never had the time or energy.

I can’t say more now until things are a bit more final but I’m posting this just to remind you all, like I’ve reminded myself to not forget to dream and take risks, do things that scare you, do things that make your heart beat fast and never apologise for it. Oh and it’s never too late. Most people my age want to settle down and have a family, and if that’s what makes them happy, that’s what they should, but I feel I have so much more in me before I settle down, it’s not for me, not for now. I have been and still am judged because of that, but honestly, I just ignore the ‘friendly advice’.

I’m terrified and excited in equal measure, my anxiety is reaching dangerous highs again but that’s the best I felt for months. So here’s to change and happiness and dreams.

Namaste

Eleni

Pappou Costas

He looks different, as he suddenly grew older overnight…

Every time I go home, I make time to go see my grandpa. Not out of obligation but of love and admiration.

He is my only  grandparent still alive. I’ve never met my dad’s parents, my dad’s auntie, the legendary giagia Frosou died a couple of years ago and my favourite grandma Stella, pappou Costas’s wife died when I was 9.

Grandpa Costas was always there growing up not just on special occasions but in our every day lives. He would take us on bike rides, or down town on a Saturday morning to wander in the market and get us a freshly baked pastry and oven baked eggs for breakfast, one of my most cherished memories. I can still remember the excitement of waking up early to go with pappou Costas in old Nicosia. Everyone knew him!

A proud but sensitive man who is not ashamed to cry, so innocent and sweet he loves everyone. He still remembers some of his Turkish he used to communicate with his fellow Turkish Cypriots shepherds before 1974, when life was simple.

He is still in great form now, in his 80s but he is getting older and I’m terrified the fragility that comes of old age might take him away from us at any point.

The sudden realisation of growing old. He is getting older, I’m getting older. Such a poignant, profound acknowledgement.

I last saw him in September, on a warm Thursday morning, and it was the first time I noticed his walking. Slow and a bit disoriented. Normal for his age, but not pleasant to see.

He sometimes forgets where he is or what time of the day he is, he is categorically refusing to wear glasses although he needs them, but he still makes us laugh when we least expect it.

I was thinking when I saw him on that day whether I should take a picture of him, whilst he still remembers us and has (relative) clarity of mind but he may not want to so I didn’t ask.

And, as if he read my mind, out of the blue, he says: ‘Do you want to take one of those ‘selfies’ together?’ The rest of the family have taught him well!

I couldn’t believe it. And of course I did. He then asked to see it, checked he looked OK, although we all knew he can’t really see properly.

Pappou Costas

This recent memory, so simple, although bittersweet makes me smile when I can’t find a way out of my mind’s labyrinth.

Eleni