christmas – Page 8 – Lessons I learned after I turned 30

The Christmas story of Eddie the teddy.

December 2015…

I lived in the most gorgeous place I’ve ever lived in Southampton, a three bed, three bathroom flat with en suite and walking wardrobe in the enormous main bedroom (every woman’s dream), on Northlands road, a beautiful residential area next to the Common, where I could see the fountain in the middle of the square and all the beautiful houses from my kitchen’s french doors.

I had split up with my ex-boyfriend of seven years but we still lived together, our contract didn’t end until February. We had decided a month earlier since we were to remain friends and this would have been our last Christmas together neither of us would go home, I hadn’t been home for Christmas for six years, but we were spending Christmas together, as friends.

I’m one of those people who don’t believe there’s a point remaining friends with ex-boyfriends, I don’t keep in touch with any of my exes but I thought this would be different. We were together for seven years, he wasn’t just my boyfriend, he was my best friend.

When he found out I was dating someone else after we broke up, (yes, rebound… yes I regretted it….it put me off men since) he was devastated, apparently he thought we would get back together eventually, get married, have kids and live happily ever after, although when I asked him whether the break-up was final, his exact words (word by word translation from Greek) were ‘It’s better not to think we will ever get back together’.

He booked a ticket to go home, just a week before Christmas.

I was left alone with no plans a week before Christmas. I could not afford a ticket home, they got incredibly expensive by then and although my parents offered to pay, I knew they could not afford it either, they would have probably borrowed money and I’d never let them do that. I’d rather stay home alone.

At the same time all of this was happening I received three gifts from my family back home (the allegory made me giggle when I re-read this part), a notebook and a snowman ornament (I used to tease my sisters with this snowman cuddly toy I had at home, I made up a ‘snowman’ song, and although they pretended they didn’t like it, they secretly loved it) from my sisters and a teddy bear from my mum. I had sent her flowers and a teddy bear for her birthday in November and whenever she misses me she holds the teddy, so mum said ‘Whenever you miss us, hold the teddy’.

Eddie the teddy survived three house moves, impressive as my tendency to lose things is not getting better, it’s been sitting on my bed for the last two years and I hold it tight when the going gets tough. I hold it when there’s a thunderstorm, I’m terrified of thunders although I know I shouldn’t, I hold it when I miss my family and I hold it when I’m feeling down. Last time I held it was Monday night.

It was a tough day. The death of Christine, a colleague fighting cancer for the last year, farewell lunch of Sophie, the first member of our little team leaving and I received some news I cannot share yet. As soon as I walked outside work I burst into tears. I really needed a hug from my parents or my sisters. But the closest thing I had was the teddy.

It really helps to have something reminding me I’m never alone, even when I feel I am. We all have inanimate objects that are special to us.

The heart shaped earrings I wear most days are a gift to myself when I needed a confidence boost, the heart-shaped ring and bracelet I normally wear are gifts from my sisters, the cross pendant I never take off is a gift from my godson and my cousin, my favourite shirt is a gift from my little sister, the bowl and silver tree decorating my living room are gifts from my best friends, the chocolate flower (minus the chocolate) on my desk at work is a Valentine gift from my brother from another mother and the list goes on…

All of these remind me how much I’m loved by amazing people and give me strength when I need it the most.

It is not silly or childish and don’t let anyone persuade you otherwise. Our loved ones can’t be with us every time we need them, especially if they live in another country like most of mine do and these little, meaningless to others things, make a huge difference for me and keep me going. There are a daily reminder. They all lead to one thing.

They all lead to love. It’s all about love. And I’m blessed to be loved by so many special, sweet, loving humans.

I’d love to know the little things that are precious to you and the stories behind them.

If you are wondering, this Christmas story did have a happy ending. I spent that Christmas with my best friend and her family in Luton and it was one of the best Christmas days I ever had full of laughter, food and dancing. I then spent a day wandering in sunny December London, watched Matilda the musical and stayed in the Shard, in the most amazing room with breathtaking views. That fairytale had a bad ending but Christmas 2015 was great.

The end

Eleni

Lazy Sundays

I’m sitting on my sofa in my warm winter jumper, heating on, watching Sunday Brunch (I love Bradley Walsh, he is hilarious!) and browsing the internet for Christmas gifts and new wardrobe/style ideas.

After I was done with house chores yesterday I spent the rest of the day comfort eating, reading and watching Christmas movies on Channel 5.

I’m loving all the Christmas adverts out this week. My favourite is probably the Talk Talk one (it’s all about what matters most, family and watching Christmas movies on Christmas day snacking and cuddling with my sisters, our parents falling asleep on the sofa and Oscar the great lying next to us keeping us warm with his fur and occasionally trying to steal our food), closely followed by M&S (I love Paddington, watching it with the family at Christmas is one of my favourite memories). I actually had a sweet conversation on Twitter with M&S that made my day. The little things!

I feel calm, relaxed, rested. And you know why?

I stopped and took a break from all my week plans and obligations and spent my time dealing with all the thoughts and worries nagging me for weeks and treated myself, something I’d advise everyone to do.

I felt tired and drained all week, so much so that I couldn’t get out of bed in the morning. The cold made it even harder. But what was going through my mind was the real culprit.

First I was excited applying for a new job but as soon as I start composing my personal statement anxiety and self-doubt kicked in. Should I apply? Am I good enough?

With the help of a great friend who advised me how to link my skills and experience to the role and had a read of my application before I clicked ‘Apply’ I finally did it. Now it doesn’t matter if I get it or not because I know I did my best and that’s all I can do. First worry dealt with.

Co-incidentally I came across an interview Jeff Weiner, the CEO of LinkedIn gave a while ago. It’s not hard to see why he is highly regarded and admired by many. At some point he talked about happiness. He only realised how truly happy he could be when he met his now wife. Before it was all work work work. Another example that success and money doesn’t necessarily mean happiness. It reminded me again to stop and appreciate the little things. Of course I want to have a successful career in something I love and I’d be over the moon when that happens but life is much more than that.

For about a month now my teeth have been very sensitive and I could not understand why which led to a train of worrying, terrifying thoughts. Since my NHS dentist was fully booked until January I bit the bullet and decided to visit my private dentist, although I don’t have much money left until the end of the month.

Never have I ever felt so horrified going for a check up. But Tobi was lovely and re-assuring (although I held my breath when she said ‘just checking for any lumps or bumps’, a normal part of a check-up, but I’ve been watching so many Stand Up to Cancer clips lately my overworking, crazy brain paralysed me with fear). Totally worth the money.

The cause of the problem: grinding my teeth in my sleep and I need one of those fancy mouth guards. At least I now know what is causing it and how to fix it.

I skipped salsa on Wednesday. I was exhausted, it was freezing cold and the week before I didn’t get to practise any of the steps we learned as most of the men in the group unfortunately can’t get the basic steps and I could not cope with explaining the basic steps again 1,2,3 5,6,7 or even simpler quick, quick slow, quick quick slow and that ladies always turn on the right within those steps not whenever and in whatever direction.

I’m usually extremely patient and understanding but with everything else going on in my head I just couldn’t do it. I may return next week.

I re-arranged my first hot power yoga session for next weekend so I could have a lie in and rest.

The only thing I stuck to all week was my daily yoga and music, my soul medicine. So much good music out there, it’s impossible to mention all the new gems I discovered, but I love Surround me by Leon, Does she Even know by Ider, World Gone Mad by Bastille and new Recording 135 by Leo (one of the most beautiful songs I’ve ever heard), check my Spotify for more.

On Thursday night my sisters sang at a local bar in Nicosia to raise money for a local animal shelter, the one my sister volunteers for and I visited in the summer. I couldn’t be there but my parents (who are not very good with technology) managed to connect us. They didn’t realise everyone could hear them, so I got to listen to their hilarious random conversations, their out of tune singing along, so endearing, I didn’t realise that I could be seen when they accidentally added me as I guest so people tuning in had the chance to see me eating chocolate on camera, I chatted to the people I knew there, my sisters’ friends, and I got to watch almost the entire show live. Thank you mamma and papa!

If I could, I would have popped to Cyprus for a week to re-charge and recuperate but since I couldn’t, this was the closest I got to. On Thursday I felt I was there, my parents doing their thing, getting into hilarious situations, sisters singing and me cheering them on in the background. Just what I needed!

Finally, on Friday I celebrated the end of the week with lunch and laughs with my bestie and my lovely lady friends from work. Wonderful, warming ramen at Wagamama followed by take away delicious brownies from Coffeelab. Perfect way to end this week.

Ramen

Orange and hazelnut brownie

I’m rested and ready now for a busy week and weekend.

Have a lovely week everyone!

Namaste

Eleni

Happy New Year !!!

Happy New Year everyone! I don’t have high expectations for 2017 but whatever happens, don’t allow anyone (a lot of as****** out there I know) or anything knock your confidence and self-belief. I hope 2017 is full of love and laughter, no matter what life throws at us.

I’m supposed to be packing as I’m moving at the weekend but it’s too cold and I’m too tired, first day back at work was exhausting, so I’ve written this instead 🙂

I don’t do New Year resolutions because I’ve tried it before and I find it pointless so I’ll try to tick off things on my bucket list instead. Much more fun! And one of the things I want to do is write/blog more often and I’ll try to post more regularly, I forgot how insightful and therapeutic it can be.

Christmas is over and it’s been amazing. After 8 years I surprised my family and had the most amazing week with my parents, sisters and dog, watching Christmas movies, snuggled up on the sofa with popcorn and chocolate.

I caught up with friends and family and spent Christmas day with my aunt and cousins like when we were kids.

And so happy to be there for my godson’s first Christmas!

AND I got to spent New Year’s eve in Edinburgh sending off 2016 whilst watching Paolo Nutini live (that’s ticked off the bucket list!) with my favourite!

New year is perfect for clean sheet/new beginnings/ new year new you, but one of the most important lessons I learnt is that you can change your life whenever you want to and life can change you when you least expect it, so if you want a new start do it now, your new life can start on the 3rd of January instead 🙂

So back to now. And now what? No idea! I’m moving in a couple of days. I don’t know where and a lot of you are asking and are worried, especially my family but don’t! Everything will work out fine. Absolutely no point in panicking and worrying. I’ll let you all know when I know.

My next post will be about my little sister, my little star, my little duckling, as I promised to her a while ago and then (OK she might not like it but) one for my second sister, our hero!

Here is a little preview of my little star, Anna x

For now, I hope January blues are not too painful for any of us.

Love you all x

PS. I’ve just watched 24 hours in A&E and every time I do, I’m reminded how lucky I am I’m healthy and loved and a HUGE thank you to all doctors and nurses for working so hard to keep all of us safe and alive.

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year, let’s hope it’s a good one without any tears (well maybe some tears, mostly happy ones)

This is it! 2016 it’s almost over. And what a year it has been… The next few weeks will be very busy so this is the only chance I get to post before 2017 is upon us and I really wanted to so here it goes…

Many many lessons learned in 2016 that won’t fit in one post but if I have to choose the most important ones then they’ll have to be:

Trust yourself and be yourself. Self-confidence and believing in yourself is hard in this cruel world but it’s only one you and that’s what makes sou special, so trust your instincts and not be afraid to be you.

There are a lot of mean people out there, more than I thought (and fortunately a lot of nice and kindhearted, wonderful human beings), so you can’t be nice all the time and to everyone. I never really make any new year resolutions but I decided that this year I won’t let anyone spoil it for me anymore. Kick ass if I have to!

If something is too good to be true, then it probably is not.

And finally do whatever makes you happy! You see life is never easy, well not for all of us anyway, it’s hard as it is so don’t compromise, do whatever makes your heart beat faster.

All in all it’s been a fun year, full of laughter and I’m really happy I made new friends, became a godmother, tried new things, including starting this blog which helped me immensely with my confidence, getting over situations and making sense of life, done some silly things too but it has been rough at times. And I reached my breaking point more than once.

Apologies to my friends I haven’t seen for a while, it’s been tough couple of months but I promise I’ll make it up.

It’s been tough for a lot of us across the world with terrorist attacks, homophobic attacks, Brexit, Donald Trump elected as the US president, the crisis in Syria and many many more…

For me…

2016 found me starting my life from scratch, this time on my own, heartbroken, confidence at its lowest, in grief…

After 30 years I had to learn to live on my own and depend solely on myself. I never liked asking for help even from my other half or my family so it was a hell of a journey.

But I’m very proud of how far I come. I made mistakes, I took risks when I shouldn’t but I learned to trust and believe in myself and I know now that whatever happens, I can face it, however hard it might get.

And now it’s finally time for a little break, I’m going to have the most amazing Christmas and NYE and then new adventures await. I literally have no idea where I’ll be in a month’s time, but I hope everything will work out in the end. And if not, oh well I guess I’ll learn something new.

I never had much money and neither did my family. They still live in an old building which might collapse at any time.

But we learned to fight and do our best to provide for each other. We always cared more about each other than ourselves. We learned to live with little and appreciate the little things, we learned that it’s not important to get what you want, because it might not be possible, but we learned to always try our best with what we’ve got. We learned to love unconditionally.

We never needed the fanciest cars, the most expensive gifts or the newest phones to be happy.

We are the happiest when we are together having a laugh even at hard times, caring about each other, helping others, and that’s what it really matters. It’s always been about love and being grateful for what we have and I’m so happy and proud I was raised in such an amazing family. I wouldn’t change that for all the money in the world.

One day, if I have my own family, I’ll consider myself very lucky if I’m as half as a good parent as my parents are.

I have hundreds of Christmas wishes, my letter to Santa is quite long but if I only had one wish is for all of my loved ones to be happy, healthy and safe. If you are an expat or your family lives far away, you know exactly what I mean. It’s heartbreaking not to be able to be there whenever my sister or my dad has an accident or my aunt is sick or…

And one of my lifelong dreams is to one day be able to buy a house for my family (and build my own house exactly as I imagined it, but I don’t mind if that never happens) so I don’t have to worry about them. Which is wishing for the impossible but a girl can dream.

I never cared about having the most expensive clothes, bags or make-up. If you know me you probably know that. I’m not the prettiest or the fanciest dresser but I spend most of my money on bills (living on my own costs A LOT and sacrificing this won’t be easy), trips, gigs, experiences, spending time with friends, getting gifts for friends and family. And I wouldn’t change that for anything.

I sometimes worry about the future, it’s only natural but as long as I’m happy and do my best, I leave the rest to the universe.

I’ll leave you with this, which couldn’t be more true.

Merry Christmas to all of you and your families.

I hope all your Christmas wishes come true!

I know one of mine will 🙂

And I hope 2017 is much better for all of us. Amen.

Love you all! x