life – Page 12 – Lessons I learned after I turned 30

4 months ago… part 3… the funeral and the week after

18th of October, 2015… Sunday…

It was a miserable day for the whole family. I felt numb. I couldn’t comprehend what happened the night before. I kept my emotions in for so long, I was about to burst, but I held them in. I knew I had to be strong for the rest of the family.

We all spent the whole day at home, making arrangements for the funeral which was the next day. We didn’t talk much, we barely ate, we barely slept.

19th of October 2015, Monday

On Monday morning my cousin called me. She wanted me to read a few words she wrote at the funeral, a eulogy for her mum. We talked about it months ago and I agreed to do it because she knew she wouldn’t be able to do it herself. Living away helped me be calmer and more composed and I had to remain calm and composed once more.

She sent me the text (it’s in Greek but if anyone wants a translation, I’d be happy to do it ΕΠΙΚΗΔΕΙΟΣ (2)) and I’ve read it aloud a couple of times, to prepare myself. I managed to hold my tears during most of it but I always broke down towards the end of it. I knew I had to try my best at the funeral.

It was a warm, sunny day although it was the middle of October. We went to church at 3pm.

She arrived… she looked like an angel heavily asleep, so beautiful and peaceful. I broke down a couple of times. But every time I did, I managed to recover fast, I had to. I needed to make it through the day…

The church was full of people who loved her… Everyone she knew came to pay their respect to this beautiful person. It was very moving to see all of these people there. It was an emotional ceremony run by 12 priests…

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The worst part was kissing her goodbye. It was a tragic moment for all of us but especially for my grandpa, her dad…

And then it was time for me to read the Eulogy. I stood in front of everyone, next to the coffin. My voice trembled, my mouth was dry. For the first time in my life my legs went numb and I felt I would faint at any minute. But I kept looking at her picture throughout the ceremony and in my head I imagined her saying to me ‘You can do it, do it for me, I know you can’.

And I did. I managed to read all of it until the end. I broke down briefly when I caught with the corner of my eye her son breaking down. But I kept going. And I made it. When I was done I ran into my cousin’s arms and let my tears out. It was one of the most difficult things I’ve done in my life… and I’m proud of myself that I managed to do it.

After that, the cemetery. What bizarre places cemeteries are. Haunting but peaceful…

There was a lot of crying and sobbing and shouting… And after that we all gathered at my grandpa’s house (I am not even going to talk about how my grandpa was on that day, I can’t even imagine how it feels to lose your child). And we all shared lovely stories, kids were running around, we caught up with relatives who hadn’t seen for years and we all had a laugh, celebrating her life.

LESSON 9 That moment I realised once again that life goes on no matter what.

Deep inside I knew all this left a big scar and I needed time to heal. I feel I still haven’t had the time to do that (more on that later). Kubler Ross five stages of grief (they apply to different situations, not just death but also breakups, divorces etc) keep popping into my head since then. Denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance… I am not sure on which stage I am, but I have not reached acceptance yet…

My family and I spent most of the rest of the week at home. Everyone started going back to work, trying to move on the best they could. And things between me and my ex whilst I was away were deteriorating so I knew it was time for me to pick up my pieces, go back home and sort my life out.

Rest in Peace my lovely aunt Anna… you’ll always be in my heart…

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4 months ago…part 1

Edit- I’ve received some feedback (although rude and threatening but still took it into account) so I’ve amended some details on my previous post- I have no intention to insult or show disrespect to anyone. I only want to express my thoughts, what life events meant for me and what I’ve learned from them..

Before you go on reading, just to let you know, I have a lot of theories, my theories, so let’s call her Eleni’s theories, ET for short! They will be mentioned occasionally.

So, four months ago, in October 2015 things were not going well and one of my theories is, if you don’t speak up, whatever is bothering you will eat you alive.

I didn’t enjoy my new job at all and I desperately wanted to leave… I felt very demotivated and unchallenged with the tasks I was asked to do. So I had my first ever difficult conversation at work, letting them know how I felt and what we can do to improve it. LESSON 4. Honesty is the best policy.

I was later blamed for a mistake I didn’t make and had to have a difficult conversation with my managers (after an emotional conversation I had with them about my aunt and warning them I would have to leave at any time to hopefully catch her alive and say my final goodbyes, PS I’ve never cried in front of any of my colleagues or managers before this)

I never really had to have any difficult conversations at my workplace before as my ex-manager and good friend Chris and I always talked openly about everything. I love my ex-colleagues, they are the loveliest bunch of people ( I know I use the word ‘lovely’ a lot).

I later received an apology for wrongfully blamed for the mistake I haven’t made, but the trust was gone. I couldn’t see how my career would progress there and although my manager did his best, we just clashed. LESSON 5. If your relationship with your manager is not good, do something about it.

So I was in a job I didn’t enjoy, at a workplace I didn’t enjoy with people I didn’t really fit in(remember lesson 2?) and I knew I had to leave.

On a personal level, my relationship had reached its lowest point, although at the time I really believed it can get better so after a long, honest conversation, my ex boyfriend and I had decided to do our best to make it work because we loved each other.

He supported me with my decision to quit, so I took the plunge and quit…

In all this I became best friends with Shebz, who supported me and helped me in all this. She is one of the most incredible, amazing, caring people I ever known and I feel lucky and proud to be her friend! Love you! x

One of the things that helped me through this was my choir family. I joined a community choir in April and since then I met the loveliest people who always cheered each other up and had lots of fun and laughter and a bit of singing! If you are thinking of starting something new, I definitely recommend singing in a choir!

So, I quit on Friday, 16th of October 2015 and I booked a ticket to fly home on the 17th as I received devastating news that my aunt’s health was deteriorating rapidly.. The following week I will never forget, I still haven’t recovered… Part 2 coming soon and is not an easy read…

6 months ago…

So… although not everything started 6 months ago, that’s when my life as I knew it started to change…

I had a ‘I’m almost 30 years old’ crisis on my 29th birthday in May, realising how much time I wasted being in an a job I didn’t enjoy anymore, a relationship I was unhappy in but desperately tried to make it work, a life I didn’t enjoy. And I decided not to celebrate my birthday at all.

I’d been in the same job for 4 years and I tried desperately to get into a field I then thought I really wanted to get into, Occupational Psychology so I spent money and time to gain more qualifications etc, but without experience and in need of a substantial salary, that meant I couldn’t. LESSON 1: If you know what you want to do as a career, do it as soon as you leave University and you have no responsibilities, it’s MUCH easier!

So in June 2015, I managed to get a job as a reward analyst, something I haven’t done before, but it was at a large, reputable organisation and was loosely related to what I then thought I wanted to do. So I went for it! But, it didn’t work out. I was asked to do basic tasks, I never felt challenged, I didn’t fit in with the team and my manager couldn’t fully understand and utilise my potential. LESSON 2: Always appreciate working with nice people!It makes a huge difference! (More on that later)

But not all was bad, I managed to get tickets to go to Glastonbury Festival, something I wanted to for ages and as my then partner of 7 years wanted to go too, I kept trying to get tickets and I was ecstatic when I finally got them. If you haven’t been to Glastonbury, you should at least once in your life, it’s a different world, a magical world full of music, crafts, acrobats, meditation classes (and smell of weed) and lots lots more. I hope to go again at least once more now that I’m a completely different person. LESSON 3: If you really want something done, do it yourself!

In the meantime, my lovely, adorable, kind aunt was diagnosed with terminal cancer back in 2014, and her illness was taking over, so I did everything I could do to support my family back home, especially her daughter, my cousin. As her health declined in the summer I spent hours talking to my cousin, emailing her doctor as no one could give them a clear answer and comforting all relatives.

So, that when I had a wake-up call. I realised I wasn’t happy with my life and I knew I needed to make big changes…

How life can change in 6 months…

I’ve been meaning to start this blog a while ago but never found the time or the courage. But there is no better time than now!

My life changed dramatically in the last 6 months and by sharing my experiences and what I’ve learned, I hope I’ll learn more about myself and hopefully some of the lessons I’ve learned can be useful to others.

So join me in this journey, if you want to! I welcome any comments 🙂

Have a lovely day everyone!