daily life – Page 3 – Lessons I learned after I turned 30

Nostalgia…

It’s half past twelve, after midnight, Monday is here.

I can’t sleep. Typical. Listening to music, I let my thoughts travel far away, to Guatemala, to Shebz, back home, to my sisters and my family, to my brother Andi in London, to last week, to tomorrow, a brand new, busy, exciting week coming up…

Nostalgia

I’m feeling nostalgic. I love the world nostalgia, it comes from the Greek words nostos (νόστος)=return and algos (ἄλγος)=pain. Aching, aching to return. Aching to go back when I lived on my own. I miss my cosy, little studio I decorated myself. With the sun shining through during the day and watching the beautiful sunrise in the evening. It was small but perfectly formed. And I had the best landlord ever.

I’ve been thinking long and hard how to put my thoughts in writing without coming across as mean and horrible. Well, maybe I am. After all Eleanor Shellstrop of the Good Place is my inspiration right now. Legend.

The story so far…

It’s been a month today since I’ve moved into a shared flat.

I quickly got over the fact there is someone else listening to my music, hear me singing on my guitar, chatting with my friends, talking non-stop on Insta stories, my new obsession, or even smaller things that are surprisingly hard to get used to like going for a wee or number two or listen to my terrible singing when I have a shower. It wasn’t easy but I’m OK with it.

But I still can’t get used to it. I miss being on my own.

My flatmate has been really nice and friendly. Maybe too nice and friendly. He always offers to help, he even cooked for me, not the best cooking but I’m a harsh judge with all the chefs in the family and my love for food but he put music on and bought wine. What was that all about? Maybe a bit too much? Or am I just being Eleanor again?

Others would die for someone to offer help or cook for them but I don’t. I love my independence, doing things by myself. If I need help I’ll ask my friends.

When I come home after a long day I want to be on my own, unwind and do my yoga, write, read, draw, sing, play my guitar… The last thing I want is socialising. If I feel the need to talk to someone, I’ll chat to my friends and my family or I’ll ask a friend to come over or I’ll go out and meet my friends.

I make friends all the time. I’ll chat to everyone. Every human is special, even the not so nice ones. But home it’s a different story for me. Home is where I relax, I create, I have fun, I cry, I laugh, is my shelter, my comfort. It’s me time. And I find it hard to adjust.

It took me two years to reach where I am today and it’s vital, essential for my mental health and wellbeing to have my own space.

I kept thinking it would be different if it wasn’t just the two of us. Or if I lived with a girl. Or a friend.

I understand that my flatmate is going through his own battle. He is still getting used to the new situation himself. He used to live with a loved one, not a stranger, so he is probably still learning himself, like I do.

I totally respect that. I want him to be well and happy. And that’s why I kept all this to myself until now. It’s hard to have such a sensitive conversation without ending up hurting the other person, I wouldn’t like to do that. Although, I’m painfully aware he may well be reading this.

It’s nothing personal. That’s just how I feel. I miss my little home. And my way of dealing with all of this is to write about it. Writing is my therapy.

What have I learned so far?

My room is now my shelter, my castle, it’s bright and peaceful as a friend beautifully described it. The rest of the house is for sharing. So if I want to be on my own, my bedroom is my paradise. This is the only space is just mine.

I’m still unsure what the rules are when using the kitchen but I usually tend to cook when it’s free. I don’t want to be in his way.

I rarely use the living room anymore. I feel more comfortable eating in my room whilst I watch Friends or binge-watch a new series. Why make someone else watch what I want to watch?

The biggest lesson I’ve learnt is that having my own space is more important to me that I thought it’d be. But I’m doing all this for a reason. And I’ll stick to it for the next 5 months.

Now what?

It may get easier, it may not, although I’m hoping it will.

For now my room is my little comfort blanket, my hideaway, my creative hub and it’s enough, for now…

Namaste

Eleni

How I survive work in a dead end job.

Happy Sunday! I was going to post this tomorrow but I thought it’d be better to do it today, in case my survival techniques can make your Monday better, if you are in a similar situation.

I wanted to write about this for a while although I was advised not to, because it might cause problems at work. But it shouldn’t. I hope it won’t.

I love Solent, it has been my work family home for almost 6 years now (with a short 3 month break). I’ve learned a lot and I made friends for life. This is not about Solent. Although ideally I’d like to work somewhere else for a change, Solent is an awesome employer and I love the people I work with.

This is about being trapped in a dead end job, with no progression and is not even about progression, but the tasks, my day to day roles and responsibilities which are de-motivating. For me anyway. I’m sure for others, my job would be a perfect fit. So this post is about how I deal with it and hopefully you who are reading this right now might benefit from it.

My job

Not many know exactly what I do when I tell them I’m a Senior Compliance Officer. Well first of all, is nothing to do with Compliance. I co-ordinate the fees process working with some of our Directors who I admire and I’m responsible for the course file, basically anything to do with the course set up on the system. I spend most of my day in front of my PC, staring at spreadsheets and Quercus (the course system). Which I find quite frankly soul-destroying. There is no skill variety or challenge. I’m a social person, I love chatting, meeting people, I love anything creative, anything out of the norm and I hate routine. Is obvious I’m not the best fit for an 8-hour a day desk based job.

I have great responsibilities which I honour day in and day out. Because as much as I don’t enjoy what I do, I always want to be the best at my job. I’ve been in this role for two years now and I don’t think I’m exaggerating to say that I’ve already improved the processes and the system.

‘A job is just a job’

For many their work is just means to an end. They don’t care what they do and how they do it, it just pays the bills. And that’s great. But unfortunately for me is more than that. We spend most of our time at work. We spend more time at work rather than anywhere else. So for me, it has to be rewarding, challenging, interesting. It has to be more. I cannot numb my brain and switch off for 8 hours.

‘Why don’t you leave?

I’ve recently listened to a podcast of Bob Sutton, a Stanford professor and author of the ‘Asshole Survival Guide’ on how to deal with difficult people at work. His tips can easily apply to ‘Work Survival’ in general, His first advice was: If you can afford it, leave. If you can, quit!

I hear that a lot. Many have advised me to do so. Quit. Follow your dreams. Don’t be scared. Take risks!

Well it’s not that simple. I can’t just quit. I have no savings, I’m still paying off my debts and my family can’t support me financially. And I wouldn’t even ask them if they could. This is my fight. I love them to bits and I’d do anything to help them, not the other way around.

I could just move back home, live with my parents for a while until I get an average job, as there are not many great career opportunities on a gorgeous but small island. So that’s out of the question.

If I were to quit I’d have to move to another data analysis/staring at spreadsheets job to be able to cope financially, which is not what I want.

So what do I do??

Learn as much as you can on what you want to do.

I love digital marketing, Social Media, event planning, guest relations, anything to do with interacting with others, but I have no extensive ‘work experience’ in these areas. I would need to start from the bottom and to do so I need money. Money doesn’t bring happiness but it does help you reach the things that will make you happy.

But what I do at the moment is spend some of my free time learning more about the fields I’m interested in and improving my knowledge on them. Lynda.com is amazing when it comes to free resources (it is free for Solent employees) and I’ve already learned a lot in the last couple of months.

I also volunteer through work whenever I get the chance. I loved helping out with Graduation, conferences, getting out of the office and meeting new people.

So that’s my first tip. If you are in a similar situation use your free time to your benefit and try and get as much as you can through your current role. Learn more on what you want to go into.

Humour

It is vital to have a laugh at work, within reason of course. But short breaks to talk to my colleagues and have a laugh is one of the few things that keeps me going. I’m very lucky I’m surrounded by funny, witty colleagues who are always up for a chat and a laugh. Humour is also recommended by Bob Sutton when dealing with difficult people at work.

Make your desk your own

I’ve decorated my desk with memorabilia from home, gifts from colleagues and friends, Kinder Egg prizes because I embrace my childish side and I set up a gorgeous photo of my favourite Cyprus beach I took a year ago as my PC wallpaper. Anything that makes my surroundings colourful and pretty and reminds me of who I am helps. You spend most of your time at your desk, might as well make it feel homely, even if you wish you were anywhere else.

Music

Music is my saviour. It really is. I would simply not survive if I were not allowed to stick my headphones on and listen to music. I absolutely love Spotify and I’d pay more if I had to. Discover Weekly on Mondays, New Music Fridays and my personal long playlist with all my favourites for all moods which I go through several times a day depending on what I fancy to listen to at that moment. This is my playlist, which I add on every week if you want to listen to what I listen to, it has a little bit of everything, from indie to pop to rock to Greek music, not sure anyone else would like it, but even if it helps one person, then totally worth sharing it.

Regular breaks

If you sit at a desk all day, have short breaks every hour or so. It is recommended by Health and Safety! Get off your chair, go for a walk or just stand. And don’t spend your lunchtime at your desk. Make time to get out even if it’s in another room or a friend’s office or go for a wander at the nearest park. Lunch time is sacred, is you time, personal time, use it wisely.

Treat yourself

Every now and then I’ll treat myself to delicious coffee from my two favourite coffeeshops in town, Mettricks or Coffeelab or a nice lunch or an afternoon snack. Little treats go a long way!

Break the routine

There are many ways to do that, be creative. For me is essential to do something different every day, otherwise it feels like Groundhog day, over and over again. So I have lunch at different places through the week, I change my route to and from to work every couple of days, I try and do a couple of different tasks at work in a single day and not spend the whole day on just one thing, unless I have to.

Do what you love when you are not at work

Finally, what keeps me sane is what I do when I’m not at work. Find what makes you happy, what relaxes you, what you love and spend your evenings and weekends, however tired, drained or frustrated you might feel, doing these things.

For me is daily Yoga (Yoga with Adriene, which I’ve mentioned many a times here), my guitar, singing, blogging, drawing, reading, eating out, theatre, trying new things, photography, travelling and social media amongst others.

I love Instagram, I spend hours scrolling through travel photos, food (I love food), interior decoration, funny memes etc and I post a lot because I love taking photos. Twitter is my public journal. I follow and learn from inspirational people on LinkedIn and Facebook is for friends and family.

I spend a lot of time with my bestie (our daily chats is therapy for me) and other friends I love and since my family and best friends live in Cyprus, you’ll see me a lot of the time on my phone chatting to them.

Don’t forget how awesome you are

Yes, that’s right. You are awesome. When you are trapped in a dead-end job, the chances are you are scared to move on even when you can, because you lose your confidence, you forget all the skills and knowledge you proudly own. When I left Solent the first time, my then manager and now great friend Chris wrote on my leaving card not to forget how awesome I am at what I do and be confident on my abilities and I go back and read it whenever I go through a confidence crisis. I remind myself what Chris said and all the feedback I get from my current manager and my colleagues. I go through the messages and comments I get on my blog and Social Media posts and when I’m feeling low I remind myself that I’m better than I think.

This is how I manage. This is how I keep going until I can move on to a more exciting job.

Nobody will come out of nowhere and offer me my dream job, although that would be pretty awesome, so for now I’m exercising my patience and improving myself whilst keeping my eyes open for any opportunities I can go for.

Namaste

Eleni

Sun, Frappe and Cake Friday

Happy Friday!

Last weekend of August and only 12 days until I meet my best friends and soulmates, my sisters in Italy. I cannot even put in words how much I look forward to it.

And today couldn’t get any better. Sunny and warm. The best start to the weekend!

I felt a bit homesick in the morning, daydreaming of sunny breakfast next to the sea, but had a great time enjoying frappe (it wasn’t the same but close enough) with friends in the sunshine at lunchtime, treated to Lemon Drizzle Cake (thank you Sati!), new music on Spotify (love New Music Friday)-I heavily dislike the new Taylor Swift song, love JP Cooper’s Wait– and I’m having a relaxing pizza and Friends Friday evening.

I love pizza Fridays, one of the few traditions I kept for years.

https://www.instagram.com/p/BYNa9jFh-X6/?taken-by=eleni_zenonos

I won’t blog for the next couple of days as I will be volunteering for Southampton Pride tomorrow and singing with SingForce for Summer in the Square on Sunday. Come and say hello if you are around Guildhall. I’d love to catch up or meet you if we haven’t met yet 🙂

I will post all about it on Monday!

Happy Bank Holiday!

Namaste

Eleni

Happy New Year !!!

Happy New Year everyone! I don’t have high expectations for 2017 but whatever happens, don’t allow anyone (a lot of as****** out there I know) or anything knock your confidence and self-belief. I hope 2017 is full of love and laughter, no matter what life throws at us.

I’m supposed to be packing as I’m moving at the weekend but it’s too cold and I’m too tired, first day back at work was exhausting, so I’ve written this instead 🙂

I don’t do New Year resolutions because I’ve tried it before and I find it pointless so I’ll try to tick off things on my bucket list instead. Much more fun! And one of the things I want to do is write/blog more often and I’ll try to post more regularly, I forgot how insightful and therapeutic it can be.

Christmas is over and it’s been amazing. After 8 years I surprised my family and had the most amazing week with my parents, sisters and dog, watching Christmas movies, snuggled up on the sofa with popcorn and chocolate.

I caught up with friends and family and spent Christmas day with my aunt and cousins like when we were kids.

And so happy to be there for my godson’s first Christmas!

AND I got to spent New Year’s eve in Edinburgh sending off 2016 whilst watching Paolo Nutini live (that’s ticked off the bucket list!) with my favourite!

New year is perfect for clean sheet/new beginnings/ new year new you, but one of the most important lessons I learnt is that you can change your life whenever you want to and life can change you when you least expect it, so if you want a new start do it now, your new life can start on the 3rd of January instead 🙂

So back to now. And now what? No idea! I’m moving in a couple of days. I don’t know where and a lot of you are asking and are worried, especially my family but don’t! Everything will work out fine. Absolutely no point in panicking and worrying. I’ll let you all know when I know.

My next post will be about my little sister, my little star, my little duckling, as I promised to her a while ago and then (OK she might not like it but) one for my second sister, our hero!

Here is a little preview of my little star, Anna x

For now, I hope January blues are not too painful for any of us.

Love you all x

PS. I’ve just watched 24 hours in A&E and every time I do, I’m reminded how lucky I am I’m healthy and loved and a HUGE thank you to all doctors and nurses for working so hard to keep all of us safe and alive.

What a summer it’s been…(lesson learnt: #nomoremissnicegirl )

Usually my posts have a positive, optimistic tone, but this one does not, well most of it doesn’t. But life is not always full of roses and you can’t always be nice.

It’s been a while since I last posted… I promised to myself I will only post when I feel like it, as the only purpose of this blog is to share lessons I learned worth sharing with everyone… I felt the need to post a couple of times but when sharing through my blog or other social media that are public means everyone in the whole wide world can read and some things I only want to share with friends (that’s what’s FB for).

But anyway… after the bank holiday, summer is officially over!

It’s been one of the best summers I had in years… or maybe ever… A big, fun, crazy adventure! Celebrations, birthdays, christening, nights in playing the guitar, reading, daydreaming, nights out dancing, crossing a motorway, jumping off a wall and sprinting through a bridge over the Thames, Jason Bourne style, to catch a Shakespeare play under the stars in central London at midnight, the most amazing time back home, sunny days at the beach, sunny lunches and picnics at the park, spending time with friends and family, making new friends, wandering around, music, always music, finding out more about British culture and life in general (thank you Donna!), learning new life skills such as how to jump start a car or change bulbs, lots of fun and laughter…

But summer is over! And it feels like an end of an era!

It’s been challenging at times but I feel better than ever…

And I got my confidence back! A couple of months ago I’d never imagine posting a video of me singing or playing the guitar let alone both (I’m novice at both as you can see if you watched my videos). A friend told me they would never be confident enough to do it and my response was “I wouldn’t either a while ago, but I spent years doubting myself and worrying what others might think. And it was not worth it”. If I want to post a video of me singing a song for my best friend because she had a bad day and I wanted to make her feel better and declare my love and support publicly, but someone doesn’t like it, or doesn’t like me so what? It’s human nature, we can’t and don’t like everything and everyone and not everyone likes us. And it’s OK. I’m not everyone’s cup of tea nor are you.

So here it comes the most important lesson I learnt over the last few months…

A couple of weeks ago I was lying on the grass at the park, had my headphones on, enjoying listening to my music whilst having my lunch in the sunshine and then this guy comes over, gets off his bike and starts chatting to me. I took my headphones off so not to be rude, but it was VERY obvious I’d rather be left alone. I hardly spoke to him or made any eye contact, my answers were short, I didn’t even ask for his name until he was about to leave just out of politeness but he still sat there chatting to me for 15 minutes. It wasn’t even an interesting conversation. In the end I had to say, after he turned the convo where he wanted to and said he was “looking for a partner to drink ouzo with (as if all Greek/Cypriot people only drink ouzo, what a cringy pick up line, don’t ever use that on Cypriots, it doesn’t work!)” that I was not looking for an “ouzo-drinking” partner.

He wasn’t rude but he should have left me alone. It was OBVIOUS I was not interested. And it spoilt my lunch, it spoilt my ‘me’ time enjoying the sunshine and the music and watching people, making up crazy, fun stories about them, it just spoilt the moment.

After that and other incidents recently (worse than the one I mentioned above), which I cringe even thinking about so I won’t mention, I decided I won’t take anything from anyone anymore even if it means being rude, which I hate doing but it’s sometimes necessary.

I don’t know if that’s across the whole country but people here are too polite most of the time (not always) to show their annoyance or disagreement and are afraid they might come across as rude or inappropriate if they are honest and say what they really think even when chatting about everyday life issues.

So lesson learnt!! DON’T TOLERATE ANYTHING THAT YOU DON’T LIKE/ ANNOYS/UPSETS YOU. When someone is being annoying or creepy tell them off, show it. Just do it. Don’t ask for help or if anyone offers to help you deal with it, just say no and do it yourself. You don’t need anyone to protect you, because you won’t always have someone to do that, learn to deal with it yourself, it’s a basic, essential life skill!

Don’t get me wrong, I hate moaning and I’m nice, friendly and polite most of the time but there are limits.

I live on my own, I have no family close by and when things break or I accidentally hurt myself-all the time-(accident proneness/string of bad luck whatever it is the result is the same) or I get ill or run out of milk or money, I’m the only one responsible and the only one who can help myself (yeah I don’t like asking for help either, I am too proud!). So I won’t take sh** from anyone and I’m not willing to let anything or anyone spoil my moment. I won’t be nice if you are mean to me or sleazy or make a weird comment or you behave inappropriately.

Lesson I learnt again these last 2-3 months: Learn to say NO! Only hang out with people you really want to and do things YOU want to. Life is too short to compromise and waste time on things you don’t really enjoy just to be nice! If you don’t want to reply to that message or go somewhere, then don’t. And don’t feel guilty. Everyone does it! If you feel bad being completely honest (although my advice is just be honest!), make up excuses everyone does and have a universal meaning everyone will get such as: “I’ve been very busy”.

And last lesson for today: “age appropriate” is nonsense (not to confuse with being immature!). I’ve been given valuable advice which I appreciate on how I need to start thinking about my future as I’m getting older and do things people at my age should do like buy a house (and other related “life goals”). But I won’t. I can’t sacrifice my present so I can have a better future which I might, probably not even get to live long enough to enjoy. Sad but true…

The last 8 months have been a big adventure, not a single dull moment and I wouldn’t change that for anything else. I don’t ever want to go back to how my life was a couple of months ago. So I’ll take my chances. I love taking risks and that’s what spices up my life. Who knows what the future holds. I hope mostly nice surprises!

I want to AGAIN thank all of my friends, old and new and my family. You can’t imagine how I appreciate and value the support and love you show me. I love you all so much words can’t even describe and those of you I am far away from now, know that I really miss you and can’t wait to see you again soon (maybe sooner thank you think!).

So that’s what I learned over the last few months. I learned to be feistier and not tolerate anything I shouldn’t. And I got my confidence back.

I am definitely not the person I used to be even a couple of months ago. And I am glad. I’ll never be that weak, scared person ever again. I rarely say “never” but in this case I’m sure. That wasn’t me. That was a person I let others turned me into, but not anymore. I’m never going back to that. If that means I might sometimes come across as rude or cruel or selfish or crazy then let it be.

So here’s to the last 3 months of 2016! A lot of exciting things coming up and I can’t wait! I hope the last few months of this year are amazing for all of us!

PS Love you to the moon and back Shebz!!! I am sure you are having an amazing time but I already missed you very very very much! xxxxx

Love you all! x