It’s called (mental) illness for a reason…

On my way home a couple of weeks ago I bought a book from the airport, ‘Reasons to Stay Alive’ by Matt Haig, in which he warmingly describes how he battled and still deals with this black dog as he called it, depression. I highly recommend it to everyone.

I wanted to write about mental illness for a long time (although I understand it might be a heavy read for some, but well life is not always easy) and reading that book was a good reminder.

One of the perks of studying Psychology is the clearer and more accurate view it gives when it comes to mental illness but reading, hearing about it, going through it myself and having  people in my life who deal with it every day has been an eye opener.

Millions of people battle daily with depression,anorexia, anxiety, panic attacks, OCD, PTSD and many others.

And unfortunately still to that day, a lot of people don’t realise how difficult and debilitating it can be. Which makes it even more difficult for anyone who suffers from mental illness to open up about it even to their doctor or friends and family and ask for help. So they end up dealing with it themselves in silence.

And I have done that myself. I suffered from anorexia as a teenager but my amazing family helped me go through it. But I dealt with hypochondria on my own for almost 2 years and it sometimes still creeps up, but I learned how to control it. I will not go into detail because this post is not about me, but I found it extremely difficult to deal with and I found it even more difficult to ask for help.

If you suffer from any physical illness, from less serious ones like a simple infection to more serious ones like cancer, people are (most of the time) sympathetic about it, supportive and encourage you to go to the doctor and get treated. Why isn’t that happening with mental illnesses ?

You’ ll never hear “Oh you’ll get over it, it’s not a big deal”, “It will go away”, “It’s not that hard, you can do it”, “Just get up!” if you suffer from any physical illness.

Social norms dictate that being sensitive and open about your emotions it’s a sign of weakness, which I am passionately against of.

Being sensitive and expressing your emotions is essential to well being. How on earth did it end up being a sign of weakness??

We all struggle with life sometimes and I find that hard to deal with sometimes myself. I can’t even imagine how it can be for others who daily have to deal with life struggles AND anxiety or panic attacks or …or…or…

If you are struggling, I just want to say, you are not alone. And I can’t even imagine how hard it can be. If and when you can, get it out of your chest, share it with a friend or family or your doctor or to a complete stranger (it’s sometimes easier).

We all need to remind ourselves from time to time not to be judgemental. You never know what the person next to you is dealing with every day, even if they have a smile on their face.

And remember to listen not just hear.

Love you all! x

PS. The featured image was taken from this amazing video the World Health Organisation made about depression, definitely worth a watch! I do not own the the picture.

My choir family…

I am not a singer. I have an OK, average voice.

I love singing, with my family and friends. I sing at work, in the bathroom. I can’t imagine my life without music. But I hadn’t sang in a choir since high school!

A couple of years ago I joined our workplace choir, after a lovely colleague and friend, Lilian, went to a taster session and came back excited, she couldn’t stop talking about it!

Since  then, I spend an hour a week of fun and laughter, forgetting about all work and personal worries and just sing and have fun. None of us is a professional singer but we spend an hour of week together, having a blast. And I absolutely love it, probably the best time of the (work) week!

So, a year ago I decided to join a community choir. I knew nothing about it. I didn’t know what to expect. I was worried that most of the members take singing very seriously and I’d probably not fit in.

But I decided to go to a taster session and it was one of the best decisions I ever made.

I truly believe singing in a choir is therapeutic!

I spend two hours a week with the loveliest bunch of people, singing and having a laugh. I made amazing friends (that’s how Shebz and I became best friends!) who care and support each other. I absolutely adore my choir family!

If you are thinking of taking up a new hobby, join a choir, you won’t regret it!

A day of reflection…

Today it’s been a day of reflection…

After an amazing week back home and an awesome evening last night, ‘holiday’ blues got me.

But it’s been an amazing day chatting with friends reflecting on life. And the sunshine made everything better.

It’s not I don’t feel happy. I do. But I feel unsettled… And I can’t figure out why. I am getting over a lot of things, so I can’t put my finger on what it is. I am not sure what I really want in life. Move to Australia for a year? Save money and change careers?Volunteer in Africa? Settle down and have a child? The options are endless…

I might need to change myself, or I might need a major change in my life, move away for a while, reset and come back.

Ask yourself, what it is that makes you feel unsettled/unhappy/bored? When you figure it out, you are halfway there. Then you’ll know what to do and do whatever it takes…take your chances, what’s the worst it can happen?

What it really matters though is to be happy right now. I wouldn’t like to wait a year or two saving money but not enjoying the present, just to do something else later on. I’ve made that mistake before. Living in the moment is the way forward!

But then again, I wouldn’t like to rush into things. I’ve made that mistake too and it didn’t end well.

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It’s difficult to find a balance. But I will get there. Having options in life and not knowing what might come up next is very exciting!

Being scared of getting hurt again or being too cautious carries the danger of missing out amazing opportunities and pushing away lovely human beings who want to be in your life (special thanks to my professor for his amazing advice, he is absolutely right) and I wouldn’t like to miss out because life is too short.

In the last couple of months I became friends with people I’d never thought I would and created special bonds with friends I’d never thought I would. I learned over and over ‘never say never’ so I am open to whatever life brings.

I feel lucky I have amazing friends home and away (and pretty cool colleagues too!) who made today a special day.

Thank you everyone 🙂

It is scary to think about it, but we can die at any time. And if I die tomorrow I’d die happy because I had a nice lunch with Shebz, tasted the most amazing chocolate from NZ and had amazing chats about life with awesome friends.

I’ll leave you with a quote (I do love a good quote):

Life goes on… whether you choose to move on and take a chance in the unknown. Or stay behind locked in the past, thinking of what it could’ve been…

Love you all! x

Money and happiness

I was never rich. And I’d probably never be (except if I win the Euromillions!).

My family was never rich. My dad had two jobs since he was 20, even before he met my mum and my mum worked occasionally. I haven’t travelled abroad until I was 19.

But we were never poor either. My amazing parents always tried their best to provide for us and they did. And I owe them a LOT.

Does it really matter though? I had an amazing childhood, raised with love and affection, I had the best uni years, going out with friends and just having fun and that for me is much more important.

I think been raised with not having much makes you a better person. You learn to appreciate people and life more, you learn to stick together through difficult times and care no matter what, you learn how to enjoy the little things.

Money and money worries came up in conversations with friends recently and we all agreed that at the end of the day worrying about money is just waste of time.

Yes, of course we all work to make a living, pay our bills, improve our quality of life. And dealing with financial difficulties is not easy.

But we spend 8 hours a day with our colleagues, who of course we get along with (most of the time) to then spend 2 hours a day and the weekends with the people we love or go on holiday 22 days a year.

I might not afford a brand new car, or 10 holidays a year (although I’d love to, who wouldn’t?) but spending time with the people I love, doing things I enjoy, visiting new places when I can afford to is enough for me.

I just had the most amazing time with friends and family and I wouldn’t change that with anything.

Money is important but can’t buy you friends or love or happiness. What if I could afford to buy a mansion if I were to live there on my own? What if I could travel the world but had no one to share this with?

This is happiness! Your grandpa asking you if he looked alright on the selfie you just took!

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I’ll leave you with a quote from one of my favourite children books, the Little Prince. I think adults will benefit if they have a read!

“Grown-ups love figures… When you tell them you’ve made a new friend they never ask you any questions about essential matters. They never say to you “What does his voice sound like? What games does he love best? Does he collect butterflies? ” Instead they demand “How old is he? How much does he weigh? How much money does his father make? ” Only from these figures do they think they have learned anything about him.”

My two homes…

If you are an expat (especially from Cyprus or Greece) ,you might relate to some of my thoughts and feelings about living abroad in your 30s.

For the first time for years, I’ve visited home feeling myself and eager to catch up with friends and people I haven’t seen for years (including the coolest lecturer I ever had and probably the best psychologist at least in Cyprus, if you live in Cyprus and need any advice or support, message me for details!), meet my little prince, my gorgeous godson and explore my homeland, something I haven’t done for years. And it felt amazing. I had the most amazing time (still one day left!) but I missed my second home too.

Millomeri waterfalls, at Platres, just stunning.

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If you live abroad, you probably know the feeling. Being back home feels amazing and sometimes I wonder whether I should move back at some point in my life. But then change my mind after a while and you probably understand why.

Being single in your 30s and living abroad is not easy for a small, close society to comprehend. Most of my friends are married and/or have kids and if you are not married you must have heard hundreds of times “You are getting older, you are almost 30, your cousin/sister/random people you don’t even remember/etc are married with kids, when are you getting married?”, “When are you moving back?”.

I’d like to have children at some point, but even if I get too old and that doesn’t happen, it’s not the end of the world. The most important thing in life is to be happy and enjoy life!

It’s difficult for others to accept that living abroad and having goals other than getting married and having a family is possible. And I understand that. This is the how they grew up and for them that is the ultimate goal.  But it can become frustrating being given ‘advice’ by everyone, even people who I don’t really know on what to do with my life.

After a week back home, I caught up with my best friends (sorry about the rest, I promise I will make it up next time!), met amazing people including probably the only 30 year old (ridiculously multitalented singer) who has a different mindset to most (guess what? he lived abroad for years!), spent quality time with family and even squeezed some time to go on day adventures. But it wasn’t enough. I could use another week or two. Then again, it never really feels enough. I will always miss my family and my friends.

On the other hand, I don’t think I can move back here permanently. I now have a second home which I miss dearly when I’m here. I miss my friends, my colleagues, my own space, my own life.

I now have no ties in Southampton or even the UK. I can move anywhere in the world, literally anywhere! And of course never say never. I have no idea how my life will evolve and where I might be this time next year.

But Southampton feels like home, even with all the changes in the last couple of months. And I can’t wait to go back and try new things, catch up with my friends, have my first mini holiday with Shebz (I missed you!!!) to initiate the celebrations of me becoming 30, make changes which I decided for once, and just have fun!

The lesson I’ve learned? Don’t get upset or take into serious consideration what other think is right for you. You know best, so trust yourself!

And the best advice I’ve received, from my 80 year old grandpa after I told him I broke up with my partner of 7 years (he easily forgets so he politely asked about him) “Are you happy? That’s all it matters!”

Love you all! x

 

 

We ‘ll go up, up, up…

A lot has happened since I came home and it’s only been 3 days! I won’t share all of it, because I’d like to keep some aspects of my personal life personal (but if we are friends on Facebook or Snapchat, I hope you are enjoying my updates!)

I recently shared the best picture I think I’ve ever taken so far.

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And I felt truly happy at that moment. Flying above the clouds, getting out of the routine, staring at the sun. Travelling towards the sun, what can top that, right?

And then I looked at the people next to me. A couple in their 60s, having wine and gin, laughing, talking about all sorts, holding hands…

At that very moment I thought, yes I am happy, being on a plane, going somewhere sunny. But it would made me even happier if I’d share that moment with someone special, like that lovely couple next to me, who looked like they ‘ve been with each other for years and years.

They now live in Cyprus permanently. I could imagine them having breakfast together in the sun in their pretty garden full of flowers, having a coffee and reading the newspaper, enjoying the silence and talking about random things and having a laugh every now and then.

I don’t need anyone else to be happy, you can be single and have all the fun in the world and after two breakups in 4 months, I think I had enough for now.

And I am not one of those people who thinks getting married and having kids is the ultimate goal in life, because for me it isn’t. 

But in the future, if I am lucky enough, I’d love to meet someone who makes me feel special and I make him feel special.

Someone who would be up for my crazy ideas and I’d be up for his. Who will love me for who I am and sticks with me even when life gets difficult and I’do the same for him.

Someone who I would share a special connection with and we will communicate with each other by just looking in each other’s eyes.

Go on trips and explore the world together, have fun and enjoy life together.

Sharing your life with someone special is beautiful and I haven’t had the chance to experience this special kind of love.

I won’t even mention my relationships in my early 20s, but my most recent ones  didn’t work out or ended too soon which made me wonder if I will ever find my Mr Sugar (thank you Cheryl Strayed for your awesome book, I highly recommend it!).

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If you found your Mr or Mrs Sugar, that special one, give them a special hug and a kiss today.

For now I am enjoying life with friends and family, living in the moment. Who knows what the future will bring?  Life is full of surprises!! And remember, never say never!

Love you all! X

PS. Special thank you to that one person who checks my blog every day 🙂

A quick update before I go on holiday…

Hi lovelies!

I would like to thank everyone again for all your incredibly beautiful messages. Since I started this blog a week ago I heard from friends I haven’t heard for years, amazing people I haven’t known for long and people I’d never imagine would read my blog!

I would like to thank you especially for your kind messages about my aunt. I am moved by how her story touched you. She was an incredible, loving, selfless woman who will always have a home in my heart.

I’ve heard amazing stories and learned valuable lessons from your experiences, I hope I get the chance to share some in the future.

A lot of you asked me how I feel now…

Lesson 20: Resilience is an extraordinary ability and we were all born with it.

Writing down everything that happened to me the last couple of months and letting it all out in the open helped me immensely and I feel, after the last couple of weeks, that I am back to being happy (most of the time, we are only humans) and open to whatever life brings! And the most amazing things happen when you are open to new experiences. Life is full of surprises and I LOVE surprises! I look forward to it!

Holding grudges and being upset is not worth it. Life is too short to worry about anything!

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Something that always lifts my mood is making up silly stories in my head from what I see around me and giggle to myself. It might not be everyone’s cup of tea, but works for me!

A lot can change in a week and it has! I had an fun week already, catching up with friends, meeting new people, having lots of laughs and I am spending next week with amazing friends and family!

And a lot of fun planned for when I’m back including my first mini holiday abroad in a long time!!

Thank you all again! I am hoping to blog again if I find some time when I’m home!

I am leaving you with another gem I came across recently:

Forgive yourself for not knowing what you didn’t know before you learned it.

Have a lovely day everyone! x

 

 

You try… so try again… you never know…

I want to say thank you for everyone who is following my blog and for all the amazing messages I received from people I’d never expected to! I’m moved by your kind words. It makes this even more special for me. 

I can’t believe it’s already March! A new month, a new start!

I try to live in the moment ‘‘Be happy in the moment, that’s enough. Each moment is all we need, not more” (Mother Teresa)

But I need time to get over everything and something I recently learned and helps me is: When a negative thought comes in your mind, don’t avoid it, don’t push it away but don’t dwell on it either, let it flow, process it and then let it go… do that with every thought and you soon be more able to live in the moment!

Life is not always nice but remember, you are never alone! They are millions of people out there who probably are in a similar situation as you are. This song has kept me going for a while… It’s worth a listen.

I am flying home in a few days. I am glad I planned this trip, although  (ET) I don’t like to plan anything too far ahead. I can’t imagine how my life will be tomorrow let alone in a month’s time…

Spending time with friends and family, with people who truly love me and care about me  AND soaking in the sun is exactly what I need.2015-03-12 14.29.11

Who knows what will happen next?  ” Chance is always powerful. Let your hook be always cast; in the pool where you least expect it, there will be a fish” (Ovid).

Next blog- sunny snaps from  my beautiful homecountry…

4 months ago… the start of a (then) new life…

How life can change so much in such a short space of time???

That was in my mind for a long time and still is… (and little did I know how much more it could and did change).

The next day after we broke up, I decided to get organised. Get out, get a job and start thinking about my new life. My relationship pushed me away from the few friends I had and it was now time to get back to the social person I was before I let this relationship change me, make new friends and start building a life on my own.

I still had bad days, I felt I didn’t want to do anything else but stay home and cry… I lost my aunt (I’d never in a million years imagined I’d live what I lived that horrible week), I lost my partner… and I was dealing with unemployment (we all know how frustrating that can be) but I pushed myself as much as I could. LESSON 13. There is always worse. But that doesn’t mean your problems are not important for you and in my own little world dealing with everything that happened was and is not easy.

And I managed to get a temp job within 3 days!!!

Sheba was there for me throughout everything I went through. She was and is my guardian angel.

My choir family was there for me too. They all made me laugh and cheered me up. And unexpectedly, two choir friends supported me through this too.

Thank you guys for supporting me at a very difficult time in my life, not many would have done for someone they don’t really know that well.

After a couple of weeks, I managed to get a job back at the Uni, although I’d said I’d never go back. LESSON 14- NEVER SAY NEVER ( this lesson I learned over and over the following months). 

I felt I was back home as soon as I walked in when I went for my interview. I needed a job I could learn how to do quickly, I couldn’t face a brand new challenge at this point in my life. I needed stability and time to heal...  (also Sheba still works there, which is a bonus). So I went for it.

And I am glad I did. My managers and colleagues have been very supportive and understanding through all of this… and there have been times it was hard being at work but they supported me every single time… 

After a month I felt my life got back on track… my ex and I still lived together until the end of our contract 2 months later (which proved extremely difficult and painful, especially a month later, it will make sense after reading my next post), but I had a new job, at a workplace which felt and feels like home, working with lovely colleagues, chatting all day, having a laugh. I started making new friends, going out more… having fun…

And then something unexpected happened… again!!! ‘3 months ago’ coming next…

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4 months ago… part 4… the end of my life as I knew it…

24th of October, 2015. Saturday…

I spent all day keeping busy, getting ready to come back home, get a job, fix my relationship…

I managed not to cry the whole day, but after saying goodbye to my sisters at the airport, I broke down. I cried a lot on my own that day at the airport. That’s when I realised that I can’t control my feelings any more. I still to the day can’t. I overreact when I’m in pain because there is still so much pain inside. And overreacting is never good, I’d come to regret that later on…

My ex came to pick me up from the airport. I knew the moment I saw him that something bothered him. It took us a long time to get back home from the airport (bloody roadworks!) and I had this horrific headache so we spent most of the time in silence.

As soon as I went home, I had a shower and tried to sleep. I wouldn’t have had a good night sleep for weeks after that…

25th of October, Sunday…

I woke up early, I couldn’t sleep much anyway… I unpacked everything, did some cleaning and then he woke up.

And we had a chat. He wanted us to break up. I just broke down into tears (I do that a lot since then). I knew the relationship was not going well, I knew we needed time apart… I knew I agreed with him.

Lesson 10. Being in a relationship is not easy… Being honest and openly discussing everything what worries you with your other half is vital… 

We needed time apart to find ourselves again, to become who we used to be before the relationship and the circumstances changed us and made us unhappy … Before I stopped being myself, open, chatty, confident…

LESSON 11. Your happiness does not depend solely on another person. Your happiness comes from you. Before you get into any relationship or if you are in a relationship, make sure you have separate lives and you are happy with your life regardless of that person. Being in a relationship should make you happier but it shouldn’t be your only source of happiness!

I felt I lost the ground under my feet… I was in grief, unemployed and single… My life as I knew it had ended in minutes. LESSON 12. Don’t take anything for granted. Your life can change in a second!

But I put my strong face on and the same night I went out with Shebz to a choir social and I tried to have as much fun as I could, because I thought life is too short, I needed to get out and not stay at home, cry and be miserable… Life goes on no matter what…

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