love – Page 7 – Lessons I learned after I turned 30

Blogmas day 20- Last Christmas meal and goodbyes

A morning Blogmas today for a change.

I’ll be at work all day and in the evening our team and special friends are going out for a three course meal at Carnicero. I haven’t had a steak for ages, last time it was in Florence, the infamous Bistecca Alla Fiorentina and I can’t wait for dinner time. Carnicero has great reviews and one of the harshest food critics I personally know, Mark Dixon approves, so I have high expectations. I hope it won’t disappoint.

After dinner I’m rushing home to pack the last few things before catching the morning train to Gatwick tomorrow. I love airports. People hugging, saying goodbye, leaving, going somewhere, coming home, crying, laughing. And at Christmas time it always reminds me of the airport scenes in Love Actually. People going or coming home to spend Christmas with their nearest and dearest. I cry every time.

I enjoy Blogmas, I really do but it takes up a lot of time and effort. I’m mentally and physically exhausted. I look forward to Blogmas day 25. After that I’ll take a break from Social Media but the occasional tweet or photo from my wonderful home island.

I’d like to write a post reflecting back on 2017, it’s been an amazing year with many ups and downs and I’m hoping to do that just before 2018 is here.

The only thing I want to share with you now, something I often remind myself when my mum will get over excited sending me messages of love, is to appreciate and shower with love the people who love you, help you and support you, whatever happens. Those are the ones who really matter.

Today is the last time I’ll see Andi for a while since he is leaving Solent tomorrow. I love you and I’ll really really miss not seeing you every day. You are the older brother I’ve always wanted. You are an amazing human and I have no doubt you’ll do amazing in London. They are lucky to have you.

Next blog will be posted on my way home!

Namaste

Eleni

Blogmas day 12- Share the love

My dad always worried about money.

Not because he had any ambitions to get filthy rich, live in a mansion or have luxury holidays. But he always went above and beyond so we can have a comfortable life and not miss out on anything.

He had two jobs since I remember. He worked hard to provide for his sisters and his mum after his dad left them when he was just a teenager. Then he fell in love with my mum and although they both worked for years he always had two jobs. For us.

We never lived in a fancy house or drove expensive cars but we never felt poor or underprivileged. When we sometimes struggled my dad felt bad because we ‘don’t have enough money’, ‘we are poor’ and I always used to say ‘we are not poor dad. Our fridge is always full, we have nice clothes and shoes, books, a car, a phone, a TV’. I’ll never forget the smile on his face every time. He felt our love and gratefulness.

We always had each other, we always had love and we always appreciated what we had.

Today I put together my care package for the homeless. These people know the real meaning of poverty, they go through it day in day out. I can’t even comprehend how incredibly hard must be to live on the street, in the freezing cold, with no food or shelter.

I hope nobody had to experience it. But these people do. And I might do one day. It’s not that uncommon for someone to lose their job, their only source of income with no savings or anyone to support them. I can end up on the street, you can too.

If you can afford to spend a fiver or a tenner and buy some essentials, or donate some of what you have at home, put them in a box and bring them to A101 by tomorrow afternoon, or contact me or the lovely Molly who is collecting the packages to drop them to one of the food banks across Southampton. You can even drop your package to one of the local Sainsbury’s. Details here.

Of course we shouldn’t just help at Christmas. But since everyone is more generous at Christmas, why not grab the opportunity?

Namaste

Eleni

Blogmas day 6- Legs and decs

I’m currently sitting on my sofa, legs stretched out. I can barely feel them, but I can definitely feel the pain when I have to climb even the smallest step. I’m sure strangers on the street noticed my funny walk on the way home as I couldn’t bend my knees. I had a laugh looking at the expression on their faces.

I just came home after my PT session. On Monday after all the fun, cheese and mulled cider I couldn’t possibly exercise afterwards. Well I could, but I would have probably thrown up. I’m glad I re-scheduled it for today! I was tempted to re-arrange again because I had an unbelievable amount of chocolate the last two days that made me feel really heavy and sleepy after the sugar rush and I got sore throat but I knew I shouldn’t.

It was a tough session but I’m proud of myself for making it until the end. I can’t believe I managed to push 59 kg with my legs, that’s heavier than myself!!! Apparently some have already dropped out, but I’m determined not to. Fingers crossed. Sam is such a great trainer, he pushes me when he has to but he swiftly moves to another exercise when I struggle. Having the gym to ourselves with my own music on makes such a difference!

At lunchtime I got some desk Christmas decs. The miniature Christmas tree looks perfect next to my miniature Elsa (I still love Kinder eggs, hence all the random toys on my desk).

Sheba managed to find two advent calendars for herself and me yesterday and I’m really happy we can keep our annual tradition going, even for the last time!

I spent a lot of time on Spareroom over the last couple of days. It’s unbelievably difficult to make a decision but going for my first viewing tomorrow…

But first… I can’t wait for the Christmas Spectacular at Bedford Place.

Now time for dinner, rest and music. Today I’ve discovered this beauty that hit home, Forgotten How to Fly by Clay. I fall in love with music over and over every single day… I’ll leave you with that.

Namaste

Eleni

The Christmas story of Eddie the teddy.

December 2015…

I lived in the most gorgeous place I’ve ever lived in Southampton, a three bed, three bathroom flat with en suite and walking wardrobe in the enormous main bedroom (every woman’s dream), on Northlands road, a beautiful residential area next to the Common, where I could see the fountain in the middle of the square and all the beautiful houses from my kitchen’s french doors.

I had split up with my ex-boyfriend of seven years but we still lived together, our contract didn’t end until February. We had decided a month earlier since we were to remain friends and this would have been our last Christmas together neither of us would go home, I hadn’t been home for Christmas for six years, but we were spending Christmas together, as friends.

I’m one of those people who don’t believe there’s a point remaining friends with ex-boyfriends, I don’t keep in touch with any of my exes but I thought this would be different. We were together for seven years, he wasn’t just my boyfriend, he was my best friend.

When he found out I was dating someone else after we broke up, (yes, rebound… yes I regretted it….it put me off men since) he was devastated, apparently he thought we would get back together eventually, get married, have kids and live happily ever after, although when I asked him whether the break-up was final, his exact words (word by word translation from Greek) were ‘It’s better not to think we will ever get back together’.

He booked a ticket to go home, just a week before Christmas.

I was left alone with no plans a week before Christmas. I could not afford a ticket home, they got incredibly expensive by then and although my parents offered to pay, I knew they could not afford it either, they would have probably borrowed money and I’d never let them do that. I’d rather stay home alone.

At the same time all of this was happening I received three gifts from my family back home (the allegory made me giggle when I re-read this part), a notebook and a snowman ornament (I used to tease my sisters with this snowman cuddly toy I had at home, I made up a ‘snowman’ song, and although they pretended they didn’t like it, they secretly loved it) from my sisters and a teddy bear from my mum. I had sent her flowers and a teddy bear for her birthday in November and whenever she misses me she holds the teddy, so mum said ‘Whenever you miss us, hold the teddy’.

Eddie the teddy survived three house moves, impressive as my tendency to lose things is not getting better, it’s been sitting on my bed for the last two years and I hold it tight when the going gets tough. I hold it when there’s a thunderstorm, I’m terrified of thunders although I know I shouldn’t, I hold it when I miss my family and I hold it when I’m feeling down. Last time I held it was Monday night.

It was a tough day. The death of Christine, a colleague fighting cancer for the last year, farewell lunch of Sophie, the first member of our little team leaving and I received some news I cannot share yet. As soon as I walked outside work I burst into tears. I really needed a hug from my parents or my sisters. But the closest thing I had was the teddy.

It really helps to have something reminding me I’m never alone, even when I feel I am. We all have inanimate objects that are special to us.

The heart shaped earrings I wear most days are a gift to myself when I needed a confidence boost, the heart-shaped ring and bracelet I normally wear are gifts from my sisters, the cross pendant I never take off is a gift from my godson and my cousin, my favourite shirt is a gift from my little sister, the bowl and silver tree decorating my living room are gifts from my best friends, the chocolate flower (minus the chocolate) on my desk at work is a Valentine gift from my brother from another mother and the list goes on…

All of these remind me how much I’m loved by amazing people and give me strength when I need it the most.

It is not silly or childish and don’t let anyone persuade you otherwise. Our loved ones can’t be with us every time we need them, especially if they live in another country like most of mine do and these little, meaningless to others things, make a huge difference for me and keep me going. There are a daily reminder. They all lead to one thing.

They all lead to love. It’s all about love. And I’m blessed to be loved by so many special, sweet, loving humans.

I’d love to know the little things that are precious to you and the stories behind them.

If you are wondering, this Christmas story did have a happy ending. I spent that Christmas with my best friend and her family in Luton and it was one of the best Christmas days I ever had full of laughter, food and dancing. I then spent a day wandering in sunny December London, watched Matilda the musical and stayed in the Shard, in the most amazing room with breathtaking views. That fairytale had a bad ending but Christmas 2015 was great.

The end

Eleni

A different kind of Monday

Happy Monday!

I started this blog last night but I was really tired I couldn’t finish it. So posting it first thing in the morning for a change.

Today is a different kind of Monday. I’m not dreading it. Much. It’s still Monday….

But tomorrow night I’m heading to the airport. And on Wednesday, early morning I’ll reunite with my best friends, my soulmates, my sisters!

We will spend two days in Florence and four days in Rome. First time in Italy, for all of us. I can’t even describe how excited I am!

To explore a new country, a country I wanted to visit for so long, but the circumstances didn’t allow it, and to do that with my sisters, first time we’ll all be on holiday at a country other than home (Cyprus) or… home (UK) is overwhelmingly amazing.

I spent Saturday doing chores, with a break for coffee and catch the last rays of sunshine with my bestie and to get new books to read from Oxfam as I finished Perfume (review coming soon!).

Yesterday I completely lost concentration, I started worrying whether my sisters will make it to Rome, what if I miss my flight and a wave of other irrational thoughts made their way in and I felt lost. I didn’t know what thing to do first on my long to-do list. But after my Yoga practice (which co-incidentally was about mental focus and concentration, what are the chances!) I focused on the session’s mantra- I got this!- and got on with almost everything I needed to do. Only a couple last minute things to do today after work and I’m all set!

https://www.instagram.com/p/BYid6JshBd1/?taken-by=eleni_zenonos

https://www.instagram.com/p/BYk0-FHhsoc/?taken-by=eleni_zenonos

I recently started meditating and practising mindfulness when I can’t sleep, which happens often and it definitely made a difference! I’ll write about it when I get the chance.

I’ve once read that more than often people crave a holiday and plan everything to the dot and then are disappointed when the time comes as their expectations don’t match reality. Which makes sense.

But I love doing the opposite. Exploring and see where it leads rather than meticulous planning is my favourite thing to do and it never failed. That’s what Shebz and I did in Berlin last year and we had the best of times.

And I’m sure Italy won’t let me down!

I know it’s only a short break, (which includes FriendsFest in London after Italy!) and it won’t change my life, or maybe it will, you never know, but it’s exactly what I need right now.

It will be incredible if I meet an Italian hunk and we go sailing in the Mediterranean afterwards rather than come back, as I’ve been joking for the last week, but it’s highly unlikely that will happen. A girl can only dream though!

I still have high hopes for September!

I’ll miss blogging but my next one will be a special one! A travel post (which will of course include local cuisine) on bella Italia.

I will be posting snaps on my Insta if you want to follow my Italian ventures.

Until then…

Namaste

Eleni

My star of a sister Stella

I haven’t posted for a while… although there is so much I wanted to write about (interesting books I read, things I got to do, ask for ideas for career/city/country move inspiration), but I didn’t get the chance. Will do after I come back from my summer visit to my beautiful island.

Before I go on writing about my sister, I hope you are all well and you haven’t been affected by the most recent terrorist attacks. If you have (and you might have, even if you were not in London on that horrific night, indirect trauma exposure can cause PTSD), I hope you stay strong, I cannot even imagine how it might feel. I wasn’t there but I was genuinely terrified on Saturday night, I hardly got any sleep. As most of us, I have friends and relatives in London and I sweat worrying about them until I knew they were safe (especially my cousin who only recently moved to London, I don’t even want to say out loud what horrible thoughts were going through my mind). I’m not going to say any more on that but I posted my thoughts on FB. (https://www.facebook.com/eleni.zenonos/posts/10154834034647326?pnref=story)

And one more thing, I cannot not mention the General Election. I unfortunately found out after I booked my ticket home and after the registration deadline that I’m allowed to vote as I’m a Commonwealth citizen. I really don’t know what will happen with Brexit, the NHS, the economy but what I’d say if you are registered to vote, vote for policies, not people.

A year ago I flew home the day of the referendum and I was shocked with the result (incidentally I fly home the day before the General Election this week). It goes to show that you should expect the unexpected, so if you care, please go and vote. I sincerely hope that the United Kingdom is not turned into a dictatorship state.

Now back to the purpose of this post…

A while ago I posted about my youngest sister and I wanted to post about my second sister, Stella but I was waiting for her birthday. Well I will be with her and the rest of the family spending the day at the beach on her birthday, so I decided to post this now, just before I meet her at the airport on Wednesday!

Stella, our little star is the prime example of love, caring, devotion and sensitivity.

She was always a bit wild and short-tempered (and stubborn, our family trend). She never enjoyed reading or studying but she studied what she always wanted, culinary arts and she is now a cook to the delight of all of us enjoying her delicious creations.

Since she was a child she always tried to hide her sensitive side but her kindness and love always shines through. I’m not exaggerating to the least to say she has been the rock of the whole family, close and extended.

Every time anyone in the family or her friends/colleagues is not feeling well, she is the first to go and help. She is the one sitting with them at the hospital ward, in A&E, she is the one driving hours to get to them. She is the one bringing friends or colleagues who have nowhere to go for Christmas or New Year’s eve to spend it with the family.

She was recently telling me how she spent hours with the team of the dog shelter she volunteers for, looking for an abandoned dog that got its head trapped in a plastic bottle and how happy she was when they found and rescued it- they are still looking for a foster home for it if you live in Cyprus and you can help.(https://www.facebook.com/elena.elen.585/posts/1459388790795049?pnref=story?

We used to fight a lot when we were kids but as we grew up we became best friends and I couldn’t imagine my life without her. She supported and supports me with literally everything even though we live thousands of miles apart. She is always there for me and I’ll always be there for her.

Although she wants to come across as tough, we all know what a sensitive soul she is.

She is my shining star (she couldn’t have had a more suitable name) and I couldn’t be more proud of her. I love her to the moon and back. And can’t wait to spend the next 10 days with her and the rest of my family and friends. Love you Αρφούι!

If there are people like her in the world, terrorism and racism and all these social diseases, cannot prevail, they just can’t!

My next post will be after the Snowdonia Climb a group of colleagues and I are doing for a wonderful cause telling you all about it! (for more details and if you want to donate/share this is our gofundme page: https://www.gofundme.com/Snowdonia-Superstars-for-Tempo-Wellbeing)

Love you all x

Happy birthday my little duckling!

20 years ago, when I was about 11, my parents asked me if I wanted to get another dog as we gave away our little Steve because he was too naughty, or another little brother or sister instead. I wanted both but I was only allowed to choose one so I went for another sibling. To this day, my parents still claim that having my little sister was my decision!

I still remember the day my mum peed on that stick and found out she was pregnant. We were screaming and laughing excited for the new addition in our little family.

A year later, 19 years ago, on this day, 17th of February 1998, on a sunny Tuesday morning, my sister and I woke up but our parents were not home. My cousin who studied to become a teacher at the time was there instead and told us that our mum went into labour! So after a brief stop at my cousin, her brother’s high school to give him his spare pair of glasses, we arrived at the clinic. I still remember that rare feeling of sheer happiness, waiting impatiently for our little baby to arrive.

My mum never had contractions naturally so she walked and down the corridor with an IV in hand, waiting for the little sister to decide to make an appearance!

My cousin who was to be the little sis godmother, who is also my godson’s mum wanted to stay for the birth but she had a lecture and the doctor, Dr Papapetrou reassured her that the baby wasn’t gonna come any time soon. And my beloved aunt Anna, my cousin’s mum, mum’s sister who was there when my sister and I were born was there once again with my mum, to hold her hand and welcome the little sis.

Little did the doctor know! 10-15 minutes later, at 9:20am, little Anna arrived in this world! She was a tiny little thing, with bright red cheeks and rich dark hair. I remember watching the nurse through the glass changing her nappy, I couldn’t believe that was my little sister.

For the first month or so I was scared to hold her. I used to bathe her in the washing clothes basket because she was so small and I was terrified I might drop her.

Over the years I changed her nappies, I sang her to sleep, I was her babysitter, entertainer, her first teacher, her first friend. I was lucky to be old enough to remember her first laughter, her christening, her first words, her first walk, her first day at school…

She was the youngest of the whole family and we all loved to spoil her. And she was very spoilt! But she was raised with love, values and respect and I’m so proud she grew to be an amazing young woman, although in my eyes she is still a baby.

And amazing she is. She excelled at school, she learned to play the violin, the flute and the piano (oh my she used to play for hours, without anyone asking her to and we used to beg her to stop, but nothing could stop her!) she learned to sing, she won awards in Maths and writing competitions, she got involved in a lot of conferences and events, and she got a place at uni, now on her first year studying what she always wanted, Maths. And recently got a slot at the uni radio station to present her own music show.

I’ve been away for years and that meant I missed a lot of these amazing moments, but I was there for her graduation last summer. It was very emotional and wonderful watching my little duckling walk down the same steps of the same high school my cousins my other sister and I went to, get her certificate with honours and sing in front of all the proud parents, family and teachers who were there that night.

She made and is making us all proud not only because of all her achievements but because she grew to be a loving, respectful and caring person. She still has to learn a lot in life but I knew nothing about life when I was 19 either, I still don’t know much, and I can’t wait to see what she will come up with next!

Yeah, she can sometimes be annoying as she got the stubbornness we all inherited in the family but I’m really proud (I might have mentioned that too many times already) of my little sister.

I’m proud of both of my sisters (blog about my other awesome sister coming soon) and feel amazingly blessed and lucky to be their eldest sister.

They are the best gifts my incredible parents gave me.

Happy birthday! Χρόνια πολλά μικρή μου. Love you to the moon and back.

Happy New Year !!!

Happy New Year everyone! I don’t have high expectations for 2017 but whatever happens, don’t allow anyone (a lot of as****** out there I know) or anything knock your confidence and self-belief. I hope 2017 is full of love and laughter, no matter what life throws at us.

I’m supposed to be packing as I’m moving at the weekend but it’s too cold and I’m too tired, first day back at work was exhausting, so I’ve written this instead 🙂

I don’t do New Year resolutions because I’ve tried it before and I find it pointless so I’ll try to tick off things on my bucket list instead. Much more fun! And one of the things I want to do is write/blog more often and I’ll try to post more regularly, I forgot how insightful and therapeutic it can be.

Christmas is over and it’s been amazing. After 8 years I surprised my family and had the most amazing week with my parents, sisters and dog, watching Christmas movies, snuggled up on the sofa with popcorn and chocolate.

I caught up with friends and family and spent Christmas day with my aunt and cousins like when we were kids.

And so happy to be there for my godson’s first Christmas!

AND I got to spent New Year’s eve in Edinburgh sending off 2016 whilst watching Paolo Nutini live (that’s ticked off the bucket list!) with my favourite!

New year is perfect for clean sheet/new beginnings/ new year new you, but one of the most important lessons I learnt is that you can change your life whenever you want to and life can change you when you least expect it, so if you want a new start do it now, your new life can start on the 3rd of January instead 🙂

So back to now. And now what? No idea! I’m moving in a couple of days. I don’t know where and a lot of you are asking and are worried, especially my family but don’t! Everything will work out fine. Absolutely no point in panicking and worrying. I’ll let you all know when I know.

My next post will be about my little sister, my little star, my little duckling, as I promised to her a while ago and then (OK she might not like it but) one for my second sister, our hero!

Here is a little preview of my little star, Anna x

For now, I hope January blues are not too painful for any of us.

Love you all x

PS. I’ve just watched 24 hours in A&E and every time I do, I’m reminded how lucky I am I’m healthy and loved and a HUGE thank you to all doctors and nurses for working so hard to keep all of us safe and alive.

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year, let’s hope it’s a good one without any tears (well maybe some tears, mostly happy ones)

This is it! 2016 it’s almost over. And what a year it has been… The next few weeks will be very busy so this is the only chance I get to post before 2017 is upon us and I really wanted to so here it goes…

Many many lessons learned in 2016 that won’t fit in one post but if I have to choose the most important ones then they’ll have to be:

Trust yourself and be yourself. Self-confidence and believing in yourself is hard in this cruel world but it’s only one you and that’s what makes sou special, so trust your instincts and not be afraid to be you.

There are a lot of mean people out there, more than I thought (and fortunately a lot of nice and kindhearted, wonderful human beings), so you can’t be nice all the time and to everyone. I never really make any new year resolutions but I decided that this year I won’t let anyone spoil it for me anymore. Kick ass if I have to!

If something is too good to be true, then it probably is not.

And finally do whatever makes you happy! You see life is never easy, well not for all of us anyway, it’s hard as it is so don’t compromise, do whatever makes your heart beat faster.

All in all it’s been a fun year, full of laughter and I’m really happy I made new friends, became a godmother, tried new things, including starting this blog which helped me immensely with my confidence, getting over situations and making sense of life, done some silly things too but it has been rough at times. And I reached my breaking point more than once.

Apologies to my friends I haven’t seen for a while, it’s been tough couple of months but I promise I’ll make it up.

It’s been tough for a lot of us across the world with terrorist attacks, homophobic attacks, Brexit, Donald Trump elected as the US president, the crisis in Syria and many many more…

For me…

2016 found me starting my life from scratch, this time on my own, heartbroken, confidence at its lowest, in grief…

After 30 years I had to learn to live on my own and depend solely on myself. I never liked asking for help even from my other half or my family so it was a hell of a journey.

But I’m very proud of how far I come. I made mistakes, I took risks when I shouldn’t but I learned to trust and believe in myself and I know now that whatever happens, I can face it, however hard it might get.

And now it’s finally time for a little break, I’m going to have the most amazing Christmas and NYE and then new adventures await. I literally have no idea where I’ll be in a month’s time, but I hope everything will work out in the end. And if not, oh well I guess I’ll learn something new.

I never had much money and neither did my family. They still live in an old building which might collapse at any time.

But we learned to fight and do our best to provide for each other. We always cared more about each other than ourselves. We learned to live with little and appreciate the little things, we learned that it’s not important to get what you want, because it might not be possible, but we learned to always try our best with what we’ve got. We learned to love unconditionally.

We never needed the fanciest cars, the most expensive gifts or the newest phones to be happy.

We are the happiest when we are together having a laugh even at hard times, caring about each other, helping others, and that’s what it really matters. It’s always been about love and being grateful for what we have and I’m so happy and proud I was raised in such an amazing family. I wouldn’t change that for all the money in the world.

One day, if I have my own family, I’ll consider myself very lucky if I’m as half as a good parent as my parents are.

I have hundreds of Christmas wishes, my letter to Santa is quite long but if I only had one wish is for all of my loved ones to be happy, healthy and safe. If you are an expat or your family lives far away, you know exactly what I mean. It’s heartbreaking not to be able to be there whenever my sister or my dad has an accident or my aunt is sick or…

And one of my lifelong dreams is to one day be able to buy a house for my family (and build my own house exactly as I imagined it, but I don’t mind if that never happens) so I don’t have to worry about them. Which is wishing for the impossible but a girl can dream.

I never cared about having the most expensive clothes, bags or make-up. If you know me you probably know that. I’m not the prettiest or the fanciest dresser but I spend most of my money on bills (living on my own costs A LOT and sacrificing this won’t be easy), trips, gigs, experiences, spending time with friends, getting gifts for friends and family. And I wouldn’t change that for anything.

I sometimes worry about the future, it’s only natural but as long as I’m happy and do my best, I leave the rest to the universe.

I’ll leave you with this, which couldn’t be more true.

Merry Christmas to all of you and your families.

I hope all your Christmas wishes come true!

I know one of mine will 🙂

And I hope 2017 is much better for all of us. Amen.

Love you all! x

A year without her…you are always in our hearts… Αιωνια σου η μνημη θεια μου καλη μου.

A year ago, on this day, 17th of October, 2015 my beloved aunt Anna died.

On Saturday morning, 17/10/15, having quit a job I hated the day before, I was on a plane to Cyprus knowing I was going there to say goodbye to my wonderful aunt Anna who went through hell for a year battling stage 4 cancer… but I was 10 minutes late…she died before I got there. I won’t go into detail again because it was not just one of but the hardest, most heartbreaking and life-changing moment of my life. And it still gets me…

But if you want to know more about this amazing soul, what happened that day, the funeral 2 days later (19th of October, 2015 a difficult, sad but humbling and beautiful, sunny day none of us will ever forget) and what happened after that I’ve posted a series of blogs a while ago… (https://whatilearnedbeforeiturn30.wordpress.com/2016/02/26/4-months-ago-part-2-dedicated-to-my-aunt-anna/)

It’s worth posting again the school essay my little nephew, her grandson wrote about her a couple of months after her death..

For those who lost someone close to them who they loved dearly… this might sound familiar. I’ve lost other relatives before, but my aunt was the first person to lose that I was so close to…

The pain never really goes away. It gets easier to control as the time passes by, as we get on living our lives but it’s always there and sometimes hurts as much as it did on that day… I could only describe it as a healing wound that gets scratched every now and then and hurts again. It gets easier to live with but it’s always there.

And today it hurts as much as that day. I can’t even imagine how it feels for my cousin. If it was my mum I wouldn’t be able to cope with it that well. She is a real heroine. Γεωργία μου είσαι ηρωίδα μάνα και η θεία βλέπει σε που ψηλά και χαίρεται!

I used to listen to a lot of songs then but one especially, before her death and afterwards… a song narrating what Stephanie Rainey went through when she lost her nephew… The video is worth watching, it shows people who lost a loved one, holding up a placard, sharing how they felt, what they thought their loved ones would tell them if they were alive and what they would tell them if they could… https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eLJ6r8mBPJc

I can’t believe it’s already been a year. So much has happened in a year… And although I went through a rough patch, I wouldn’t change anything.

I’ve had an amazing year and it all comes down to that day…

Although I knew, we all do, that life is short and can change in an instant, her death and knowing that such a loving, caring person spent most of her life only thinking of others until her very last breath, sacrificing her own happiness for others and rarely did what she really wanted, and suddenly diagnosed, suffered and died of cancer within a year, completely changed my mindset.

It’s been hard to accept she is really gone and for months I couldn’t handle my emotions, the pain was too much to deal with and with everything else happening in my life at the time, I felt lost and doubted my self, I overreacted, I went through all the grief stages over and over, but because of her I think I came out of it a better person…

Because of her I try new things even when I’m terrified…

Because of her I don’t stay upset or sad for too long…

And because of her I only do what I want and I don’t even try to pretend I enjoy things I don’t…

And because of her, I learned to appreciate and make little things count. I was told recently ‘It doesn’t take much to make you laugh’. No, it really doesn’t. I make the most of every little thing and I laugh at silly things like ‘Limkokwing’ and get excited about a bacon roll or chocolate popping candy enhanced orange (magic!) because that’s what life is about. Enjoy the little things, appreciate these little beautiful moments.

Unless you are incredibly rich (although I don’t think rich people are happy all the time, it’s not all about money) you, as most of us, spend most of your time at work, with friends and family, and those moments are precious, this is our life and it’s more fun when you are having a good laugh!

I’m not stupid or naive or immature. If I don’t laugh, I’ll cry… not because I’m crazy but because thinking about my responsibilities, problems, things that need fixing, people I miss, things I want to do but I can’t right now, bad experiences I’ve been through, all the horrible things happening in the world and a million other things, it upsets me, it makes me sad. We all have coping mechanisms and mine is laughing it off.

I want to thank Sheba, I love you babe, I REALLY REALLY hope you get to fulfil your dreams very soon. Thank you for being there for me all this time through thick and thin… You’ve been there for me when I quit my job, broke up, lost my aunt, job-hunting, crying over people and things that were not worth it… And thank you for the incredibly amazing time we had and are having! #ninjasintraining.

To my family, I love you all and can’t wait to see you soon… Sending you hugs and all my love, especially today…

A big thank you to my SSU family, who they offered me a job, stability and security when I needed it the most, when everything else in my life was falling apart.

For everyone going through cancer treatment… A big big big hug… I know everyone copes with it differently, but seeing what my aunt went through, chemo, radiotherapy, immunotherapy, liver failure, depression, horrendous physical and emotional pain… however you are dealing it, you are a hero!

And finally a message for my aunt:

I’m so so sorry I was away for most of the time you were going through all the horrendous treatment and pain… and I’m sorry I was 10 minutes late… Had I known, I would have ran out of the plane, leave all my stuff behind and come straight to the hospital…

What I wouldn’t give to be able to talk to you one last time… I’m sorry you didn’t get to meet your grandson, my godson! He is the sweetest, cleverest little boy, our little prince. We all love you and miss you a lot… especially on family gatherings…

I’ll never forget your unconditional love and kindness, how much you loved your farm, land and animals, your beautiful words, your incredible cooking, the big birthday parties and celebrations on your terrace underneath your vine rooftop, and your beautiful smile even when you were in pain…

Thank you for changing my life, without knowing… You will always have a home inside my soul….

Θεία μου συγνώμη που δεν ημούν εκεί όταν έκαμες τις θεραπείες και συγνώμη που άργησα 10 λεπτά. Μακάρι να μπορούσα να σε δω και να σου μιλήσω μια τελευταία φορά. Λυπάμαι που δεν γνώρισες τον εγγονό σου τον Στέφανο μας, το μικρό μας πρίγκηπα.

Θα θυμάμαι πάντα την αγάπη σου για τη γη, τα ζώα, τα υπέροχα φαγητά σου και τα τραπέζια στην αυλή σου κάτω που το αμπέλι σου, την απέραντη αγάπη σου για όλους μας, τη καλοσύνη, την ταπεινότητα, την αγνή ψυχή σου και το χαμόγελο σου ακόμα κι οταν πονούσες.

Σε ευχαριστώ που τα βάθη της ψυχής μου που μου άλλαξες τη ζωή χωρίς να το ξέρεις. Θα σ’αγαπούμε για πάντα.

Αιωνία σου η μνήμη θεία μου.