life lessons – Page 5 – Lessons I learned after I turned 30

What a week! (no2)

Wow, I don’t even know where to start from. This week I’ve learned a lot and had so much fun with Shebz (we must be soulmates, can’t explain it otherwise!) and my awesome friends and tried new things. (You know that feeling I described in detail in my last post? I was very lucky to experience it a lot this week!)

As I mentioned in previous posts, I’d like to keep some of my life personal and cherish some of the amazing moments I live privately but I’ll share with you lovely people what I learned, which is the main reason I started this blog!

Where to start? Well I’ll start with this ( I think I might have mentioned it before, but oh my it’s important!): If you sometimes get this feeling of unsettling which makes you wanna go away right now, move to another country, quit your job, do something stupid or crazy or whatever makes you wanna do, don’t do it! That feeling won’t go away.

I know it’s not easy but you need to deal with it. You need to explore and find what is it that makes you feel that way and when you do, address it! That’s the only way it will go away which brings me nicely to my next point.

One of the ways to do that is to find what makes you happy (I know I must have written about it A LOT but it’s good to remind myself). I found trying new things and saying yes to people and things you wouldn’t normally say yes to doesn’t just make life more interesting but it makes you learn more about yourself, meet new people and end up having lots of fun!!

Some people are happy to go to work, go home and watch TV. If that’s what makes you happy, do that! That’s not what makes me happy. I guess I want more from life!

2016-04-16-12.25.04.jpg.jpg — Definitely want lots of pizza!

A very important lesson I learned this week is that healing takes time. Getting over a loss such as someone’s death, the end of a relationship or a friendship is not easy and there is no ‘set period’ in which you need to do that.

Annoyingly as humans we tend to push others and ourselves to get over a situation ASAP. Well that doesn’t work. Take your time… Pretending you are over it doesn’t help. You are not only lying to yourself and others but it sets you back and you might also end up hurting other people who don’t deserve it. What you resist persists!!

For me what it seems like a better solution is to accept the fact that you are still in repair, that you are not over it and just keep moving on with life.

We all experienced loss in our life. We all lost loved ones. We all messed up.

I know I did. I lost my grandma, my aunt, friends, the best friend I had for 7 years, a lovely person who cared about me. I hurt people I cared about. What helped me was to take the lessons I’ve learned from my experiences and mistakes and however difficult it can get at times to just keep going.

Nothing can bring my grandma or my aunt back. Nothing I can do right now can bring back into my life the friends I’ve lost. And I completely and utterly accept that.

I found it gets better and better as time goes by and one day in a couple of months or a year or however long it takes I’ll wake up and thinking about my losses or missing the friends who are not longer in my life won’t affect me as much anymore.

What I also found helps a lot when you are having one of those difficult moments when you are thinking of your losses is go to your happy thought. I have many but I definitely have one that makes me chuckle and remember how beautiful life is every single time!

I can go on for hours but I don’t want to make this post even longer so last lesson for today: do not rush love!

I don’t know about you, but for people, especially at my age there is a lot of pressure to ‘couple up’.

Being single can be amazing! You are free to do whatever you want, whenever you want with whoever you want!

Yes, sometimes you want someone to cuddle up and feel the love and affection, but being with someone just for that, is not worth it, believe me. Wake up next to someone special to you, don’t accept mediocrity. Be with someone because you are in love, not because you feel lonely.

As the dreamer I am, I believe that one day I’ll find someone who will be up for the ideas I come up with, love me for who I am even when I am having a bad day, go crazy for each other, be spontaneous and have lots of fun together!

One of the pros of getting older and going through relationships is that you learn what you really want in a relationship. And now that I know what I really want, I won’t settle with anything else. Life is too short to waste time!

So for now I just enjoy life with my lovely friends! I already have amazing plans for next week. I can’t wait!!!

I’ll finish my post with a quote (you know by now that I love them)

“It’s impossible” said pride. “It’s risky” said experience. “It’s pointless” said reason. “Give it a try” whispered the HEART.

Enjoy the weekend!

Love you all! x

What I’ve learned in the last 10 days…

I realised I haven’t posted for more than a week… I guess I was too busy with life and lost in my own thoughts I haven’t realised how time flew by…

They say you learn something new every day… and it’s true!

What have I learnt over the last 10 days??

Well, the SUN makes everything better, I love the sunshine and we’ve been lucky enough to have a lot of sunny days recently 🙂

Having a good laugh and making others laugh ALWAYS makes your day better. Even with silly things you do yourself, and oh dear I do that a lot.

A week ago coming back home from a night out, I parked at the wrong building, I only realised after I got out of my car. I burst into laughing when I had a look at the building and finally noticed it wasn’t were I live!

I’ve learned that you can’t be scared of what’s next and let fear get in your way. Trying things you wouldn’t normally try is amazing, but it’s OK if you don’t like them. At least you gave it a go.

I got to meet cute ducklings thanks to a lovely friend, thank you 🙂

But I also learned, it’s OK if you are not ready. Sometimes and for some situations you will never be ready and you need to push yourself, but sometimes it’s OK to take your time…

I’ve learned that although spending time with your friends, keeping busy and meeting new people always helps, you can’t avoid your own thoughts. You need time for yourself to process everything and be OK with yourself and whatever is happening in your life.

I am one of those people who gives second chances. I don’t know if it’s right or wrong. And why it should be right or wrong? And this week I did it again. I gave someone who I wouldn’t thought I would a second chance, we are now chatting and laughing and you know what? It felt amazing.

So I’ve learned again that forgiving and being nice feels SO much better than hatred. But stay away from people who made it clear they don’t want you in their lives. Respect their decision as people who are not in your life anymore respect your decision to let them go.

And finally I’ve learned that you need to do what is best for yourself, even if that comes across as selfish sometimes. Life goes on so do whatever you need to, you won’t always get closure but that’s OK!

I promise, it gets better, it always does.

I have a busy week ahead, so I will not be able to post until later next week.

I hope you all have an amazing week and weekend! Mine started well with lots of homemade cake (not by me, I haven’t baked a cake in years!)!

Love you all! x

PS. A heartwarming thank you to the people in my life who care about me and show it in different ways, it makes my little heart melt, you are all very special to me:)

A month of blogging today!

Our one month anniversary! 20 posts in 1 month (including this one), and 900 views. Just amazing. I can’t believe how it’s been a month already since I started this blog!

I’d like to thank everyone who read and has been reading my blog for the last month. I didn’t expect such a response!

And thank you for all your amazing comments (most of them, but all comments were and are welcome), advice, and unexpected support. I still get people coming to me telling me how much they enjoy it! It made it even more special for me.

It’s almost April, how time flies! In less than 2 months I’ll be 30 (I have been recently told I look and act like a ‘young’ and not an ‘old’ 29 year old, which made my day, thank you 🙂 )!

And as I already mentioned, it’s been a month today since I started this blog. One of the best decisions I ever made 🙂

This year has been surreal so far. It started with plans and expectations (although I tried to avoid any long term planning ’cause I know how quickly things can change and they have changed, I am so wise sometimes!) but ended with another reminder that- LOST COUNT OF LESSONS SO I WILL JUST HIGHLIGHT FROM NOW ON- life can change at any minute (so planning is most of the time useless) and that life is much more enjoyable when you have no expectations!

I recently read this amazing article a lovely friend shared on social media about living with no expectations. It’s definitely worth a read!

http://brightside.me/article/how-life-changes-if-you-stop-expecting-things-to-happen-40555/

The last month has been challenging at times (a special thanks again to my friends and colleagues for their amazing support) but probably the most incredible so far.

I won’t get into details because I’d like to keep some of my personal life private but I’ll share what I learned 🙂

A month ago I was disappointed, upset, overreacted to situations and struggled to control my feelings. I’ve said and done things I shouldn’t, I was a mess! (But that’s how we learn, from our mistakes).

A month later, I feel I know myself better and I learned a lot from my experiences and mistakes. I try to enjoy every day as it comes, be open to new experiences and not dwell on ‘what if’.

I had the most amazing week back home which has truly been healing and exactly what I needed. It couldn’t come at a better time. And I can’t wait to go back in the summer!

What also helped me immensely is this blog. Writing down and sharing my experiences enabled me to explore and put my thoughts and feelings in order. It allowed me to clear my mind up and figure out what I really want and what I still need to get over, which sped up the healing process.

Sharing my experiences and what I learned, just letting it out in the open was a weight off my shoulders. And I am grateful and happy I learned so much more about many of you!

What helped me I’d say, probably the most, is empathy.

Empathy is an amazing ability, which becomes stronger and stronger the more you practise it. And I’ve practised it a lot for the last couple of years, but even more the last couple of months.

And that’s why I don’t hate anyone. It’s not because I’m a ‘nice’ person.

(ET- sorry, a long one!-I believe the majority of people are not nice or bad, we just behave differently under different circumstances. I don’t think a behavior or a reaction to a situation necessarily determines someone’s personality and I wouldn’t make assumptions and form opinions about people solely based on a bad reaction or an outburst or a lie or someone else’s opinion about them or …

If my sister or a friend has been mean to me, I know they are not mean, it’s just how they reacted to a situation. Why would it be different for any other person who doesn’t happen to be a relative or a friend?)

It’s because I try to understand why people react the way they do. I try to imagine how it felt to be in their shoes, dealing with the situation from their perspective.

I won’t pretend is always easy or successful. Sometimes it just doesn’t make sense. But the more you do it, the better your understanding gets!

SO now what?

Well, life goes on. I tried and I’m trying new things, I got to do things I’d never imagine, I’ve made new friends, I came closer with people I didn’t expect (see that’s why it’s much better if you don’t have any expectations), I added so many happy and funny moments to my memory bank, and have some news I’d like to keep for myself for now, but can’t wait to share if all goes well. 🙂

The most important lesson is to live in the moment. And I do it most of the time.

Smile at a stranger on the street, notice the surroundings (I was impressed with how many things I never noticed on my way to work or when leaving a friend’s house until recently. Focusing on the moment makes such a big difference), chat to the cashier, say yes to whatever comes along, just enjoy the little things. Little things add up and make life better.

But we are only humans and common sense and feelings don’t always follow or listen to each other. And the mind sometimes wanders and loses its focus from the moment.

Well, time is the best medicine! Feelings don’t always go away easily (sometimes they never do) but they go away eventually (or you learn to live with them) and it gets better, it always does!

And I now know I’ll get it right next time and it will be amazing! 🙂

Enjoy the long weekend 🙂

Love you all x

What’s the last message you sent?

I have a hyper active brain, which sometimes make it a bit difficult to switch off at night. And also causes to have the weirdest dreams and wake up with random thoughts.

So I woke up today with this thought:

What’s the last message or last memory you have of people in your life? And if you were not to see them or see you again, is that the last message or memory you want to remember them by?

This reminded me of an episode of HIMYM, when Marshall’s dad died unexpectedly. And when he listened to his dad’s last message to him it was a pocket dial. So Marshall got very upset and felt it was very unfair his dad’s last message was just a pocket dial.

But when his dad realised he called him by mistake, he joked about it, then told Marshall that he enjoyed his visit earlier, and finally told him “I love you.” — then immediately asked for his foot cream as his rash had started to act up again.

See, that’s a beautiful last message.

For most of the people I thought about the last memory is a happy or funny one, and the last message might have been silly but sweet.

But not for everyone that came up to my mind.

So from now on, I’ll make sure that will not happen again.

Enjoy the sunshine! Love you all x

It’s called (mental) illness for a reason…

On my way home a couple of weeks ago I bought a book from the airport, ‘Reasons to Stay Alive’ by Matt Haig, in which he warmingly describes how he battled and still deals with this black dog as he called it, depression. I highly recommend it to everyone.

I wanted to write about mental illness for a long time (although I understand it might be a heavy read for some, but well life is not always easy) and reading that book was a good reminder.

One of the perks of studying Psychology is the clearer and more accurate view it gives when it comes to mental illness but reading, hearing about it, going through it myself and having people in my life who deal with it every day has been an eye opener.

Millions of people battle daily with depression,anorexia, anxiety, panic attacks, OCD, PTSD and many others.

And unfortunately still to that day, a lot of people don’t realise how difficult and debilitating it can be. Which makes it even more difficult for anyone who suffers from mental illness to open up about it even to their doctor or friends and family and ask for help. So they end up dealing with it themselves in silence.

And I have done that myself. I suffered from anorexia as a teenager but my amazing family helped me go through it. But I dealt with hypochondria on my own for almost 2 years and it sometimes still creeps up, but I learned how to control it. I will not go into detail because this post is not about me, but I found it extremely difficult to deal with and I found it even more difficult to ask for help.

If you suffer from any physical illness, from less serious ones like a simple infection to more serious ones like cancer, people are (most of the time) sympathetic about it, supportive and encourage you to go to the doctor and get treated. Why isn’t that happening with mental illnesses ?

You’ ll never hear “Oh you’ll get over it, it’s not a big deal”, “It will go away”, “It’s not that hard, you can do it”, “Just get up!” if you suffer from any physical illness.

Social norms dictate that being sensitive and open about your emotions it’s a sign of weakness, which I am passionately against of.

Being sensitive and expressing your emotions is essential to well being. How on earth did it end up being a sign of weakness??

We all struggle with life sometimes and I find that hard to deal with sometimes myself. I can’t even imagine how it can be for others who daily have to deal with life struggles AND anxiety or panic attacks or …or…or…

If you are struggling, I just want to say, you are not alone. And I can’t even imagine how hard it can be. If and when you can, get it out of your chest, share it with a friend or family or your doctor or to a complete stranger (it’s sometimes easier).

We all need to remind ourselves from time to time not to be judgemental. You never know what the person next to you is dealing with every day, even if they have a smile on their face.

And remember to listen not just hear.

Love you all! x

PS. The featured image was taken from this amazing video the World Health Organisation made about depression, definitely worth a watch! I do not own the the picture.

Do this simple exercise…

I recently had an amazing experience I can’t fully share for various reasons.

But I’ll ask you to think… if you could choose three things, any three things, group of people, concepts, objects, activities, anything that you can’t live without…what would these three things be?

Now… try and put them in order from the least to most important…

And now imagine if you lost the thirst most important?

The second most important??

The most important???

How would you feel??

That’s how hundreds of thousands of people who have lost some or everything in life feel right now. It makes you think doesn’t it?

These are my three:

3. Friends. I absolutely adore my friends. They are amazing human beings who I can’t live without. They’ve been there for me at my best and worst and I’ve been at their best and worst. I love you all. I feel lucky to have you in my life.

2. Family. What more can I say. I love my family to death. I’ve been blessed to have an incredible family, close and extended and I’d be devastated if anything was to happen to them.

1. Love. Love of my family, my friends. Love for what I do every day. Love for people. Love for life. Just love.

I feel incredibly lucky and blessed to have all three.

This simple exercise reminded me not to be judgemental. You never know what others are going through.

It reminded me not to take anything for granted and appreciate life more….

I hope it has done the same for you.

Love you all x

A day of reflection…

Today it’s been a day of reflection…

After an amazing week back home and an awesome evening last night, ‘holiday’ blues got me.

But it’s been an amazing day chatting with friends reflecting on life. And the sunshine made everything better.

It’s not I don’t feel happy. I do. But I feel unsettled… And I can’t figure out why. I am getting over a lot of things, so I can’t put my finger on what it is. I am not sure what I really want in life. Move to Australia for a year? Save money and change careers?Volunteer in Africa? Settle down and have a child? The options are endless…

I might need to change myself, or I might need a major change in my life, move away for a while, reset and come back.

Ask yourself, what it is that makes you feel unsettled/unhappy/bored? When you figure it out, you are halfway there. Then you’ll know what to do and do whatever it takes…take your chances, what’s the worst it can happen?

What it really matters though is to be happy right now. I wouldn’t like to wait a year or two saving money but not enjoying the present, just to do something else later on. I’ve made that mistake before. Living in the moment is the way forward!

But then again, I wouldn’t like to rush into things. I’ve made that mistake too and it didn’t end well.

It’s difficult to find a balance. But I will get there. Having options in life and not knowing what might come up next is very exciting!

Being scared of getting hurt again or being too cautious carries the danger of missing out amazing opportunities and pushing away lovely human beings who want to be in your life (special thanks to my professor for his amazing advice, he is absolutely right) and I wouldn’t like to miss out because life is too short.

In the last couple of months I became friends with people I’d never thought I would and created special bonds with friends I’d never thought I would. I learned over and over ‘never say never’ so I am open to whatever life brings.

I feel lucky I have amazing friends home and away (and pretty cool colleagues too!) who made today a special day.

Thank you everyone 🙂

It is scary to think about it, but we can die at any time. And if I die tomorrow I’d die happy because I had a nice lunch with Shebz, tasted the most amazing chocolate from NZ and had amazing chats about life with awesome friends.

I’ll leave you with a quote (I do love a good quote):

Life goes on… whether you choose to move on and take a chance in the unknown. Or stay behind locked in the past, thinking of what it could’ve been…

Love you all! x

Money and happiness

I was never rich. And I’d probably never be (except if I win the Euromillions!).

My family was never rich. My dad had two jobs since he was 20, even before he met my mum and my mum worked occasionally. I haven’t travelled abroad until I was 19.

But we were never poor either. My amazing parents always tried their best to provide for us and they did. And I owe them a LOT.

Does it really matter though? I had an amazing childhood, raised with love and affection, I had the best uni years, going out with friends and just having fun and that for me is much more important.

I think been raised with not having much makes you a better person. You learn to appreciate people and life more, you learn to stick together through difficult times and care no matter what, you learn how to enjoy the little things.

Money and money worries came up in conversations with friends recently and we all agreed that at the end of the day worrying about money is just waste of time.

Yes, of course we all work to make a living, pay our bills, improve our quality of life. And dealing with financial difficulties is not easy.

But we spend 8 hours a day with our colleagues, who of course we get along with (most of the time) to then spend 2 hours a day and the weekends with the people we love or go on holiday 22 days a year.

I might not afford a brand new car, or 10 holidays a year (although I’d love to, who wouldn’t?) but spending time with the people I love, doing things I enjoy, visiting new places when I can afford to is enough for me.

I just had the most amazing time with friends and family and I wouldn’t change that with anything.

Money is important but can’t buy you friends or love or happiness. What if I could afford to buy a mansion if I were to live there on my own? What if I could travel the world but had no one to share this with?

This is happiness! Your grandpa asking you if he looked alright on the selfie you just took!

I’ll leave you with a quote from one of my favourite children books, the Little Prince. I think adults will benefit if they have a read!

“Grown-ups love figures… When you tell them you’ve made a new friend they never ask you any questions about essential matters. They never say to you “What does his voice sound like? What games does he love best? Does he collect butterflies? ” Instead they demand “How old is he? How much does he weigh? How much money does his father make? ” Only from these figures do they think they have learned anything about him.”

My two homes…

If you are an expat (especially from Cyprus or Greece) ,you might relate to some of my thoughts and feelings about living abroad in your 30s.

For the first time for years, I’ve visited home feeling myself and eager to catch up with friends and people I haven’t seen for years (including the coolest lecturer I ever had and probably the best psychologist at least in Cyprus, if you live in Cyprus and need any advice or support, message me for details!), meet my little prince, my gorgeous godson and explore my homeland, something I haven’t done for years. And it felt amazing. I had the most amazing time (still one day left!) but I missed my second home too.

Millomeri waterfalls, at Platres, just stunning.

If you live abroad, you probably know the feeling. Being back home feels amazing and sometimes I wonder whether I should move back at some point in my life. But then change my mind after a while and you probably understand why.

Being single in your 30s and living abroad is not easy for a small, close society to comprehend. Most of my friends are married and/or have kids and if you are not married you must have heard hundreds of times “You are getting older, you are almost 30, your cousin/sister/random people you don’t even remember/etc are married with kids, when are you getting married?”, “When are you moving back?”.

I’d like to have children at some point, but even if I get too old and that doesn’t happen, it’s not the end of the world. The most important thing in life is to be happy and enjoy life!

It’s difficult for others to accept that living abroad and having goals other than getting married and having a family is possible. And I understand that. This is the how they grew up and for them that is the ultimate goal. But it can become frustrating being given ‘advice’ by everyone, even people who I don’t really know on what to do with my life.

After a week back home, I caught up with my best friends (sorry about the rest, I promise I will make it up next time!), met amazing people including probably the only 30 year old (ridiculously multitalented singer) who has a different mindset to most (guess what? he lived abroad for years!), spent quality time with family and even squeezed some time to go on day adventures. But it wasn’t enough. I could use another week or two. Then again, it never really feels enough. I will always miss my family and my friends.

On the other hand, I don’t think I can move back here permanently. I now have a second home which I miss dearly when I’m here. I miss my friends, my colleagues, my own space, my own life.

I now have no ties in Southampton or even the UK. I can move anywhere in the world, literally anywhere! And of course never say never. I have no idea how my life will evolve and where I might be this time next year.

But Southampton feels like home, even with all the changes in the last couple of months. And I can’t wait to go back and try new things, catch up with my friends, have my first mini holiday with Shebz (I missed you!!!) to initiate the celebrations of me becoming 30, make changes which I decided for once, and just have fun!

The lesson I’ve learned? Don’t get upset or take into serious consideration what other think is right for you. You know best, so trust yourself!

And the best advice I’ve received, from my 80 year old grandpa after I told him I broke up with my partner of 7 years (he easily forgets so he politely asked about him) “Are you happy? That’s all it matters!”

Love you all! x

We ‘ll go up, up, up…

A lot has happened since I came home and it’s only been 3 days! I won’t share all of it, because I’d like to keep some aspects of my personal life personal (but if we are friends on Facebook or Snapchat, I hope you are enjoying my updates!)

I recently shared the best picture I think I’ve ever taken so far.

And I felt truly happy at that moment. Flying above the clouds, getting out of the routine, staring at the sun. Travelling towards the sun, what can top that, right?

And then I looked at the people next to me. A couple in their 60s, having wine and gin, laughing, talking about all sorts, holding hands…

At that very moment I thought, yes I am happy, being on a plane, going somewhere sunny. But it would made me even happier if I’d share that moment with someone special, like that lovely couple next to me, who looked like they ‘ve been with each other for years and years.

They now live in Cyprus permanently. I could imagine them having breakfast together in the sun in their pretty garden full of flowers, having a coffee and reading the newspaper, enjoying the silence and talking about random things and having a laugh every now and then.

I don’t need anyone else to be happy, you can be single and have all the fun in the world and after two breakups in 4 months, I think I had enough for now.

And I am not one of those people who thinks getting married and having kids is the ultimate goal in life, because for me it isn’t.

But in the future, if I am lucky enough, I’d love to meet someone who makes me feel special and I make him feel special.

Someone who would be up for my crazy ideas and I’d be up for his. Who will love me for who I am and sticks with me even when life gets difficult and I’do the same for him.

Someone who I would share a special connection with and we will communicate with each other by just looking in each other’s eyes.

Go on trips and explore the world together, have fun and enjoy life together.

Sharing your life with someone special is beautiful and I haven’t had the chance to experience this special kind of love.

I won’t even mention my relationships in my early 20s, but my most recent ones didn’t work out or ended too soon which made me wonder if I will ever find my Mr Sugar (thank you Cheryl Strayed for your awesome book, I highly recommend it!).

If you found your Mr or Mrs Sugar, that special one, give them a special hug and a kiss today.

For now I am enjoying life with friends and family, living in the moment. Who knows what the future will bring? Life is full of surprises!! And remember, never say never!

Love you all! X

PS. Special thank you to that one person who checks my blog every day 🙂