work – Lessons I learned after I turned 30

Mental Health Mondays – 18. The end of an eventful summer

When I first started writing this post I gave it a different title.

‘The end of a stressful summer’. Then I decided, although these last three months have truly tested my patience and my mental health, I won’t let stress define the whole summer. I guess that’s what my pre-wired brain remembers more vividly. The same brain that kept me from writing for a few months, as I was mentally exhausted.

❌ New job challenges

There was a lot to learn at my new job, whilst dealing with a number of personal issues (which I didn’t let it affect the quality of my work), but I managed to go through everything and I’m doing really well now. I enjoy working at a much better environment than any of my previous jobs in Cyprus and I truly believe in the amazing contribution to science and research of the Centre I work for and the whole of Cyprus Institute. My passion is still focusing on promoting and offering training on mental health at the workplace, and that’s what I ultimately want to solely focus on, but for now I’m really happy with what I do.

❌ Bureaucracy

The level of bureaucracy, and incompetence of public services, as well as pure mind-f**k as to the process and documentation they require for no reason in Cyprus are astonishingly high.

Let me give you an example.

My husband is a third-country national, which is the term used in Cyprus for non-Europeans. Now that we are married, he is legally allowed to work at any company in Cyprus, BUT every time he changes an employer he needs to RE-APPLY in order to inform Immigration that he changed jobs, and his employer’s name to be updated on his residence card. WHY? Why doesn’t state on his residence card only the fact that he is married to a Cyprus resident? Why does his employer have to be on this? They bear no responsibility or relevance. Why does he need a new residence card every time he changes employers??

Why does he have to pay 80 euros plus another 100 euro agency fees (because if you go on your own, who knows if they’ll deal with your application any time soon), and gather ALL this unnecessary paperwork again and again and again (e.g. marriage licence, social insurance statements, bank statements, rental agreement statement, a signature from a mukhtar/ municipality certified employee to on the application form to confirm that we live harmoniously, although he has no idea who we are and where we live in the area etc and the one in our area is a grumpy old fart), and for both of us to waste even more time off work to go in person at Immigration with our IDs and passports, to submit the paperwork, and for his biometrics to be taken AGAIN (probably 3rd time in one year)?

We had to follow this process twice this year, which completely drained us. It’s soul-destroying.

❌ No holiday abroad

As a consequence of this utterly stupified, mind-numbing process, our mini-break to Thessaloniki we both really looked forward to had to be postponed, as, listen to this, it takes 3-4 MONTHS for Immigration to issue a new residence card, although they require for you to notify them within 30 days if you changed a job. And what they don’t tell you is that, if you are unlucky not to be Cypriot or EU national in Cyprus, you need that card to travel.

❌Accidents, and more accidents

Just before our annual summer family holiday, my dad got 2nd and 3rd degree burns because of an accident at work (which worried us all to death, getting that phone call at 10pm and hearing my dad in pain was horrific), my sister hurt her foot again, and my mum’s chalazion flared up because of dust in the air. Accidents are no fun.

❌ Money worries

With everything going on,and all these transitional periods for myself and the hubby, money has been really tight in the last couple of months, which also took its toll on my mental health.

❌ Very little time for friends

All these events, severely restricted the time I could utilise to catch up with friends and other loved ones I haven’t seen in a while, which worsened my anxiety as I often feel guilty for not being a great friend.

But not all summer was bad.

✅ My parents finally moved out!

After years of official complaints to the Urban planning department, talking to journalists about it, endless family meetings, discussions, and plenty of worry and stress, my parents finally moved out of the almost derelict building they lived in. Thankfully, the new minister of Interior came up with a plan on how to resolve this decades-long deeply rooted and complicated issue for all Greek-Cypriot refugees who moved into the houses and block of flats the government built in a haste about 40 years ago. They now live in a rented flat until new blocks of flats are built and offered to them at lower price.

It’s not the ideal solution but we’ll work something out. At least they are now safe and sound.

✅Weekends at the beach and the pool

Although I didn’t manage to go abroad, I had a great bank holiday weekend in Larnaca with boo, followed by many weekends at Protaras beaches and our local pool with friends and family.

✅Family holiday

I genuinely thought we wouldn’t make it this year with everything else happening, but I’m so happy we did. Swimming, playing, laughing, eating out, precious time with family and family friends. Running by the beach, whilst others were fishing or swimming with friends, in the morning was one of my favourite highlights.Two days after we came back from Protaras, our family holiday continued with a lovely excursion to Pedoulas village, spending time with extended family and walking around, enjoying nature.

✅Running and yoga

The constant heatwaves in the last two months were insufferable at times, which made going running difficult, and I had to get up at 5am most of the days I went, but it was totally worth it. It helped me keep my mind clear and maintaing my sanity, as well as my yoga and journaling.

✅ Kept learning

When I first started at my new job and whilst dealing with that life kept throwing at me and my loved ones, I came home and had no energy to do much. I kept learning French on DuoLingo though, and I slowly started a brilliant short course on Mental Health at the workplace on Futurelearn (I’m halfway through and I definitely recommend it, you can find more details here) and signed up to the MBA I won the scholarship for, starting in October. Also I loved my weekend long runs listening to psychology podcasts. My two favourites so far are Speaking of Psychology by the American Psychological Association (APA) and PsychCrunch by the British Psychological Society (BPS).

All in all, a pretty eventful summer, quite stressful at times but still full of cherished memories and experiences.

Eleni

Mental Health Mondays – 17. Private and Work Selves

A few days ago, during a meeting, I came across a man who spoke and smiled eerily similarly to Doros, a dear family friend who was brutally beaten to death last January, in his attempt to defend a friend, who was bullied by her neighbours. The cruel way he died traumatised all of us and we still to this day find it hard to process.

Though I didn’t let it affect my work, I felt a bit sad and unease for the rest of the day.

I’m sharing this because it’s important to remember that no matter what we do, our personal lives affect our working ones (and vice versa of course) and that’s OK, as long as we recognise when that happens and why (self awareness is paramount) and we don’t take it out on others!

There might be days that we struggle and we take things easy, and others we push through to make it through the day, so always remind yourself that your employees, colleagues or boss quite often face the same emotional turmoil at any given day.

#work #mentalhealth #worklife #personallife

Mind Matters- How we experience anxiety

We all experience anxiety differently. Some get nauseous and have panic attacks. Others can’t stay still.

For me it’s that constant worry and churning feeling in my stomach, my heart beating faster, grinding my teeth at night and feeling drained.

But it’s not always obvious. Some of us hide the symptoms, some can’t. It doesn’t really matter. What is important is to be able to recognise the symptoms, our own and in others, so we can help them, but to also be aware that just because someone doesn’t show any signs, that doesn’t mean they don’t suffer!

I’ve created a simple factsheet about anxiety in Greek and in English, for anyone to use to raise awareness. Feel free to share it with friends and colleagues.

How do you experience anxiety?

Namaste

Eleni

Mental Health Mondays – 16. What you resist persists.

Ever since my ex-employer called me in their office and announced to me, with no previous warning, that he wouldn’t require my services anymore for now (the unfairness of this still frustrates me, after everything I put up with, but I’m proud I stood up for myself and I didn’t compromise my quality of work and reputation, and that became blindingly obvious after the lovely feedback I got from people I worked with in the last six months), I’ve been ruminating not only on how and why I was fired and on what to do next, and most days I feel overwhelmed.

Overwhelmed with anxiety, frustration, and worry about my finances, on what the best step to move towards what I really want to do as a career and make mental health and wellbeing an essential element of every workplace (Work as a freelance, do another masters, go for a PhD, focus more on research or training? The options are endless.) whilst also trying to navigate the ever so slow and bureaucreatic (and racist) Cyprus system on everything. It takes ages for anything to get done or to find any specific laws or legislations ( the majority of Cypriot government pages include the least amount of information necessary, mainly in Greek!!), from unemployment allowance request to be processed, to finding out how to set up a business, being a freelancer, getting a tax number, sorting out anything legal related to my husband who doesn’t happen to be Cypriot or European. It’s a minefield!

But neither the unfairness of the way I was let go from my job, nor complaining about everything will get me far. What you resist, persists. I can’t win every little battle, so I need to let some things go.

Sometimes we have to be like the water, go around those boulders in the river instead of pushing against them, as a wise woman once advised me and some of my powerhouse of friends.

So I focus on taking it a day at a time and believe that things will just work out. In the meantime I try to enjoy the here and now, my morning runs, my morning yoga, my time with friends, family and loved ones, and be as productive as I can be.

Namaste

Eleni

Mental Health Mondays – 15. May: Mental Health Awareness Month

Happy First of May! How is it May already? I don’t know about you, but my life in the last few months has been unbelievably unpredictable and incredibly stressful at times.

There’s a lot I want to write about in the next few weeks, getting fired for the first time in my life for no particular reason (other than not putting up with unprofessionalism and disorganisation), the stress of looking for a job (and more importantly what to look for) whilst fighting the self-deprecating thoughts that inevitably accompany job search (especially after getting fired) , the brilliant, online, 2-day Mental Health First Aid course by Mental Health First Aid England (MHFA England) I attended right after Easter, getting married, my parents hopefully moving soon out of their almost derelict flat, the completion of my Women Fit For Business (WF4B) and preparing workshops and training on mental health at the workplace, amonst others.

Since May is Mental Health Awareness Month and this year’s theme is anxiety, I’ll kick off the month with sharing what helps me cope with the extreme levels of anxiety I’ve been experiencing lately:

Journaling. I’ve been writing down a short paragraph, a summary of each day, to help me process my thoughts and also to remember what happened each day as prolonged anxiety periods affect (my) memory.
Exercise. Yoga and running help me IMMENSELY to let off some steam, clear my mind, relax, whatever I need at any given moment.
Focusing on one thing at a time and keep reminding myself that I shouldn’t worry about anything I can’t control.
Looking after myself and enjoying little moments. Being in the moment is fundamental in forgeting any other worries.

What helps you cope?

Eleni

Updates (back in action again!)

I haven’t made a video or written a blog or even just sat down with my own thoughts for a while and I’ve really missed it. So I started devoting time to myself again, in an effort to feel in charge and do things I love and not only work (although I do love my job!).

I made a short video and details and you can find details of what I mentioned below.

1. I’m planning to restart my Love to Learn English videos. https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list… Any requests/suggestions on what to cover are welcome!

2. I’ll create a short series of videos with useful expressions in the Cypriot dialect, as requested in a comment. In the meantime, if you need to learn Greek fast, you can use freely available material here: https://www.volutoring.eu/EN/

http://e-mploy-me.eu/log-in/

3. I will try to create more material on my Kopiaste social media https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCtcl…

https://www.instagram.com/kopiaste_/

As always any recommendations, suggestions, comments are welcome!

Stay well and safe.

Namaste

Eleni

This is me

This post is for everyone who might be finding looking for a job amidst the pandemic even more painful, demotivating and soul destroying than it normally is.

Rejection after rejection can make you question yourself, your abilities, your self worth and that’s when you need to remind yourself of all your achievements and what you’ve done so far. I’m quite confident myself especially when it comes to my professional experience and knowledge and I still doubt myself when I can’t find a job. So…

This is me

I speak English and Greek fluently, I guess you can say I’m bilingual as after 11 years speaking mostly in English has caused my brain to think in English first. I also speak a bit of Italian and Spanish.

I have a LOT of qualifications (BA in Psychology, MSc Research Methods in Psychology, Qualification in Occupational Psychology, Occupational Testing, PRINCE2 Foundation and Practitioner, Online marketing fundamentals, CELTA) and during my 12 year work experience so far I accumulated a number of skills and knowledge in varied areas e.g. data analysis, reporting, event planning, research, promotional campaigns, teaching English etc.

I also volunteered for charities and in my free time I write (on this very blog as well as my travel blog I recently started kopiastekopiaste.wordpress.com), I love photography, making videos and I know a bit about digital marketing.

It helps to remind myself how far I’ve come and noone and nothing can take away my skills, knowledge and achievements from me. Comparing myself to others can only make me feel worse, we don’t all have the same opportunities, financial support and flexibility. I did the best I could with what I had and I continue to do so.

I’d also like to think that the right job will come at the right time and everything will just work out. Whatever I end up doing next, it might not be what I’m looking for, but I’m sure I’ll learn from it as much as possible. I may have to wait a little longer than I thought though and that’s OK.

I’m still the same capable, confident, knowledgeable individual.

If anyone’s interested in hiring me I can conduct research, occupational testing, create content, write articles, translate, manage social media accounts, teach English and above all help others. I’d love to work for the UN one day!

If this post helps even one person who’s in a similar position, I’ll be over the moon. Feel free to share your ‘This is me’ story, I’d love to watch it.

I made a video with the longer version of the blog. If you make a video too, tag me in so I can watch and share 🙂

Stay safe and well, wear your mask and remember, it’s okay not to be okay.

Namaste

Eleni

The most ridiculous job interview I ever had.

A hot (45 degrees Celsious), September, Thursday afternoon somewhere in Nicosia, Cyprus.

I’m at the offices of a huge commercial organisation to have an interview for their digital sales executive position, a job I didn’t apply for. But I’m here so I can get some experience in job interviews in Cyprus, speaking in Greek. I never had a job interview in Greek for a professional role and I’m feeling a bit nervous.

How did I end up here?

I had applied for a simple office admin job at a radio station which is part of the same organisation but that position had been filled and the woman I sent my application to gave me a call to inform me that though they had already hired someone for that job, she forwarded my CV to another department for a position they had available. A day later I received a call from another lady to set up an interview. She just told me the title of the job I’d be interviewing for, Digital Sales Executive, and we arranged date and time.

I knew nothing else. She didn’t give me any details and there was no job description on their website, only a couple of lines and by looking at those, I wasn’t sure why I was invited for an interview. Here’s the translated ad (and the original ad underneath it):

The x organisation are looking for a full-time digital sales executive, someone with a pleasant personality and a degree in Marketing, Communication, Mass Media, PR or other relevant fields (I do have a pleasant personality, if I say so myself, no idea how they would know that though, but I have no degree in any of those fields, only a Google digital marketing certificate anyone could obtain online).

Experience required in:

Back Office (organisation)

Digital Marketing

Sales

(I have no experience in any. I worked in an office in the UK but I’m not quite sure what back office entails.)

After a 20 minute wait (I had a chat about anything and everything with the receptionist, she was really sweet), I met my interviewer, a 34 year old man, who by the end of the interview I’m not sure if I was angry with or felt sorry for.

So why was the most ridiculous interview ever? Well, maybe it wouldn’t be if you lived in Cyprus I guess, but for someone who only had interviews in the UK, I’ve never experienced anything like it.

Too many and too personal questions. Not only I was asked how I old I was, whether I was married/single/had children but also WHY I was single. Why would an employer should know why I’m not seeing anyone? I politely explained to him that I had no need to be with someone to be happy, I was happy on my own. I wish I had told him that it was none of his business instead.
He clearly had not read my CV. He wasn’t aware of most of the information that was on my resume. He had no idea I spent last year in Italy teaching English or that I worked as a data analyst for years, or that I had a range of different qualifications, or even that I had a digital marketing certificate, the only relevant diploma to that job. These are just some examples of his ignorance.
‘Where do you see yourself in 10 years?’ Emm, hopefully not dead from Coronavirus, I should have said. I think this question is pointless anyway, but it’s usually ‘Where do you see yourself in 5 years?’ not 10 years. After he saw the shock on my face and me explicitly expressing it as the first words I managed to utter was ’10 years??? I honestly have no idea’, he followed up with ‘What about 5 years?’. I couldn’t but just be honest. ‘I’m honestly not sure, I just came back to Cyprus and I’m exploring my options, who knows where I’ll be in 5 years’. I couldn’t lie and pretend I imagined myself as a Digital Sales Executive, a job I only knew very few things about I found out myself through Google and during the interview.
Arrogance. I’m all up for being confident and loving myself, I’m a huge advocate of that but I detest arrogance and boasting. Any opportunity he had, he demonstrated how amazing he was at his job, how he interviewed over 300 candidates just to find the right one (how on earth he found time to interview 300 people I have no idea, I suspect he might have exaggerated). He also claimed after I told him I’d be honest with him and was not really sure what I’d like to do next that he’d knew if I lied. He is THAT good, he can detect lies (ironically it seems I spotted his lies instead). When I asked him what the benefits of the job was, he just narrated his work history and of course how he was so talented at everything, that’s where he ended up where he is now.
Pointless questions. ‘What salary would you be happy with ?’ I replied with asking the average salary for a digital sales executive, but apparently there isn’t one, maybe I should have asked for 2 grand a month. ‘Persuade me, do some sales, sell yourself, why should I hire you?’ How can I sell something I know little about, how can I try to convince someone who came across so arrogant and unprofessional to hire me for a job I didn’t apply for? I can’t really remember what I answered, I was just thinking how ridiculous the whole interview was and I couldn’t wait for it to end.

From what I understood he was going to ask me for a second interview but he wasn’t sure I really wanted to be a Digital Sales Executive and I’d stay in that job for long. The truth is I didn’t know whether I wanted to be one, but I knew if I worked for this man, we would argue all the time. I have 11 year long work experience. I’m a responsible professional adult. I wasn’t treated like one at the interview and I doubt I would have been if I had been hired.

I received no follow up phone call. It seems that they don’t let you know if you were successful after an interview in Cyprus. It happened on one more occasion since this interview. I personally find it incredibly rude, as in any other job I went for an interview I was notified either by phone or email of the outcome.

So here it is. That’s the most ridiculous job interview I ever had. I had a couple of interviews since and they were OK, with no awkwardness and silly questions, which reassured me that interviews like that won’t happen that often (I hope).

Did you have any similar experience? Any inappropriate or irrelevant questions you were asked, you’d like to share? I’d love to hear.

Eleni

What do I want to be now I grew up?

‘What do you want to be when you grow up?’ everyone would ask when I was a child, a teenager, a young adult.

The answer differed as I grew up. A doctor, a singer, an actress, a teacher, a psychologist, a travel writer.

And when I grew up, I became none of these. I’m not even sure what I became.

A year ago I quit my office job, I left the UK, got a CELTA, taught English in Italy for a year and now I’m back home to Cyprus after 10 years and I have no clue what to do next. It’s exciting, in theory I can do anything but I’m mostly terrified and worried I’m too old, I’ll run out of money and end up nowhere.

We were brought up to believe that by the time we hit 30 we would have tried a few different jobs and settled on a career and be happy with that one dream job, or at least be happy enough to stay in a job indefinitely.

But a single career path is not for everyone and not always the case. A lot of successful people in pretty much every field changed careers when they were older and wiser or kept changing careers or juggled more than one jobs until they died.

What do I want to be now I grew up?

I’m one of those people. Not a successful one, not yet anyway but there’s so many paths I’d like to follow but it’s impossible to try them all and even harder to stick to one or two.

Some are technically, and by technically I mean financially, not possible. One of the occupations I always wanted to go into was counselling. But I can’t afford another qualification. I can’t even ask for a loan as I’m now back to Cyprus and all the excellent credit score I built up for years in the UK won’t help me much here. Do I even want to have a debt?

Should I continue with EFL teaching? I could but my first year though rewarding, was exhausting and had zero time for myself, my friends or to travel. And should I risk going to another country and end up locked inside teaching online because of this pandemic’s unpredictable course?

I could become a writer. The idea of writing a fantasy/crime novel always excited me or a raw honest non-fiction on how society, social status and let’s face it wealth (or perhaps lack of) can and has for generations embedded a deep fear of failure especially in women. It’s always tougher for a woman, let alone one with no savings or family money to have ambitions and not let disappointment take over.

I sadly not only realised that for myself (after years of deep self-exploration) but I see it in dear friends and family who are better in what they do than others who might have become famous or run their own business but they are too shy or lack the confidence to ask or go for more.

That’s why the majority of politicians, business owners, celebrities and so on come from wealthy or at least upper-middle class families with connections and financial support making it easier to succeed.

I should believe in myself more, but at the moment I am crippled by my own insecurities and fears.

So what do I know about myself when it comes to my next career step now that I’m on those crossroads?

I don’t want to be stuck in an office 9-5, I’d love to travel and most importantly I’d be over the moon if what I do for a living helps others in any way.

Unfortunately volunteering doesn’t pay and living with my parents after 10 years living on my own is tough. I need my own space to keep growing and figure out what to do next.

For now, I’ll keep pushing myself to do more, trust myself and try not to stress about money and work and in the meantime if you have any personal inspirational stories or any piece of advice, please do share!

Namaste

Eleni

Blogmas day 18- the Last 2018 SSU staff choir performance

One of the best decisions I ever made, at an unknowingly *pivotal moment in my life was to join the Lunchtime Glee club, a group of colleagues coming together once a week for an hour of laughter and singing, the best remedy to uplift us, especially after a long, busy day at work.

Five year later and since then Lunchtime Glee has grown and became Singforce, and our SSU choir is part of a huge staff choir network all around Hampshire, I’ve made wonderful friends and though we are only doing this for fun we got to perform not only at events across the University including the Staff Awards and the Graduation flashmob but also at events all over Southampton, at the Mayflower Gala, the Annual One Sound choir collab shows (Turner Sims was probably my favourite) and John Lewis to name a few.

Our last 2018 performance was today, at the VC Christmas reception at the Spark. We couldn’t hear the music well so it wasn’t our best, but it was the perfect end to a wonderful year for our SSU staff choir. Thank you to my lovely Helen for the snap.

Thank you Dan for all you do for us, I love our choir family.

Eleni

*(Pivotal moment in my life: Lunchtime Glee through Dan led me to Sing Now, a community choir I was part for almost two years, which brought my bestie, Sheba in my life and many many other amazing friends and memories and helped me realise and get out of a dead end relationship, that’s the short story version)