love – Page 8 – Lessons I learned after I turned 30

Love, not hate. And take mental health seriously! When will this stop???

I made some time to write this post, because I felt the need to express my thoughts in more than 140 characters or a long Facebook post…

In the last week, two events deeply upset me and saddened me.

Three days ago a man decided to load 2 guns and kill 50 innocent people and injure many more who were having fun at a nightclub in Orlando… I’ve read a lot about this man. He was mentally unstable, used to beat his ex-wife, he was interviewed by the police in the past… but nothing was able to stop him from murdering innocent people…

Why? To prove what? What did he achieve? We live in 2016… how long will it take to finally extinguish homophobia/islamophobia/phobia of anything??? What does it matter what race/sexual orientation/religion/(add anything else you can think of) you are?

Nobody is better than anyone. We all come from the same place, share similar DNA, we are all in a sense cousins. But we are different too, and that’s what makes us special and unique! But it doesn’t make us better or worse than each other. And this madness needs to stop.

Yesterday, MP Jo Cox was stubbed and shot to death… I don’t know much about her but from the little I read, she was an amazing person. Although it doesn’t matter even if she wasn’t. Nobody deserves to be stubbed and shot to death, not even the worst of the worst of people, let alone a talented, powerful woman, mother and wife doing the job she loved. At the time I am writing this it’s still not clear why her attacker did this… but it seemed he was mentally unstable and disagreed with her political views…

Her husband posted one of the most heartbreaking and inspiring messages I’ve ever read, it’s worth reading… (https://twitter.com/guardiannews/status/743488399651250176).

My deep and sincere condolences to Brendan Cox, their family and everyone who lost a family member, a friend, a lover, a soulmate, a mate, a wife, a husband, a colleague in Orlando…

I can understand how hatred can blur someone’s sanity. To a degree… I don’t hate anyone, but I overreacted to situations and was upset with people as we all do. But I NEVER ever wished for anyone to get hurt, let alone die.

Nothing good comes out of hate. NOTHING! I feel sad every time I hear about a shooting or innocent people getting killed for whatever reason. And don’t forget all the innocent souls who die in countries such as Syria every single day…

There is another IMPORTANT issue that needs addressing… When will mental health be finally given the importance it deserves??? There must be a way to help people who struggle with mental issues before they reach the point of killing another human being!!!!

I hope that humanity and love will prevail. I’ll never stop believing in forgiveness and love. Because that’s what makes us humans. That’s what discriminates us from other animals. We have a brain for thinking and a heart (well brain again, but let’s not get into science) for feeling! And I hope that WE (society/government/world) will one day be able to give mental and emotional support to everyone who needs it!

I sincerely hope one day all this will stop. So my message/advice of the day: forgive, love and don’t judge, don’t hate anyone or anything you don’t agree with or don’t understand!!! Holding grudges or hating anything or anyone will only poison your mind…

And take mental health seriously!

I’ll finish this post with a powerful sentence from Jo Cox’s husband’s message…

“Hate doesn’t have a creed, race or religion, it is poisonous…”

A special hug to everyone today…

Love you all xx

Last few days of my 20s….

The last couple of days I’m in my 20s..

The last few days I’ve been thinking a lot about turning 30. Some of you might have went through a similar phase. I was talking to a friend today who just turned 30 and he felt the same as I did. Yeah, I know. I don’t look or feel old and I am blessed to have the freedom to do whatever I want because I have no responsibilities or ties anywhere. I don’t feel bad, but I guess I feel a bit nostalgic and the fact I am turning 30, I can’t help but think about my life so far.

Thinking about the last 10 years, oh my. There have been so many amazing moments! Happy and sad, accidents, births, deaths, celebrations,weddings, funerals, parties, relationships, friendships, surprises, lots of surprises… a good mixture of everything!

My uni years were probably the best years of my life so far…

I might not have spent too much time reading books, watching movies or studying (at least I graduated with good grades!) but God we had fun and we did some crazy things! Laughed and cried so much and made friends for life!!

Then I don’t know what happened. My plan was to stay in the UK after I finish my masters and become a successful psychologist (although I had no idea in what field). Plans hey? That’s why I don’t make any long term plans… they never go as you think they’d do.

But then I met my ex boyfriend. I guess love makes you take decisions you wouldn’t normally take… and do things you wouldn’t normally do… I fell in love so hard that all I wanted was to be with him whatever it took. So I spent the last 7 years trying but didn’t really know what I was trying for. We had amazing time together and I’ll always cherish our relationship and all the nice moments we had and take the lessons I learned from all the bad moments…

But I got lost, he got lost, we both got lost… we lost ourselves and forgot what it really mattered in life… to just be ourselves and enjoy every moment. I don’t know if our paths will ever meet again, but I really hope he is well and happy.

I always found it weird how you can become complete strangers with people you were so close, friends or lovers, from one day to the other … but with other people no matter what happens, however long you haven’t talked or wherever in the world they are, you are always close and every time you talk or see each other, nothing feels different. I guess that’s true love. It never goes away, does it?

I’ve already talked about my past, I won’t share any more, but two things I learned over and over and over again:

1. You never know what life will throw at you and you can’t prepare yourself. You learn as you go along… And I’ve learned and grown and I’m finally at a place I’m happy with my life.

2.Life is really too short! Most of us hope that will live until we are 90 and die happy in our sleep, but that’s not what life has in store for all of us. Only a week ago a cyclist lost his life just outside work. He was ran over by a lorry. And it got me, it really did. Not only because I felt deeply sad this person lost his life and I couldn’t even imagine how his family and the lorry driver were coping, but also because I realised once again how short and fragile life is. Now every time I pass by or happen to look on that very spot, I always remind myself how short life is and that nothing is worth dwelling on.

My life changed dramatically so many times, especially the last year and it’s still changing as we speak. This month has been crazy so far! I honestly don’t know what to expect any more. Even if I meet an alien I won’t be surprised!

A year ago, even 6 months ago, although I knew my relationship was about to end, I thought what I really wanted to do for my 30th was to spend it in New York with the love of my life (yeah, yeah hopeless romantic). I always wanted to go, it was on the top of the list of the hundreds of places I want to see before I die and I wanted to go with my man.

But not any more. I still want to go and I will one day. It might be with the love of my life, or my best friends, or old friends, or new friends, or on my own or I might even get a job there, who knows! But right now it’s not a priority.

My wise friend reminded me yesterday that we will always have responsibilities and there is no point waiting for the right time to do what you really want to do. ‘Cause there is no better time than now! And she is absolutely right! Whatever you want to do, just do it. If you don’t like how your life it is right now, then change it!

For me, it’s not about materialistic things and achieving long term goals, it’s always been about people and experiences. And that’s why my cover photo is not of places I’ve been or things I bought, but it’s all about people and love and having fun… so now the emotional part (yes, I teared up whilst writing this, I am so lucky to have amazing people in my life!).

I am grateful for all the experiences, good and bad, happy and painful, of the last 10 years. I enjoyed my 20s and I have no regrets… I want to say thank you to all my friends and family for everything you have done for me, for loving me for who I am and being there for me no matter what, even when I was a right mess! I love you all to the moon and back and those of you I don’t see often, you know I love you and you are always in my heart… apologies for non-Greek speakers for the next paragraph…

Σας αγαπώ όλους πάρα πολυ, φίλους, οικογένεια, τους γονείς μου, το αρφούι μου, το παπάκι μου, θείους, θείες, ξαδέρφια. Σας ευχαριστώ απο τα βάθη της ψυχής μου για όλες τις υπέροχες στιγμές και αναμνήσεις αλλά και τα δύσκολα που περάσαμε μαζί. Ευχαριστώ που ήσασταν και είστε πάντα δίπλα μου. ( Και ναι αρφουι, εκλαμουριστηκα!)

I don’t feel old… and I wouldn’t like to go back in time. I like the person I’ve become and the life I built so far. I feel a bit sad my 20s are over but I am excited about the new era coming… It’s a fresh start in all aspects of my life. Workwise, personal life, emotionally, spiritually and I can’t wait to find out what the future brings!

I’ll get to spend my 30th birthday with two special peeps wandering around and having fun, getting into all sorts of adventures, my favourite thing to do !!! Next time I’ll post I’ll be officially a 30 year old! Eeek!

Love you all! x

Do this simple exercise…

I recently had an amazing experience I can’t fully share for various reasons.

But I’ll ask you to think… if you could choose three things, any three things, group of people, concepts, objects, activities, anything that you can’t live without…what would these three things be?

Now… try and put them in order from the least to most important…

And now imagine if you lost the thirst most important?

The second most important??

The most important???

How would you feel??

That’s how hundreds of thousands of people who have lost some or everything in life feel right now. It makes you think doesn’t it?

These are my three:

3. Friends. I absolutely adore my friends. They are amazing human beings who I can’t live without. They’ve been there for me at my best and worst and I’ve been at their best and worst. I love you all. I feel lucky to have you in my life.

2. Family. What more can I say. I love my family to death. I’ve been blessed to have an incredible family, close and extended and I’d be devastated if anything was to happen to them.

1. Love. Love of my family, my friends. Love for what I do every day. Love for people. Love for life. Just love.

I feel incredibly lucky and blessed to have all three.

This simple exercise reminded me not to be judgemental. You never know what others are going through.

It reminded me not to take anything for granted and appreciate life more….

I hope it has done the same for you.

Love you all x

A day of reflection…

Today it’s been a day of reflection…

After an amazing week back home and an awesome evening last night, ‘holiday’ blues got me.

But it’s been an amazing day chatting with friends reflecting on life. And the sunshine made everything better.

It’s not I don’t feel happy. I do. But I feel unsettled… And I can’t figure out why. I am getting over a lot of things, so I can’t put my finger on what it is. I am not sure what I really want in life. Move to Australia for a year? Save money and change careers?Volunteer in Africa? Settle down and have a child? The options are endless…

I might need to change myself, or I might need a major change in my life, move away for a while, reset and come back.

Ask yourself, what it is that makes you feel unsettled/unhappy/bored? When you figure it out, you are halfway there. Then you’ll know what to do and do whatever it takes…take your chances, what’s the worst it can happen?

What it really matters though is to be happy right now. I wouldn’t like to wait a year or two saving money but not enjoying the present, just to do something else later on. I’ve made that mistake before. Living in the moment is the way forward!

But then again, I wouldn’t like to rush into things. I’ve made that mistake too and it didn’t end well.

It’s difficult to find a balance. But I will get there. Having options in life and not knowing what might come up next is very exciting!

Being scared of getting hurt again or being too cautious carries the danger of missing out amazing opportunities and pushing away lovely human beings who want to be in your life (special thanks to my professor for his amazing advice, he is absolutely right) and I wouldn’t like to miss out because life is too short.

In the last couple of months I became friends with people I’d never thought I would and created special bonds with friends I’d never thought I would. I learned over and over ‘never say never’ so I am open to whatever life brings.

I feel lucky I have amazing friends home and away (and pretty cool colleagues too!) who made today a special day.

Thank you everyone 🙂

It is scary to think about it, but we can die at any time. And if I die tomorrow I’d die happy because I had a nice lunch with Shebz, tasted the most amazing chocolate from NZ and had amazing chats about life with awesome friends.

I’ll leave you with a quote (I do love a good quote):

Life goes on… whether you choose to move on and take a chance in the unknown. Or stay behind locked in the past, thinking of what it could’ve been…

Love you all! x

3 months ago…when I learned I should listen to myself more often and confirmed once more there is no such thing as fate…

DISCLAIMER. It’s not my intention to insult or disrespect anyone, the purpose of this blog is for me to express my thoughts and feelings, and share what I learned with others which I find very therapeutic, and helped me immensely during this transitional period I’m going through. And by sharing what I’ve learned, I hope to help others, that’s the reason I decided to start a blog instead of keeping a diary (and I’ve received amazing feedback so far, thank you everyone).

I don’t think this post shows any disrespect to anyone or exposes anyone’s personal life (except some aspects of mine of course). If some people think that this makes me look selfish, although I don’t agree, I accept that.

I learned a lot from this experience and I think it’s worth sharing (as much as I can without drawing any conclusions and my thoughts on other people) so here it goes…

A month after I broke up life started to get better… I went out often, I had fun, I started planning things I wanted to do, getting Christmassy (I love Christmas!) checking flats to move in after Christmas… I still had bad days but I kept going…

I still believed if my ex and I spent time apart, recuperate and get back to our old selves that we could get back together and live happily ever after… but we agreed it was better to think we’d never get back together … so I made a decision to stay on my own for some time, get back on my own feet and stay away from heart troubles… I was definitely not ready to get into another relationship for a while, I needed time on my own.

But never say never!

I was asked out by this guy, a friend of a friend.

I was flattered but I couldn’t imagine myself falling in love with anyone, so I explained that I only broke up a month ago and I wasn’t ready to get into anything serious. LESSON 15. Listen to your inner voice, it’s usually right! If you feel you are not ready, then it means you are not (This reminded me of something I read in a little gem of a book about mindfulness ”Listen to your inner voice. Remember to trust yourself”)

But after chatting and seeing him a couple of times, I realised we had a lot in common and we got along incredibly well.

Now, I’m not going to go into details on how everything happened… but it’s rare to find someone you have similar interests, enjoy doing the same things, have the same weird sense of humour AND have good chemistry. And I met such a person a month after I broke up. I was made to feel special and everything felt different than anything else I experienced before.

I don’t believe there is such thing as fate, life is random and it’s all down to chance...but I started to doubt my own beliefs, all this swept me off my feet.

Maybe timing wasn’t the best but maybe it was meant to be??

So what do I do?? I was not ready for a relationship but staying away from him proved difficult.

Everything happened very fast…too fast for me.. Was I in a relationship again within weeks???? LESSON 16. NEVER rush into anything…

I was absolutely petrified. I didn’t want to get hurt or hurt him… I found it hard to accept someone I only knew for a couple of weeks was so sure about this so soon…I kept having doubts about our feelings for each other. I kept trying to put him off because I wanted to make sure his feelings were real…

During all this I was going through grief (which I never really had time to process and still haven’t fully recovered from that horrible week although writing about it and getting amazing messages helped A LOT), getting over a 7 year relationship (which left me with LOTS of issues), moving on my own for the first time in my life (which was not easy) and dealing with my ex’s pain (which was painful for me too). And I’ve told this new guy, Craig all I was going through…

I am truly sorry for hurting my ex… and I sincerely apologise for this. I never intended too. I did what I thought was best for me. Although our 7 year relationship didn’t work out, I love and care about him, he is an amazing person and he deserves to be happy…

So I had a lot of emotional, dark moments, doubts, outbursts, overreacting… And there were moments I didn’t like myself… And there were moments that I was sad and I cried… I was going through so much, so there were days I broke down. I wasn’t myself all of the time, sometimes I was the shadow of myself…

And although I am not perfect, –no one is!- I do love myself and the person I am because (ET) yourself is all you got and you should be comfortable in your own skin. If you don’t love and accept yourself as you are no one else will! And if you love yourself, you don’t need anyone else to be happy (most of the time, we are social creatures afterall!)…

Fast forward to a week ago…

After a difficult, emotional week (during which I had to go to my old place for the last time to pick up the last few things, overreacting to situations, crying, started smoking again-and quit after a week, yes I’m that strong! back to smelling amazing again) I decided to put aside my worries and do something I haven’t done for a long time…

And, although afterwards I felt like a fool, I don’t regret it, because I pushed myself out of my comfort zone, I overcame my fear of bearing my feelings and putting myself out there with the risk of getting hurt. Not sure I am willing to do that again anytime soon…

But it was already over for him… And when he ended it… I overreacted, which is never good! All the pain, grief and anger I had inside building up for the last 6 months, burst out. I felt deeply disappointed, hurt and sick! I wanted to forget all this ever happened.

During my outburst I might have hurt him, unintentionally… And I sincerely apologise for that but I was hurt…

That’s why I didn’t want to get hurt again, not that it would have been too difficult to get over someone I only knew for a couple of months but I knew that another heartbreak will bring out all the pain and issues I’ve been trying to deal with the last couple of months. And it did. Now I have to deal with what I haven’t dealt with because I got into another relationship straight away.

But I don’t regret this, because (ET) all the experiences in my life taught me something valuable and made me who I am today and I can’t and wouldn’t change that so I don’t want to regret anything that happened. And I don’t regret meeting this person. We had amazing time together, we enjoyed being with each other, we had fun and lots of laughs, we made each other happy… for a while…

Maybe it wasn’t special and different after all (we didn’t even get to know each other that well), but that’s how it felt at the time and that’s why I went for it.

Would it have made any difference if we waited 6 months ? Maybe…or maybe not.

Should have I hidden my pain, doubts and worries and pretend I was OK? No, because I wanted to be honest and I needed to find myself and deal with my issues, not avoid them. If I had done that, they would all have come out later on.

Was he the right person? I don’t know, I am not even sure if there is such thing as right person. Was it the right time? Definitely not.

When 2 people break up, they are both at fault, they both made mistakes. I am not going to get into what I think his mistakes were. But my mistake was that I wasn’t ready for a relationship and I should have been more cautious and take time out for myself before I got involved into anything.

LESSON 17. I learned that I need to listen to myself more and not believe everything I’m told … And I again reminded myself ‘Never say never’!

So now what? It’s been a week but I still feel numb. What happened doesn’t make complete sense to me but it doesn’t matter. It wouldn’t made a difference, it’s over. LESSON 18. Not everything in life makes sense, just let it go!

But it definitely put me off any quests for love. No more Ex’s and Oh’s!

What matters is that life goes on. I don’t want to waste any more time being sad. And I try my best not to…I am not going to pretend that I’m OK now, because I’m not all the time, there are times I can’t help it, there is a lot to process and get over (the last 6 months haven’t been easy for me) and it can be overwhelming sometimes (remember the Kubler-Ross stages of grief? I think I am now at the depression stage… but acceptance comes next!) but there are days that I laugh and I’m happy.

And today, I feel happy!

I need to get over my grief and pain I avoided for months, learn how to control my feelings again (which I’am already better at, yeay me!), find myself, heal, have a place I can call home and… just have fun, wander around in cities and countries with no worry in the world, try new things, spend time with friends, make new friends, enjoy every moment! And stay away from men!

Lesson 19. Every day is a new day, and your past doesn’t determine you (but remember what has taught you!). From this moment, right now, you can be whoever you want to be.

But it’s OK not to be OK all the time, on those days, take it a day at a time and remember all the lovely people who love you for what you are, that’s what helps me 🙂

Next post…. THE PRESENT- GETTING READY TO GO HOME- HERE COMES THE SUN TURURURU!!!

4 months ago… part 4… the end of my life as I knew it…

24th of October, 2015. Saturday…

I spent all day keeping busy, getting ready to come back home, get a job, fix my relationship…

I managed not to cry the whole day, but after saying goodbye to my sisters at the airport, I broke down. I cried a lot on my own that day at the airport. That’s when I realised that I can’t control my feelings any more. I still to the day can’t. I overreact when I’m in pain because there is still so much pain inside. And overreacting is never good, I’d come to regret that later on…

My ex came to pick me up from the airport. I knew the moment I saw him that something bothered him. It took us a long time to get back home from the airport (bloody roadworks!) and I had this horrific headache so we spent most of the time in silence.

As soon as I went home, I had a shower and tried to sleep. I wouldn’t have had a good night sleep for weeks after that…

25th of October, Sunday…

I woke up early, I couldn’t sleep much anyway… I unpacked everything, did some cleaning and then he woke up.

And we had a chat. He wanted us to break up. I just broke down into tears (I do that a lot since then). I knew the relationship was not going well, I knew we needed time apart… I knew I agreed with him.

Lesson 10. Being in a relationship is not easy… Being honest and openly discussing everything what worries you with your other half is vital…

We needed time apart to find ourselves again, to become who we used to be before the relationship and the circumstances changed us and made us unhappy … Before I stopped being myself, open, chatty, confident…

LESSON 11. Your happiness does not depend solely on another person. Your happiness comes from you. Before you get into any relationship or if you are in a relationship, make sure you have separate lives and you are happy with your life regardless of that person. Being in a relationship should make you happier but it shouldn’t be your only source of happiness!

I felt I lost the ground under my feet… I was in grief, unemployed and single… My life as I knew it had ended in minutes. LESSON 12. Don’t take anything for granted. Your life can change in a second!

But I put my strong face on and the same night I went out with Shebz to a choir social and I tried to have as much fun as I could, because I thought life is too short, I needed to get out and not stay at home, cry and be miserable… Life goes on no matter what…

4 months ago… part 3… the funeral and the week after

18th of October, 2015… Sunday…

It was a miserable day for the whole family. I felt numb. I couldn’t comprehend what happened the night before. I kept my emotions in for so long, I was about to burst, but I held them in. I knew I had to be strong for the rest of the family.

We all spent the whole day at home, making arrangements for the funeral which was the next day. We didn’t talk much, we barely ate, we barely slept.

19th of October 2015, Monday

On Monday morning my cousin called me. She wanted me to read a few words she wrote at the funeral, a eulogy for her mum. We talked about it months ago and I agreed to do it because she knew she wouldn’t be able to do it herself. Living away helped me be calmer and more composed and I had to remain calm and composed once more.

She sent me the text (it’s in Greek but if anyone wants a translation, I’d be happy to do it ΕΠΙΚΗΔΕΙΟΣ (2)) and I’ve read it aloud a couple of times, to prepare myself. I managed to hold my tears during most of it but I always broke down towards the end of it. I knew I had to try my best at the funeral.

It was a warm, sunny day although it was the middle of October. We went to church at 3pm.

She arrived… she looked like an angel heavily asleep, so beautiful and peaceful. I broke down a couple of times. But every time I did, I managed to recover fast, I had to. I needed to make it through the day…

The church was full of people who loved her… Everyone she knew came to pay their respect to this beautiful person. It was very moving to see all of these people there. It was an emotional ceremony run by 12 priests…

2015-10-19 13.14.03

The worst part was kissing her goodbye. It was a tragic moment for all of us but especially for my grandpa, her dad…

And then it was time for me to read the Eulogy. I stood in front of everyone, next to the coffin. My voice trembled, my mouth was dry. For the first time in my life my legs went numb and I felt I would faint at any minute. But I kept looking at her picture throughout the ceremony and in my head I imagined her saying to me ‘You can do it, do it for me, I know you can’.

And I did. I managed to read all of it until the end. I broke down briefly when I caught with the corner of my eye her son breaking down. But I kept going. And I made it. When I was done I ran into my cousin’s arms and let my tears out. It was one of the most difficult things I’ve done in my life… and I’m proud of myself that I managed to do it.

After that, the cemetery. What bizarre places cemeteries are. Haunting but peaceful…

There was a lot of crying and sobbing and shouting… And after that we all gathered at my grandpa’s house (I am not even going to talk about how my grandpa was on that day, I can’t even imagine how it feels to lose your child). And we all shared lovely stories, kids were running around, we caught up with relatives who hadn’t seen for years and we all had a laugh, celebrating her life.

LESSON 9 That moment I realised once again that life goes on no matter what.

Deep inside I knew all this left a big scar and I needed time to heal. I feel I still haven’t had the time to do that (more on that later). Kubler Ross five stages of grief (they apply to different situations, not just death but also breakups, divorces etc) keep popping into my head since then. Denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance… I am not sure on which stage I am, but I have not reached acceptance yet…

My family and I spent most of the rest of the week at home. Everyone started going back to work, trying to move on the best they could. And things between me and my ex whilst I was away were deteriorating so I knew it was time for me to pick up my pieces, go back home and sort my life out.

Rest in Peace my lovely aunt Anna… you’ll always be in my heart…

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4 months ago…part 2… dedicated to my aunt Anna…

LESSON 6 and the most important one: ENJOY EVERY MOMENT, YOU NEVER KNOW IF IT WILL BE YOUR LAST ONE. IF YOU DIE TOMORROW, AT LEAST YOU’LL DIE HAPPY!

17th of October, 2015… A day I will never forget…

My ex drove me to the airport on that Saturday morning. We were both lost in our own thoughts and worries… It was one of the longest drives ever but I tried to follow my own advice… take a day at a time and focus on the present (which is easier said than done, I know).

Throughout the 4.5 hour flight I tried to mentally prepare myself of what was I about to face. The plan was to drive straight from the airport to the hospital at 9pm as my beloved aunt’s life was hanging by a thread…She smiled when they told her I was going…I really wanted to see her before she died…

My cousin warned me that what I was going to see wasn’t pretty, my aunt wasn’t breathing on her own, she couldn’t talk, only blink and sigh, her body started to melt, she was full of jaundice… But for me she was still my aunt and I wanted to see her and tell her that I’m there and that I love her…

I kept thinking how difficult life she had. Back in 1974, during the Turkish invasion in Cyprus she was captured by the Turks, when she was only 15 years old, and luckily a kind-hearted officer dressed her up as an old lady so she doesn’t get raped and helped her escape.

She was intelligent, loved reading, she was one the best students in her class and she got a place at a Greek university to study French. But just before she was about to go, she met the man she loved until her last breath, (even after all that he’s done to her) and decided to get married and have a family instead.

After her husband abandoned her, she was left on her own, with no money, no food. At some point a snake sneaked in the house and no one could do anything about it, she spent sleepless nights worrying..

She suffered a lot, I won’t get into more details but she didn’t feel true happiness for years…

She was a loving person who adored everyone and always wanted to make everyone else happy…putting her self last.

LESSON 7- Love yourself and do whatever makes you happy. It’s not selfish to think about yourself first, it’s essential.

And after all she’s been through, she was diagnosed with terminal cancer. And she suffered immense pain for a whole year. But through all of this she never complained and until the end she only thought about others. She didn’t deserve this horrible end. No one does. CANCER SUCKS!

She loved to cook and take care of everyone. She made the best pastitsio and keftedes!

She always started the beautiful text messages she used to sent to me with ‘To my beloved Eleni… ‘ and ended with ‘Love, your aunt Anna’…

Back to that night.. we drove straight to the hospital…My heart was pounding so loudly I could actually hear it…

I walked into the room… I couldn’t believe that person was my aunt, she looked like someone else, what was left of her after cancer and chemotherapies, hormone therapies, radiotherapies, liver failure, kidney failure… I don’t want and can’t describe in great detail what I’ve seen, I will only say she looked like a person dying… that image and that smell will always be in my memory. My voice was trembling, my mouth was dry… I managed to say ‘Hi, I’m here’ …

My cousin (who was pregnant at the time) started shouting ‘ She is not breathing, she is not breathing’. My aunt’s ex-husband and daughter in law were next door waiting for the nurses to finish changing her clothes and bedsheets.. they didn’t know …

She died just 10 minutes before we got there… She died on her own.

LESSON 8- Tell the people you love and care about how you feel about them often, you never know when it’s the last time you see them.

I feel in my heart that’s what she wanted… she didn’t want to die in front of her loved ones, she knew it would be more difficult for them to get over it… so she waited and died whilst the nurses were changing her clothes… The doctor had to run to an emergency call and she didn’t have time to inform the relatives before we arrived… We were the first who saw her dead.

I couldn’t believe she was gone, I couldn’t believe I was 10 minutes late… I kissed her on the forehead and mumbled ‘rest in peace’ I tried hard to hold my tears and comfort my cousin…I kept staring at her… she was finally free from the pain but no longer with us… We sat around for hours until her son arrived (who I hadn’t seen for years), we didn’t want to tell him on the phone that she died…he had a special bond with his mum and he struggled to handle all of this…

That was the worst night of my life… followed by the worst week of my life… Since then with everything else that happened later on(posts to follow) I haven’t been myself..I still sometimes struggle to believe she is gone and I will never see her again…

continues at part 3…

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