life – Page 12 – Lessons I learned after I turned 30

What’s the last message you sent?

I have a hyper active brain, which sometimes make it a bit difficult to switch off at night. And also causes to have the weirdest dreams and wake up with random thoughts.

So I woke up today with this thought:

What’s the last message or last memory you have of people in your life? And if you were not to see them or see you again, is that the last message or memory you want to remember them by?

This reminded me of an episode of HIMYM, when Marshall’s dad died unexpectedly. And when he listened to his dad’s last message to him it was a pocket dial. So Marshall got very upset and felt it was very unfair his dad’s last message was just a pocket dial.

But when his dad realised he called him by mistake, he joked about it, then told Marshall that he enjoyed his visit earlier, and finally told him “I love you.” — then immediately asked for his foot cream as his rash had started to act up again.

See, that’s a beautiful last message.

For most of the people I thought about the last memory is a happy or funny one, and the last message might have been silly but sweet.

But not for everyone that came up to my mind.

So from now on, I’ll make sure that will not happen again.

Enjoy the sunshine! Love you all x

A day of reflection…

Today it’s been a day of reflection…

After an amazing week back home and an awesome evening last night, ‘holiday’ blues got me.

But it’s been an amazing day chatting with friends reflecting on life. And the sunshine made everything better.

It’s not I don’t feel happy. I do. But I feel unsettled… And I can’t figure out why. I am getting over a lot of things, so I can’t put my finger on what it is. I am not sure what I really want in life. Move to Australia for a year? Save money and change careers?Volunteer in Africa? Settle down and have a child? The options are endless…

I might need to change myself, or I might need a major change in my life, move away for a while, reset and come back.

Ask yourself, what it is that makes you feel unsettled/unhappy/bored? When you figure it out, you are halfway there. Then you’ll know what to do and do whatever it takes…take your chances, what’s the worst it can happen?

What it really matters though is to be happy right now. I wouldn’t like to wait a year or two saving money but not enjoying the present, just to do something else later on. I’ve made that mistake before. Living in the moment is the way forward!

But then again, I wouldn’t like to rush into things. I’ve made that mistake too and it didn’t end well.

It’s difficult to find a balance. But I will get there. Having options in life and not knowing what might come up next is very exciting!

Being scared of getting hurt again or being too cautious carries the danger of missing out amazing opportunities and pushing away lovely human beings who want to be in your life (special thanks to my professor for his amazing advice, he is absolutely right) and I wouldn’t like to miss out because life is too short.

In the last couple of months I became friends with people I’d never thought I would and created special bonds with friends I’d never thought I would. I learned over and over ‘never say never’ so I am open to whatever life brings.

I feel lucky I have amazing friends home and away (and pretty cool colleagues too!) who made today a special day.

Thank you everyone 🙂

It is scary to think about it, but we can die at any time. And if I die tomorrow I’d die happy because I had a nice lunch with Shebz, tasted the most amazing chocolate from NZ and had amazing chats about life with awesome friends.

I’ll leave you with a quote (I do love a good quote):

Life goes on… whether you choose to move on and take a chance in the unknown. Or stay behind locked in the past, thinking of what it could’ve been…

Love you all! x

Money and happiness

I was never rich. And I’d probably never be (except if I win the Euromillions!).

My family was never rich. My dad had two jobs since he was 20, even before he met my mum and my mum worked occasionally. I haven’t travelled abroad until I was 19.

But we were never poor either. My amazing parents always tried their best to provide for us and they did. And I owe them a LOT.

Does it really matter though? I had an amazing childhood, raised with love and affection, I had the best uni years, going out with friends and just having fun and that for me is much more important.

I think been raised with not having much makes you a better person. You learn to appreciate people and life more, you learn to stick together through difficult times and care no matter what, you learn how to enjoy the little things.

Money and money worries came up in conversations with friends recently and we all agreed that at the end of the day worrying about money is just waste of time.

Yes, of course we all work to make a living, pay our bills, improve our quality of life. And dealing with financial difficulties is not easy.

But we spend 8 hours a day with our colleagues, who of course we get along with (most of the time) to then spend 2 hours a day and the weekends with the people we love or go on holiday 22 days a year.

I might not afford a brand new car, or 10 holidays a year (although I’d love to, who wouldn’t?) but spending time with the people I love, doing things I enjoy, visiting new places when I can afford to is enough for me.

I just had the most amazing time with friends and family and I wouldn’t change that with anything.

Money is important but can’t buy you friends or love or happiness. What if I could afford to buy a mansion if I were to live there on my own? What if I could travel the world but had no one to share this with?

This is happiness! Your grandpa asking you if he looked alright on the selfie you just took!

I’ll leave you with a quote from one of my favourite children books, the Little Prince. I think adults will benefit if they have a read!

“Grown-ups love figures… When you tell them you’ve made a new friend they never ask you any questions about essential matters. They never say to you “What does his voice sound like? What games does he love best? Does he collect butterflies? ” Instead they demand “How old is he? How much does he weigh? How much money does his father make? ” Only from these figures do they think they have learned anything about him.”

My two homes…

If you are an expat (especially from Cyprus or Greece) ,you might relate to some of my thoughts and feelings about living abroad in your 30s.

For the first time for years, I’ve visited home feeling myself and eager to catch up with friends and people I haven’t seen for years (including the coolest lecturer I ever had and probably the best psychologist at least in Cyprus, if you live in Cyprus and need any advice or support, message me for details!), meet my little prince, my gorgeous godson and explore my homeland, something I haven’t done for years. And it felt amazing. I had the most amazing time (still one day left!) but I missed my second home too.

Millomeri waterfalls, at Platres, just stunning.

If you live abroad, you probably know the feeling. Being back home feels amazing and sometimes I wonder whether I should move back at some point in my life. But then change my mind after a while and you probably understand why.

Being single in your 30s and living abroad is not easy for a small, close society to comprehend. Most of my friends are married and/or have kids and if you are not married you must have heard hundreds of times “You are getting older, you are almost 30, your cousin/sister/random people you don’t even remember/etc are married with kids, when are you getting married?”, “When are you moving back?”.

I’d like to have children at some point, but even if I get too old and that doesn’t happen, it’s not the end of the world. The most important thing in life is to be happy and enjoy life!

It’s difficult for others to accept that living abroad and having goals other than getting married and having a family is possible. And I understand that. This is the how they grew up and for them that is the ultimate goal. But it can become frustrating being given ‘advice’ by everyone, even people who I don’t really know on what to do with my life.

After a week back home, I caught up with my best friends (sorry about the rest, I promise I will make it up next time!), met amazing people including probably the only 30 year old (ridiculously multitalented singer) who has a different mindset to most (guess what? he lived abroad for years!), spent quality time with family and even squeezed some time to go on day adventures. But it wasn’t enough. I could use another week or two. Then again, it never really feels enough. I will always miss my family and my friends.

On the other hand, I don’t think I can move back here permanently. I now have a second home which I miss dearly when I’m here. I miss my friends, my colleagues, my own space, my own life.

I now have no ties in Southampton or even the UK. I can move anywhere in the world, literally anywhere! And of course never say never. I have no idea how my life will evolve and where I might be this time next year.

But Southampton feels like home, even with all the changes in the last couple of months. And I can’t wait to go back and try new things, catch up with my friends, have my first mini holiday with Shebz (I missed you!!!) to initiate the celebrations of me becoming 30, make changes which I decided for once, and just have fun!

The lesson I’ve learned? Don’t get upset or take into serious consideration what other think is right for you. You know best, so trust yourself!

And the best advice I’ve received, from my 80 year old grandpa after I told him I broke up with my partner of 7 years (he easily forgets so he politely asked about him) “Are you happy? That’s all it matters!”

Love you all! x

A quick update before I go on holiday…

Hi lovelies!

I would like to thank everyone again for all your incredibly beautiful messages. Since I started this blog a week ago I heard from friends I haven’t heard for years, amazing people I haven’t known for long and people I’d never imagine would read my blog!

I would like to thank you especially for your kind messages about my aunt. I am moved by how her story touched you. She was an incredible, loving, selfless woman who will always have a home in my heart.

I’ve heard amazing stories and learned valuable lessons from your experiences, I hope I get the chance to share some in the future.

A lot of you asked me how I feel now…

Lesson 20: Resilience is an extraordinary ability and we were all born with it.

Writing down everything that happened to me the last couple of months and letting it all out in the open helped me immensely and I feel, after the last couple of weeks, that I am back to being happy (most of the time, we are only humans) and open to whatever life brings! And the most amazing things happen when you are open to new experiences. Life is full of surprises and I LOVE surprises! I look forward to it!

Holding grudges and being upset is not worth it. Life is too short to worry about anything!

Something that always lifts my mood is making up silly stories in my head from what I see around me and giggle to myself. It might not be everyone’s cup of tea, but works for me!

A lot can change in a week and it has! I had an fun week already, catching up with friends, meeting new people, having lots of laughs and I am spending next week with amazing friends and family!

And a lot of fun planned for when I’m back including my first mini holiday abroad in a long time!!

Thank you all again! I am hoping to blog again if I find some time when I’m home!

I am leaving you with another gem I came across recently:

Forgive yourself for not knowing what you didn’t know before you learned it.

Have a lovely day everyone! x

You try… so try again… you never know…

I want to say thank you for everyone who is following my blog and for all the amazing messages I received from people I’d never expected to! I’m moved by your kind words. It makes this even more special for me.

I can’t believe it’s already March! A new month, a new start!

I try to live in the moment ‘‘Be happy in the moment, that’s enough. Each moment is all we need, not more” (Mother Teresa)

But I need time to get over everything and something I recently learned and helps me is: When a negative thought comes in your mind, don’t avoid it, don’t push it away but don’t dwell on it either, let it flow, process it and then let it go… do that with every thought and you soon be more able to live in the moment!

Life is not always nice but remember, you are never alone! They are millions of people out there who probably are in a similar situation as you are. This song has kept me going for a while… It’s worth a listen.

I am flying home in a few days. I am glad I planned this trip, although (ET) I don’t like to plan anything too far ahead. I can’t imagine how my life will be tomorrow let alone in a month’s time…

Spending time with friends and family, with people who truly love me and care about me AND soaking in the sun is exactly what I need.

Who knows what will happen next? ” Chance is always powerful. Let your hook be always cast; in the pool where you least expect it, there will be a fish” (Ovid).

Next blog- sunny snaps from my beautiful homecountry…

3 months ago…when I learned I should listen to myself more often and confirmed once more there is no such thing as fate…

DISCLAIMER. It’s not my intention to insult or disrespect anyone, the purpose of this blog is for me to express my thoughts and feelings, and share what I learned with others which I find very therapeutic, and helped me immensely during this transitional period I’m going through. And by sharing what I’ve learned, I hope to help others, that’s the reason I decided to start a blog instead of keeping a diary (and I’ve received amazing feedback so far, thank you everyone).

I don’t think this post shows any disrespect to anyone or exposes anyone’s personal life (except some aspects of mine of course). If some people think that this makes me look selfish, although I don’t agree, I accept that.

I learned a lot from this experience and I think it’s worth sharing (as much as I can without drawing any conclusions and my thoughts on other people) so here it goes…

A month after I broke up life started to get better… I went out often, I had fun, I started planning things I wanted to do, getting Christmassy (I love Christmas!) checking flats to move in after Christmas… I still had bad days but I kept going…

I still believed if my ex and I spent time apart, recuperate and get back to our old selves that we could get back together and live happily ever after… but we agreed it was better to think we’d never get back together … so I made a decision to stay on my own for some time, get back on my own feet and stay away from heart troubles… I was definitely not ready to get into another relationship for a while, I needed time on my own.

But never say never!

I was asked out by this guy, a friend of a friend.

I was flattered but I couldn’t imagine myself falling in love with anyone, so I explained that I only broke up a month ago and I wasn’t ready to get into anything serious. LESSON 15. Listen to your inner voice, it’s usually right! If you feel you are not ready, then it means you are not (This reminded me of something I read in a little gem of a book about mindfulness ”Listen to your inner voice. Remember to trust yourself”)

But after chatting and seeing him a couple of times, I realised we had a lot in common and we got along incredibly well.

Now, I’m not going to go into details on how everything happened… but it’s rare to find someone you have similar interests, enjoy doing the same things, have the same weird sense of humour AND have good chemistry. And I met such a person a month after I broke up. I was made to feel special and everything felt different than anything else I experienced before.

I don’t believe there is such thing as fate, life is random and it’s all down to chance...but I started to doubt my own beliefs, all this swept me off my feet.

Maybe timing wasn’t the best but maybe it was meant to be??

So what do I do?? I was not ready for a relationship but staying away from him proved difficult.

Everything happened very fast…too fast for me.. Was I in a relationship again within weeks???? LESSON 16. NEVER rush into anything…

I was absolutely petrified. I didn’t want to get hurt or hurt him… I found it hard to accept someone I only knew for a couple of weeks was so sure about this so soon…I kept having doubts about our feelings for each other. I kept trying to put him off because I wanted to make sure his feelings were real…

During all this I was going through grief (which I never really had time to process and still haven’t fully recovered from that horrible week although writing about it and getting amazing messages helped A LOT), getting over a 7 year relationship (which left me with LOTS of issues), moving on my own for the first time in my life (which was not easy) and dealing with my ex’s pain (which was painful for me too). And I’ve told this new guy, Craig all I was going through…

I am truly sorry for hurting my ex… and I sincerely apologise for this. I never intended too. I did what I thought was best for me. Although our 7 year relationship didn’t work out, I love and care about him, he is an amazing person and he deserves to be happy…

So I had a lot of emotional, dark moments, doubts, outbursts, overreacting… And there were moments I didn’t like myself… And there were moments that I was sad and I cried… I was going through so much, so there were days I broke down. I wasn’t myself all of the time, sometimes I was the shadow of myself…

And although I am not perfect, –no one is!- I do love myself and the person I am because (ET) yourself is all you got and you should be comfortable in your own skin. If you don’t love and accept yourself as you are no one else will! And if you love yourself, you don’t need anyone else to be happy (most of the time, we are social creatures afterall!)…

Fast forward to a week ago…

After a difficult, emotional week (during which I had to go to my old place for the last time to pick up the last few things, overreacting to situations, crying, started smoking again-and quit after a week, yes I’m that strong! back to smelling amazing again) I decided to put aside my worries and do something I haven’t done for a long time…

And, although afterwards I felt like a fool, I don’t regret it, because I pushed myself out of my comfort zone, I overcame my fear of bearing my feelings and putting myself out there with the risk of getting hurt. Not sure I am willing to do that again anytime soon…

But it was already over for him… And when he ended it… I overreacted, which is never good! All the pain, grief and anger I had inside building up for the last 6 months, burst out. I felt deeply disappointed, hurt and sick! I wanted to forget all this ever happened.

During my outburst I might have hurt him, unintentionally… And I sincerely apologise for that but I was hurt…

That’s why I didn’t want to get hurt again, not that it would have been too difficult to get over someone I only knew for a couple of months but I knew that another heartbreak will bring out all the pain and issues I’ve been trying to deal with the last couple of months. And it did. Now I have to deal with what I haven’t dealt with because I got into another relationship straight away.

But I don’t regret this, because (ET) all the experiences in my life taught me something valuable and made me who I am today and I can’t and wouldn’t change that so I don’t want to regret anything that happened. And I don’t regret meeting this person. We had amazing time together, we enjoyed being with each other, we had fun and lots of laughs, we made each other happy… for a while…

Maybe it wasn’t special and different after all (we didn’t even get to know each other that well), but that’s how it felt at the time and that’s why I went for it.

Would it have made any difference if we waited 6 months ? Maybe…or maybe not.

Should have I hidden my pain, doubts and worries and pretend I was OK? No, because I wanted to be honest and I needed to find myself and deal with my issues, not avoid them. If I had done that, they would all have come out later on.

Was he the right person? I don’t know, I am not even sure if there is such thing as right person. Was it the right time? Definitely not.

When 2 people break up, they are both at fault, they both made mistakes. I am not going to get into what I think his mistakes were. But my mistake was that I wasn’t ready for a relationship and I should have been more cautious and take time out for myself before I got involved into anything.

LESSON 17. I learned that I need to listen to myself more and not believe everything I’m told … And I again reminded myself ‘Never say never’!

So now what? It’s been a week but I still feel numb. What happened doesn’t make complete sense to me but it doesn’t matter. It wouldn’t made a difference, it’s over. LESSON 18. Not everything in life makes sense, just let it go!

But it definitely put me off any quests for love. No more Ex’s and Oh’s!

What matters is that life goes on. I don’t want to waste any more time being sad. And I try my best not to…I am not going to pretend that I’m OK now, because I’m not all the time, there are times I can’t help it, there is a lot to process and get over (the last 6 months haven’t been easy for me) and it can be overwhelming sometimes (remember the Kubler-Ross stages of grief? I think I am now at the depression stage… but acceptance comes next!) but there are days that I laugh and I’m happy.

And today, I feel happy!

I need to get over my grief and pain I avoided for months, learn how to control my feelings again (which I’am already better at, yeay me!), find myself, heal, have a place I can call home and… just have fun, wander around in cities and countries with no worry in the world, try new things, spend time with friends, make new friends, enjoy every moment! And stay away from men!

Lesson 19. Every day is a new day, and your past doesn’t determine you (but remember what has taught you!). From this moment, right now, you can be whoever you want to be.

But it’s OK not to be OK all the time, on those days, take it a day at a time and remember all the lovely people who love you for what you are, that’s what helps me 🙂

Next post…. THE PRESENT- GETTING READY TO GO HOME- HERE COMES THE SUN TURURURU!!!

4 months ago… the start of a (then) new life…

How life can change so much in such a short space of time???

That was in my mind for a long time and still is… (and little did I know how much more it could and did change).

The next day after we broke up, I decided to get organised. Get out, get a job and start thinking about my new life. My relationship pushed me away from the few friends I had and it was now time to get back to the social person I was before I let this relationship change me, make new friends and start building a life on my own.

I still had bad days, I felt I didn’t want to do anything else but stay home and cry… I lost my aunt (I’d never in a million years imagined I’d live what I lived that horrible week), I lost my partner… and I was dealing with unemployment (we all know how frustrating that can be) but I pushed myself as much as I could. LESSON 13. There is always worse. But that doesn’t mean your problems are not important for you and in my own little world dealing with everything that happened was and is not easy.

And I managed to get a temp job within 3 days!!!

Sheba was there for me throughout everything I went through. She was and is my guardian angel.

My choir family was there for me too. They all made me laugh and cheered me up. And unexpectedly, two choir friends supported me through this too.

Thank you guys for supporting me at a very difficult time in my life, not many would have done for someone they don’t really know that well.

After a couple of weeks, I managed to get a job back at the Uni, although I’d said I’d never go back. LESSON 14- NEVER SAY NEVER ( this lesson I learned over and over the following months).

I felt I was back home as soon as I walked in when I went for my interview. I needed a job I could learn how to do quickly, I couldn’t face a brand new challenge at this point in my life. I needed stability and time to heal... (also Sheba still works there, which is a bonus). So I went for it.

And I am glad I did. My managers and colleagues have been very supportive and understanding through all of this… and there have been times it was hard being at work but they supported me every single time…

After a month I felt my life got back on track… my ex and I still lived together until the end of our contract 2 months later (which proved extremely difficult and painful, especially a month later, it will make sense after reading my next post), but I had a new job, at a workplace which felt and feels like home, working with lovely colleagues, chatting all day, having a laugh. I started making new friends, going out more… having fun…

And then something unexpected happened… again!!! ‘3 months ago’ coming next…

4 months ago… part 4… the end of my life as I knew it…

24th of October, 2015. Saturday…

I spent all day keeping busy, getting ready to come back home, get a job, fix my relationship…

I managed not to cry the whole day, but after saying goodbye to my sisters at the airport, I broke down. I cried a lot on my own that day at the airport. That’s when I realised that I can’t control my feelings any more. I still to the day can’t. I overreact when I’m in pain because there is still so much pain inside. And overreacting is never good, I’d come to regret that later on…

My ex came to pick me up from the airport. I knew the moment I saw him that something bothered him. It took us a long time to get back home from the airport (bloody roadworks!) and I had this horrific headache so we spent most of the time in silence.

As soon as I went home, I had a shower and tried to sleep. I wouldn’t have had a good night sleep for weeks after that…

25th of October, Sunday…

I woke up early, I couldn’t sleep much anyway… I unpacked everything, did some cleaning and then he woke up.

And we had a chat. He wanted us to break up. I just broke down into tears (I do that a lot since then). I knew the relationship was not going well, I knew we needed time apart… I knew I agreed with him.

Lesson 10. Being in a relationship is not easy… Being honest and openly discussing everything what worries you with your other half is vital…

We needed time apart to find ourselves again, to become who we used to be before the relationship and the circumstances changed us and made us unhappy … Before I stopped being myself, open, chatty, confident…

LESSON 11. Your happiness does not depend solely on another person. Your happiness comes from you. Before you get into any relationship or if you are in a relationship, make sure you have separate lives and you are happy with your life regardless of that person. Being in a relationship should make you happier but it shouldn’t be your only source of happiness!

I felt I lost the ground under my feet… I was in grief, unemployed and single… My life as I knew it had ended in minutes. LESSON 12. Don’t take anything for granted. Your life can change in a second!

But I put my strong face on and the same night I went out with Shebz to a choir social and I tried to have as much fun as I could, because I thought life is too short, I needed to get out and not stay at home, cry and be miserable… Life goes on no matter what…

4 months ago… part 3… the funeral and the week after

18th of October, 2015… Sunday…

It was a miserable day for the whole family. I felt numb. I couldn’t comprehend what happened the night before. I kept my emotions in for so long, I was about to burst, but I held them in. I knew I had to be strong for the rest of the family.

We all spent the whole day at home, making arrangements for the funeral which was the next day. We didn’t talk much, we barely ate, we barely slept.

19th of October 2015, Monday

On Monday morning my cousin called me. She wanted me to read a few words she wrote at the funeral, a eulogy for her mum. We talked about it months ago and I agreed to do it because she knew she wouldn’t be able to do it herself. Living away helped me be calmer and more composed and I had to remain calm and composed once more.

She sent me the text (it’s in Greek but if anyone wants a translation, I’d be happy to do it ΕΠΙΚΗΔΕΙΟΣ (2)) and I’ve read it aloud a couple of times, to prepare myself. I managed to hold my tears during most of it but I always broke down towards the end of it. I knew I had to try my best at the funeral.

It was a warm, sunny day although it was the middle of October. We went to church at 3pm.

She arrived… she looked like an angel heavily asleep, so beautiful and peaceful. I broke down a couple of times. But every time I did, I managed to recover fast, I had to. I needed to make it through the day…

The church was full of people who loved her… Everyone she knew came to pay their respect to this beautiful person. It was very moving to see all of these people there. It was an emotional ceremony run by 12 priests…

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The worst part was kissing her goodbye. It was a tragic moment for all of us but especially for my grandpa, her dad…

And then it was time for me to read the Eulogy. I stood in front of everyone, next to the coffin. My voice trembled, my mouth was dry. For the first time in my life my legs went numb and I felt I would faint at any minute. But I kept looking at her picture throughout the ceremony and in my head I imagined her saying to me ‘You can do it, do it for me, I know you can’.

And I did. I managed to read all of it until the end. I broke down briefly when I caught with the corner of my eye her son breaking down. But I kept going. And I made it. When I was done I ran into my cousin’s arms and let my tears out. It was one of the most difficult things I’ve done in my life… and I’m proud of myself that I managed to do it.

After that, the cemetery. What bizarre places cemeteries are. Haunting but peaceful…

There was a lot of crying and sobbing and shouting… And after that we all gathered at my grandpa’s house (I am not even going to talk about how my grandpa was on that day, I can’t even imagine how it feels to lose your child). And we all shared lovely stories, kids were running around, we caught up with relatives who hadn’t seen for years and we all had a laugh, celebrating her life.

LESSON 9 That moment I realised once again that life goes on no matter what.

Deep inside I knew all this left a big scar and I needed time to heal. I feel I still haven’t had the time to do that (more on that later). Kubler Ross five stages of grief (they apply to different situations, not just death but also breakups, divorces etc) keep popping into my head since then. Denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance… I am not sure on which stage I am, but I have not reached acceptance yet…

My family and I spent most of the rest of the week at home. Everyone started going back to work, trying to move on the best they could. And things between me and my ex whilst I was away were deteriorating so I knew it was time for me to pick up my pieces, go back home and sort my life out.

Rest in Peace my lovely aunt Anna… you’ll always be in my heart…

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