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Mental Health Mondays – 18. The end of an eventful summer

When I first started writing this post I gave it a different title.

‘The end of a stressful summer’. Then I decided, although these last three months have truly tested my patience and my mental health, I won’t let stress define the whole summer. I guess that’s what my pre-wired brain remembers more vividly. The same brain that kept me from writing for a few months, as I was mentally exhausted.

❌ New job challenges

There was a lot to learn at my new job, whilst dealing with a number of personal issues (which I didn’t let it affect the quality of my work), but I managed to go through everything and I’m doing really well now. I enjoy working at a much better environment than any of my previous jobs in Cyprus and I truly believe in the amazing contribution to science and research of the Centre I work for and the whole of Cyprus Institute. My passion is still focusing on promoting and offering training on mental health at the workplace, and that’s what I ultimately want to solely focus on, but for now I’m really happy with what I do.

❌ Bureaucracy

The level of bureaucracy, and incompetence of public services, as well as pure mind-f**k as to the process and documentation they require for no reason in Cyprus are astonishingly high.

Let me give you an example.

My husband is a third-country national, which is the term used in Cyprus for non-Europeans. Now that we are married, he is legally allowed to work at any company in Cyprus, BUT every time he changes an employer he needs to RE-APPLY in order to inform Immigration that he changed jobs, and his employer’s name to be updated on his residence card. WHY? Why doesn’t state on his residence card only the fact that he is married to a Cyprus resident? Why does his employer have to be on this? They bear no responsibility or relevance. Why does he need a new residence card every time he changes employers??

Why does he have to pay 80 euros plus another 100 euro agency fees (because if you go on your own, who knows if they’ll deal with your application any time soon), and gather ALL this unnecessary paperwork again and again and again (e.g. marriage licence, social insurance statements, bank statements, rental agreement statement, a signature from a mukhtar/ municipality certified employee to on the application form to confirm that we live harmoniously, although he has no idea who we are and where we live in the area etc and the one in our area is a grumpy old fart), and for both of us to waste even more time off work to go in person at Immigration with our IDs and passports, to submit the paperwork, and for his biometrics to be taken AGAIN (probably 3rd time in one year)?

We had to follow this process twice this year, which completely drained us. It’s soul-destroying.

❌ No holiday abroad

As a consequence of this utterly stupified, mind-numbing process, our mini-break to Thessaloniki we both really looked forward to had to be postponed, as, listen to this, it takes 3-4 MONTHS for Immigration to issue a new residence card, although they require for you to notify them within 30 days if you changed a job. And what they don’t tell you is that, if you are unlucky not to be Cypriot or EU national in Cyprus, you need that card to travel.

❌Accidents, and more accidents

Just before our annual summer family holiday, my dad got 2nd and 3rd degree burns because of an accident at work (which worried us all to death, getting that phone call at 10pm and hearing my dad in pain was horrific), my sister hurt her foot again, and my mum’s chalazion flared up because of dust in the air. Accidents are no fun.

❌ Money worries

With everything going on,and all these transitional periods for myself and the hubby, money has been really tight in the last couple of months, which also took its toll on my mental health.

❌ Very little time for friends

All these events, severely restricted the time I could utilise to catch up with friends and other loved ones I haven’t seen in a while, which worsened my anxiety as I often feel guilty for not being a great friend.

But not all summer was bad.

✅ My parents finally moved out!

After years of official complaints to the Urban planning department, talking to journalists about it, endless family meetings, discussions, and plenty of worry and stress, my parents finally moved out of the almost derelict building they lived in. Thankfully, the new minister of Interior came up with a plan on how to resolve this decades-long deeply rooted and complicated issue for all Greek-Cypriot refugees who moved into the houses and block of flats the government built in a haste about 40 years ago. They now live in a rented flat until new blocks of flats are built and offered to them at lower price.

It’s not the ideal solution but we’ll work something out. At least they are now safe and sound.

✅Weekends at the beach and the pool

Although I didn’t manage to go abroad, I had a great bank holiday weekend in Larnaca with boo, followed by many weekends at Protaras beaches and our local pool with friends and family.

✅Family holiday

I genuinely thought we wouldn’t make it this year with everything else happening, but I’m so happy we did. Swimming, playing, laughing, eating out, precious time with family and family friends. Running by the beach, whilst others were fishing or swimming with friends, in the morning was one of my favourite highlights.Two days after we came back from Protaras, our family holiday continued with a lovely excursion to Pedoulas village, spending time with extended family and walking around, enjoying nature.

✅Running and yoga

The constant heatwaves in the last two months were insufferable at times, which made going running difficult, and I had to get up at 5am most of the days I went, but it was totally worth it. It helped me keep my mind clear and maintaing my sanity, as well as my yoga and journaling.

✅ Kept learning

When I first started at my new job and whilst dealing with that life kept throwing at me and my loved ones, I came home and had no energy to do much. I kept learning French on DuoLingo though, and I slowly started a brilliant short course on Mental Health at the workplace on Futurelearn (I’m halfway through and I definitely recommend it, you can find more details here) and signed up to the MBA I won the scholarship for, starting in October. Also I loved my weekend long runs listening to psychology podcasts. My two favourites so far are Speaking of Psychology by the American Psychological Association (APA) and PsychCrunch by the British Psychological Society (BPS).

All in all, a pretty eventful summer, quite stressful at times but still full of cherished memories and experiences.

Eleni

Mental Health Mondays – 17. Private and Work Selves

A few days ago, during a meeting, I came across a man who spoke and smiled eerily similarly to Doros, a dear family friend who was brutally beaten to death last January, in his attempt to defend a friend, who was bullied by her neighbours. The cruel way he died traumatised all of us and we still to this day find it hard to process.

Though I didn’t let it affect my work, I felt a bit sad and unease for the rest of the day.

I’m sharing this because it’s important to remember that no matter what we do, our personal lives affect our working ones (and vice versa of course) and that’s OK, as long as we recognise when that happens and why (self awareness is paramount) and we don’t take it out on others!

There might be days that we struggle and we take things easy, and others we push through to make it through the day, so always remind yourself that your employees, colleagues or boss quite often face the same emotional turmoil at any given day.

#work#mentalhealth#worklife#personallife

Mind Matters- How we experience anxiety

We all experience anxiety differently. Some get nauseous and have panic attacks. Others can’t stay still.

For me it’s that constant worry and churning feeling in my stomach, my heart beating faster, grinding my teeth at night and feeling drained.

But it’s not always obvious. Some of us hide the symptoms, some can’t. It doesn’t really matter. What is important is to be able to recognise the symptoms, our own and in others, so we can help them, but to also be aware that just because someone doesn’t show any signs, that doesn’t mean they don’t suffer!

I’ve created a simple factsheet about anxiety in Greek and in English, for anyone to use to raise awareness. Feel free to share it with friends and colleagues.

How do you experience anxiety?

Namaste

Eleni

Mental Health Mondays – 16. What you resist persists.

Ever since my ex-employer called me in their office and announced to me, with no previous warning, that he wouldn’t require my services anymore for now (the unfairness of this still frustrates me, after everything I put up with, but I’m proud I stood up for myself and I didn’t compromise my quality of work and reputation, and that became blindingly obvious after the lovely feedback I got from people I worked with in the last six months), I’ve been ruminating not only on how and why I was fired and on what to do next, and most days I feel overwhelmed.

Overwhelmed with anxiety, frustration, and worry about my finances, on what the best step to move towards what I really want to do as a career and make mental health and wellbeing an essential element of every workplace (Work as a freelance, do another masters, go for a PhD, focus more on research or training? The options are endless.) whilst also trying to navigate the ever so slow and bureaucreatic (and racist) Cyprus system on everything. It takes ages for anything to get done or to find any specific laws or legislations ( the majority of Cypriot government pages include the least amount of information necessary, mainly in Greek!!), from unemployment allowance request to be processed, to finding out how to set up a business, being a freelancer, getting a tax number, sorting out anything legal related to my husband who doesn’t happen to be Cypriot or European. It’s a minefield!

But neither the unfairness of the way I was let go from my job, nor complaining about everything will get me far. What you resist, persists. I can’t win every little battle, so I need to let some things go.

Sometimes we have to be like the water, go around those boulders in the river instead of pushing against them, as a wise woman once advised me and some of my powerhouse of friends.

So I focus on taking it a day at a time and believe that things will just work out. In the meantime I try to enjoy the here and now, my morning runs, my morning yoga, my time with friends, family and loved ones, and be as productive as I can be.

Namaste

Eleni

Mental Health Mondays – 15. May: Mental Health Awareness Month

Happy First of May! How is it May already? I don’t know about you, but my life in the last few months has been unbelievably unpredictable and incredibly stressful at times.

There’s a lot I want to write about in the next few weeks, getting fired for the first time in my life for no particular reason (other than not putting up with unprofessionalism and disorganisation), the stress of looking for a job (and more importantly what to look for) whilst fighting the self-deprecating thoughts that inevitably accompany job search (especially after getting fired) , the brilliant, online, 2-day Mental Health First Aid course by Mental Health First Aid England (MHFA England) I attended right after Easter, getting married, my parents hopefully moving soon out of their almost derelict flat, the completion of my Women Fit For Business (WF4B) and preparing workshops and training on mental health at the workplace, amonst others.

Since May is Mental Health Awareness Month and this year’s theme is anxiety, I’ll kick off the month with sharing what helps me cope with the extreme levels of anxiety I’ve been experiencing lately:

  1. Journaling. I’ve been writing down a short paragraph, a summary of each day, to help me process my thoughts and also to remember what happened each day as prolonged anxiety periods affect (my) memory.
  2. Exercise. Yoga and running help me IMMENSELY to let off some steam, clear my mind, relax, whatever I need at any given moment.
  3. Focusing on one thing at a time and keep reminding myself that I shouldn’t worry about anything I can’t control.
  4. Looking after myself and enjoying little moments. Being in the moment is fundamental in forgeting any other worries.

What helps you cope?

Eleni

Mental Health Mondays – 14. Something is always better than nothing.

Some days are harder than others. Some days your mental (and sometimes physical) energy is just drained by all the meaningless, pointless tasks that just had to be done.

It’s mind-blowing the amount of time we waste on little and not so little things because of others, either because they are disorganised, ‘last minute’, ‘idea but not action’ people and so on, or because of… well, life, chores, responsibilities, expectations.

On those days (Monday often is one of them), what matters is, to find the strength to do at least the bare minimum, if you can, so you keep up with what’s really important to you.

I used to be horrible at this. I gave up too easily and when I felt like that, I just wanted to lie down on the sofa, staring at the ceiling, but lately I tap into my newly discovered persistence to not let nuances interfere with what I really want to do and not allow anything to keep me down.

For example, although I love running and yoga, some mornings I wake up exhausted and I feel I barely have any energy to walk, let alone exercise. But I still do it, I might go slower, run for less time, do an easier yoga session, but I get it done. I also love reading, so on a busy, stressful day, when I don’t have much time left before bed to read, I try to read at least a page or two, so I feel I’ve had a few moments for myself to do the things I truly enjoy.

Same goes for these Mental Health Mondays posts. I hoped I’d be able to write every single Monday, and I soon realised I couldn’t, but I still post every now and then, to show that it’s OK to just do something, as it’s always better than nothing (but don’t confuse this with time to rest, relax and do nothing, that’s different, and ESSENTIAL).

Namaste

Eleni

Mental Health Mondays – 13. Overwhelmed

When it rains it pours, they say.

January is tough enough as it is, life slowing down after the hype of the Christmas holidays, but this January was just… overwhelming.

It started badly, well horribly actually. On the 4th of January, our beloved family friend Doros was beaten to death, brutally murdered. I’ll write about it when I get the chance and I can handle the emotional pain that takes to describe how we this wonderful human being, an angel on earth, had a truly horrific tormented death.

After that, a combination of really cold weather, which caused my knee muscles to hurt when I ran, so I stopped running for a few weeks (I miss the mental clarity and hype I get during and after a run, and the sense of achievement), running low on money and confidence, going through a stressful period at work, leading to tough realisations I need to deal with soon-ish, and an overall feeling of mental exhaustion made January hard to navigate.

Of course there were a few positive highlights. Yoga with Adriene’s January 30 day yoga kept me going, even on days I felt I couldn’t possibly make it, and my Surviving January calendar, with little every day activities to do to cheer me up, as well as precious time with friends, family and loved ones.

I also started a daily journal, in an effort to help myself remember what I do, since anxiety can literally erase memories, I have huge blanks from previous years because of it.

We are now in the middle of February, and there’s a lot going on, I’m working on a few things, building up my confidence, and pushing hard for a better future, whilst also finding my feet again. I continue my yoga, my daily journal, and a few other things I’d like to write about like my lean in circle powerful, inspiring ladies, and the Women Fit 4 Business programme I got in, I just need to make time to sit down and write, and get back to running again, because both of them are vital for my mental wellbeing. I also haven’t played the guitar in months, which saddens me and makes me wonder whether why, since I loved it so much, and I still do, but I never seem to find the energy or the mood.

There’s a lot of issues I need to explore, but my primary aim for this year is to keep raising awareness about the importance of mental health for all aspects of our life and to also help in practice as much as I can. So cheers to that!

Namaste

Eleni

Mental Health Mondays – 12. Grief

I don’t really know how to start this blog. I find it hard even writing about it.

Last Monday, our baby dog of 13 years, Oscar, who would sit next to us and comfort us when we were ill or sad, who was a genius when it came to stealing food (including opening the fridge!) but would let other dogs bite his nose off, the family’s favourite companion, who’d do anything for love and affection, died.

He was old, I knew that, we all did, but as much as we kept reminding ourselves, we didn’t want to believe that he might die soon.

Even in his last couple of days, he didn’t want to overburden or cause any more pain to my parents.

On Monday morning, my mum messaged me, whilst I was at work. Oscar hadn’t been eating that much lately (his teeth were not in the greatest condition due to his age), though he’d still eat anything he could chew, but on that day he ate almost nothing. And that wasn’t the worst symptom. His legs gave up and he couldn’t move at all.

At this point, I felt that it might be the end. My heart kept beating faster and faster, I felt my blood freeze, and I could barely keep it together. I told my mum to let my sister Stella know, and take him to the vet.

Stella took our baby with my dad to the vet. She called me an hour later. ‘Are you on your own’? She asked.

As soon as she said that, I realised what happened.

He died in her arms, just outside the vet’s office. As the vet poignantly noted ‘You brought him to me when he was a puppy 13 years ago for the first time, and today you brought him back for the last time’.

Needless to say, we were and still are devastated about it. We all loved him to bits and we are trying to deal with his death each in our own way. His passing inevitably triggered painful memories of other loved ones’ deaths over the years, which makes it even harder to deal with.

I keep replaying what happened on Monday, in my mind, until my brain accepts the fact that he died. Some days I feel more sad than others, other days I’m just forgetful and irritable.

There’s no right or wrong when it comes to grief. And it makes no difference whether a human or a dog died, or whether you grieve the end of a relationship, friendship or any other end.

Oscar for us was a member of the family, who we love more than a lot of other humans.

We feel grateful and blessed we got to enjoy his unconditional love and affection for 13 years, and his death was as less traumatic as it could have been. My parents were worried he might die at home, my sister Stella worried that he might get gravely ill and she would have had to make the horrific decision whether to euthanise him, and my little sister Anna was worried he might have died as soon as she had left for her studies a year ago. Thankfully none of this happened. He loved and cared about us until the very end.

We love you our lixi (‘greedy’ when it comes to food, in Greek), now and always. Thank you for making our life more fun and colourful, thank you for all your cuddles and all the adventures we’ve been together. You will forever be the 6th member of our family.

Goodbye Oscarello.

Mental Health Mondays – 11. Vulnerability

6th of November, 2022, 8am.

I’m at the local park, getting ready to take part, with a few more hundred (mostly professional level) running enthusiasts, in the ‘Eurolife, Run the Park with Us’ run. My other half, who’s been training for a triathlon for the last month or so, went to find his coach and do a warm-up and I went for a wander, to check out the setting.

All I could focus on was the trained bodies, the muscles protruding around me and the pro gear most had. I even felt undedressed, if that’s ever possible.

‘What on earth am I doing here? Why did I decide to run the 10k? I don’t belong here.’

That’s what was on my mind ever since I switched from 5k to 10k. I had only run 10k twice before that day, and I felt I could probably do it, depending on the route, but I was worried I’d come last. That was my biggest worry actually until probably a few days before the run. I decided to embrace my worries and fears though, and go for it.

What’s the worst case scenario? What if I do come last? Why does that worry me that much?

It comes down to our innate tendency to avoid situations that might make us feel vulnerable, exposed, hurt, physically or mentally. So I knew I had to fight this urge.

I had recently rewatched Brene Brown’s infamous Ted Talk about vulnerability and her recent Netflix show ‘Call to Courage’ (I highly recommend both!) and I reminded myself that unless you push yourself to feel vulnerable, then you can’t really show courage and you can’t go far in life.

You need to make vulnerability part of your everyday life, get used to that uncomfortable feeling of showing your emotions, looking for a better job, asking for a better salary, being completely honest with your loved ones, letting people see your true self and above all, your feelings.

So I went for it. For a while I thought I was last, I couldn’t see anyone behind me, but I didn’t pay any attention. About half way through I bumped into an ex-colleague who kept cheering me on. That boosted my morale, as the route was not easy (but it was really beautiful, amongst trees and plants, and panoramic views). So many hills, up and down, and running on hills is not my favourite! Towards the end I thought I was lost as I couldn’t see any signs on where to go, but after probably the toughest hill of the route (they saved the best for last!) I finally heard the presenter at the finish line.

I almost burst into tears. My mum and my boyfriend were there, waiting for me, cheering me on. I did it! And apparently I didn’t come last, not that would have made any difference.

A few days later I decided to sign up for the Larnaka 10k route of the Marathon, which was two weeks later. If I could make it through the hills of the park, I can make it on a flat surface.

The 17th of November was an incredibly hot day (for November) and we ran at 10am. Needless to say I had a migraine for the rest of the day, but oh my, it was worth it.

I ran alongside professional athletes, blind runners from Israel, a woman running in memory of her son, young people, older people. I was in great company.

I wasn’t sure I’d make it, I never ran 10k in those temparatures, but running with others is motivating on its own. I can’t accurately describe that feeling. You have to experience it, to fully understand.

I almost cried when I high-fived a kid holding a sign, near the 7th kilometre, which was one of the toughest.

The route was beautiful, especially the second half. The last part of the run was by Saint Lazarus church and then alongside Foinikoudes beach, which was just gorgeous and it definitely helped me going.

I’ve now signed up for the 7.7 mile ‘Stelios Kyriakides’ run at Nicosia Marathon in a couple of weeks, which is around 12km. That will be the longest I’d ever run, so I just hope I can make it.

This push and dedication, powered by vulnerability, also helped me in my personal and professional life. In the last few weeks I felt more like myself, the closest I felt in years, and awakened my feisty spirit. I feel more inclined to speak up, and I believe more in myself and my abilities.

So, today’s message: embrace your vulnerability. It’s tough, and painful, because it inevitably means failing over and over again, but it also lets in love, light and above all, courage.

Eleni

Mental Health Mondays – 10. Transitions

I had a headache every day of last week, from Saturday to last Friday. Every single day.

My formerly hypochondriac self would have probably panicked and immediately thought that it was probably a brain tumour and death was imminent, but years of self-exploration taught me better. I knew why and how.

I hadn’t had a good night’s sleep for a few days now, I constantly felt tired and I was exhaustingly stressed. I’ve also been grinding my teeth in my sleep due to my anxiety, which gave me headaches.

The reason: I was about to quit my job and I’ll be soon starting a new one.

I’ve been thinking about my next stop for a while now.

I wasn’t happy in my job anymore, I was tired of the nature of it, the trips, the events and so on, there was no real progression, I wasn’t learning much anymore or developing professionally and a few things wore me down. I wanted to quit for a while but I was too scared to do it without getting another job first, which I finally did, last week.

Living in your 30s and having worked for a while it’s both a blessing and a curse. You are acutely aware of what you can put up with and what not and when it’s time to move on.

Some people are happy with what they have and they don’t mind if their job consumes them, affects their personal and/or social life or if doesn’t offer them any new skills or experience anymore. And that’s great for them. We all have different priorities. But I’m not like that. And although I know that this job might be ideal for someone else, for me that wasn’t the case anymore.

So, last Tuesday I quit my job.

‘But why did you keepg getting a headache and couldn’t sleep for the rest of the week?’ one might ask.

Transitions.

Quitting from a job, however frustated or exhausted you are doesn’t mean you won’t miss the good bits. The people I spent the last two years with, the banter, some of the work, some of the partners etc.

It’s sad and it’s OK.

I also feel anxious about the next chapter, whether everything is going to work out, whether I’ll adapt quickly, whether this is the best career step for me now (considering what I really want to work on is Mental Health, especially when it comes to the workplace, which might get to work on in my current job), whether my new colleagues will be as nice and cool as my old ones (It will be hard to beat!), whether I’ll finally have more time to do things that are important for me, like writing, being creative, volunteering , more time with friends and family, new experiences (and the list goes on).

It‘s OK to worry about it.

It’s been almost a week and I’ve been sleeping better and I haven’t had a headache in three days. I still feel sad and worried but I’m also excited about the new chapter and I’m open to whatever the universe brings.

A lovely friend of mine actually gave me great advice and without realising, reassured me that what I feel right now is normal. So I’ll leave you with that.

Namaste

Eleni