My star of a sister Stella

I haven’t posted for a while… although there is so much I wanted to write about (interesting books I read, things I got to do, ask for ideas for career/city/country move inspiration), but I didn’t get the chance. Will do after I come back from my summer visit to my beautiful island.

Before I go on writing about my sister, I hope you are all well and you haven’t been affected by the most recent terrorist attacks. If you have (and you might have, even if you were not in London on that horrific night, indirect trauma exposure can cause PTSD), I hope you stay strong, I cannot even imagine how it might feel. I wasn’t there but I was genuinely terrified on Saturday night, I hardly got any sleep. As most of us, I have friends and relatives in London and I sweat worrying about them until I knew they were safe (especially my cousin who only recently moved to London, I don’t even want to say out loud what horrible thoughts were going through my mind). I’m not going to say any more on that but I posted my thoughts on FB. (https://www.facebook.com/eleni.zenonos/posts/10154834034647326?pnref=story)

And one more thing, I cannot not mention the General Election. I unfortunately found out after I booked my ticket home and after the registration deadline that I’m allowed to vote as I’m a Commonwealth citizen. I really don’t know what will happen with Brexit, the NHS, the economy but what I’d say if you are registered to vote, vote for policies, not people.

A year ago I flew home the day of the referendum and I was shocked with the result (incidentally I fly home the day before the General Election this week). It goes to show that you should expect the unexpected, so if you care, please go and vote. I sincerely hope that the United Kingdom is not turned into a dictatorship state.

Now back to the purpose of this post…

A while ago I posted about my youngest sister and I wanted to post about my second sister, Stella but I was waiting for her birthday. Well I will be with her and the rest of the family spending the day at the beach on her birthday, so I decided to post this now, just before I meet her at the airport on Wednesday!

Stella, our little star is the prime example of love, caring, devotion and sensitivity.

She was always a bit wild and short-tempered (and stubborn, our family trend). She never enjoyed reading or studying but she studied what she always wanted, culinary arts and she is now a cook to the delight of all of us enjoying her delicious creations.

Since she was a child she always tried to hide her sensitive side but her kindness and love always shines through. I’m not exaggerating to the least to say she has been the rock of the whole family, close and extended.

Every time anyone in the family or her friends/colleagues is not feeling well, she is the first to go and help. She is the one sitting with them at the hospital ward, in A&E, she is the one driving hours to get to them. She is the one bringing friends or colleagues who have nowhere to go for Christmas or New Year’s eve to spend it with the family.

She was recently telling me how she spent hours with the team of the dog shelter she volunteers for, looking for an abandoned dog that got its head trapped in a plastic bottle and how happy she was when they found and rescued it- they are still looking for a foster home for it if you live in Cyprus and you can help.(https://www.facebook.com/elena.elen.585/posts/1459388790795049?pnref=story?

We used to fight a lot when we were kids but as we grew up we became best friends and I couldn’t imagine my life without her. She supported and supports me with literally everything even though we live thousands of miles apart. She is always there for me and I’ll always be there for her.

Although she wants to come across as tough, we all know what a sensitive soul she is.

She is my shining star (she couldn’t have had a more suitable name) and I couldn’t be more proud of her. I love her to the moon and back. And can’t wait to spend the next 10 days with her and the rest of my family and friends. Love you Αρφούι!

If there are people like her in the world, terrorism and racism and all these social diseases, cannot prevail, they just can’t!

My next post will be after the Snowdonia Climb a group of colleagues and I are doing for a wonderful cause telling you all about it! (for more details and if you want to donate/share this is our gofundme page: https://www.gofundme.com/Snowdonia-Superstars-for-Tempo-Wellbeing)

Love you all x

 

How am I 31 years old already!

Thank you everyone for all your lovely messages and gifts and a special thank you to Sofy and Suki for our lovely lunch today and to my lovely Helena for my birthday treats, you are the best!

My first year in my 30s was challenging to say the least. I struggled mentally, financially, personally… I’ve made MANY bad decisions, I lost friends, I wasted time and money on meaningless things but it wasn’t all bad.

I’ve been home three times, which was one of the things on my bucket list, to visit home as often as possible, spend time with my friends and my family, especially my two sisters who I love to bits. I had the most amazing three weeks in July, visiting friends, sunbathing, swimming, and of course I became I godmother to my little prince, who I can’t wait to see every time I go home. And I also got to spend Christmas at home after many many years. My latest visit in April was just what I needed to help me get through rough times. Some people asked me whether I’d go somewhere else other than home that often but for me is necessary. Just think, how often do you get to see your family? I can only see them a couple of times a year and I wouldn’t change that for any holiday.

Although I’ve been through rough times, struggling with anxiety and melancholy, I made new friends, I had the most laugh one can have at work with lovely colleagues almost every day, I spent endless afternoons sitting at the park with Sheba chatting about life, went to the theatre, watched my first opera, spent hours wandering in London with friends, watched a Midsummer Night’s dream at the Globe theatre at midnight, the most amazing three days in Berlin, Helena’s hen do, the Winchester Jazz festival, Common People with the loveliest bunch, singing with my SingNow friends (I’ll never forget that day we got soaking wet at Holyrood church but we sang until the end!IMG-20161001-WA0005) Go Ape where I faced one of my worst fears with a little help from friends, One Sound 2017, and most of all I loved being spontaneous with Sheba such as our hilarious lunch at the park or our lunchtime venture to Boots trying on perfumes until we found the perfect ones we were looking for or happily crazily dancing with all of our energy until exhaustion and other I can’t share here!

So all in all it hasn’t been a bad year but I learned from my mistakes and I’m doing much better now. I moved to a new place for a fresh start (thank you Chris for all your help, although it turned into a drama/comedy!), I sold my beloved car to a lovely couple as I didn’t use it that much and spent too much money unnecessarily, got rid of my credit card and now repaying my debt so I can in just over a year’s time decide whether I want to get another job or move to another city or another country or go travelling or study… who knows…

And there is a LOT to look forward to for my 31st year already. My best friend is coming back very soon for more adventures, going home in a couple of weeks to have fun in the sun with family and friends, climbing Snowdonia with some of my favourite work people, which will be a challenge- if you want to help for our amazing cause you can find all the details here https://www.gofundme.com/Snowdonia-Superstars-for-Tempo-Wellbeing– , spending a week in Italy (which I can’t believe, I can’t wait!) are some of the things I’ve planned for the next couple of months which for me is a MASSIVE step forward as planning scares the hell out of me.

Thank you all again for my birthday wishes. And thank you to all my friends and family, I love you to the moon and back.

Eleni xx

#MentalHealthAwarenessWeek

I won’t write much about my own experiences, I’ve already have on several occasions.

(I added the links to older posts at the end of this one).

What I’d like to say is that it should be mental health awareness week every week. 

According to WHO (the World Health Organisation), “depression is the leading cause of disability worldwide, and is a major contributor to the overall global burden of disease”.

I don’t think everyone understands how debilitating a mental illness can be and how it doesn’t matter how intelligent or well-rounded individual you might be. It can still get you. It’s irrational and it can affect anyone.

And even if they do understand, not everyone knows how to react or support those who suffer.

Unfortunately, there is still stigma around mental health. Although most people can be understanding and compassionate, they don’t know how to act around you. They treat you as if you suffer from a contagious disease they might catch so they “support” you from a safe distance.

Others just completely avoid you. They stop treating you as a friend for whatever reason. Maybe they are scared, maybe they suffer themselves, maybe they don’t want to be friends with someone who struggles.

Other just pity you. And you can see the pity in their eyes. And pity is probably one of the worst responses to someone who is struggling.

If we all knew how to really support each other, then it might make it easier for someone to admit they have a problem and seek for help, without being terrified about what others would think, without feeling that asking for help is seen as weakness, it’s actually one of the toughest, bravest things to do.

There is a desperate need for awareness.

Suffering from mental illness doesn’t mean you are depressed or anxious or worried or psychotic or neurotic all of the time. You can still communicate, have a laugh, have a chat, do things. It’s still you. Even at your darkest times, when you do not recognise yourself, deep deep down it’s still you.

I hope that one day, mental illness can be treated as any other illness- because it is- and there is enough support available.

https://whatilearnedbeforeiturn30.com/2017/03/23/the-most-honest-post-ive-ever-written/

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Love you all

Eleni x

Happy by Derren Brown

‘We do not need to fear the world, or treat it with suspicion. Any monsters that dwell there are our own’

I just finished reading Happy- Why more or less everything is absolutely fine by Derren Brown.

And I could not recommend it highly enough.

I started composing an Instagram post but it was becoming too long so I thought I’d write about it here instead.

Most people know Derren Brown as a magician, showman, painter or even photographer but he is an incredibly intelligent, knowledgeable, modern day philosopher who writes amazingly beautifully.

I’ve read all of his books, but this is definitely my favourite.

Funny, informative, wise, beautifully written (I had to google a lot of words, you might not need to if English is your first language), emotional.

He starts with a brief history of how happiness has been defined through time, from the ancient Greeks, who if you haven’t read any of their work, I’d urge you to (I studied ancient Greek at school (which I didn’t enjoy much) but when you are a 16 year old going through the teenage years, with not many experiences in life, you cannot fully comprehend the value of it), to religion and how it changed the way humans viewed happiness (i.e that is OK to suffer in this life because you will be rewarded and be happy after you die) to today’s sheer optimism and beliefs that if you really want something it will happen- spoiler alert- it won’t.

He follows that with how to apply stoic methods in your life, how to deal with anger, hurt and fame and then with my favourite part of the whole book, ‘happy endings’ in which he discusses about a fear we all have, the fear of death, how to die well and how to live now.

There is too much in the book I can possibly share in a post but what I kept:

  • There are only two things you can control, your thoughts and your actions (which is not easy I know, but it’s under your control). Anything else, and I mean ANYTHING else is completely out of your control. You can set as many life goals as you want but you can only the do the best you can, that doesn’t mean you can reach them because life, fate, luck, other people are out of your control.  The only realistic goal you can set is to do the best of your abilities.

 

  • On that note, you can’t control others’ behavior and actions, but you can control yours. That is SO important to realise, although is hard.

 

  • Do not compare yourself with everyone else. You haven’t had the same upbringing, life experiences, luck.

 

  • We are all scared of dying. But if you think about it,  if we were immortals nothing would really matter. There will be nothing to look forward to because at some point we would have done it all, and we will eventually get bored. And there is nothing to fear about because we have been there. Before we were born, our brain and body didn’t exist, we were ‘dead’ before we came to life. That took me a while to digest!

 

  • After we die, we live  through the memories of our loved ones. Because when they think of us, they think of how we thought and behaved and every time they think of us, a tiny version of us is replicated in their brain, for that moment their brain functions in a similar way our brain did. What a beautiful revelation! We really die when our name has been spoken for the last ever time. So what’s the best we can do? Do good, help others, create amazing memories and share them with your loved ones and the world.

 

  • Debra. Everything about this lovely lady truly touched me. Debra was a fan of Derren who was diagnosed with terminal cancer and kept in contact with Derren until she died. There is something special about terminally ill people who I don’t think I can understand unless it happens to me. They only do what they really want to because the little time they have left is precious and not to be wasted. They enjoy and cherish every moment. They live in the now. They have reached high levels of mindfulness and this clarity of mind that is incredibly hard to achieve.

So what is the best way to live? Although your past has taught you a lot, is in the past. You should learn to recognise how it affected and affects you but leave it in the past. It does not define you. Remember you control your thoughts so you can change the way your past is affecting you.

Find the right balance between living in the moment and the future. A year ago I used to believe that living in the moment and not make any plans for the future or even think about the future was the way forward but a couple of months before I read this book, I realised that living in the moment is still important but without having something to look forward to, without a future, it feels pointless. And after reading this book, it all makes sense.

And finally, ‘good enough’ is good enough. There is nothing wrong with living a ‘good enough’ life.

Love you all x

Eleni

 

One Sound, one year later…

I woke up today feeling incredibly emotional after last night’s show. It was a special one.

Two weeks ago I didn’t even think I could do this year’s One Sound show.

I haven’t been to SingNow for months and I missed many rehearsals of the workplace choir, because last time I went, although I love the people and singing, I couldn’t wait for the session to be over. There were explosions happening in my head, laughter and chat sounds were 10 times louder than usual, I could feel my heart beat faster and faster, I think I might have had my first panic attack, so after that I decided to skip it until I felt better.

A couple of weeks ago, after a stressful morning at work I thought I’d give it another go. A year ago I couldn’t wait for 12pm on  a Tuesday so I can have fun singing with my colleagues, but a year later, I walked in the room, terrified. I was scared I might go through panic mode like last time. But I know I need to try more, otherwise it will only get worse.

And this time it was alright. I could manage my scary thoughts and I actually enjoyed it.

So I thought OK, if I can do this, I might be able to do One Sound.

After my panic attack, returning to SingNow felt scarier and scarier, so at least for One Sound I was only going to sing with Singforce. A year ago I was super excited to be in both choirs, but a year later I became this scared little person who didn’t know if she could even be at the show. I honestly cannot comprehend how I let myself become this person.

The big rehearsal at Romsey was one of my highlights of the whole show. I felt emotional throughout. I could not stop thinking of the rehearsal a year ago. When I was in both choirs, and a SingNow friend and I laughed and had our little dance routines and lyric jokes we referred to whilst rehearsing, and those lovely people sitting opposite me now were my dear friends who I used to see and have a laugh with every week and have so many amazing memories rehearsing, performing, partying.

And now, a year later, I wasn’t sure even on the day of the rehearsal if I could do it.

But when I arrived there, I felt the love and the warmth of my old Singnow pals. They came over for a chat and a hug, I was disappointed with myself because for the last 8 months I allowed my anxiety and fears to take control of my life. And because of that I lost my Singnow family. Which now, a year later, I sat in front of, with a lump in my throat the whole time, watching them rehearse and singing along.

I know that some of my Singnow friends haven’t had the best 12 months and I kept thinking of how we changed and struggled over the last year but how we were all there a year later, trying our best.

The show was the following day, Saturday, 29th of April, yesterday.

Apart from a couple of hours before the show when I thought I couldn’t do it and it might be better to stay at home and a moment in the green room, backstage when I was about to go into panic mode, when I couldn’t hear anything else other than a loud noise in my head, I thoroughly enjoyed it.

I didn’t hide in the back as I originally thought it was a good idea.  There was lots of laughter and excitement throughout the evening. And I was emotional from start to finish. I could not stop comparing it with last year. How different it felt.

My highlights of One Sound 2017, the show night:

3. The Adele song, ‘When we were young’.  It will always have a special place in my heart. We started learning it about this time last year, close to my 30th birthday and it means a lot to me. I fought hard to keep my tears when singing that.

2. Rhythm of the night. When the audience stood up, dancing with us, especially this lovely elderly couple sitting in the front. The smile on their faces was priceless.

1.  Fix you. Every single time we sang that, at the rehearsal, at soundcheck and at the end of the show, I teared up.  And I spotted people in the audience tearing up. And when we finished singing it at the show, we got a standing ovation! It was so overwhelmingly beautiful to watch the audience getting up and applauding us.

Here is a video of the end of the show were all choirs got together for Fix you and Jump https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q8Ho3HgJQ5Q&sns=fb&app=desktop

One Sound 2016 would always be one of the favourite moments of my life but One Sound 2017 was beautifully brilliant and I’m glad I was a part of it.

Thank you to all my Solent friends, especially Helen and a big big thank you to Dan and Jack for all their hard work.

Love you all x

Eleni

Some of Cyprus beauty

I’m back, back at my second home. For now. No idea what is going to happen after Brexit, I’ve heard so much my head hurts.

But anyway, a week back home definitely helped to clear my mind and decide what I want to do next. I’m still not feeling my best but I’m feeling better.

Thank you for all the lovely messages you sent me after my last post. I didn’t post to seek attention or make anyone feel sorry for me, I’d hate that.

At the end of the day living here on my own, away from my support network is my choice and I accept the consequences but pretending to be OK, happy and cheery all the time when I’m not, makes me feel much worse so I feel much better now that everything is out in the open.

I didn’t get to do a lot of sightseeing this time as I spent most of my time with my family and best friends (for more of my snaps of Cyprus check my insta https://www.instagram.com/eleni_zenonos or one of the many accounts I follow to remind me how beautiful my homecountry is https://www.instagram.com/heartcyprus

but here are some of the highlights:

-Laiki Geitonia- Old Nicosia- A traditional neighbourhood in the heart of Nicosia surrounded by traditional buildings, cafes, taverns and several souvenir stores.

https://www.instagram.com/p/BSTge-eAAwn/

If you happen to  visit, make sure you walk down Ledras street for some nice food and go up the tallest building in Nicosia, on the Observatory where you get panoramic views of the city, including the occupied part (you can actually cross to the other side and see the other (occupied) half of the city and the rest of the island). Here’s a snap I took of the other half when I visited a while ago:

 

-Agios Iraklidios monastery in Politiko village. An old monastery (the church was originally built in 400AD, but the monastery was fully renovated in 1773) close to Nicosia. My mum’s favourite monastery, set in a peaceful, serene field with trees and flowers grown by the nuns there, who also make their infamous almond sweets. If you ever visit, you should definitely try them! And make sure you ask to visit the saint’s underground grave. It might feel a bit eerie if you are claustrophobic but how often do you get to walk around in a thousands years old underground cave?

If you go in the church to light a candle, turn to your right and go into the original part of the church. There is not much natural light but there are two small windows that let the sunshine in, it’s magical. I can’t describe the feeling but there is something special when you visit an old building that have been there for centuries, nurtured and loved by the nuns who are always smiling at you. You can see in their eyes how they’ve reached the higher levels of humility that fill their heart with peace and serenity.

In whatever mood you are, a visit will sooth your soul, regardless of any religion/non-religion views.

(Photos are not allowed inside the monastery, but if you want to see how it looks inside too, check Google images)

https://www.instagram.com/p/BSLP5uBAROk/

-Panagia (Holly Mary) Chrisospilliotissa. A church/cave probably around since the 12th/13th century (there is not much information about it), built WITHIN a grand, imposing rock and covered in mural paintings inside.  Every time I visit I wonder how on earth they managed to build it!

If you enjoy a bit of history and architecture I definitely recommend it. There are no words to describe it really so here’s a snap:

-Finikoudes- Larnaca. A road full of palm trees, with a variety of restaurants to choose from on one side and Finikoudes beach and the beautiful, recently renovated marina on the other (there are many many more nice beaches and sightseeing in Larnaca).

https://www.instagram.com/p/BSOyPllgtqv/

There’s much much more to this little but beautiful island which I can’t possibly fit in a post but these are the highlights from my most recent visit. More next time I visit, which will be summer!

Hope you enjoyed this 🙂

Love you all x

Eleni

The most honest post I’ve ever written…

I’m going home tomorrow. It’s not a holiday. No I didn’t get the chance to have a holiday in many other countries other than Berlin and Edinburgh last year, those were holidays. This is not. It’s home. It’s home for a thousand different reasons. I grew up there, I lived most of my life there, my best friends and family are there. The people I probably need the most right now, but I can’t be around  because of distance live there. Because I refuse to give up, I refuse to do the easy thing, move back home to have my support network, so I can stop trying and free fall into this black hole. Which is the easiest solution when you are struggling.

I need to go home every now and then to stay sane. I need to remind myself that there are people who love me for who I am, people I don’t have to pretend I’m happy in front of them, because they know me too well. People who’ll give me a hug when I need it, because they know when I need it. People who will re-assure me and make me feel good about myself. As much as you can try and re-assure yourself, you still need that from other human beings, no matter what.

For a while now I’m not feeling well. I can’t put my finger on it (it’s not because my best friend went away, although of course I miss her), but I know I’m not happy. I’m not unhappy, but I’m not happy, not most of the time. I feel stuck. I feel trapped. Trapped in this vicious circle. The less I do, the worse I feel and the worse I feel the less I do. And I don’t know how to get unstuck.  And sometimes however hard I try by making jokes, making people laugh, making a fool of myself (if only people knew that some of the things they say to me in jest actually hit home), I can’t hide it. It’s getting harder and harder to hide. I know some of you noticed and you often ask me if I’m OK. Which I find very sweet and touching. Thank you for caring.

And is getting worse. Some of my friends, I haven’t seen for months (I love you and miss you all, I really do) because I find it easier not to get out and not try. I know people give up on you after a while but I find it easier to just be by myself. Things I used to enjoy I find hard to do, like singing with my colleagues and friends or driving.

I feel I lost my magic marbles and I’m not even sure where to look for them.

I still manage to go to work, although I struggle some days. But at least I haven’t given up completely. Work is one of the very few things that actually keep me sane (most of the time). And that’s why when I worried about my job a while ago, I knew I had to be re-assured that I’m not going to lose it, that I’m not going to lose one of my last life jackets. I’m so lucky I work with some amazing people who keep me going.

It’s so difficult, I don’t think people realise how difficult it is to pretend you are OK when you are not. I don’t think people realise how hard it is for me to make any decision, even simple ones like what to have for dinner, how hard it is to get out of the house, to interact with other human beings, how even the smallest thing like losing a tooth can affect me hugely. I don’t think they realise how my confidence has hit rock bottom, because I manage to hide it well most of the time by overcompensating.

But then what to do? I do not want people to worry and feel sorry for me. So I put my fake smile on and get on with it as best as I can.

I can’t self diagnose but I know where all the signs lead to. They all lead to the big black dog.  I know I need to do something about it before is too late. But is bloody hard. Is even harder when you live on your own, and the people who know you the best and can really help you without asking, because asking for help is not easy, are a thousand miles away. And I don’t want to worry them. And I don’t want to move back either.

I’m not giving up, not just yet.  I learned a lot, especially the last couple of years.I’m scared and I worry about myself and about my family, no matter how much I try not to. But when you struggle, you struggle, no matter how aware you are of the irrationality of it all. Acknowledging your thoughts are wrong doesn’t necessarily mean you can fix them in an instant.

I know I’m not the only one who feels this way. But I know not many will admit they do. Sending you all my love and I hope we all make it to the other side.

So there, is all out in the open now. And I already feel better for sharing.

I’m saddened and a bit scared with the terrorist attack in London, but  I’m happy  I’m going home tomorrow to see my loved ones, be surrounded by my favourite people, enjoy the sunshine and be happy for a week, until reality hits me in the face. I hope this break will give me the push I need. Or not. Only time will show.

I love you all x

Eleni

PS I want to thank Donna, Suzanne, Sarah, Helen, Louise, Jamie, Chris and Andy, thank you, you know why.

One year of blogging!

A Facebook notification came up that I have ‘memories to look back on today’, which sometimes can be depressing but this one was a reminder that I started my blog a year ago on this day.

The day my gorgeous godson was born- happy birthday my little prince!-, a day after my best friend’s birthday (love you Shebz, missing you already),  four days after I got heartbroken again by someone who if I met now I wouldn’t look at twice, but seeking acceptance and admiration after you’ve been starved of it for years can ‘dumben’ you.

I was thinking, whilst taking a shower,  what I want to write about on this post and I came up with many things as one does in the shower, that’s where some of the best ideas are born, but I can’t fit all in a post so I decided to start writing and see what will come out..

Well, a year ago, when I started this blog I was a total mess and writing was one of the things I wanted to try for a long time but for various reasons (e.g. confidence low, ex boyfriend didn’t think I could etc) I didn’t.

But it was exactly what I needed. It helped me immensely with my trip of self-exploration, seeking the meaning of life (I haven’t figured that out yet) and self-healing.

Over the last year I tried a lot of things, I quit many but the two things I still love and do is blogging (which I don’t do that often but I’ll explain in a bit) and play my guitar.

Music and my guitar are my daily medication. I can’t put into words how it soothes my soul when I come home after a long day or at weekends, and I get to play and sing. I’m not and don’t by any means want to be a pro. I know I’m not that good at either. But for me is self-expression, healing and confidence boost. A year ago I wouldn’t imagine posting a video of me singing and playing but now I do and I don’t care if nobody likes it as long as I do.

When I started this blog a year ago I was full of optimism and I still try to be optimistic but it is much harder.

I try to remind myself to enjoy every minute and get out, do things, push myself. But it’s not always easy when life throws shit at you. You do your best but it’s not always enough.

I had a rough couple of months and I didn’t want to post something just for the sake of it. There was nothing meaningful to share. I go back and read my older posts every now and then and life has changed me a lot within the last year but I’m grateful for all the lessons I learnt. It’s been a tough year but there were many good, beautiful moments too.

I know a lot of people who are struggling right now. I don’t think I’m the only one I had a cry at work recently because life got too much. But I also know there is much worse.

I feel now it’s time again to get out and try more things and explore myself and the world. But I find it hard so my way of dealing with it is one step at a time.

One of the things on my bucket list is to travel more. I’ve been to Berlin and Edinburgh last year but this year I want more. I know it might not be possible. But as a greek saying goes ‘η ελπίδα πεθαίνει πάντα τελευταία’ – ‘hope dies last’.

I’ll start with doing what I wanted to do for years, explore the beauties of my home, beautiful island, which I got to do a little bit last year, but there is much more to see! If I don’t post again before that, my next post will be in the end of March, full of pictures of my gorgeous homecountry, Cyprus.

I have no answers to anything but this last year taught me a lot and made me a better person. And a part of it is because of this blog.

Thank you to everyone who’s been reading my rumblings.

Love you all x

 

Happy birthday my little duckling! 

20 years ago, when I was about 11, my parents asked me if I wanted to get another dog as we gave away our little Steve because he was too naughty, or another little brother or sister instead. I wanted both but I was only allowed to choose one so I went for another sibling. To this day, my parents still claim that having my little sister was my decision!

I still remember the day my mum peed on that stick and found out she was pregnant. We were screaming and laughing excited for the new addition in our little family.

A year later, 19 years ago, on this day, 17th of February 1998, on a sunny Tuesday morning, my sister and I woke up but our parents were not home. My cousin who studied to become a teacher at the time was there instead and told us that our mum went into labour! So after a brief stop at my cousin, her brother’s high school to give him his spare pair of glasses, we arrived at the clinic. I still remember that rare feeling of sheer happiness, waiting impatiently for our little baby to arrive.

My mum never had contractions naturally so she walked and down the corridor with an IV in hand, waiting for the little sister to decide to make an appearance!

My cousin who was to be the little sis godmother, who is also my godson’s mum wanted to stay for the birth but she had a lecture and the doctor, Dr Papapetrou reassured her that the baby wasn’t gonna come any time soon. And my beloved aunt Anna, my cousin’s mum, mum’s sister who was there when my sister and I were born was there once again with my mum, to hold her hand and welcome the little sis.

Little did the doctor know! 10-15 minutes later, at 9:20am, little Anna arrived in this world! She was a tiny little thing, with bright red cheeks and rich dark hair. I remember watching the nurse through the glass changing her nappy, I couldn’t believe that was my little sister.

For the first month or so I was scared to hold her. I used to bathe her in the washing clothes basket because she was so small and I was terrified I might drop her.

Over the years I changed her nappies, I sang her to sleep, I was her babysitter, entertainer, her first teacher, her first friend. I was lucky to be old enough to remember her first laughter, her christening, her first words, her first walk, her first day at school…

She was the youngest of the whole family and we all loved to spoil her. And she was very spoilt! But she was raised with love, values and respect and I’m so proud she grew to be an amazing young woman, although in my eyes she is still a baby.

And amazing she is. She excelled at school, she learned to play the violin, the flute and the piano (oh my she used to play for hours, without anyone asking her to and we used to beg her to stop, but nothing could stop her!) she learned to sing, she won awards in Maths and writing competitions, she got involved in a lot of conferences and  events, and she got a place at uni, now on her first year studying what she always wanted, Maths. And recently got a slot at the uni radio station to present her own music show.

I’ve been away for years and that meant I missed a lot of these amazing moments, but I was there for her graduation last summer. It was very emotional and wonderful watching my little duckling walk down the same steps of the same high school my cousins my other sister and I went to, get her certificate with honours and sing in front of all the proud parents, family and teachers who were there that night.

She made and is making us all proud not only because of all her achievements but because she grew to be a loving, respectful and caring person. She still has to learn a lot in life but I knew nothing about life when I was 19 either, I still don’t know much, and I can’t wait to see what she will come up with next!

Yeah, she can sometimes be annoying as she got the stubbornness we all inherited in the family but I’m really proud (I might have mentioned that too many times already) of my little sister.

I’m proud of both of my sisters (blog about my other awesome sister coming soon) and  feel amazingly blessed and lucky to be their eldest sister.

They are the best gifts my incredible parents gave me.

Happy birthday! Χρόνια πολλά μικρή μου. Love you to the moon and back.

Happy New Year !!!

Happy New Year everyone! I don’t have high expectations for 2017 but whatever happens, don’t allow anyone (a lot of as****** out there I know) or anything knock your confidence and self-belief. I hope 2017 is full of love and laughter, no matter what life throws at us.

I’m supposed to be packing as I’m moving at the weekend but it’s too cold and I’m too tired, first day back at work was exhausting, so I’ve written this instead 🙂

I don’t do New Year resolutions because I’ve tried it before and I find it pointless so I’ll try to tick off things on my bucket list instead. Much more fun! And one of the things I want to do is write/blog more often and I’ll try to post more regularly, I forgot how insightful and therapeutic it can be.

Christmas is over and it’s been amazing. After 8 years I surprised my family and had the most amazing week with my parents, sisters and dog, watching Christmas movies, snuggled up on the sofa with popcorn and chocolate.

I caught up with friends and family and spent Christmas day with my aunt and cousins like when we were kids.

And so happy to be there for my godson’s first Christmas!

AND I got to spent New Year’s eve in Edinburgh sending off 2016 whilst watching Paolo Nutini live (that’s ticked off the bucket list!) with my favourite!

New year is perfect for clean sheet/new beginnings/ new year new you, but one of the most important lessons I learnt is that you can change your life whenever you want to and life can change you when you least expect it, so if you want a new start do it now, your new life can start on the 3rd of January instead 🙂

So back to now. And now what? No idea! I’m moving in a couple of days. I don’t know where and a lot of you are asking and are worried, especially my family but don’t! Everything will work out fine. Absolutely no point in panicking and worrying. I’ll let you all know when I know.

My next post will be about my little sister, my little star, my little duckling, as I promised to her a while ago and then (OK she might not like it but) one for my second sister, our hero!

Here is a little preview of my little star, Anna x

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For now, I hope January blues are not too painful for any of us.

Love you all x

PS. I’ve just watched 24 hours in A&E and every time I do, I’m reminded how lucky I am I’m healthy and loved and a HUGE thank you to all doctors and nurses for working so hard to keep all of us safe and alive.