love – Page 6 – Lessons I learned after I turned 30

Why I #loveSolent

For me, Solent is all about the people.

Six years ago, on a rainy November morning, I woke up terrified. My alarm didn’t go off and I was going to be late for my interview. It was the first role I got an interview for that I really really wanted.

I got ready as fast as I could, I didn’t have any coffee, I didn’t even have time to do my hair and had to fashion a quick high bun. By the time I arrived at the reception, the same reception I pass by every day for the last six years, all the worries and stress I had for a week were just gone and I walked in with a ‘nothing else can go wrong now, f**k it’ attitude.

That was the first time I’ve met my then boss and now an amazing friend Chris (who yesterday put together my TV stand as my DIY skills are laughable, nicest man I know) and Caroline, our lovely manager.

In the four years I worked in the Research and Information Unit I’ve learned a lot, I’ve grown and I felt loved and appreciated. Most significantly I made friends for life.

I met my bestie, the most amazing person I’ve ever known Sheba, my Jaba, who gives the best hugs in the world and Mark, Jamie, Sally, Helen, Lou, Emma and all the choir people and of course one of my favourite humans, our choir leader Dan.

About two years ago I left Solent to try something different. I was bored of doing the same thing for four years and I was desperate for a change. I’m not gonna go through everything in detail but after three months I quit, the following day I flew home to say my goodbyes to my dying aunt but I was 10 minutes late and the day I came back home, in Southampton, my boyfriend broke up with me.

I was a mess. Absolutely and utterly devastated. The worst part was that I didn’t have a job. I temped for a while but the money wasn’t enough. Until a job came up at Solent, a fixed term, well paid job I could actually do, so I didn’t have to start from scratch, I wouldn’t have been able to handle it with everything else that was going on in my life that period. I had hit rock bottom, the lowest I’ve ever been.

When I walked through the doors again after four months it immediately felt like home.

I’ll be eternally grateful to my colleagues and especially my manager Suzanne for the support and the love I felt the first couple of months in particular, when I was in such a bad state I’d burst into crying at my desk. She has been more than just a boss to me, even though she won’t admit it!

The last two years have been incredible. I ‘ve made great friends,my favourite Northerner mamma Donna, Miss Holiday and ray of sunshine Linda, my brother Andi, Suzanne and Matt, Sati, Andy, Mike, Syed, Sarah, Denise (love you Denise!), Jo, Lorna, Alex, Rob, Osama and many many others, it will take a whole post to list everyone.

Some of my most precious memories were made at Solent or with Solent people.

The best bunch of people I’ve ever met. A great big family who care for each other. It sounds cheesy but it’s true.

And not just at personal level. Not many realise how important work support staff do. There is this notion that Universities are all about teaching. Of course it is important but teaching alone is not enough.

We get frustrated and disappointed from time to time but we do our best for the University because we really care. We keep the systems going, we make sure the students have their timetable on time, we offer the best support we can when it comes to Finance, assessments, IT, personal problems and the list goes on.

Over the last six years I watched the University grow, our new building the Spark being built and now in full use, I spent many lunch breaks enjoying the delicious food at the Deli and the Dock, I’ve seen films for £4 thanks to Sonar film, I helped with graduation, I volunteered for the Open day, I worked overtime at weekends, I had a laugh with my team of students calling graduates in the evenings, I danced until my feet hurt at the legendary Staff Scene Christmas parties and until this day, even at the worst of times we have a laugh every single day.

I may leave Solent at some point but it will always feel like home.

And this is why I #loveSolent.

Namaste

Eleni

Endings and beginnings (and Spa day)

After a long, eventful day of travelling (crying baby for the whole 4:40hr long flight, train delays and a windy and rainy ‘welcome back’, God I didn’t miss the UK weather) I made it back in Southampton last Tuesday. It was tough to say goodbye to my family and friends but I was ready to start the new year. I have a good feeling about 2018.

It’s been a non-typical first week of January. It’s been busy at work since day one, but exciting new opportunities, my best friend staying with me for her last week in Southampton, catching up with friends and colleagues and a wonderful leaving lunch at Mango and after work drinks at Tapas Barcelona more than made up for it.

Endings…

The day I looked forward the least has arrived. My best friend, my third sister, my partner in crime is leaving Southampton for good today. I will miss seeing her every day, having lunch together at random places, sitting at the park chatting about nothing and everything. I’ll miss our adventures, our laughs, our cries but I’m excited and so proud of her.

She is following her dreams to travel, explore the beautiful world we live in and then have the career she always wanted. She is the kindest, bravest, sweetest, most intelligent, sensitive person I’ve ever met. It is rare to meet humans like her and I’m lucky and blessed to be her friend.

I’m already excited for our first catch-up who knows where!

Next week I’ll be leaving my cosy, little flat. It’s been an incredible year and this studio felt like home more than all the other places I lived in Southampton, maybe because it’s been my shelter and safe place when I was anxious and depressed but also my creative hub. This is where I started my yoga journey, where I played my guitar until my fingers hurt and sang at the top of my lungs, where I read my favourite books, wrote my blogs, where I was re-born.

Beginnings…

But now it’s time for new beginnings! I’m terrified and excited in equal measure.

I wake up at the middle of the night wondering whether I made the right decision, ‘Should I check more places before I decide where to move?’, ‘What if I don’t get along with my new flatmate?’, ‘what do I do next?’ and million other thoughts.

Change can be overwhelmingly scary. It really is. But I can’t wait.

For the first time in a while I have a plan. It may not work out exactly as I thought it will. I’ll finally move on though, no matter what.

and Spa day!

For Christmas, Shebz got me something I wanted us to do for a while, have a Spa day together. And it couldn’t happen at a better time.

We had a wonderful time at the Grand Harbour hotel, enjoyed a much-needed massage, relaxed in the Jacuzzi and sauna and finally had a delicious cream tea.

The day ended like we wanted to, a take-away and a movie. I don’t know how I haven’t watched the Breakfast Club before, I now understand why is considered one of the greatest high school films of all time.

Now, time to get organised for a busy week ahead. Thank you to all my lovely friends who offered to help but I got it this time. I think…

Time for new beginnings, eek!

Namaste

Eleni

Blogmas day 25- Merry Christmas!

Merry Christmas!

Today is all about spending time with the family, so I’ll keep it short and sweet.

I’d like to wish all my friends, old and new and my family Merry Christmas and Χρόνια Πολλά.

I hope you all have a wonderful day with your loved ones.

I’m blessed to have an awesome family, a warm home and plenty of food to celebrate today and I cannot not think of those who may be spending today with none of these. I’m sending you my warmest thoughts and hugs.

Blogmas was an amazing experience, I loved posting daily but it takes time and effort and I’m glad that I can now have a break. Thank you to all the wonderful people who have been following my first ever Blogmas attempt. I hope you enjoyed it.

I’ll try and post later in the week, reflecting on 2017, but for now Merry Christmas from sunny Cyprus!

Namaste

Eleni

Blogmas day 20- Last Christmas meal and goodbyes

A morning Blogmas today for a change.

I’ll be at work all day and in the evening our team and special friends are going out for a three course meal at Carnicero. I haven’t had a steak for ages, last time it was in Florence, the infamous Bistecca Alla Fiorentina and I can’t wait for dinner time. Carnicero has great reviews and one of the harshest food critics I personally know, Mark Dixon approves, so I have high expectations. I hope it won’t disappoint.

After dinner I’m rushing home to pack the last few things before catching the morning train to Gatwick tomorrow. I love airports. People hugging, saying goodbye, leaving, going somewhere, coming home, crying, laughing. And at Christmas time it always reminds me of the airport scenes in Love Actually. People going or coming home to spend Christmas with their nearest and dearest. I cry every time.

I enjoy Blogmas, I really do but it takes up a lot of time and effort. I’m mentally and physically exhausted. I look forward to Blogmas day 25. After that I’ll take a break from Social Media but the occasional tweet or photo from my wonderful home island.

I’d like to write a post reflecting back on 2017, it’s been an amazing year with many ups and downs and I’m hoping to do that just before 2018 is here.

The only thing I want to share with you now, something I often remind myself when my mum will get over excited sending me messages of love, is to appreciate and shower with love the people who love you, help you and support you, whatever happens. Those are the ones who really matter.

Today is the last time I’ll see Andi for a while since he is leaving Solent tomorrow. I love you and I’ll really really miss not seeing you every day. You are the older brother I’ve always wanted. You are an amazing human and I have no doubt you’ll do amazing in London. They are lucky to have you.

Next blog will be posted on my way home!

Namaste

Eleni

A weekend of love,singing and sunshine (courtesy of Southampton Pride and Summer in the Square)

Happy Bank Holiday Monday!

What a wonderfully amazing weekend it has been. I don’t even know where to start from.

A couple of days ago a notification came up on my FB feed that they were looking for volunteers for Southampton Pride on Saturday and I seized the opportunity to help and be a part of this beautiful celebration of love, no matter your sexuality.

To begin with I was asked to assist with fundraising but I wasn’t very good at it. I felt uncomfortable interrupting people whilst having fun asking them to donate. So after a while I went back to the boss and asked if I could help with something else. I was by the gates for a while and after I was relieved I ended up with the most marvelous job.

I was paired up with this lovely lady and we were given a gorgeous feather embellished frame and a camera, and we were asked to go out and take pictures.

I absolutely loved it! Every minute of it. The smile on peoples’ faces made my little heart melt every single time.

It’s such a cliche but is true. Beauty is who you are not how you look. Beauty comes from within. It really does. And all I could see with every photo I took was gorgeous, beautiful humans. Every time I said gorgeous, beautiful, lovely, I really meant it.

I cannot wait to see the photos when they are published. I’d love to share some of my favourites with you.

And the fun didn’t end there.

One of the highlights was the best hug I’ve had for a while, by this gorgeous man in the Guildhall giving away free hugs.

I loved the comments board. So many wonderful messages!

I’ve bumped into lovely friends, I made new friends and the evening came to an end watching 911 with my brother from another mother.

I’m so happy and blessed to have been a part of this beautiful celebration of pride and love. Love is love. Nothing else matters. It doesn’t make a difference whether you are straight, bi or gay. It doesn’t matter what kind of love it is. Family, friendship, romantic, platonic.

I was in a 7 year relationship and never really felt loved. But the love I felt from my family, friends, colleagues and on some occasions even strangers, over the last couple of years it more than made up for it.

Love is love!

On Sunday, another glorious sunny day, I got to sing with Singforce for Summer in the Square and also got to watch my old pals from Sing Now Choir and Love Soul.

At that moment, singing with colleagues in the sunshine whilst my Sing Now friends cheered us on, staring at the clear blue sky, I felt so happy!

I had a lovely afternoon enjoying a scrummy smoothie in the sun at Mettricks with my Sing Now friends afterwards.

To my Sing Now friends who asked me whether I’m coming back.

I want to say that I really do miss you. I met the most wonderful, genuinely nice, friendly people through Sing Now. And when I saw most of you yesterday, not for a second did it feel awkward. It felt like catching up with family after you haven’t seen them for a while.

If I end up staying in Southampton, depending on what I do next, I will definitely return. I miss you all.

When I came home yesterday I cried. It was happy tears. Happy and grateful for the beautiful weekend I had with lots of singing, pride, sunshine and love.

Love is love

Eleni

Happy birthday my little duckling!

20 years ago, when I was about 11, my parents asked me if I wanted to get another dog as we gave away our little Steve because he was too naughty, or another little brother or sister instead. I wanted both but I was only allowed to choose one so I went for another sibling. To this day, my parents still claim that having my little sister was my decision!

I still remember the day my mum peed on that stick and found out she was pregnant. We were screaming and laughing excited for the new addition in our little family.

A year later, 19 years ago, on this day, 17th of February 1998, on a sunny Tuesday morning, my sister and I woke up but our parents were not home. My cousin who studied to become a teacher at the time was there instead and told us that our mum went into labour! So after a brief stop at my cousin, her brother’s high school to give him his spare pair of glasses, we arrived at the clinic. I still remember that rare feeling of sheer happiness, waiting impatiently for our little baby to arrive.

My mum never had contractions naturally so she walked and down the corridor with an IV in hand, waiting for the little sister to decide to make an appearance!

My cousin who was to be the little sis godmother, who is also my godson’s mum wanted to stay for the birth but she had a lecture and the doctor, Dr Papapetrou reassured her that the baby wasn’t gonna come any time soon. And my beloved aunt Anna, my cousin’s mum, mum’s sister who was there when my sister and I were born was there once again with my mum, to hold her hand and welcome the little sis.

Little did the doctor know! 10-15 minutes later, at 9:20am, little Anna arrived in this world! She was a tiny little thing, with bright red cheeks and rich dark hair. I remember watching the nurse through the glass changing her nappy, I couldn’t believe that was my little sister.

For the first month or so I was scared to hold her. I used to bathe her in the washing clothes basket because she was so small and I was terrified I might drop her.

Over the years I changed her nappies, I sang her to sleep, I was her babysitter, entertainer, her first teacher, her first friend. I was lucky to be old enough to remember her first laughter, her christening, her first words, her first walk, her first day at school…

She was the youngest of the whole family and we all loved to spoil her. And she was very spoilt! But she was raised with love, values and respect and I’m so proud she grew to be an amazing young woman, although in my eyes she is still a baby.

And amazing she is. She excelled at school, she learned to play the violin, the flute and the piano (oh my she used to play for hours, without anyone asking her to and we used to beg her to stop, but nothing could stop her!) she learned to sing, she won awards in Maths and writing competitions, she got involved in a lot of conferences and events, and she got a place at uni, now on her first year studying what she always wanted, Maths. And recently got a slot at the uni radio station to present her own music show.

I’ve been away for years and that meant I missed a lot of these amazing moments, but I was there for her graduation last summer. It was very emotional and wonderful watching my little duckling walk down the same steps of the same high school my cousins my other sister and I went to, get her certificate with honours and sing in front of all the proud parents, family and teachers who were there that night.

She made and is making us all proud not only because of all her achievements but because she grew to be a loving, respectful and caring person. She still has to learn a lot in life but I knew nothing about life when I was 19 either, I still don’t know much, and I can’t wait to see what she will come up with next!

Yeah, she can sometimes be annoying as she got the stubbornness we all inherited in the family but I’m really proud (I might have mentioned that too many times already) of my little sister.

I’m proud of both of my sisters (blog about my other awesome sister coming soon) and feel amazingly blessed and lucky to be their eldest sister.

They are the best gifts my incredible parents gave me.

Happy birthday! Χρόνια πολλά μικρή μου. Love you to the moon and back.

3 months ago…when I learned I should listen to myself more often and confirmed once more there is no such thing as fate…

DISCLAIMER. It’s not my intention to insult or disrespect anyone, the purpose of this blog is for me to express my thoughts and feelings, and share what I learned with others which I find very therapeutic, and helped me immensely during this transitional period I’m going through. And by sharing what I’ve learned, I hope to help others, that’s the reason I decided to start a blog instead of keeping a diary (and I’ve received amazing feedback so far, thank you everyone).

I don’t think this post shows any disrespect to anyone or exposes anyone’s personal life (except some aspects of mine of course). If some people think that this makes me look selfish, although I don’t agree, I accept that.

I learned a lot from this experience and I think it’s worth sharing (as much as I can without drawing any conclusions and my thoughts on other people) so here it goes…

A month after I broke up life started to get better… I went out often, I had fun, I started planning things I wanted to do, getting Christmassy (I love Christmas!) checking flats to move in after Christmas… I still had bad days but I kept going…

I still believed if my ex and I spent time apart, recuperate and get back to our old selves that we could get back together and live happily ever after… but we agreed it was better to think we’d never get back together … so I made a decision to stay on my own for some time, get back on my own feet and stay away from heart troubles… I was definitely not ready to get into another relationship for a while, I needed time on my own.

But never say never!

I was asked out by this guy, a friend of a friend.

I was flattered but I couldn’t imagine myself falling in love with anyone, so I explained that I only broke up a month ago and I wasn’t ready to get into anything serious. LESSON 15. Listen to your inner voice, it’s usually right! If you feel you are not ready, then it means you are not (This reminded me of something I read in a little gem of a book about mindfulness ”Listen to your inner voice. Remember to trust yourself”)

But after chatting and seeing him a couple of times, I realised we had a lot in common and we got along incredibly well.

Now, I’m not going to go into details on how everything happened… but it’s rare to find someone you have similar interests, enjoy doing the same things, have the same weird sense of humour AND have good chemistry. And I met such a person a month after I broke up. I was made to feel special and everything felt different than anything else I experienced before.

I don’t believe there is such thing as fate, life is random and it’s all down to chance...but I started to doubt my own beliefs, all this swept me off my feet.

Maybe timing wasn’t the best but maybe it was meant to be??

So what do I do?? I was not ready for a relationship but staying away from him proved difficult.

Everything happened very fast…too fast for me.. Was I in a relationship again within weeks???? LESSON 16. NEVER rush into anything…

I was absolutely petrified. I didn’t want to get hurt or hurt him… I found it hard to accept someone I only knew for a couple of weeks was so sure about this so soon…I kept having doubts about our feelings for each other. I kept trying to put him off because I wanted to make sure his feelings were real…

During all this I was going through grief (which I never really had time to process and still haven’t fully recovered from that horrible week although writing about it and getting amazing messages helped A LOT), getting over a 7 year relationship (which left me with LOTS of issues), moving on my own for the first time in my life (which was not easy) and dealing with my ex’s pain (which was painful for me too). And I’ve told this new guy, Craig all I was going through…

I am truly sorry for hurting my ex… and I sincerely apologise for this. I never intended too. I did what I thought was best for me. Although our 7 year relationship didn’t work out, I love and care about him, he is an amazing person and he deserves to be happy…

So I had a lot of emotional, dark moments, doubts, outbursts, overreacting… And there were moments I didn’t like myself… And there were moments that I was sad and I cried… I was going through so much, so there were days I broke down. I wasn’t myself all of the time, sometimes I was the shadow of myself…

And although I am not perfect, –no one is!- I do love myself and the person I am because (ET) yourself is all you got and you should be comfortable in your own skin. If you don’t love and accept yourself as you are no one else will! And if you love yourself, you don’t need anyone else to be happy (most of the time, we are social creatures afterall!)…

Fast forward to a week ago…

After a difficult, emotional week (during which I had to go to my old place for the last time to pick up the last few things, overreacting to situations, crying, started smoking again-and quit after a week, yes I’m that strong! back to smelling amazing again) I decided to put aside my worries and do something I haven’t done for a long time…

And, although afterwards I felt like a fool, I don’t regret it, because I pushed myself out of my comfort zone, I overcame my fear of bearing my feelings and putting myself out there with the risk of getting hurt. Not sure I am willing to do that again anytime soon…

But it was already over for him… And when he ended it… I overreacted, which is never good! All the pain, grief and anger I had inside building up for the last 6 months, burst out. I felt deeply disappointed, hurt and sick! I wanted to forget all this ever happened.

During my outburst I might have hurt him, unintentionally… And I sincerely apologise for that but I was hurt…

That’s why I didn’t want to get hurt again, not that it would have been too difficult to get over someone I only knew for a couple of months but I knew that another heartbreak will bring out all the pain and issues I’ve been trying to deal with the last couple of months. And it did. Now I have to deal with what I haven’t dealt with because I got into another relationship straight away.

But I don’t regret this, because (ET) all the experiences in my life taught me something valuable and made me who I am today and I can’t and wouldn’t change that so I don’t want to regret anything that happened. And I don’t regret meeting this person. We had amazing time together, we enjoyed being with each other, we had fun and lots of laughs, we made each other happy… for a while…

Maybe it wasn’t special and different after all (we didn’t even get to know each other that well), but that’s how it felt at the time and that’s why I went for it.

Would it have made any difference if we waited 6 months ? Maybe…or maybe not.

Should have I hidden my pain, doubts and worries and pretend I was OK? No, because I wanted to be honest and I needed to find myself and deal with my issues, not avoid them. If I had done that, they would all have come out later on.

Was he the right person? I don’t know, I am not even sure if there is such thing as right person. Was it the right time? Definitely not.

When 2 people break up, they are both at fault, they both made mistakes. I am not going to get into what I think his mistakes were. But my mistake was that I wasn’t ready for a relationship and I should have been more cautious and take time out for myself before I got involved into anything.

LESSON 17. I learned that I need to listen to myself more and not believe everything I’m told … And I again reminded myself ‘Never say never’!

So now what? It’s been a week but I still feel numb. What happened doesn’t make complete sense to me but it doesn’t matter. It wouldn’t made a difference, it’s over. LESSON 18. Not everything in life makes sense, just let it go!

But it definitely put me off any quests for love. No more Ex’s and Oh’s!

What matters is that life goes on. I don’t want to waste any more time being sad. And I try my best not to…I am not going to pretend that I’m OK now, because I’m not all the time, there are times I can’t help it, there is a lot to process and get over (the last 6 months haven’t been easy for me) and it can be overwhelming sometimes (remember the Kubler-Ross stages of grief? I think I am now at the depression stage… but acceptance comes next!) but there are days that I laugh and I’m happy.

And today, I feel happy!

I need to get over my grief and pain I avoided for months, learn how to control my feelings again (which I’am already better at, yeay me!), find myself, heal, have a place I can call home and… just have fun, wander around in cities and countries with no worry in the world, try new things, spend time with friends, make new friends, enjoy every moment! And stay away from men!

Lesson 19. Every day is a new day, and your past doesn’t determine you (but remember what has taught you!). From this moment, right now, you can be whoever you want to be.

But it’s OK not to be OK all the time, on those days, take it a day at a time and remember all the lovely people who love you for what you are, that’s what helps me 🙂

Next post…. THE PRESENT- GETTING READY TO GO HOME- HERE COMES THE SUN TURURURU!!!

4 months ago… part 3… the funeral and the week after

18th of October, 2015… Sunday…

It was a miserable day for the whole family. I felt numb. I couldn’t comprehend what happened the night before. I kept my emotions in for so long, I was about to burst, but I held them in. I knew I had to be strong for the rest of the family.

We all spent the whole day at home, making arrangements for the funeral which was the next day. We didn’t talk much, we barely ate, we barely slept.

19th of October 2015, Monday

On Monday morning my cousin called me. She wanted me to read a few words she wrote at the funeral, a eulogy for her mum. We talked about it months ago and I agreed to do it because she knew she wouldn’t be able to do it herself. Living away helped me be calmer and more composed and I had to remain calm and composed once more.

She sent me the text (it’s in Greek but if anyone wants a translation, I’d be happy to do it ΕΠΙΚΗΔΕΙΟΣ (2)) and I’ve read it aloud a couple of times, to prepare myself. I managed to hold my tears during most of it but I always broke down towards the end of it. I knew I had to try my best at the funeral.

It was a warm, sunny day although it was the middle of October. We went to church at 3pm.

She arrived… she looked like an angel heavily asleep, so beautiful and peaceful. I broke down a couple of times. But every time I did, I managed to recover fast, I had to. I needed to make it through the day…

The church was full of people who loved her… Everyone she knew came to pay their respect to this beautiful person. It was very moving to see all of these people there. It was an emotional ceremony run by 12 priests…

2015-10-19 13.14.03

The worst part was kissing her goodbye. It was a tragic moment for all of us but especially for my grandpa, her dad…

And then it was time for me to read the Eulogy. I stood in front of everyone, next to the coffin. My voice trembled, my mouth was dry. For the first time in my life my legs went numb and I felt I would faint at any minute. But I kept looking at her picture throughout the ceremony and in my head I imagined her saying to me ‘You can do it, do it for me, I know you can’.

And I did. I managed to read all of it until the end. I broke down briefly when I caught with the corner of my eye her son breaking down. But I kept going. And I made it. When I was done I ran into my cousin’s arms and let my tears out. It was one of the most difficult things I’ve done in my life… and I’m proud of myself that I managed to do it.

After that, the cemetery. What bizarre places cemeteries are. Haunting but peaceful…

There was a lot of crying and sobbing and shouting… And after that we all gathered at my grandpa’s house (I am not even going to talk about how my grandpa was on that day, I can’t even imagine how it feels to lose your child). And we all shared lovely stories, kids were running around, we caught up with relatives who hadn’t seen for years and we all had a laugh, celebrating her life.

LESSON 9 That moment I realised once again that life goes on no matter what.

Deep inside I knew all this left a big scar and I needed time to heal. I feel I still haven’t had the time to do that (more on that later). Kubler Ross five stages of grief (they apply to different situations, not just death but also breakups, divorces etc) keep popping into my head since then. Denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance… I am not sure on which stage I am, but I have not reached acceptance yet…

My family and I spent most of the rest of the week at home. Everyone started going back to work, trying to move on the best they could. And things between me and my ex whilst I was away were deteriorating so I knew it was time for me to pick up my pieces, go back home and sort my life out.

Rest in Peace my lovely aunt Anna… you’ll always be in my heart…

2015-10-19 14.58.52

4 months ago…part 2… dedicated to my aunt Anna…

LESSON 6 and the most important one: ENJOY EVERY MOMENT, YOU NEVER KNOW IF IT WILL BE YOUR LAST ONE. IF YOU DIE TOMORROW, AT LEAST YOU’LL DIE HAPPY!

17th of October, 2015… A day I will never forget…

My ex drove me to the airport on that Saturday morning. We were both lost in our own thoughts and worries… It was one of the longest drives ever but I tried to follow my own advice… take a day at a time and focus on the present (which is easier said than done, I know).

Throughout the 4.5 hour flight I tried to mentally prepare myself of what was I about to face. The plan was to drive straight from the airport to the hospital at 9pm as my beloved aunt’s life was hanging by a thread…She smiled when they told her I was going…I really wanted to see her before she died…

My cousin warned me that what I was going to see wasn’t pretty, my aunt wasn’t breathing on her own, she couldn’t talk, only blink and sigh, her body started to melt, she was full of jaundice… But for me she was still my aunt and I wanted to see her and tell her that I’m there and that I love her…

I kept thinking how difficult life she had. Back in 1974, during the Turkish invasion in Cyprus she was captured by the Turks, when she was only 15 years old, and luckily a kind-hearted officer dressed her up as an old lady so she doesn’t get raped and helped her escape.

She was intelligent, loved reading, she was one the best students in her class and she got a place at a Greek university to study French. But just before she was about to go, she met the man she loved until her last breath, (even after all that he’s done to her) and decided to get married and have a family instead.

After her husband abandoned her, she was left on her own, with no money, no food. At some point a snake sneaked in the house and no one could do anything about it, she spent sleepless nights worrying..

She suffered a lot, I won’t get into more details but she didn’t feel true happiness for years…

She was a loving person who adored everyone and always wanted to make everyone else happy…putting her self last.

LESSON 7- Love yourself and do whatever makes you happy. It’s not selfish to think about yourself first, it’s essential.

And after all she’s been through, she was diagnosed with terminal cancer. And she suffered immense pain for a whole year. But through all of this she never complained and until the end she only thought about others. She didn’t deserve this horrible end. No one does. CANCER SUCKS!

She loved to cook and take care of everyone. She made the best pastitsio and keftedes!

She always started the beautiful text messages she used to sent to me with ‘To my beloved Eleni… ‘ and ended with ‘Love, your aunt Anna’…

Back to that night.. we drove straight to the hospital…My heart was pounding so loudly I could actually hear it…

I walked into the room… I couldn’t believe that person was my aunt, she looked like someone else, what was left of her after cancer and chemotherapies, hormone therapies, radiotherapies, liver failure, kidney failure… I don’t want and can’t describe in great detail what I’ve seen, I will only say she looked like a person dying… that image and that smell will always be in my memory. My voice was trembling, my mouth was dry… I managed to say ‘Hi, I’m here’ …

My cousin (who was pregnant at the time) started shouting ‘ She is not breathing, she is not breathing’. My aunt’s ex-husband and daughter in law were next door waiting for the nurses to finish changing her clothes and bedsheets.. they didn’t know …

She died just 10 minutes before we got there… She died on her own.

LESSON 8- Tell the people you love and care about how you feel about them often, you never know when it’s the last time you see them.

I feel in my heart that’s what she wanted… she didn’t want to die in front of her loved ones, she knew it would be more difficult for them to get over it… so she waited and died whilst the nurses were changing her clothes… The doctor had to run to an emergency call and she didn’t have time to inform the relatives before we arrived… We were the first who saw her dead.

I couldn’t believe she was gone, I couldn’t believe I was 10 minutes late… I kissed her on the forehead and mumbled ‘rest in peace’ I tried hard to hold my tears and comfort my cousin…I kept staring at her… she was finally free from the pain but no longer with us… We sat around for hours until her son arrived (who I hadn’t seen for years), we didn’t want to tell him on the phone that she died…he had a special bond with his mum and he struggled to handle all of this…

That was the worst night of my life… followed by the worst week of my life… Since then with everything else that happened later on(posts to follow) I haven’t been myself..I still sometimes struggle to believe she is gone and I will never see her again…

continues at part 3…

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