I sometimes feel I’ve been extremely lucky (minus one unfortunate occasion) with the managers I’ve had so far. In all the part-time jobs I worked for they’ve all been great and the two (out of three) I had when working full time, well one of them, Chris is now a great friend and one of my favourite humans and the other one is also a great friend and one of my favourite humans as well as one of my career and life advisers over the last couple of years.
Suzanne supported me from day one, always believed in me and trusted me with huge responsibilities, always protected me and she knew almost from the start that I wasn’t made for an office so she used to send me other more interesting jobs to apply for, we used to talk about travels and business ideas and all sorts.
When I told her soon after I decided what I was planning to do, she was so happy for me and helped me with references, moving, getting rid of things and everything else I needed.
Sue Sue was not just my boss (coolest boss ever), she was and still is my friend, one of the original members of our little Culture Club, always up for a drink and a laugh, a truly awesome human with a heart of gold. I don’t think anyone will ever be able to be as nearly as an amazing manager as Suzanne.
So thank you Suzanne, thank you for believing in me and pushing me to follow my dreams and for always looking after me. Best boss ever!
I really don’t know how to start or end this post, there are not enough words to accurately capture the phenomenon that is Donna.
Mamma Donna, Mrs Allen, my second favourite Allen (after Darren of course!) the craziest, funniest most fascinating person I had the luck to meet in my life so far.
It all started three years ago around this time when she offered me a Custard Cream and the rest is history.
She taught me so much over the years, from cheese rolling festivals, to random facts, pranks and essential Northern vocabulary.
Despite the deceptive first impressions she gives, she is actually NOT at all scary, serious or tough or as old as you imagine (sorry Donna, I had to!).
IN all seriousness though she has a heart of gold and she’s been like my mum over the last three years, checking what I had for lunch, stealing my bananas, organising nights out, theatre trips, climbing up and down mountains and looking after me when I was not well (many a times).
She encouraged me to leave and go out see the world ever since she realised that the office and Southampton was too small for me and when I told her and Darren my plans though they were sad I was leaving, I know she was super happy for me. She helped me with everything I needed, hosted a party to celebrate my departure and made my last few months at work and Southampton more memorable.
So this post is for my UK mum, the crazy, prosecco loving, adorable, the one and only Donna. Thank you for everything. I wish the world had more Donnas!
I miss you!
(PS I hope you manage to read my post, I know you are struggling with technology and might take you a while to figure out how to read this on your phone).
Two and a half years ago, on a warm July afternoon I decided to follow the link my bestie sent me, the first day of a Youtube ’31 day yoga revolution‘ programme with a ‘fun, funny, amazing gal’ and her doggie. Shebs had been doing the daily sessions for about two weeks and loving them. She talked with such an enthusiasm about Adriene I had to give it a ago and it was one of the best decisions I ever made.
I never sticked to anything for a whole month and though I tried yoga before online and in a class, the instructors never inspired me, but I loved this so much I made sure I practised every single day. Every day had a different theme, duration and aim but they were all connected plus Adriene is hilarious and I had a laugh (and sometimes a cry when some of the sessions became too emotional).
I cried on the last session. I couldn’t believe that within just a month I not only felt the best I ever felt physically and emotionally but for the first time ever I accepted and loved myself for what I am, with all my imperfections and I learned to love and look after myself, something I struggled with for years.
After the 31 day programme was over I followed the monthly calendar playlists Adriene puts together with older videos as well as new sessions until life got in the way again and I practised less and less. Although I don’t practise every day I go back to it every month be it for a day or a week and it’s one of my remedies, one of my favourite ‘me time‘ activities, my body and mind crave for it if I don’t.
I talked to all my friends, even strangers about Adriene and her Youtube channel, I wrote about it on here several times, I recommended it and would recommend it to anyone. Free Yoga with an awesome lady and an awesome community. To know, especially in January when Adriene posts her 30 day Yoga videos once a day, that at the same time I practise, thousands of people around the world practise as well, makes it incredibly special, I feel part of a huge family.
Every time anxiety or depression got the better of me, and this year it happened a lot with all the huge decisions I forced myself to take, I returned to the mat, and on those days, that 10, 20 or 30 minute video was the only time my mind managed to relax and not worry about a thing.
Ever since I started teaching full time I had no free time to do much but since the first of December I’m back on my daily sessions. I have to wake up earlier than normal which means longer days but it’s all worth it.
I can honestly say I wouldn’t be so calm and composed with everything that happened and still going on if it wasn’t for Yoga with Adriene. I would have broken down by now.
I love this lady (and Benji), with her smile, charisma, witty humour and her genuine love for real yoga, connecting the body and the spirit rather than ‘getting the poses right’, she made me love yoga and because of her yoga will always be part of my life.
So thank you Adriene, the awesome in me bows to the awesome in you.
A few days ago, I woke up in a sweat, tears streaming down my face, in the middle of the night. I saw my uncle Spyro in my dream, he looked so alive and healthy but he was sad. He knew he was going to die and I was painfully aware he was already dead. It took me a few seconds to realise where I was. I’m in Italy. How on earth all of this happened in just few months?
That’s when it hit me.
I have no idea what is going on. Not a clue. Now that the dust has settled and I’m getting into a routine, a routine I’m not familiar with and not quite sure how it should be, teaching English in a foreign country is brand new to me, I’m making time for myself to reflect, to make sense of what has happened in the last few months.
I don’t know where to start and how to end this post but here it goes.
I still sometimes feel I’m on a long, albeit random and bizarre holiday and I’ll be returning to the UK anytime now. I don’t miss my job, or the grey weather, OK I do miss British autumn, golden leaves across the park, hot chocolate at Mettricks, reading a book or watching silly TV on a Saturday afternoon with a blanket, a cup of tea and some chocolate biscuits whilst pouring down with rain outside, but other than that I don’t miss the UK.
I miss things from the UK, the convenience of it all (Amazon Prime aaah), actual little daily things like decent tea, Hobnobs and Chocolate Digestives, but most of all I miss my friends, my dear friends. Not that I don’t love my new colleagues and friends I’ve made already, but I miss my people.
So far I’ve enjoyed working as an EFL teacher. But is this the career I’d like to follow?
I don’t know, I genuinely don’t. I don’t even know if I’m any good at it. I’ll soon get feedback from my managers after they observe me but for now I’m doing what I think best.
Of course if I decide that’s not what I’d like to do long-term I can change careers again, but to do what?
For now I’ll give it time and not think that far ahead, but it’s always at the back of my mind.
I’m strangely not stressed or too anxious, not as much as I expected I’d be. Being one of the oldest teachers and having lived life already comes with its perks I guess. I do sometimes feel I let the rest of them down when I’m too tired or too ill or too old (in a ‘been there, done that’ sense) to follow them in some of their excursions.
It’s still unclear in my head whether I pursued this so fast to not disappoint my tutors who gave me a Grade A or to avoid dealing with my grandpa and my uncle’s deaths, I feel I haven’t processed still what has happened.
I remember the last time I was at my grandpa’s house, where my auntie now lives alone, without pappou Costa or theio Spyro and I caught myself waiting for them to show up. A horrible, sad realisation they will not ever again.
I also feel terrible guilt. I feel guilty I didn’t give my home, Cyprus more time. I was so occupied worrying not to get stuck I left after just a month. I didn’t travel across the island, I didn’t see all my friends and family. I needed an escape and ended up changing my plans at the very last minute.
I know deep in my heart I made the right decision leaving my job and leaving the UK. I’m not sure I made the right decision rushing into my first ELT job, but time will show.
For now I need to find myself again, I have felt the black cloud of depression getting closer over the last week and I desperately want to keep it away.
I need my remedies, my writing (which I’ve done a lot, this terrible cold I can’t shake off did me good in other ways), my Yoga- God I miss Adriene-, my guitar- God I miss my guitar-, and I need to feel like myself because at the moment… (I couldn’t have described it better than Wind and the Wave’s Lost)
Jonny did warn me at the interview, as I assume all CELTA tutors do with their potential students (full details of the interview process here), but no amount of explaining and warning can prepare you for doing a full-time, intensive, month long CELTA course. A level 5 qualification (equivalent to HNC/HND) which normally takes between 6 months/ 1 year full time and 2 years part time squeezed in one month!
Lead in, TPs, Gist Task, Detailed task, Guided Discovery, Monitoring, you pick up the CELTA language from week 1, that’s how intensive it is.
I’ll talk about my experience at Cambridge Regional College but I’m certain the format and the content are similar across the world, as they all follow the Cambridge English syllabus, though not everyone might have been lucky enough to have had such great tutors, classmates and students.
A. format
We started the course on a Friday, to give us time to get to know each other and our surroundings and on the following Monday we taught for the first time, just an introductory, non-assessed class. The following day we had to teach our first assessed Teaching Practice (TP), extremely stressful for someone who struggles with anxiety like me, but it helped we got to know the students the day before first. With most education providers you are required to teach your first assessed lesson on day two. Yes, it’s pretty intense from the start.
-Input sessions
Every morning we had input sessions, where Jonny and Fiona in turns covered the main topics of EFL teaching: learners and teachers, and the teaching and learning context, language analysis and awareness, language skills: reading, listening, speaking and writing, planning and resources for different teaching contexts and developing teaching skills and professionalism. For more details you can check the Cambridge English CELTA syllabus here.
Input sessions with those two were never dull, they were always fun, engaging and creative, even with typically boring, dreadful subjects like teaching grammar. Jonny’s colour- coordinated flashcards and phonetics jokes were superb and Fiona’s energy, honesty and saying things as they were were refreshing. I won’t go into much detail, I wouldn’t like others to steal Jonny and Fiona’s hard work but I’m not sure many CELTA students got to mime, dance and laugh as much as we did whilst learning.
-Teaching
In the afternoons we were split into two groups. Half of us taught the pre-intermediate group and the other half the upper intermediate (and we switched half way, every teacher has to teach two levels). When we were not teaching we observed and gave feedback to each other. Jonny or Fiona (in turns) were always there assessing and providing us with feedback after each session. We taught six 40 min and two 1hr long sessions (8 sessions and 6 hours in total).
Don’t worry if you’ve never taught before, I hadn’t before this. We were provided with lesson frameworks to use from day one and every morning the day before we were to teach we met with our tutor to help us with the lesson planning, except for the last two sessions where assistance with planning was also assessed and varied depending on what grade you were aiming for (more on that on a separate post).
-Observing
You are also required 6 hours of observing experienced teachers. We observed summer school teachers in the classroom, a video-taped session and our tutors who both were AMAZING at their teaching and way better than the rest we observed. Engaging, building rapport almost instantly, monitoring effectively and making the class fun and interesting. That’s how I aspire to teach.
-Assignments
As if lesson planning, input sessions, teaching and observing are not enough you also have to prepare and hand in 4 assignments, around 1000 words each covering the main topics mentioned above. It’s hard work this course!
-Grades
Possible outcomes are:
-Pass A (about 5% of successful candidates).
-Pass B (about 25% of successful candidates)
-Pass (about 70% of successful candidates)
-Fail
Fiona told us from day one she won’t let anyone fail and nobody did.
B. Day to day work
You may assume you go home around 5pm and you only need an hour or two preparing for the next day but that’s not the case. Lesson planning takes, especially to begin with, at least 4-5 hours- ‘Double the time you think it will take’ Fiona used to say and she was right- and the more you progress through the course the more exhausted, sleep deprived and stressed you become, which slows everything down significantly.
C. How to make it
Classmates
All ten of us used to go in as early as possible so we can finish our lesson plans, print our handouts and/or help each other with assignments. Honestly we wouldn’t have made it without each other. I certainly wouldn’t.
We all reached our limit and were about to quit, particularly towards the end of week two. We were warned that would happen, though nobody told us it would happen more than once. If you really want this qualification, persevere. You will feel like quitting at least once, but the sense of achievement will more than make up for it in the end.
Most of us were not from Cambridge, we had no family or friends around, we lived and breathed CELTA for a month and that takes its toll. We kept each other going, read and corrected each other’s assignments, lesson plans, hand outs. We cried together, we laughed together. We bonded a lot, very fast. It’s inevitable when you spend every day with the same people, trying your best for the same thing.
Having a WhatsApp group helped a lot not just with homework but also mentally. Sharing our frustrations and worries was therapeutic.
This may not be the case with everyone who does the CELTA. I think I was lucky I had such sweet, caring, brilliant, funny, all round awesome classmates I now call friends. I miss you all!
Tutors
I’ve touched a bit on this already but I feel we were lucky we had such great tutors. It’s obvious they love what they do and they are incredibly amazing at it. They passed on their enthusiasm, skills and knowledge to us, so when we get out there and teach we care and we do it right.
They were there before us in the morning and left after us most days. Whilst they had to train us, they also had to deal with the rest of their day to day job in between as well as read and mark our assignments.
Both Fiona and Jonny supported us as much as they possibly could, me personally, when I was going through my grief having lost my grandpa on week one. I cried in front of them on my first week and they were both understanding, they offered me a break and checked up on me.
Also I wouldn’t have been able to manage my stress and teach so effectively if it wasn’t for Fiona. She helped me more than she realised. She is awesome.
Students
I got to teach two lovely groups of students. Before my first teaching session I was terrified of what I was about to face but by the end of the course I loved everyone in both classes. People from all over the world, Italy, Spain, Brazil, Colombia, Lithuania, you name it, who happened to now live in Cambridge and just wanted to improve their English all came together and I was blessed with teaching them. I got to know and chat to every single one of them outside the class, have a laugh with them and hopefully taught them a thing or two.
Accommodation
Most of my classmates were not from Cambridge or the UK, so we all lived in a brand new environment dealing with all sorts of situations whilst studying hard every day.
I lived with a host ‘family’, it was only the landlady, Mary in my case, who also provided breakfast and dinner every day and did my laundry every week. It was challenging at times, especially when all the rooms were occupied, noise, queue for the bathroom (though they were three!) but all in all it was brilliant. Mary looked after me and I made great friends, not just Mary but also my Russian flatmates! If you have the option I definitely recommend it, you won’t have time to cook or do anything else for a month, it helps to have dinner prepared for you and a clean room to your disposal.
Overall thoughts
The 4 week CELTA course was one of the most mentally and physically challenging things I ever had to do, it tested my sanity, my health, my limits in more than one way and my anxiety flared up bad, I didn’t sleep more than three/four hours a day, I didn’t get to see much of Cambridge but it was also incredibly rewarding and fulfilling, at least for me. I learnt a lot, I fell in love with teaching and I made friends in Cambridge and all over the world, from Peru to Italy and Azerbaijan. Once in a lifetime experience I’ll never forget.
If I had to do it again I’d may opt for the part-time option, though that has its challenges too if you work full-time, and it may take longer to learn as you don’t apply what you learn immediately, but I don’t regret a single moment.
If you decide to do it full time, I’d with no second thought recommend Cambridge Regional College.
If you do it in Cambridge, go a few days early or stay a few days after to enjoy what this gorgeous city has to offer. I’d love to go back some time and go punting, visit the Wren Library, have afternoon tea at Grantchester and do yoga in the park by the river. Who knows, maybe I will one day.
After thoughts
Despite no previous teaching experience I managed to get the highest grade (Grade A), so it is possible, but I will write about that on a separate post.
I just started a part-time job teaching A1 Movers and A2 Key young learners, the CELTA can’t prepare you for that I’m afraid. I’ll write about that soon too but any advice would be greatly appreciated.
Less than a week later, one my of worst fears was realised. Pappou Costas, everyone’s favourite grandpa, the kindest, sweetest, funniest, loving, genuine man I had the blessing to have as a grandpa to look after me, take me cycling, take me down town on the bus at the big market in the old city on a Saturday, attend every birthday, name day, every single celebration, died a few days after his 83rd birthday.
When I talked to him last Saturday I promised I’d go see him first thing when I’m back in Cyprus in just a few weeks time. After he lost himself in his own thoughts for a moment (dementia is a horrible, horrible disease) he told me ‘I’m not going to be here, I’ll leave this place’. I cried after we hang up. I hoped he meant he’d leave the nursing home he was temporarily at but deep down I feared he meant he’d leave us, for good.
On Wednesday afternoon whilst observing my classmates teach, I got a message from my little sister and my mum saying that grandpa was not feeling that well. As soon as I got out of the classroom, I called the little one. I knew what she’d tell me before she spilled the words out. Pappou Costas died that morning, on his own at a nursing home, after a stroke.
I couldn’t stop crying but I went to the loo, washed my face and went back into the classroom. I can’t even remember how I managed not to cry in front of everyone. As soon as I walked out of the classroom I burst into tears and cried until bedtime.
I thought of quitting the course and flying home for the funeral the following day. But that wouldn’t have helped in anything. Grandpa’s only wish was for his children and grandchildren who adored, to be happy. Quitting the CELTA course and not having the option to teach English after my Cyprus break would have been a terrible decision.
“Please don’t quit, you flying here just for the funeral won’t make anyone happier. Stay, finish the course” my mum, my sisters and my cousin said.
They were right. And if I want to travel in the next few years, I’d have to learn to deal with terrible situations like this. I have been through them before, but it never gets easier.
I had no idea how to manage it. I was to teach the following day and all I could think of is that I’ll never see my grandpa again. I’ll never see his wide smile, with the odd hair from his moustache always falling into his mouth. I’ll never hear his laughter, his jokes, the way he greeted me every time he saw me or spoke to me on the phone.
But I had to find a way. People go through this every day. I can do it. First I emailed the course leaders. They may well notice my puffy, red eyes and they might misinterpret it and worried I’m not happy with the course.
I then sat down for hours preparing my lesson plan. Honestly, I can’t remember much from Wednesday night. It’s all a blur. Only thing I remember is all the messages I got from my friends. I never missed my friends more than last week and I’ve never felt them closer. I never felt so loved but so lonely at the same time.
I hardly remember anything from Thursday.
“Remember, teachers are really actors“, my dear auntie Sophie said. That’s what I tried to do. I cried my eyes out on my way to the college but when I walked in I pretended I was someone else. It worked for most of the day. I only broke down a couple of times.
When I walked into the classroom, one of the tutors, Jonny, took me to another room.
–‘Please don’t ask me if I’m OK otherwise I’d start crying’, I said.
-‘I know. I’m just checking…’ he replied.
And that was it. I started crying. He welled up. He gave me a hug and offered me a tissue and a few days off if I wanted to. I didn’t want to though. It would have probably made everything worse, staying at home in a house full of strangers, with no friends around. I will always remember that hug, a human feeling empathy and crying with another human’s pain. So poignantly beautiful.
I did OK in the input sessions but just before 2pm, when the funeral was just about to start in Cyprus, I went outside for some fresh air before the class I were about to teach. I had a moment of silence to myself in honour of my grandpa whilst I felt the sunshine warming up my face. It was cloudy all day but at that very moment the sun came out.
‘My grandpa brought the sunshine out all the way from Cyprus to me, to tell me everything will be OK. I love you grandpa’ I heard the little voice inside my head say. I wiped my tears, took a deep breath and walked back in the classroom.
If anyone told me a week ago that in the next seven days I’d lose my grandpa, cry in front of both of my tutors and somehow manage to pretend I’m OK for days and actually deliver a great class, I’d have never believed them. Who? Me! I cry watching TV adverts and wear my heart on my sleeve, how on earth did I manage this?
Sadly I didn’t make it to Chris’s wedding and I feel terrible for that. For those who know me in person or have been reading my blogs, you know how much I love Chris, he’s one of my favourite people in the world and I’d have loved to be there and celebrate with him the happiest day of his life, but I just couldn’t. I was exhausted. Mentally and physically. Drained. I couldn’t feel any other emotion other than numbness and deep sadness.
5 days later and I’m doing better. I’m still sad and I cried my eyes out writing this, but I can control my grief just enough to get me going for now. It will hit me as soon as I’m done with this insanely intense course. For now, a day at a time.
This post is dedicated to my grandpa and I couldn’t not write a few words.
“A society grows great when old men plant trees the shade of which they know they will never sit in”. Good people do things for other people. That’s it. The end. Anne said to Tony on Ricky Gervais ever so relevant After Life. That’s what our grandpa did all his life. Good things for other people without expecting anything in return.
This is the last time I saw him, last Christmas, watching his grandchildren and grand grandchildren laughing and playing.
I asked the family to share some of their photos. Always surrounded by his loved ones, always laughing. That’s how we’ll all remember him.
I love you pappou mou. Our lives will never be the same without you. I promise I’ll always try to follow your example. Do good things for people. Make this a better world for everyone.
Wow. I realised I haven’t written for 20 days. I can’t believe it.
It’s been busy and stressful, trying to sort everything out before I leave Southampton and it took me about a week to fully recover from the Macmillan Jurassic Coast Mighty Hike challenge, mainly mentally.
Although I’ve done my best I still feel terrible for only reaching mile 20 and not finishing it and I’d love to go back and try again.
I won’t get into details on what happened on the day, you can get a taste below (the whole story in the description) but I thought I’d share what I learnt to help future hikers who decide to take the challenge.
I wish I prepared better. Physically I was OK, the first half was tough but I managed, I’m not too unfit, I could have finished it but I wish I had done a walk as long as the hike just to test my shoes. Had I known my hiking boots would burn my feet when I hit the road and I’d been in pain for over two hours I would have either worn another pair or brought an extra pair of comfy trainers for the second half. I’ve changed socks once but didn’t seem to help.
I wish I’d had a look of the route beforehand. No need to explain much, but I had no idea how scary the first half would be with those steep hills.
I could have taken fewer snacks with me to reduce the weight of my backpack. It feels heavier and heavier the longer you walk.
I should have put blister pads on from the beginning and not wait until half way when me feet were already sore.
I wouldn’t have made it to 20 miles without my waterproof and walking poles. Especially the walking poles. I’d still be on the top of those hills, paralysed in fear.
Maybe if I stuck with others I would have gone further. Staying on my own, alone with my thoughts and in pain was probably the wrong decision. The only thought in my mind for those two hours I was in unbearable pain was how disappointed I was in myself I couldn’t take up this pain, when thousands of people suffering or who died from cancer, like my aunt, experience pain ten times worse every single day for months or years. ‘How lame, you are so weak, you can’t even walk 26 miles. You are quitting??Pathetic.’
As I’m writing this a lady going through chemo wearing a cold cap to save her hair comes up on the ITV news. She looks tired but so positive. I remember reading about this infamous cap and how horrible it is, giving you headaches, as if the chemo side effects are not bad enough and half of the time it doesn’t even work. My shame for not finishing it’s still there.
Finally I wish was prepared for the mental, emotional challenge, which was at times more overwhelming than the physical. I had no idea that everything would trigger me crying for three days after the hike.
Two days later on the Monday, my feet were still a bit sore and I got my period three days early, which didn’t help with the pain but I could have gone to work. I would have been sore but I could have gone. Mentally though, I wouldn’t manage.
Partially, it is a natural reaction, your body is not used to such a physical challenge and although self induced, you are exposing your self to trauma. You are in pain but is self-inflicted. The brain does not know how to handle it.
If you are struggling with anxiety and depression and you can feel everything more intense than the average person, after such a challenge, the intensity reaches new heights.
I wish I was honest about it, I wish I’d admitted the main reason I couldn’t go to work was that I couldn’t control my feelings. Instead I let people tease me I couldn’t handle the soreness. I’m ashamed I did not ticked ‘mental health’ when I filled in my sickness absence form.
So be prepared and take a day or two off afterwards.
But what it’s done, it’s done. I can’t change what happened. All I can do is learn from it and as Mark who is fighting cancer for the second time and did the hike said:
“…don’t feel ashamed, take it from me, this happens to us all the time, you hit a barrier and you fall down. You get back up and crack on, that’s what you must do.”
Despite my disappointment, it’s been an amazing experience I shared with lovely friends, I met incredible humans and I feel blessed I was part of the Jurassic Coast Mighty Hike 2019 raising money for such an incredible cause, Macmillan Cancer Support, a day I’ll never forget.
If I’m around next September, I’ll definitely give it another go.
Have you been doing much reflecting lately, now that’s your birthday? Donna asked.
No, not this year. I said and I smiled. I have done my reflecting earlier this year, when I was about to make huge life-changing decisions .
Though I have a vague plan and it just feels right, I’m still terrified, anxious and sometimes stay up at night, wondering whether I should do sometime more ‘sensible’. But let’s not talk about that right now. (*takes deep breath).
So hm hm (*clears throat) my thoughts on turning 33: I don’t feel any older than a year ago. I actually feel younger and I don’t feel I’m a ‘proper’ adult, or at least what the most imagine being an adult means.
Not that I care. I can’t wait to get out of the office and try and make living doing things I enjoy, with people I love. Because, really, that’s what life is about and honestly, every day passes by is one day less until I’m dead.
As my favourite Fleabag once said:
–What did Jesus do by the time he was 33?
–He died. That’s all he did.
So my Jesus year as I call it will be an adventure to say the least! Even if I die at the end of it, I’ll die happy.
I’m still non the wiser and most of the time I pretend I know how to navigate through life…
but for now, I’m spending most of my time having fun (and panicking) with my friends in Southampton I will dearly miss when I leave…
and indulging in delicious food.
If there’s anything I learnt from 33 years on this planet is that life is too short to spend in an office or worry about what others think or succumb to social pressures to be something you don’t wan’t to be or with someone you don’t want to be with. You don’t have to be an ‘adult’ the way society dictates, you can adult your own, special way.
Just be you, love and laugh, laugh until it hurts.
The curtains open. I’m ready to sing and dance my heart out. I feel rough but I couldn’t miss this even if I was dying. I’m standing next to the lovely Marie who’s wearing a beautiful bright yellow dress and gorgeous colourful earrings. It’s her first ever One Sound, I can’t stop thinking about my first One Sound and how excited I was and I’m so happy I can see her excitement too, I can only imagine how she must feel. I see Mike on the side of the stage, smile to him and I get into position.
I catch a glimpse of Dan, standing in the middle, ready to guide and keep us in tune and in time, reminding us to smile sometimes just by smiling himself. I can’t believe this is the last time I will perform at this amazing show, last time I’ll look for Dan’s smiling face every time I unsuccessfully try to remember the next line.
I can’t believe how something so simple like joining a workplace choir would lead to singing at the Mayflower, shopping centres, fairs, Christmas events to flashmobs at West Quay and Graduation, to sold out choir collaboration shows and making friends for life.
An ordinary Tuesday, November 2013
My colleague Lilian invited me to join her on the new ‘Lunchtime Glee’ sessions, an initiative to improve staff wellbeing. I thought why not. I wasn’t feeling my best at the time. I was in an unhappy relationship, I hated myself and work started to become a not so pleasant place to be. I desperately needed even just a little ray of sunshine in my dark, depressing life.
I walk in, I see Dan’s smiling face for the first time ever and after an hour of singing Mama Mia and having a laugh with colleagues, for the first time in years I felt happy, pure happiness. I completely forgot about anything else.
That was the best decision I ever made.
About a year and a half later we had our first performance, at the Hanger Farm Art Centre. I still remember the nerves, the excitement, we were buzzing for days after that. It’s hard to understand how from singing to a small audience we now perform on a huge stage with hundreds of other singers in front of a sold out Guildhall.
Since I joined Lunchtime Glee, my confidence slowly improved and I met my best friend, one of my soulmates, Sheba who was there for me since then, through all the changes, the dramas and together we made some of the most amazing memories I’ll never forget.
Because of Lunchtime Glee and Dan, I met Jack, Claire, Helena, Pat, Ray, Julie, Jo, Amy, Ann, Lucy, Christina, Sandi, Lesley, Rachel and so many others who for two years let me be part of the most loving, caring, singing family, Sing Now choir. That was exactly what I needed in my life at that point and I wouldn’t be where I am today without their love, support and encouragement.
Though I left Sing Now almost two years ago, every time I see these wonderful humans is like nothing changed. They always welcome me with a warm hug.
I’d recommend to every single one of you to join a choir. Don’t worry if you can’t sing, that’s not what is all about. Singing and having a laugh with other lovely humans, forgetting about your troubles for an hour or two and just enjoying yourself and feeling happy, that’s the best remedy for most of life’s problems.
I’ve written about it many times before… these are just some of the highlights:
so I won’t go into all the amazing days I had with my choir families in more detail, I just want to thank Dan and Jack for their love, creativity and passion for what they do, their kindness and professionalism and genuine care about their choir members’ wellbeing. I’d recommend Singforce,Sing Now or any projects these two wonderful humans are involved with to anyone, with no hesitation.
A big thank you to all my wonderful choir friends for all the incredible memories I’ll cherish for ever. I love you all and I will miss you dearly. I will always think of you every Tuesday lunchtime and every time I see a choir.
My alarm went off at 8am but I could barely move. I’ve only been back from my holiday for a day and went straight to work, on a Friday. After a week of wandering and exploring the Forest, London and Brussels (I will be attempting to put together vlogs to accompany my blogs, coming soon hopefully, if I manage to learn the basics of video editing, wish me luck!), I was in high spirits but oh my I was tired.
I was so close to not doing anything at all and have a rest day but my heart wouldn’t let me. I haven’t seen Kathy for a while and I promised to take her out for tea and cake next time I visit. She loves going out and about but after a recent fall she is not very mobile. If I were to hold her arm though and with the aid of her walking stick we could make it.
The Communicare Vintage and Craft fair was also on today, in Portswood. I thought maybe I’d skip that and go straight to Kathy’s but I haven’t seen the lovely Communicare people since I signed up to befriending and Bryony and I went to meet Kathy for the first time.
To make things worse, after a week of holiday and a week before payday I was pretty broke.
After arguing with my self, twirling and whirling in bed for a good half an hour I came up with a plan, sort of. I’d get up and get ready quickly, Uber it to the Fair and walk back home to save money. I could then head to Kathy’s. There were a lot of events in town on the day but I was too tired to attempt more.
I made it to the Fair when it had just started, at 11am. I was stationed at the entrance to welcome people in and ask them to guess the adorable Communibear’s favourite food to initiate conversation and it was fun as well.
I had the most fun and also bizarre couple of hours.
I got to talk to a lot of people and I’ve bumped into colleagues and lovely ladies from SingNow Choir I hadn’t seen for a while.
I watched Annie, Communicare’s manager interviewed by That’s TV Solent, a local TV channel and had a chat with the cameraman and interviewer about video editing.
A random man (who smelled of alcohol) thought I was Polish and came straight to me and asked for toilet paper. I don’t speak Polish but I managed to figure that out. Just before he left he asked for a selfie (!). That never happened to me before and I didn’t know what to do but agreed. I wondered whether that’s how famous people feel when strangers ask them for photos.
I had a slice of coffee and walnut cake and a quick wander in before I left. So many beautiful stalls including Sue’s wonderful flower arrangements.
It wasn’t too busy inside unfortunately as there were 4-5 major events running on the same day in the city, as I mentioned before but it looked great.
On my way back I decided to pop at the Spark and check out the Accessible Art Show. Amazing. Blog coming soon but here’s a flavour.
I then passed by Guildhall Square to listen to the live music (So: Music City Festival was on) but there were in between acts and setting up for the next performance. The Square wasn’t busy either.
After about an hour I made it to Kathy’s. I was a bit anxious whether she’d be OK getting out of the flat but as soon as I walked in her coat was by her side (though she didn’t know I was going today) and when I asked her if she felt well enough to go out she was so happy, her face lit I couldn’t possibly not at least try. Though her memory is not doing well she remembers the Shopping Mall and every time I ask her where she’d like to go, she mentions it first (she would love a cruise too, and a trip to Italy, her travelling spirit never goes away).
I helped her get her shoes on and slowly started moving. There are a few steps within the flat who she struggled with and she needed a minute or two to rest before we headed out. We stopped a couple of times for her to catch her breath but she loved it.
I got her some tea and cake and had a wander around West Quay. She finished all her cake and tea (It’s the first time I’ve seen someone enjoy their cake so much, taking her time to eat every single piece, mindfulness at its best, though I’m sure she never heard the term before but she definitely mastered it) watched people come and go, she had a chat with a random lady who sat next to her at a bench and smiled at everyone. I’ve never seen her so happy.
I was worried on our way back as she got extremely tired and I held her whilst she leaned on a phone box to rest. But all good. We made it back home safe and she couldn’t wait until we go out again.
I hope she gets a wheelchair so I can take her further out. I wish I still had my car.
I came home feeling exhausted but happy. What a wonderful day it’s been. I treated myself to pizza and Netflix (the Maddeleine McCann Documentary is fascinating).
Lessons I learned after I turned 30 