mental health – Page 13 – Lessons I learned after I turned 30

Always believe that something wonderful is about to happen

Three weeks ago on this day…

Shebz was packing her last things before she were to leave for home the following day and then travel the world.

She came over, sat next to me and gave me a gift bundle, a ‘care package’. She did the same a year ago just before she left for her three month Asia adventure.

But this time I was given instructions. I could open one of the gifts there and then but for the rest I should open them throughout January.

After she left, I decided I’d open one every Sunday until the end of January. I thought it would be a nice surprise at the end of every week (of course I’d never expected January to be full of many other surprises).

Don’t get me wrong I love surprises more than anyone else, but maybe there were one too many I could handle… and anxiety kicked in…

After almost three weeks of living with someone else, I miss my own little home more than ever. A post coming soon on this.

But weirdly, Sheba’s gifts reminded me without a failure every week, why I’m doing this.

The first present she wanted me to open when we were together on her last night in Southampton was a vintage painting of Florence (Firenze). From the first moment my sisters and I stepped into this small, gorgeous city last September, we instantly fell in love and it’s one of the places I’d love to go back one day. My girl knows me too well!

It reminded me of one of the most amazing feelings in the world, falling in love with places, the magic of travelling. And it’s something I want to do more after I repay my loan and land my dream job.

The first gift I opened a week later, on the first Sunday I moved in my new place and I felt lost and out of place, was a little helping hand to start saving for more adventures. Already on it!

The following Sunday, after a long, busy week and weekend catching up with friends, I was finally at home, time for some me-time. Although it’s not the same anymore. I really felt I lost my focus. The next gift couldn’t be more appropriate. The Little Book of Ikigai, the Essential Japanese Way To Find Your Purpose in Life. I cannot wait to read it.

The final gift I opened last Sunday. And I cried. Why would someone cry over a notebook?

Shebz and I love notebooks, we spent many of our lunch breaks in Paperchase browsing notebooks. It’s one of our things. One of our favourite little activities we love doing together. And God she picked the perfect one.

Always believe that something wonderful is about to happen.

This is my mantra for February.

My old soul destroying habit of overthinking came back stronger than ever this week and I haven’t had a good night’s sleep for days but I’m back on track, with a little help from my bestie and my family and loved ones.

So here’s to February! May be full of love, surprises and amazing adventures.

Namaste

Eleni

New beginnings Chapter 2: A week of surprises.

I’m staring at my screen for the last half an hour. I know what I want to write about. But I can’t put it into a series of words that make sense.

My mind wanders and the internal monologue begins.

‘-Maybe that’s how Broca’s aphasia patients feel like? They can understand but they can’t speak.’

‘-I know what I want to write about but I can’t get it out. Maybe my brain is temporarily damaged’.

‘-Don’t be silly. You are just anxious. All these changes lately…’

Back in the room. What did I want to write about?

The “non-typical January” trend continues. And a week full of surprises.

I’m now involved with two brand new projects within Academic Services, which for me is like taking a long breath when you finally reach the surface, after struggling to swim to the top. I made it over the water but I still need to swim to the shore. It will do. For now. I still have to do the important but repetitive and boring tasks, but every now and then I get to work on something I really enjoy.

Surprise no1: The City Nuffield Theatre tour

On Monday I was unexpectedly offered an exclusive tour of the new Nuffield Theatre right in the city centre and of course I couldn’t say No. It looks amazing. It was so much fun to walk backstage, have a sneaky peak at the dressing rooms, the theatre, the new restaurant and admire the beautiful views of Guildhall Square from the top floor. I didn’t take any photos as I didn’t know if I was allowed to, but trust me when I say it’s pretty impressive. I can’t wait until it officially opens.

Surprise No2: New colleagues, new team, new project

Last Wednesday, after a long day working on one of the new projects with another team for the first time, which I didn’t expect, I thought I was going to start much later in the year, I went home mentally and physically exhausted. The excitement worn me out.

Surprise No3: Home spa evening

So it was the perfect opportunity to try the bath bombs sent to me by Nisha, the lovely owner of a new local business, Sabão. My evening was transformed into a home spa magical night, just what I needed and after talking to Nisha, I found out that’s exactly what her vision for her little business is.

I’m so happy Nisha loved my post. It really means a lot for an amateur blogger who only does this because they love writing, like myself.

“Omg Eleni, I absolutely loved your review and your blog! Honestly i cannot thank you enough for your kind words! With two girls under 5yrs old I guess I didn’t see the potential of creating a mini spa at home and the way you displayed everything really brought home the reason why I started Sabao. Would you mind if I share the link to your blog on my fb and Insta too?

Honestly I am so touch and over the moon you love the products! Xxx

This is exactly what I wanted affordable, high quality products which you can really treat yourself with that actually helps pamper your skin. I could never be as big as Lush because Essential Oils are so expensive on a mass scale. I’m just happy to help to get products into the right hands 😊 xx”

Surprise No4: Back into fitness

On Thursday I had my first PT session after Christmas. I was absolutely dreading it. And when my lovely student Personal Trainer messaged me to say we can start our sessions the following day, I was not mentally prepared. But it had to be done. With all the changes happening lately I let stress take over and the lack of sleep and appetite was taking it’s toll. I’m glad I went for it in the end. PT is not easy, but I love the adrenaline kick and I weirdly enjoy the pain afterwards, it makes me feel alive. PS I love my new leggings.

Surprise No5: In Sync even when miles apart

On Thursday after I came home from my PT session I voice messaged Shebz for a catch up. That’s our new thing. Voice messages. To hear her voice makes such a difference, it’s hard not to get emotional every time. But I absolutely love it. And on Thursday we messaged each other at EXACTLY the same time and it also turned out we had our PT sessions at the same time, mine in cold, rainy Southampton and hers in sunny and warm Guatemala. Isn’t it amazing how in sync we still are, even living thousand of miles apart? True love that is.

Surprise No6: The busiest Saturday I had in a while

Last Tuesday I had no plans for the weekend. I hoped the flatmate would have been working and I would get the chance to have some me time. Two days later and it turned into Singing with Singforce, catching up with friends over coffee and a drink and delicious dinner at Bacaro, the Italian tapas place in town I wanted to try for a long time, with a new friend, all in one day.

Surprise No7: The End of the F***ing World

On Sunday I was so exhausted it took me the whole day to catch up with the house chores and when I was finally done I just wanted to relax. My lovely friend Sofy recommended a new TV series currently on Netflix, The End of the F***ing World and I thought I’d put it on whilst having dinner. I was hooked from the first minute and ended up watching the whole series. If you love quirky, British, Dark Comedy, it’s a must watch. It was funny, sad, emotional, serious, dark and light, all in one and the brilliant soundtrack just made it even more amazing.

This week I’m hoping to spend more time doing the little things I enjoy, spend hours on my guitar, read a book, get back into my daily yoga routine I neglected, feel like myself again.

I’m still not used to living with another person, although my flatmate is lovely but there are times I wished I was on my own and I’ve been missing it a lot lately. I know it will get easier but there is a lot of going on at the moment and I’d love to spend a day or two just by myself, not having to be social or lock myself in my room. The little things eh?

Anyway, time for yoga with my favourite lady, Adriene.

Namaste

Eleni

New beginnings-week 1: My first ever housemate.

I’ve never lived with complete strangers. I lived in student halls at Warwick Uni when I was 22 but that doesn’t really count. It was more of a communal, safe environment and I was not an ‘adult’ back then. I was still fearless and naive with ambitions and unrealistic dreams, like most youngsters fresh out of university.

I moved from living with my family, to student halls, to living with my ex-partner of seven years to living on my own for the last two years.

I may be biased because that’s my most recent experience, but I loved living on my own. Not from day one, but definitely over the last year. So moving in a shared flat was not because I wanted to, but purely for financial reasons.

I spent last week packing, a little bit every day and last Friday I moved out from my cute, cosy studio flat to a year old, bright, modern 2-bed flat, which came with a 32 year old guy.

This year the move was smooth and uneventful (last year was a nightmare, alarms going off, lost my car keys, bruised knees for months, it was a disaster!) since I learned from my mistakes and saved money for a removal company. I’ll post more on that and what else I discovered over the last 10 days later this week.

It’s only been a couple of days and there is a lot to get used to. I don’t live on my own anymore so I can’t play the guitar at silly o’clock or put music really loud and I don’t know what the ‘social rules’ are when sharing a flat. Should I offer my ever so polite flatmate a cup of tea every time I make tea and he is around? Are we to cook on different times? Are we to become friends or keep stricter boundaries? I don’t really know the answer to these questions and I’m not sure he does either but I guess it will all fall into place. I’ve been talking to my brother in London and he is going through a similar situation right now. I’m glad it’s not just me trying to figure this out.

I still wonder whether I made the right decision, should I waited until a gal was looking for a flatmate instead of living with a guy? Should I went for more viewings, should picked a different area? At the end of the day, I made a decision and I won’t know if it was the right one until later, so I’m trying not to torture my mind.

It will take a while to have a good night’s sleep and feel like home, I still feel I’m a guest here and I will soon go back to my old home but we humans are incredible when it comes to adjusting to change. I’m sure it will soon feel as I’ve been here for years.

I love what I’ve done with my new room in just three days and with minimum spending. It makes a difference when I walk into my room every day and admire how beautiful it looks. I could have spent more money on getting a new bed and furniture and so on but it will all worth it in six months time when I finally repay my loan.

Although today is apparently Blue Monday, the most depressing day of the year (which is a marketing campaign by Sky Holidays based on a nonsensical, pseudo-scientific equation they made up), I don’t feel sad or depressed. I did briefly on Saturday, my first day at the new place where I felt lost and overwhelmed with all the changes but today I’m excited and terrified in equal measure of all the things yet to come.

Great things coming up I can’t wait to share them with you.

So here’s to new beginnings!

Eleni

Endings and beginnings (and Spa day)

After a long, eventful day of travelling (crying baby for the whole 4:40hr long flight, train delays and a windy and rainy ‘welcome back’, God I didn’t miss the UK weather) I made it back in Southampton last Tuesday. It was tough to say goodbye to my family and friends but I was ready to start the new year. I have a good feeling about 2018.

It’s been a non-typical first week of January. It’s been busy at work since day one, but exciting new opportunities, my best friend staying with me for her last week in Southampton, catching up with friends and colleagues and a wonderful leaving lunch at Mango and after work drinks at Tapas Barcelona more than made up for it.

Endings…

The day I looked forward the least has arrived. My best friend, my third sister, my partner in crime is leaving Southampton for good today. I will miss seeing her every day, having lunch together at random places, sitting at the park chatting about nothing and everything. I’ll miss our adventures, our laughs, our cries but I’m excited and so proud of her.

She is following her dreams to travel, explore the beautiful world we live in and then have the career she always wanted. She is the kindest, bravest, sweetest, most intelligent, sensitive person I’ve ever met. It is rare to meet humans like her and I’m lucky and blessed to be her friend.

I’m already excited for our first catch-up who knows where!

Next week I’ll be leaving my cosy, little flat. It’s been an incredible year and this studio felt like home more than all the other places I lived in Southampton, maybe because it’s been my shelter and safe place when I was anxious and depressed but also my creative hub. This is where I started my yoga journey, where I played my guitar until my fingers hurt and sang at the top of my lungs, where I read my favourite books, wrote my blogs, where I was re-born.

Beginnings…

But now it’s time for new beginnings! I’m terrified and excited in equal measure.

I wake up at the middle of the night wondering whether I made the right decision, ‘Should I check more places before I decide where to move?’, ‘What if I don’t get along with my new flatmate?’, ‘what do I do next?’ and million other thoughts.

Change can be overwhelmingly scary. It really is. But I can’t wait.

For the first time in a while I have a plan. It may not work out exactly as I thought it will. I’ll finally move on though, no matter what.

and Spa day!

For Christmas, Shebz got me something I wanted us to do for a while, have a Spa day together. And it couldn’t happen at a better time.

We had a wonderful time at the Grand Harbour hotel, enjoyed a much-needed massage, relaxed in the Jacuzzi and sauna and finally had a delicious cream tea.

The day ended like we wanted to, a take-away and a movie. I don’t know how I haven’t watched the Breakfast Club before, I now understand why is considered one of the greatest high school films of all time.

Now, time to get organised for a busy week ahead. Thank you to all my lovely friends who offered to help but I got it this time. I think…

Time for new beginnings, eek!

Namaste

Eleni

Another year is over, a new one just began…and a new name, welcome to Eleni’s world!

What a year it’s been. I’m so happy I have blogged throughout of it and just before it’s over, it’s time to look back and reflect.

A new year, a new month, or even a new day is not the only time to make changes. At any moment you can turn the page and make a new start. But reflecting and reminding myself what I learned over the last twelve months and letting the past go afterwards it’s the perfect way to start the year.

Last January up until early April I wasn’t coping that well. I can barely remember anything from those dark months other than a horrible, unsettling feeling, with depression and anxiety reaching dangerous heights I couldn’t control. After I posted about it, it all became easier. Not immediately, not in an instant. It doesn’t work like that. I tried hard. I pushed myself.

I went home for a week, it always helps, I made it to One Sound 2017, which was a big milestone of my road to recovery and by my birthday I felt better than ever.

In June, after I came back from my summer break home for my annual sea and sunshine fix, I climbed Snowdon and raised money for a great local charity and I had a great rest of the summer seeing Richard III at Salisbury Cathedral, volunteering for the graduation, Southampton Pride and singing for Summer in the Square amongst other.

In July I discovered Yoga and Adriene Mishler and it was one of the best things that ever happened to me, not exaggerating to the slightest. I can’t wait for Adriene’s January 30 day yoga revolution, starting on the 1st!

In September my highly anticipated, incredible holiday in Rome and Florence with my sisters finally happened, followed by a great day at Friendsfest.

Later on I made amazing new friends through Women Who Do, I tried Hot Power Yoga (I can’t wait to get back into it after I move closer) and finally did Blogmas for the first time.

It was also a year full of delicious food (Lakaz Maman, Carnicero , Enoteca, Kupp, the Real Greek and of course a taste of Italy in Italy were some of the highlights).

It’s been a great year with many ups and downs, good and bad moments, rejection, disappointment, frustration but also lots of music, love, fun and laughter with colleagues, friends and family and that’s exactly how it ended, having fun with friends and family, my loved ones. (the Christmas party, the last Christmas meal of 2017 in Southampton, Christmas baking with the family, a day trip to the gorgeous village of Lefkara, Christmas with the extended family, co-hosting a festive radio show with my sis and our guests little nephews and niece singing Christmas songs, catching up with friends and spending New Year’s eve at home, after 8 years!).

I don’t do New Year resolutions, but I now know what I want to do next, I learned how to be patient and cope until I get there and I have my friends, old and new and my family who love me and support me, so I have no doubt 2018 will be much better than 2017.

Exciting changes coming up, moving in a new flat in a couple of weeks, more plans I’m hoping they will follow through, oh and a small announcement just before 2017 is over.

What I learned before/after I turned 30 has changed and became much broader over the last year and a half so it’s time for a new name, as you might have guessed.

Welcome to Eleni’s world!

A big big thank you to my incredible colleagues, friends and family. I love you all.

Happy New Year everyone. I hope 2018 brings you whatever you wish for and even if it doesn’t, enjoy every moment!

Namaste

Eleni

Blogmas day 17- Singing in the Square (and emotional hangover)

Other than a light headache, aching feet and tiredness my body felt OK yesterday.

But my mind. Oh dear. Emotional hangovers are real (scientifically proven for the sceptics out there) and much worse than physical ones. It wasn’t just me, it seems some of my favourites struggled too.

I’d rather have a headache, I’d rather be sick. I felt sad, confused, emotional. I wasn’t sure if I’d make it to Singing in the Square, all I wanted was cuddles with my loved ones but since that’s not possible until Thursday, the best alternative I could think was to go to sleep to stop the invading, upsetting thoughts.

After a long self-debate I ventured outside. Crispy cold fresh air always helps. I was incredibly late and missed the first half but I joined my old SingNow pals at Mettricks for a quick cuppa before their second performance. It was so nice to see everyone. Thank you for reading my posts every day Pat, I hope the new Star Wars did not disappoint!

I spent today resting, (my calf hurts so badly it took me 20 minutes to pop to the shop) as it’s the last full day I have to myself in 2017. I’m flying home on Thursday and I’m not back until the 2nd of January, 2018. That’s exactly what I need. A break out of the Southampton life bubble to clear my mind up whilst enjoying my Cyprus giant hug for 10 days, with friends, family, food, Christmas movies, snacks, laughter and cuddles.

Now it’s time to pack my bag, check in my flight and try to forget about everything else.

Only a week to Christmas eve folks!

I can’t wait.

Eleni

Not waving but drowning…

Last Friday I attended an inspiring, thought provoking talk on mental health by Hugh Clarke, the Former Head of Counselling services at London Met and counselling Psychologist, as part of the CPD series of workshops run by the Southampton Learning and Teaching Institute at the Uni.

Hugh started the session by guiding us into a three minute mindfulness exercise. I’ll describe how I felt after the instructions below, in case you want to try it, I don’t want to influence you. Read all the steps first as after you close your eyes, you won’t be able to see the rest.

Sit comfortably with your whole feet touching the floor and let your hands gently rest on your thighs.
Close your eyes. What can you see? Now focus your attention on your breath. Then move to the sounds inside the room. What can you hear? What can you smell?
Now focus on the sounds outside the room, what else can you hear?
Now move back into the room and pay attention to your body. How do your hands feel on your legs?
Now shift your attention to your internal body. What did you notice? Your heartbeat?Can you feel your blood flooding through your veins at every corner of your body?
Now gently open your eyes.

How did that feel?

I felt relaxed, calm and fully concentrated, ready for the talk.

Hugh continued with a question, how we thought someone who is about to take their own life may feel.

My first thought was relief. Relief and calmness, as they can now put an end to their suffering. Others said a sense of control, as this is something they have control of. It made us all think.

He then played us a clip of Stevie Smith, reciting ‘Not waving but drowning’, the poem that inspired the title of his talk.

and then showed us a picture of the infamous Landscape with the Fall of Icarus painting.

Icarus, based on my beloved Greek Mythology, fulfilled his dream of flying with wings out of feathers and secured with bee wax his father Daedalus made. His father warned him not to fly near the sun, but he ignored him, so his wings started melting and Icarus tragically fell and drown into the sea.

Can you see him in the painting? Maybe not at first. Everything seems normal, everyone getting on with their day and Icarus actually looks like waving, but he is drowning.

And that’s what happens in every day life. Signs of struggling and mental illness are not obvious most of the time.

Hugh went through staggering statistics on student and general population mental health in the UK. Some of the ones I noted down:

-There are over 250 labels used to stigmatise people with mental illnesses. Unbelievably sad.

-27% of students reported they struggled with mental health issues.

-77% of students who reported they dealt with mental health issues were suffering from depression and 74% struggled with anxiety.

-The number of students and the severity of mental illnesses they struggle with it’s been increasing year after year, now at its highest.

-A survey of a major UK university revealed that 40% of their students were ‘detached solos’, students alone and isolated.

The stats for the UK general population are equally sad:

-There’s been a 43% increase of use of anti-depressants.

-75% of people who commit suicide have never asked for help.

-For men under 35, the most common cause of death is suicide.

What’s causing mental illnesses? That’s of course a complex question, is not just one thing, and it’s different for each individual.

But some of the main reasons (other than the immediate family environment and upbringing): society, local economics, fragmentation, helpless resentment, the ‘Buffoon effect’ (e.g. Donald Trump), social media (comparison with others which can reduce self-esteem), tyranny of perfectionism, tyranny of the ‘should’ (we all suffer from this to some degree!)

So how can we help each other?

Develop supportive climates through empathy, spontaneity and equality. Be compassionate and encouraging. The sense of belonging, feeling valued and self esteem are vital. And of course emotional intelligence.

supportive climates

Rescue

At that point Hugh ran out of time as we bombarded him with questions but emotional intelligence, contrary to general intelligence, can be increased throughout our life. Self-awareness, your relationship with yourself and others, recognising and controlling your feelings can all improve with practice. And that can benefit one’s life in so many different ways, I need a whole post for that.

Hugh intended to finish his session the way he started it. Practising mindfulness.

A 3 minute mindfulness exercise has been scientifically proven, not surprisingly, to significantly reduce stress (which confuses us and doesn’t let us concentrate, it makes everything blurry) as it focuses our attention to ourselves, to the present and our nervous system comes back to a calm, neutral state and we can think more clearly.

What a brilliant talk. I’m sure if we had more time we would have been there for hours.

I hope you enjoyed this. I definitely enjoyed it and learned a lot from it.

Namaste

Eleni

My first In Balance Hot Yoga experience

About a month ago at the Networking and Breakfast event organised by Women Who Do I met Benedita, who recently moved to Southampton and gave up her career in hotel management to start In Balance Hot Yoga.

Since I discovered and fell in love with Yoga, I can’t stop talking about it so I was instantly drawn to Bene and we started chatting.

A couple of weeks ago I met Bene and her partner Ian for a coffee to learn more about them and what they do and I absolutely loved them.

Bene is originally from Portugal and she worked in London for years. She fell in love with yoga after going to a hot yoga class and she loved it so much she trained, as well as her partner Ian, under Dylan Ayaloo, the Founder of Hot Power Yoga in London, who I really want to meet after everything Bene and Ian told me about him. Yoga and her teacher training guided Bene through self-discovery and reaching a higher level of self-awareness, exactly what she needed at that point in her life. It seems that’s how most people fall in love with yoga, it comes in their life when they need it the most.

She started teaching yoga part-time alongside her full-time job and she realised that’s what she wanted to do for a living. After she moved to Southampton to work as a general manager at a local hotel, she decided it was time to chase her dream. She quit her job and herself and Ian started In Balance Hot Yoga. They run classes every day and regular workshops at the top floor of one of my favourite places in Southampton, Harbour Lights, overlooking the marina.

My bestie, Sheba went to a session a while ago and she messaged me afterwards saying ‘Just finished the hot yoga class, it was incredible!’, so after meeting Bene and Ian, who asked me to try it and blog about it in exchange for free classes, of course I said yes. I really wanted to try it anyway and I would have blogged about it even if they hadn’t offer me free classes.

I only blog about things I’m passionate about and I really want to and yoga is now part of my life and one of the very few things I do daily.

So last Saturday Sheba and I booked ourselves at the 11am beginners class. We decided to walk there as the route to Harbour Lights is beautiful, through the city centre parks, Oxford street and Ocean Village. I forgot how beautiful, charming and peaceful this part of the town is.

As soon I walked in the room, I felt the heat in every part of my body and memories flooded in. It reminded me of home on a hot summer day, during a power cut, sitting in the living room sweating, waiting for the power to come back on so we can turn the air-con on but in the meantime using whatever we can as a fan.

I just loved the heat. I’ve been living in the UK for 9 years now and I still miss the sun and the heat.

It also smelled amazing thanks to the burning incense sticks, which makes a huge difference, if like me, scents make you fall in love with a place and enhance your experiences.

The actual class was amazing. Bene is a hands-on instructor, helping you correct the poses if you don’t get them right and her voice is calming and smooth. For me the yoga instructor is the most important, essential element of a yoga practice, they are the ones guiding the session and to enjoy and fully embrace yoga, you need to find a teacher who inspires you and Bene is a truly inspirational human.

We started and ended the session with three oms which I found deeply spiritual and beautiful and we went through most of the main yoga poses through a vinyasa flow, fast-paced and empowering.

I smiled when Bene mentioned how our balance on the mat reflects what’s going in our lives. It is 100% absolutely true. When my balance is off is because my mind is troubled and I worry or I’m sad about things. Give it a go. Stand on one foot and check your balance and take a minute to look inwards and acknowledge your feelings in that moment.

The last pose before Shavasana was the fish pose which is becoming one of my favourite. It reminded me of when I was a child lying on the sofa upside down, feet up, my head touching the floor, feeling the blood flow through my head. I still sometimes do it…

Throughout the class random memories kept coming up, the heat reminded me of home so much my mind immediately went there, hot summer days, at home, at the beach, with family, with my friends. I felt relaxed, calm, happy, during and after the session.

I’m definitely going back again. Who knows what will happen next time?

One the reasons I love yoga, other than the physical benefits is how it helps me discover myself in ways I’d never imagine, and I learn something new every time. I’m still on the early days of my self-exploration journey and so far it’s been amazing.

After our yoga class, we passed by No4 cafe and wine bar on Canute Road. Shebz always wanted to try it so we decided to be spontaneous and treat ourselves to brunch. Delicious!

We then wandered into town, popping into one of my favourite shops, Rice-up, a local wholefood independent grocery shop in the city centre. I love their choice of tea, herbs, spices and nuts, my favourite isles to browse!

What a beautiful day it was. Thank you Bene for making it incredible. I can’t wait for my next session! If you decide to give it a go, come and say hi, I’d love to meet you 🙂

I’m always fascinated by how others get into yoga, you can read my story here, share yours in the comments below if you want to!

Namaste

Eleni

The Christmas story of Eddie the teddy.

December 2015…

I lived in the most gorgeous place I’ve ever lived in Southampton, a three bed, three bathroom flat with en suite and walking wardrobe in the enormous main bedroom (every woman’s dream), on Northlands road, a beautiful residential area next to the Common, where I could see the fountain in the middle of the square and all the beautiful houses from my kitchen’s french doors.

I had split up with my ex-boyfriend of seven years but we still lived together, our contract didn’t end until February. We had decided a month earlier since we were to remain friends and this would have been our last Christmas together neither of us would go home, I hadn’t been home for Christmas for six years, but we were spending Christmas together, as friends.

I’m one of those people who don’t believe there’s a point remaining friends with ex-boyfriends, I don’t keep in touch with any of my exes but I thought this would be different. We were together for seven years, he wasn’t just my boyfriend, he was my best friend.

When he found out I was dating someone else after we broke up, (yes, rebound… yes I regretted it….it put me off men since) he was devastated, apparently he thought we would get back together eventually, get married, have kids and live happily ever after, although when I asked him whether the break-up was final, his exact words (word by word translation from Greek) were ‘It’s better not to think we will ever get back together’.

He booked a ticket to go home, just a week before Christmas.

I was left alone with no plans a week before Christmas. I could not afford a ticket home, they got incredibly expensive by then and although my parents offered to pay, I knew they could not afford it either, they would have probably borrowed money and I’d never let them do that. I’d rather stay home alone.

At the same time all of this was happening I received three gifts from my family back home (the allegory made me giggle when I re-read this part), a notebook and a snowman ornament (I used to tease my sisters with this snowman cuddly toy I had at home, I made up a ‘snowman’ song, and although they pretended they didn’t like it, they secretly loved it) from my sisters and a teddy bear from my mum. I had sent her flowers and a teddy bear for her birthday in November and whenever she misses me she holds the teddy, so mum said ‘Whenever you miss us, hold the teddy’.

Eddie the teddy survived three house moves, impressive as my tendency to lose things is not getting better, it’s been sitting on my bed for the last two years and I hold it tight when the going gets tough. I hold it when there’s a thunderstorm, I’m terrified of thunders although I know I shouldn’t, I hold it when I miss my family and I hold it when I’m feeling down. Last time I held it was Monday night.

It was a tough day. The death of Christine, a colleague fighting cancer for the last year, farewell lunch of Sophie, the first member of our little team leaving and I received some news I cannot share yet. As soon as I walked outside work I burst into tears. I really needed a hug from my parents or my sisters. But the closest thing I had was the teddy.

It really helps to have something reminding me I’m never alone, even when I feel I am. We all have inanimate objects that are special to us.

The heart shaped earrings I wear most days are a gift to myself when I needed a confidence boost, the heart-shaped ring and bracelet I normally wear are gifts from my sisters, the cross pendant I never take off is a gift from my godson and my cousin, my favourite shirt is a gift from my little sister, the bowl and silver tree decorating my living room are gifts from my best friends, the chocolate flower (minus the chocolate) on my desk at work is a Valentine gift from my brother from another mother and the list goes on…

All of these remind me how much I’m loved by amazing people and give me strength when I need it the most.

It is not silly or childish and don’t let anyone persuade you otherwise. Our loved ones can’t be with us every time we need them, especially if they live in another country like most of mine do and these little, meaningless to others things, make a huge difference for me and keep me going. There are a daily reminder. They all lead to one thing.

They all lead to love. It’s all about love. And I’m blessed to be loved by so many special, sweet, loving humans.

I’d love to know the little things that are precious to you and the stories behind them.

If you are wondering, this Christmas story did have a happy ending. I spent that Christmas with my best friend and her family in Luton and it was one of the best Christmas days I ever had full of laughter, food and dancing. I then spent a day wandering in sunny December London, watched Matilda the musical and stayed in the Shard, in the most amazing room with breathtaking views. That fairytale had a bad ending but Christmas 2015 was great.

The end

Eleni

Lazy Sundays

I’m sitting on my sofa in my warm winter jumper, heating on, watching Sunday Brunch (I love Bradley Walsh, he is hilarious!) and browsing the internet for Christmas gifts and new wardrobe/style ideas.

After I was done with house chores yesterday I spent the rest of the day comfort eating, reading and watching Christmas movies on Channel 5.

I’m loving all the Christmas adverts out this week. My favourite is probably the Talk Talk one (it’s all about what matters most, family and watching Christmas movies on Christmas day snacking and cuddling with my sisters, our parents falling asleep on the sofa and Oscar the great lying next to us keeping us warm with his fur and occasionally trying to steal our food), closely followed by M&S (I love Paddington, watching it with the family at Christmas is one of my favourite memories). I actually had a sweet conversation on Twitter with M&S that made my day. The little things!

I feel calm, relaxed, rested. And you know why?

I stopped and took a break from all my week plans and obligations and spent my time dealing with all the thoughts and worries nagging me for weeks and treated myself, something I’d advise everyone to do.

I felt tired and drained all week, so much so that I couldn’t get out of bed in the morning. The cold made it even harder. But what was going through my mind was the real culprit.

First I was excited applying for a new job but as soon as I start composing my personal statement anxiety and self-doubt kicked in. Should I apply? Am I good enough?

With the help of a great friend who advised me how to link my skills and experience to the role and had a read of my application before I clicked ‘Apply’ I finally did it. Now it doesn’t matter if I get it or not because I know I did my best and that’s all I can do. First worry dealt with.

Co-incidentally I came across an interview Jeff Weiner, the CEO of LinkedIn gave a while ago. It’s not hard to see why he is highly regarded and admired by many. At some point he talked about happiness. He only realised how truly happy he could be when he met his now wife. Before it was all work work work. Another example that success and money doesn’t necessarily mean happiness. It reminded me again to stop and appreciate the little things. Of course I want to have a successful career in something I love and I’d be over the moon when that happens but life is much more than that.

For about a month now my teeth have been very sensitive and I could not understand why which led to a train of worrying, terrifying thoughts. Since my NHS dentist was fully booked until January I bit the bullet and decided to visit my private dentist, although I don’t have much money left until the end of the month.

Never have I ever felt so horrified going for a check up. But Tobi was lovely and re-assuring (although I held my breath when she said ‘just checking for any lumps or bumps’, a normal part of a check-up, but I’ve been watching so many Stand Up to Cancer clips lately my overworking, crazy brain paralysed me with fear). Totally worth the money.

The cause of the problem: grinding my teeth in my sleep and I need one of those fancy mouth guards. At least I now know what is causing it and how to fix it.

I skipped salsa on Wednesday. I was exhausted, it was freezing cold and the week before I didn’t get to practise any of the steps we learned as most of the men in the group unfortunately can’t get the basic steps and I could not cope with explaining the basic steps again 1,2,3 5,6,7 or even simpler quick, quick slow, quick quick slow and that ladies always turn on the right within those steps not whenever and in whatever direction.

I’m usually extremely patient and understanding but with everything else going on in my head I just couldn’t do it. I may return next week.

I re-arranged my first hot power yoga session for next weekend so I could have a lie in and rest.

The only thing I stuck to all week was my daily yoga and music, my soul medicine. So much good music out there, it’s impossible to mention all the new gems I discovered, but I love Surround me by Leon, Does she Even know by Ider, World Gone Mad by Bastille and new Recording 135 by Leo (one of the most beautiful songs I’ve ever heard), check my Spotify for more.

On Thursday night my sisters sang at a local bar in Nicosia to raise money for a local animal shelter, the one my sister volunteers for and I visited in the summer. I couldn’t be there but my parents (who are not very good with technology) managed to connect us. They didn’t realise everyone could hear them, so I got to listen to their hilarious random conversations, their out of tune singing along, so endearing, I didn’t realise that I could be seen when they accidentally added me as I guest so people tuning in had the chance to see me eating chocolate on camera, I chatted to the people I knew there, my sisters’ friends, and I got to watch almost the entire show live. Thank you mamma and papa!

If I could, I would have popped to Cyprus for a week to re-charge and recuperate but since I couldn’t, this was the closest I got to. On Thursday I felt I was there, my parents doing their thing, getting into hilarious situations, sisters singing and me cheering them on in the background. Just what I needed!

Finally, on Friday I celebrated the end of the week with lunch and laughs with my bestie and my lovely lady friends from work. Wonderful, warming ramen at Wagamama followed by take away delicious brownies from Coffeelab. Perfect way to end this week.

Ramen

Orange and hazelnut brownie

I’m rested and ready now for a busy week and weekend.

Have a lovely week everyone!

Namaste

Eleni